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Title: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Dave_Emond on Nov 23rd, 2005, 6:51pm Family, Sasafrassumsuckaruckum … umpmuddafukkapieceofshitum, stickitupmyharorouseever. Thentakeuphanguminthereumandthankumbutthatdontcutemanymorem. Sorry, but although I appreciate it I just can’t handlethisfukingbullshitemuchlonger. All I want is to ripoutmyfukingbrainpiecebypiece and digmyfingersthroughremainspullingoutallthisscumbagcrap that makes mylifenothingmorethanawasteoffleshorexcuseforlifepretendtingandactinglikeimevergonnawinattitude! Ahhh … take it for what it’s worth, too close to not caring anymore. I know I’m dead and just haven’t had the good grace to lay down anywhere. Friends and Family count on me to be “strong” … my fault! I’ve tried that route for so long, maybe helping others gave me purpose and except for a few friends who I feel I can really … well possibly be of help to … I’m not sure if I’m even doing that anymore? To those who you know who you are … I am still your friend … I will not lie to you in any way. Maybe we can save each others life’s if I confess that at this point I am not as strong as both you and I may think me to be. I don’t believe in suicide, but would wish for nothing more than death by any means possible. I don’t ask for pity, I don’t ask for sympathy … actually I’m asking for … nothing. I just want this over with; I’ve had enough and see no end. I apologize to those I’ve lead to believe I’m so strong and inspirational, but the fact is I’m not those things … I hate life and wish I could find a way out. Only my “faith,” family and friends makes me go on. (Sometimes I wish there was nobody that cared about me at all … then the answer would be easy!) I’m just letting loose … I don’t expect answers. And … as much as I’ve done it and appreciate the thoughts …. Sometimes, just sometimes … “Hang in there” or the like’s just doesn’t do it. If anything, just writing out this crap without regard as to how it will be received or maybe even answered. Just frustrated … Dave (Hey … I still love ya all, and those I’m talking with … I’m still here!) |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Chillrmn1 on Nov 23rd, 2005, 7:03pm Man wish ya felt better! Vibes goin to you for PF time! Hang in there! |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Rock_Lobster on Nov 23rd, 2005, 7:04pm on 11/23/05 at 18:51:56, Dave_Emond wrote:
Mmmm... have not had any Pappy's Sassafras Tea in quite some time. http://www.sassafrastea.com/testcup.jpg Refreshing as Spring. Says it right there on the bottle. Be well Dave. Best, Lobstah |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Jimi on Nov 23rd, 2005, 7:09pm All I want to do is hug you one more time. Can you hang tough a little longer, fly to Milwaukee and let us hug on you a little? If you can't afford it, let us know. We (or I) will see that you can. Is it a date? [smiley=hug.gif] |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Dave_Emond on Nov 23rd, 2005, 7:22pm Hey Jimi, As much as you know ... I cab barely take the "Hang in there" phrase (Note: I'll never not appreciate to those who mean it!) ... I know you and think of you as a personal friend. I guess I have no choice on the "hang in a little bit longer" card ... sneaky ;) Hey bro ... would love ta see ya again, and actually have more time to spend individully with you and so many others. I can barely find keys to trype anynore, but it will be luck if I can afford the next con trip coming up... thanks bud, writing ib space, Dave |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Jimi on Nov 23rd, 2005, 7:33pm You stay with us. If you are able to go, and I am talking about health, not money issues, then we will get you there. Keep us posted. We want to walk this journey with you if you will let us. You can use this board as your personal journal and post your good days and bad days when ever you want. Just don't shut us out. :-/ |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by MJ on Nov 23rd, 2005, 8:07pm Dave. You dont know me, I dont know you but I got a little something to say. A while back I was feeling kinda low. I came to this cluster page site. Started reading some of the stories. I thought man what are some of the folks whining about. Got a nephew dying of cancer, leukemia. He was 17 when diagnosed, now 26 been fighting allmost 10 years. Now he hasnt been able to move out of his bed in the living room for about a month. He's not expected to live till christmas. Called me over the other day and said when I'm gone I want you to have this, but untill I'm gone I gotta keep it cause it helps my mom. It was a statue I gave him 8 years ago of an indian medicine man to help watch over him. Its been by his bed for all this time. He said it never did shit for me but it sure has helped out mom. Its allways the folks around you that hurt sadly just as much. Anyways back to this site when I came across your story I knew that I found a story of a guy thats been through more shit than most will ever know. Most people fear death you been there. You are one of the few who can live this life knowing there aint nothin to fear. The shit you go through can only get better. Certainly cant get a whole lot worse. Why do I care? Because that day I saw your story I knew that my poor little self wasnt worth a shit next to a guy like you. My mood got brighter my days got better. For a while I thought about you whenever I hurt and I thought if Dave can do it I sure as hell can too. Give those around you a smile and I dont care what you say. HANG IN THERE MAN. |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Charlie on Nov 23rd, 2005, 8:17pm I understand Dave. The holidays can be the worst. All I'm hoping is that it's your time for an effen break. http://www.netsync.net/users/charlies/gifs/caged.gif I hope you rant and rave though. It's good for the psyhce. (in fact your posting here shows that you know it) I hope you can keep at it Dave. Charlie (Wish I had an answer... :'( ) |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by nani on Nov 23rd, 2005, 9:41pm [smiley=hug.gif] :) hang tough, Dave. |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Dave_Emond on Nov 23rd, 2005, 10:43pm I guess I'd like to respond to each of you individually, But I"m sorry ... I'm just not there yet. Holidays ... smolidays... that's far from it. ...(i think) ... but I'll take any response as I would any othr ... you're good folk, trying to be of help. I can only say thankypou. Maybe it seems only MJ ... who I only know through these boards ... is catchin on. I've met Jimi and respect him, I know others through the board who I also respect and appreciate all well wishes. MJ ... dammit! You been paying too much attention! You seem to know that my rant is really wishing I could find a way out... that I'vew had enough! Iyt's such a bitch when one knows there is no hope, but that person is one who aside from everything can't help but believe in hope and is damn pissed that he does! I love my family! I love my friends here in clusterville ... but when is enough enough? Yeah ... I saw the movie "the Mexican" and that answer was a question to love ... "never" of course. But when is enough ..enough when evey single night/day/ (who can tell the difference?) is the same? Chronic pain ... CHRONIC PAIN!!! Yeah I know only about 80% of it is CH related, and that should be ENOUGH! But ... every F..ing time I see a doc ... "Here's another thing we need to do to keep your a$$ alive!" Damn ... whenever the CH shadows are at their lowest ... welcome to the the other pain just to remind you you're falling apart.!" Tired of beieng tired ... tired of biening in pain ... tired of not being the person I know I was or could be without all this crap! Do I feel soorry for myself ...Hell no! Why can't all this crap just let mre go? Why am I supposed to be strong? For who? What will this achiecve? I WANT OUT! Wanna do me a favor? Tell me how I can end all this without my death certifivcate reading : "Suicide" !! Yes family, this is Dave ... OUCH bod for 2 years, OUCH Prez for 1 year .... MR. Support and inspiration to anyone I can help. But .... I can't help me anymore. I can feel my body falling apart and decaying inside. I burieed my brother early this year, I watched my mother for months in ICU almost die, then I buried my father last month ... who shared all the same symptoms I do (except CH) . Do I want to go out like either of them ... NO! Do I want to go out ...YES! HOW? I'm not on drugs, I'm not on anything that makes me say these things except for the fact that ... ENOUGH IS ENOUGH ... and I don't know where, how or what to do? I may try to use this board as my living will ... post what I want done with me. Biggest question is ... what can be done with me!?!? Sorry, this isn't the Dave I try to be ... but ... I'm just sorry, this is where I'm at ... God Bless, Dave |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Jonny on Nov 23rd, 2005, 11:08pm Try the car in the garage you fuckin pus-sy! Just close the door and start the car. Dont have a garage?......There are many ways to go out, Bro.....try one or shut the fuck up cause your bringing alot of folks down that dont need to be. You know I love you, but theres a fucking limit!! WAKE UP!!!! |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Leesa on Nov 23rd, 2005, 11:29pm Dave............all I can say is WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!!!! It may not mean much with all you have going on. But it should count for something DAMNIT!!!! >:( No one wants to suffer, BUT I firmily believe that one day soon all will RIGHT for you!!!! Love, Leesa :'( |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Dave_Emond on Nov 23rd, 2005, 11:57pm Shit johnny... when I saw your reply I thought maybe here's a good chance for an idea ... wrong. Limits? you're going to lesson me on limits? Love ya too bro ... but life and these boards isn't always about jokes, who's the king, migrainers should "piss off", uplifting pictures, and general bullshit in competition who can make the most posts. I have no beef with you, I said no response was needed. I went one place where I felt like I could vent! Want to call me a girl thingy? Stand in front of me and call me that ... do I care if you can kick my ass? Not hardly, even if your egotistical ass could ... at least I'd get a sandwich while you had your meal and you'd never want to come to that table again! You like to play "King Jonny" and we can have fun with that, but you are not anything more than one who will offend anyone who disagrees with you about anything. I apologized for my rant to anyone it may have bothered ... but thats not enough for you ... so am I supposed to bow down to your self impossed chair of judgement? Limits ... limits? Get off your high horse and find some for yourself! I can't count how many times I've sat at these boards and tried to catch a "mislead" person and try to direct them to the right spot before YOU personally attacked them because CH pain is our own private pain and how dare anyone else in any kind of pain dare intrude looking for answers? We don't have the corner on pain All MIGHTY JUDGE ... I often wonder if I'm the only one that gets sick of this self righteous attitude you portray here? So ... I'm having my own private setback, more serious than you even know ... but "limit" ... "me oh mighty one" if I've infringed on your "kingdom"! I've seen others come here and just want to let lose feelings inside ... you seem to believe you are the thermometer on just what everyone else should have the degree of concern. Screw you! I may be speaking for more people than myself ... I don't know ... but I'd bet I am. Should I make it anywhere we can meet, I'll stand somehow out of my wheelchair and with no excuses tell you this to your face. We can either go down in blows or we can just say "It's cool" and leave it at that. I'm not the slightest bit worried about my "pride" ... you might want to think about yours! Ball is in your court .... Dave |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Jonny on Nov 24th, 2005, 12:22am on 11/23/05 at 23:57:43, Dave_Emond wrote:
Screw me, Dave? When you start throwing around the word "Suicide" on this board I have a fucking problem with that.....Do you get that? Try talking about killing yourself somewhere else.....do you get what I mean? Fuck your "More people than myself"....where are they right now?......they helping anyone? |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by cootie on Nov 24th, 2005, 12:44am I hope getting all this out and saying what is on your mind is 'helping' you sumhow Dave......sumtimes jus standing up and screaming the words you have to say like your doing helps. Am sure yer situation is a more 'serious place' then alot of us can comprehend. People tend to try to uplift people wanting to find a way out.....just part of nature......cuz no one wants to think that 'serious place' could happen to them and they could feel the same Pam Take care.......nothin much more I can say cept 'I wish things were better with more hope in your eyes for you'. |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Dave_Emond on Nov 24th, 2005, 2:13am Jonny ... on 11/23/05 at 18:51:56, Dave_Emond wrote:
jonny writes: Quote: Quote:
Hmmmm..... what does my first line there say? Quote:
So ... what's your problem then? If one were to be asked if they'd rather be dead than alive considering their daily life and the answer is "I'd rather be dead" doesn't mean they'll commit suicide. You sound like nothing more than a paperback psychologist! Never cross your mind? You Quote:
Again ... you judge! jonny writes: Quote:
No! You arrogant self proclaimed "King" ... I don't! What the hell gives you the right to tell me or anyone else what I can talk about, even when your ignorant of the context? Am I missing something here? Isn't this a message board that has to do with CLUSTER HEADACHES? Do people sit back and bit-ch about your jumping into every post you can to show off your work ... most often off the topic at hand? How many posts do we have to read in the middle of other threads about your "manhood" or your tattoos or your hair or how big a bad-a$$ you think you are? Since when did you become "monitor" of this board? As for: Quote by Dave: Quote:
YEAH! I do believe so, whether anyone else wants to stand up and say so, if they'd rather not, or don't agree ... I'll leave that in the air and you can take that to the nearest mirror and pose in front of it thinking yourself "still the King." I'll tell you straight out that I think you're most often full of bull! I won't discredit things you've helped people with financially or by other means ... that part I respect of you. But ... this does not give you the right to countless times attack CH family or those looking for direction on your own whims of what can be said and what can't! My post was nothing more than a vent/rant .... I and many others feel this is a safe place to do this. But I've seen more than just my post of the same nature be interrupted by YOUR egotistical a$$ jumping in and telling people how YOU think they should post according to YOUR will! Bull! Oh ... and instead of "girly-thing" coming up again ... let's just say if you have the balls should we meet again to call me a pus-sy to my face it's your call ... I ain't buying your macho crap! Dave |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Dave_Emond on Nov 24th, 2005, 2:23am Again CH Family ... I am sorry that this thread took the route it did, I apologize to anyone I may have offended in some of my words used. I thank the rest of you for your support and just letting me vent/rant in my first post ... just had to let off some steam somewhere and thanks for being here. Dave |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by BMoneeTheMoneeMan on Nov 24th, 2005, 3:40am on 11/24/05 at 02:23:28, Dave_Emond wrote:
Dave, I dont know you, but i have spoken with people that speak very highly of you. I wish there was something i could say or do other than send vibes, obviously there isnt. Rant away, brother, dont be distracted by the noise. It's evident, you see with clarity. PF wishes BMonee |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Gator on Nov 24th, 2005, 4:21am Hey Dave. Rant away. Get it all out and written down so you can look at it. No one knows the true extent of your suffering except you, but many of us can understand the desire to just not be anymore. Problem is, there is no way for that to happen without hurting the ones closest to you and leaving a big hole in the lives of others who care about you. I hope you are physically able to go to Milwaukee. Dallas Convention only whetted my appetite to see more of the people here who I have come to regard as my family. I'd truly love to meet you and Annette in person. Sorry you're having such a rough time right now. Know that you are in my thoughts and I'm wishing a brighter day for you tomorrow. Peace be with you, Mike |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Melissa on Nov 24th, 2005, 7:51am After reading most of this thread, and waiting a day to even say anything, I still am not sure what to say to you Dave, so I'll just let my mind roll. You appear to have a lot of frustration, anger, and I'm pretty sure depression, inside of you, that to come out of that hole would most likely be a miracle. :-/ I don't know how you're feeling, I can't tell you to hang in there, as I DO know you've been "hanging" for quite some time now. You must be exhausted, physically and emotionally. I am wondering myself what the time will be like when my body fails me. I hope I am at least 80 years old when that happens. :( You know I care about you Dave, and I am telling you now, that I hear you. I am validating your feelings of despiration. I feel a hole in my heart right now, and am visualizing myself in your position, and I can't help but start to cry because I am so sad... I can only hope that Annettes prayers be answered. love you, mel edited for clarity |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by rickyshot on Nov 24th, 2005, 8:39am :'( [smiley=hug.gif]I plan to go to Milwaukee this summer God willing and want to see you there too. I am praying for you and all my ch buddies. I am episodic and have such horrible episodes that mingle with complicated migraines for even more added joy that I feel suicidal many times. I HEAR you!!!!!! |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Jackie on Nov 24th, 2005, 8:55am This is tough, Dave. Nobody knows anothers pain....not their spritual, emotional or physical pain. I know you've suffered for a long time now. I also know you've always done your very best....no matter what. You'll do the same now. "Hang in there" does seem trite but the meaning is deep. I always believe that tomorrow will be better....if not then the next day or the next. God knows I'd hate for you to miss the good ones. Listen to Jimi.....lets plan for the '06 convention. I'd like to hug your neck again....I can't wait to meet Annette. Listen to Gator.....rant away...cuss, yell and throw a fit if you need to. We'll listen and help hold you up. I've never understood why bad things happen to good people. Why do people have to suffer so? Maybe it's so we appreciate the good when it comes. Now....you and Jonny get made up or I'm gonna make you two hug and say I love you.....cuz you both know it's true....that's how clusterheads are. My love to you and Annette.... Jackie |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by DonnaHar on Nov 24th, 2005, 8:59am Dave, you are one of the strongest people I have ever had the honor of knowing..and I do feel that I know you to a point because I've had the pleasure of reading your patient, kind and loving responses to our family for years now. I, personally, want you to stay here on the board with us as long as possible no matter what you have to say. You can rant, swear, bargain with God, curse your plague and talk to those of us who love you, til your last black squiggly whisper. There just isn't anything any of us can say that will be of any real help other than let you know that we care and are hurting as only friends can. You know my faith in the Lord is strong and I believe that you know where your permanent home will be. That's your reward for being the good and kind man that you have been. That's where your peace is, but only in His time. I'll bet you've gone the whole route of emotions in this respect by now....and now you're pleading for this pain to be over. Apparently you've still got a little work to do here....perhaps your posts now will include a lesson we need to hear. You have a large audience. I've always felt so misunderstood when serious (or at least at that time I thought they were serious) health issues came up and people would say "don't worry, it'll be all right". I wanted to ask "how do you know this?" I just wanted them to say "I'm sorry you're scared and hurting and just remember "I love you, my friend". Dave, I'm sorry you're scared and hurting. I love you, my friend. My prayers are you. |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Jonny on Nov 24th, 2005, 10:08am on 11/24/05 at 02:23:28, Dave_Emond wrote:
Now dont ya feel better, Dave? ;;D Happy Thanksgiving, Dave. Jimi, let me know if you need help getting Dave to the convention, Id be more than happy to help. |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by chewy on Nov 24th, 2005, 10:12am Quote:
Not anymore World Wide Web |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Margi on Nov 24th, 2005, 11:10am Dave, you and I both know that life doesn't go according to our daytimer, it goes according to His. Read Donna's post again - she's completely right. It totally sucks that we can't get the things we want in the timeframes we want, but...remember...there's ALWAYS a reason why it has to be so. I'm not going to tell you to suck it up or to hang in there or even pretend that I understand and can relate to what you're going through. I hate this for you, Dave, I really do. And I hate it for Annette too. I'm standing with you both in prayer as always. Let go and let God, Dave - it's your only option. If He wants you to stay with us a while longer, you have to accept that. It's not our right to understand His reasons. It just wastes precious energy getting angry at something over which you have no power. I wish I could take your pain and frustration away from you, my friend. But I can't. All I can do is sit quietly by and be here for you both if you need my shoulder. You vent all you want but don't forget to feel the Light when you can, too, ok? I pray for your peace, Dave. |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by MJ on Nov 24th, 2005, 12:12pm Good morning Dave. |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Jasmyn on Nov 24th, 2005, 1:46pm Beat old drum your ancient rhythm, through this space called night The heart enclosed by ribcage prison, fighting to sore in flight Primeval Lady cast your spell, bewitched we follow your enticing glow Piped Piper of Heaven or of Hell, when red hot blood like rivers grow Black the raven in the shadows feast, behind a veil of dark wisps quiver Whispering voices yet no one speaks, the fear… no light, bodies shiver Mind and Master breathe new breath, being unwilling to toil its fate Archangel of Life and of Death, sequester the soul’s self love… not hate |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by catlind on Nov 24th, 2005, 2:07pm Dave, you and I have talked many times, and you know I know many of the other problems that plague you, you also know that to a much lesser degree I've dealt with them. Hang tough? The hell with that, it's not as simple as those words. Sometimes people will say something that seems absolutely cruel, but they do it to try and get you angry and fighting, it's not something I personally agree with, but I will not stand in judgement. What I do have to say to you is this, I have a painting on my wall, one that has captured a spirit of personality that no other person could have done. It reminds me every day of the surface and the depth of a person, of the love of a person and the hatred of a condition. I have a picture to hang, and I need help hanging it, and come hell or high water it will get hung. You and only you know the meaning of that statement. I'm here to hold the hammer and the ladder while you help me hang this painting. I love you, I hate that things are the way they are, and I know that you and I both know they won't get better tomorrow, but in time we will find a solution, whether it's God's solution or one we create together, there IS a solution. I will always be here for you and try to help you in anyway you need. Love Cat |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Jasmyn on Nov 24th, 2005, 3:28pm Dave just know that if you make it and you "Hang on" or bear it, it gives all of us that get to that junction in our lives courage to do the same. It is your own fault that you set us such a high standard and example ;;D But please don't let any of us give up hope. [smiley=hug.gif] |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Peppermint on Nov 24th, 2005, 3:50pm Hi Dave.. You know.. I came to this board today with the feeling that I might need to take a look. I was going to try to stay away from the computer today, and I'm at my sister's house so it might have been possible. However, I'm glad I took a look. I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. What MJ said, is try in more ways than one. I won't say hang in there, its sounds too pat coming from me, since we honestly only met once and I don't know you too well except from what I read on the board. What I do know is that when you do what you are doing, I feel its a survival instinct that is within us. How else would you know to turn to those who you know would listen regardless, and in their own way maybe try to give you back some of the strength that you have so generously given to many of us, including me who is not a clusterhead by telling us of what you are going through. I don't know if any of this will mean anything to you, but know that I have always given up prayers for you and Annette, and what you are going through. And I will continue to say them, and ask God to give you strength to continue. This is your place to vent your frustrations - just know that there are a lot of us thinking and praying for you out there, for relief and an answer to your suffering. Patty |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by maria9 on Nov 24th, 2005, 8:28pm Hey Dave E, We met at the Vancouver OUCH convention, remember me? Nobody can really know the depths of dispair that you are currently feeling but I can guarantee you have many of us really hoping for the best for you. I can't recommend a whole lot for you other than reading "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl. Frankl was a psychiatrist who survived the holocaust and concentration camps and believed that even in the most absurd, painful and dehumanized situations, life has meaning and therefore even suffering is meaningful. While in the concentration camp, he came to believe that even with every other human dignity taken away from him, it was still within his power to control his attitude and outlook on what was happening to him and he was damned if he was going to let "them" take this away from him as well. This was truely the only thing left for him to have control over was his attitude, viewpoint, outlook on the situation. It is worth a gander. I wish you well, Marsha |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Annette_Emond on Nov 24th, 2005, 11:21pm Stepping in to my husband's thread here to say thank you to ALL of you for your caring, kindness, and concern. Dave has been having a terribly difficult time dealing with things lately(including me a lot of the time, because I'm having a tough time too). I would like you all to know that you all are MY lifeline to get through the days. As I told one of you today- most of the time I am hanging on to a very frayed rope, and trying to hold Dave by his last beltloop too. I don't know how to keep going sometimes, but coming here seems to pull things back together enough to get one foot moving in front of the other again. So thankyou from the bottom of my feet- if my legs were longer, I could thank you more :) Annette |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Jasmyn on Nov 25th, 2005, 2:18am Annette, you guys have been through a very tough year and I'm wishing you both the strength to keep the fight going. [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif] |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Chillrmn1 on Nov 25th, 2005, 6:59am on 11/25/05 at 02:18:05, Jasmyn wrote:
Ditto.........and hope today and all future days are better. |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Margi on Nov 25th, 2005, 10:00am Annette, we stand with you in your pain - you know that. Your rope may be frayed, but we have new, strong rope here when you need it. And we'll also grab onto a belt loop and take some weight for you. Tell Dave we can sew on NEW belt loops too, ok? Hold onto your faith, darlin. love, Margi |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by BobG on Nov 25th, 2005, 1:19pm Dave, way back at the beginning of this website you and I spent many nights together. And you, Annette and I sat next to each other at the first OUCH convention in Vegas. Those were special times for me. Thanks. As Margi said, only God knows why you have been given so many challenges. I sure don’t know what it is so the only thing I can do is remember you and Annette in prayers. Hang in there Dave. You’re in good hands. |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Dave_Emond on Nov 25th, 2005, 6:56pm Thanks EVERYONE... yeah EVERYONE ;) I will be trying to make a post later tonight in which I will try to express my state of mind and how much ALL of you have done to at least get me thinking different. Still have many battles ahead, but will use your wisdom to try to: Arrggghhhh .... HANG IN THERE >:( :P :-/ :'( :-* ;) Dave |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Ree on Nov 25th, 2005, 7:45pm just sitting here in my own sadness..... I just want to say I love you Dave... I am sorry life is hard for you right now...... and I value you.... be well...... Peace to you too Annette....... love Ree |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Dave_Emond on Nov 26th, 2005, 3:12am Quote - Gator: Quote:
Good advice Mike! Quote - Dave: Quote:
Quote - chewy Quote:
Well, Chewy … guess you couldn’t be more right. I really just thought this would be a quick pass by thread … I guess to “air” is human ;) Quote - Charlie: Quote:
I didn’t know it at first Charlie, but I see it now! Quote - Jimi: Quote:
Jimi, you’re just as sharp as any here, but I know you and therefore am deeply grateful for the genuine concern, I trust you with all I have. Thanks for the PM’s! Quote - MJ: Quote:
Don’t know why, but that simple post struck me as much as any post here. Quote -MJ: (Excerpts) Quote:
Whew! A lot in your post for me to think about. First … I hold no corner on pain or frustration, it’s common in all different types of life situations. My prayers go out to your nephew, his family and you. Such strength! Please don’t feel like I got it worse than you or anyone, I don’t compare pain, we all have it in our own ways and no one is above another. I hope I’ve been an inspiration to your personal plight, but please set your standards that work for you and find your inspiration in ALL this CH family. I’d very much like to meet you MJ, I think we may have much in common and that would be an honor for me. Thanks! Quote – jonny: Quote:
Interludes:(Fight … fight … fight … Between us!) And then ……. Quote:
jonny … jonny … jonny! You son-of-a … Anyway I look at this, I’ll have to admit I was furious and just about ALL thoughts turned to me wanting nothing more to brawl … and the sooner the better. I did go from whining back in my chair to “Come on! Anyone right now … let’s go! The Convention was too far off … the dealers downstairs where quiet for once and I was pissed! Yep … in a way … I was looking for the future … win or lose I wanted to fight, forgetting what I wanted to fight for. Damn, I always know you’re there Bro, we both know that. If you will though however, might I just ask this one request? I’ve been around many years and it might take some doing to catch on … but, there are those here who need and should get time for respect and consideration before you blast them? It takes all of us some time just to even make a first post or offer an opinion … maybe even those who found the wrong forum. Cut them some slack … eh? Then, if they are “trolls” or just plain a$$holes … do your stuff! Sound fair enough Bro? (Continued).... |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Dave_Emond on Nov 26th, 2005, 3:18am Brought on by quotes from - Melissa, Jackie, Donna, Margi, Jasmyn, Patty, Marsha, Ree, cootie, BMonee, Rickyshot, Leesa, Chillrmn1, Lobsta and of course Nani: Okay, wish I had room to quote all of you individually, but we know I’d take up too many pages. Newbie’s … go back and read each of their posts … this is what CH family is all about. Here are dear friends that cry for me … when I can’t even cry for myself! (Annette often wishes I would, but for certain reasons, I wish I could, but I can’t). I also hear the repeat of the word “Hear” … that in itself is maybe a lot of what I just needed to know, needed to be heard. Donna, what can I say … except I’m now hearing you, and those all mentioned above reiterating your thoughts and making them even stronger. You’re all indeed a special group. And say, yes I remember you Marsha and Patty … we’ll get the chance to meet again I’m sure I’ll have more time to not only spend more time with you but with my old and new friends as well. Wish I could answer each of all your posts personally. Quote – Cat: Quote:
Yes … Cat … oh you know how much I understand. Little did I know how much it would come back and bite me in the …! You hang that one gal, and maybe … may take some time, but me thinks I’ve still got others out there that are waiting to hang some pics as well. Quote: BobG: Quote:
Bob, I doubt I’d have even been here today if it weren’t for those long nights we spent taking to each other. (Clearing out the blues, as some of you old-timers might remember). I’m so upset with myself that I missed you in Henderson and even more that it’s been too long since I last wrote you. But … way back when they asked about who our CH Angels were … without hesitation you where the first on my list. Ladies and Gentlemen … meet Bob Gibson! Had he not been there for me back in 1999 & 2000, I wouldn’t have even been here today to vent. Thanks my good friend! And finally: Quote - Annette_Emond: Quote:
Probably the only one who can make it hard to even find words for. I don’t know how many of you may have seen “What Dreams May Come” but if you have, here is a woman that has traveled to the depths of hell and back over and over to keep me “alive”! The price she pays for this is beyond measure. We all know this CH effects more than just the sufferer … the supporter has to go through what we try to understand ourselves, and without even that knowledge must have more strength than at least myself could imagine. We both stress out completely at times and even attack each other. But, there is a bond, a love that overrides everything else and we move on. If I could wish one thing, it would be to ignore her plea for my burdens, but instead pray for her, for every blessing she deserves. This was not the life she thought was being offered to her, and against all that we’ve been through … here she still is. How can I even come close to letting her know how much I love her? Not just for being there, but just for who she is. I won’t lie to any of you, I’m still having difficulties dealing with what has been, what is now, and definitely where my future lies. But, I’ll promise you now, I’ll do my best to … HANG IN THERE! … LOL! And take all your words to heart and use them as inspiration to try to make all this easier on you, myself and my precious wife. God Bless ya ALL! Dave |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Jasmyn on Nov 26th, 2005, 3:33am Annette and this family are your coat hanger Dave, so just drape yourself over us and "Hang in there"! ;;D |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Dave_Emond on Nov 26th, 2005, 4:06am "Hanging" Jas ;) Thanks ... new rope, not 13 loops ... just one knot! Tied to friends like you and everyone else here. Trusting ya all to hold one end tight and Annette and I can hold on to the other end. Shoot ... maybe a few more knots and Annette can climb up and I could follow behind ;;D We have a new friend! Dave |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by JenniferD on Nov 26th, 2005, 10:43am :) good morning. I didn't mean to start a whole other thread, so I'll just leave my msg here for you so you don't have to jump all around. You are right- it isn't about us. And this post isn't about me, its about what happened AFTER my stupidity. (and this is only the ripple I know about) If I had completed my selfish act, my son whom I was carrying at the time wouldn't have been born. If he hadn't been born, he wouldn't have met Margaret. If he hadn't met Margaret, she might not have been told about Jesus CONSTANTLY - even the Friday night when she and my son were on the phone - before she drowned on the following Saturday morning. So I think that we all need to cut each other a little more slack when we're in a nasty funk, help each other carry the load when we feel we can't do it alone, and remind each other that there is soooo much more ahead for us that we are not even aware of. Its that 'hang on a little while longer' thing. Its faith when we can't see the end result but knowing God HAS an end result much better than we could ever imagine. Oh, and lest we forget- give thanks in ALL things. peace, Jen |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by catlind on Nov 26th, 2005, 10:45am When you are facing an elephant to eat, the only way to get through it is to ignore the whole and focus on one bite at a time. Cat |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by kimmiedawn81 on Nov 26th, 2005, 10:54am Well, I've been reading this threat for a couple of days, and you and Annette have been in my thoughts and prayers. I've been trying to think of something profound to say or something like that. But I'm horrible with words, so all I can do is pray for you and be there for you anytime you need me. |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Margi on Nov 26th, 2005, 10:59am Attaboy, Dave. I'm proud of you that you came back here to let all of our words wash over you. Carry them all with you at all times, ok? And, oh yeah, one more thing.....? HANG IN THERE :P |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by LadyElaine on Nov 26th, 2005, 11:49am Hey Dave, been a long time since you and I have talked. I saw your post and I saw Jonnys. I kind of knew what he was doing and when I saw you getting Mad I knew it was working !!! I knew you would be ok. I know I have said the same words as in your first post. Thank God for people like Jonny, Jimi, Jackie, Cat, Pattie and others here who understand and can help us find the strenth we need to go on. Its bad enough to have clusters but to have other illness on top of it makes it so much harder . My doors always open for you and my number is still the same. Any time you want to vent call me. I will listen! God Bless you my friend. |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Jonny on Nov 26th, 2005, 6:22pm Dave, There are two reasons why I hit you so hard! The first being that 21 years ago my very best friend blew his head off during the holiday season, I had no idea why and no chance to stop it. It ate me alive inside for years and still does every holiday season. The second reason is, well...read the first reason, My Friend!! If I came off as not caring, I apologise for that. Hang in there, Brother!!! |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Kevin_M on Nov 26th, 2005, 8:00pm Dave, I haven't known you much except to sit next to you in Nashville during dinner and afterwards while you were getting hit and watched you wave off offers of help and speak to the whole crowd as OUCH president, ten feet from me. I know you are tough Dave. |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by Carl_D on Nov 27th, 2005, 2:13pm I just read this thread... Dave - you're tougher than even you know, and even in your weakness, God will give you strength. Will continue to send out prayers for you and Annette, as you both have been on my mind alot the past few days. Will be in touch soon brotherman. Peace & Vibes, Carl |
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Title: Re: Just ranting ... pay no mind Post by cazman on Nov 27th, 2005, 4:02pm i dont know you dave im sure i will in time and all i can say is be strong , and just do what your doing get it out be honest with your self , i just spent 2 months in new orleans ive seen alot of hurt and emotional pain in alot of peoples eyes i feel for ya even not knowing to much about you , please stick around awhile longer one day at atime i know that seem like a generic statement but many have gotten thru hard times with that very simple standard. |
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