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Title: You're a Redneck if..... Post by pattik on Nov 2nd, 2005, 9:52am 1. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse. 2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. 3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. 4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night. 5. Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people." 6. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. 7. Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey y'all watch this." 8. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. 9. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. 10. Your junior prom had a daycare. 11. You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen start your engines." 12. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels. 13. The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it. 14. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge. 15. One of your kids was born on a pool table. 16. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. 17. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it. 18. You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. 19. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. 20. Somebody hollers "Hoe Down" and your girlfriend hits the floor. 21. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side. 22. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart. 23. Your working T.V. sits on top of your non-working T.V. 24. Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home. 25. You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty. |
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Title: Re: You're a Redneck if..... Post by BobG on Nov 2nd, 2005, 10:33am ;;D Good one patti. A couple of things you'll never hear a Texan say. "Is my hair to big?" "I went to Wal Mart and couldn't find one single thing to buy" |
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Title: Re: You're a Redneck if..... Post by ghost62 on Nov 2nd, 2005, 12:02pm It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez, the son of a recently immigrated Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. "Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775." "Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?" Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863." The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its' history than you do!" She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!" "Who said that?" she demanded. Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Pedro. "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991." Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" Now, with almost a mob hysteria, someone said, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you!" Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001." The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble now!" Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003. Just a little sumpn I felt went well here and if I was worng oh well. ;;D ;) |
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Title: Re: You're a Redneck if..... Post by pattik on Nov 2nd, 2005, 12:05pm [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: You're a Redneck if..... Post by Kirk on Nov 2nd, 2005, 12:18pm I would be pretty damn proud of the little smart ass. If he'd just learn when to stop show in off. [smiley=beer.gif] |
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Title: Re: You're a Redneck if..... Post by Jasmyn on Nov 2nd, 2005, 12:46pm Thanks Patti! Oh Goat you were worng to think it wouldn't work well here! [smiley=crackup.gif] [smiley=crackup.gif] [smiley=crackup.gif] |
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Title: Re: You're a Redneck if..... Post by sandie99 on Nov 2nd, 2005, 1:28pm [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] Thank you, Patti! ;;D |
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Title: Re: You're a Redneck if..... Post by burnt-toast on Nov 2nd, 2005, 6:45pm [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] When you can relate to all 25 on the list - but find absolutely no reason to be offended. Tom |
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Title: Re: You're a Redneck if..... Post by Long Haired Redneck on Nov 2nd, 2005, 6:55pm Damn sure am ;) |
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Title: Re: You're a Redneck if..... Post by Jonny on Nov 2nd, 2005, 6:56pm on 11/02/05 at 18:55:20, Long Haired Redneck wrote:
With the mullet to prove it. ;;D |
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Title: Re: You're a Redneck if..... Post by Long Haired Redneck on Nov 2nd, 2005, 7:20pm on 11/02/05 at 18:56:59, Jonny wrote:
and don't you fergit it! You may be a redneck if you always need more bullets ;;D |
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