|
||
|
Title: TGIF: Funnies! Post by Carl_D on Oct 7th, 2005, 12:15am I Want To Buy This Kid A Pepsi!!! http://media1.funnyjunk.com/pics/santa_sucks.jpg Talk about my hero. Words of Wisdom from: Super Models ON COURAGE "They were doing a full back shot of me in a swimsuit and I thought, Oh my God, I have to be so brave. See, every woman hates herself from behind." -- Cindy Crawford ON SELF-KNOWLEDGE "Everywhere I went, my cleavage followed. But I learned I am not my cleavage." -- Carole Mallory ON POVERTY "Everyone should have enough money to get plastic surgery." -- Beverly Johnson ON FATE "I wish my butt did not go sideways, but I guess I have to face that." -- Christie Brinkley ON PSYCHOLOGY "I loved making 'Rising Sun'. I got into the psychology of why she liked to get strangled and tied up in plastic bags. It has to do with low self-worth." -- Tatjana Patitz ON ARRIVING "Because modeling is lucrative, I'm able to save up and be more particular about the acting roles I take." -- Kathy Ireland, star of 'Alien From L.A.' and 'Danger Island' ON CAREER CHOICES "My boyfriend thinks I lost my true calling to be a librarian." -- Paulina Porizkova ON PRIORITIES "I would rather exercise than read a newspaper." -- Kim Alexis ON GEOPOLITICS "Mick Jagger and I just really liked each other a lot. We talked all night. We had the same views on nuclear disarmament." -- Jerry Hall ON INNER STRENGTH "I love the confidence that makeup gives me." -- Tyra Banks ON DEATH "Richard doesn't really like me to kill bugs, but sometimes I can't help it." -- Cindy Crawford ON TRAVEL "I haven't seen the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, the Louvre. I haven't seen anything. I don't really care." -- Tyra Banks ON BREAKTHROUGHS "Once I got past my anger toward my mother, I began to excel in volleyball and modeling." -- Gabrielle Reece ON EPIPHANY "I just found out that I'm one inch taller than I thought." -- Christie Brinkley ON HEREDITY "My husband was just OK looking. I was in labor and I said to him, 'What if she's ugly? You're ugly.'" -- Beverly Johnson ON THE BASICS "It's very important to have the right clothing to exercise in. If you throw on an old T-shirt or sweats, it's not inspiring for your workout." -- Cheryl Tiegs ON INTRODUCTIONS "I think most people are curious about what it would be like to be able to meet yourself -- it's eerie." -- Christy Turlington ON COURTSHIP "The soundtrack to 'Indecent Exposure' is a romantic mix of music that I know most women love to hear, so I never keep it far from me when women are nearby." -- Fabio ON PARADOX "Sometimes I get lonely, but it's nice to be alone." -- Tatjana Patitz ON THE CONSERVATION OF MATTER "I've looked in the mirror every day for 20 years. It's the same face." -- Claudia Schiffer ON TRAGEDY "The worst was when my skirt fell down to my ankles -- but I had on thick tights underneath." -- Naomi Campbell ON INSTINCT "If I'm making a movie and get hungry, I call time-out and eat some crackers." -- Carol Alt ON THE CASTE SYSTEM "We're not Prince Charles and Princess Di. We don't think of ourselves as royalty. We happen to be working people." -- Christie Brinkley ON OCCUPATIONAL HAZARDS "I tried on 250 bathing suits in one afternoon and ended up having little scabs up and down my thighs, probably from some of those with sequins all over them." -- Cindy Crawford ON ECONOMICS "I don't wake up for less than $10,000 a day." -- Linda Evangelista ON ZEN "When I model I pretty blank. You can't think too much or it doesn't work. -- Paulina Porizkova ON LOGIC "I think, If my butt's not too big for them to be photographing it, then it shouldn't be too big for me." -- Christy Turlington ON BODY PARTS "I don't know what to do with my arms. It just makes me feel weird and I feel like people are looking at me and that makes me nervous." -- Tyra Banks ON BODY LANGUAGE "You can usually tell when I'm happy by the fact that I've gained weight." -- Christy Turlington ON DEPRIVATION "If they had Nautilus on the Concorde, I would work out all the time." -- Linda Evangelista ON MOTIVATION "It was kind of boring for me to have to eat. I would know that I had to, and I would." -- Kate Moss ON VERSATILITY "I can do anything you want me to do so long as I don't have to speak." -- Linda Evangelista ON THE GRIEF PROCESS "When my Azzedine jacket from 1987 died, I wrapped it up in a box, attached a note saying where it came from and took it to the Salvation Army. It was a big loss." -- Veronica Webb ON VENGEANCE "Girls are always getting mad at each other and they tell their hairdresser to purposely mess up another girl's hair." -- Tasha ON BATTING .667 "I'm a pretty girl who's a model who doesn't suck as an actress." -- Cameron Diaz http://media1.funnyjunk.com/pics/tampon.jpg more on thee way... |
||
|
Title: Re: TGIF: Funnies! Post by sassy_lady on Oct 7th, 2005, 12:19am lol ::) ;;D [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] |
||
|
Title: Re: TGIF: Funnies! Post by Carl_D on Oct 7th, 2005, 12:22am Singles Ad http://media1.funnyjunk.com/pics/bestad.jpg Since He Hasn't Been Able To Find Work After The Lord of The Rings, Golem has released his first rap album called "Bring Back My Precious Bitch" http://media1.funnyjunk.com/pics/rappin_golem.jpg YOU MAY HAVE NEW JERSEY PRIDE IF: You watched "Mallrats" and said "I've been to that mall!" At least half the people you knew in high school went to Rutgers. You know where Jimmy Hoffa is buried. Your big class trip in elementary school was to Morristown. You long for the days when the Devils wore Christmas colors. You know that the only people that call it "Joisey" are from New York. You've planned a local trip around ensuring you pass at least one Dunkin' Donuts. You don't think of citrus when people mention "The Oranges" You know that it's called "Great Adventure"... not "Six Flags", dammit! You know that there are bakeries which are not part of a supermarket, but actual individual stores. You've ordered a "hard roll with butter" for breakfast. One time, a sea gull shit on your head. You've eaten at a diner, drunk off your ass, at 3am at least a dozen times. At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen. You always use a minimum of 10 variations of the word "damn" while driving. You don't have to go to Red Lobster to get fresh seafood. You once said, "It smells like New York in here," You can go bowling at 1:30 A.M. (with automatic scoring)! In high school, you worked at a Friendly's. The Garden State Parkway doesn't freak you out at night. You know what a "jug handle" is. You have mandatory recycling. Enforced by law. You've eaten a pork roll and cheese on a hard roll...and like it. You've pondered, "Maybe basketball would be more popular in NJ if the Nets didn't blow," You say "water" weird. (Wadder, Cawfee, Dowg, wadever) Even your school made good Italian subs. You've lived through hurricanes, nor'easters and fires, but have never seen a tornado or earthquake. You can't believe MTV went to Seaside Heights. You know that ACME is an actual store, not just a Warner Bros. creation. You only go to New York City for day trips. You've run out of money on the Parkway. You're Italian. You know where to get the best bagel. You think the Olive Garden is crap and should have never opened any restaurants in New Jersey. There are no self serve gas stations and you like it that freakin' way. You've had sex on the beach, and I'm not talking about the beverage. You know how to successfully handle a traffic circle. The Jets/Giants game has started fights at your school and/or local bar Your car is covered with yellow-green dust in April and May You can't understand why there aren't more 24-hr diners elsewhere in the county You live within 45 minutes of at least three different malls Someone at the beach once called you a benny You've seen or been in a fight between a Rangers fan and a Devils fan You have or know someone with mafia connections too You're related to someone who thinks the New York Jets should be called the New Jersey Jets You have at least one friend who drives a truck You've been camping You've been in a town or city where Spanish is spoken more than English You've been to a party in the woods You've purchased fireworks in Chinatown You liked the Jets even before this season You know where to get a freshly cooked Taylor Ham, Egg and Cheese sandwich at 2 a.m. You don't take shit from no one either You remember Action Park and may have been seriously injured there At some time you got on the wrong highway trying to get out of Willowbrook mall Z-100 used to be your favorite radio station Anything less than three inches of snow ain't shit Someone cut you off on the road and you told them to go fuck themself You think people from South Jersey talk funny The New French Soccer Team? http://media1.funnyjunk.com/pics/poofs2.jpg more coming.... |
||
|
Title: Re: TGIF: Funnies! Post by Carl_D on Oct 7th, 2005, 12:32am The best fruitcake recipe ever!--------------------------------- Even if you don't like fruitcake - I think you'll like this recipe. 1 C water 1 C sugar 4 large eggs 2 C dried fruit 1 tsp. baking soda 1 tsp. salt 1 C brown sugar Lemon juice Nuts 1 bottle of your favorite whiskey Directions: -------------------- 1. Sample the whiskey to check for quality. 2. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again to be sure that it is of the highest quality. 3. Pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. 4. Turn on the electric mixer; beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. 5. Add one tsp. sugar and beat again. 6. Be sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. 7. Turn off the mixer. 8. Break two legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. 9. Mix on the turner. 10. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver. 11. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. 12. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares. 13. Check the whiskey. 14. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. 15. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. 16. Grease the oven. 17. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. 18. Don't forget to beat off the turner. 19. Throw the bowl out the window. 20. Check the whiskey again. Go to bed. Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway? http://media1.funnyjunk.com/pics/beermakesyouhot.jpg [size=4I Am Scared Of Our VICE Prez[/size] http://media1.funnyjunk.com/pics/weird_cheney.jpg MICROSOFT RESTAURANT Patron: Waiter! Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem? Patron: There's a fly in my soup! Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time. Patron: No, it's still there. Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead. Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there. Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using? Patron: A SOUP bowl! Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up? Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?! Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup? Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day! Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day? Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day?? Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour. Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now? Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato. Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now. Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check. Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check. Patron: This is potato soup. Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet. Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything. Waiter leaves. Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup! The check: Soup of the Day $5.00 Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day $2.50 Access to Support $1.00 TOTAL $8.50 + tax http://media1.funnyjunk.com/pics/0509.gif http://media1.funnyjunk.com/pics/0094.jpg 8) Happy Weekend |
||
|
Title: Re: TGIF: Funnies! Post by cootie on Oct 7th, 2005, 12:39am OMG.......the one with the 'string bikini'.......bet she regrets that pic ever gettin on the net !! Thanks for the giggles.........bling bikini Pam |
||
|
Title: Re: TGIF: Funnies! Post by ExplodingEyeBall on Oct 7th, 2005, 8:24am Humor for computer programmers Most others just won't get it. Your momma is so fat that the recursive function to calculate her weight causes a stack overflow. I'm still snortin coffee out my nose over that one. ;;D |
||
|
Title: Re: TGIF: Funnies! Post by Langa on Oct 7th, 2005, 8:50am I love the Friday Funnies! ;;D Thanks Carl! The Model comments were too funny – and sad! :P Langa |
||
|
Title: Re: TGIF: Funnies! Post by nani on Oct 7th, 2005, 9:04am [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] LMAO, Carl!! Those super model comments just killed me!! ON INNER STRENGTH "I love the confidence that makeup gives me." -- Tyra Banks [smiley=laugh.gif] |
||
|
Title: Re: TGIF: Funnies! Post by Jimmy B. on Oct 7th, 2005, 12:28pm on 10/07/05 at 00:22:02, Carl_D wrote:
Had to correct the title cause these are North Jerseyism...and South Jersey is a different state. Well...if South Jerseyans had a choice ...it would be a different state. |
||
|
Title: Re: TGIF: Funnies! Post by Charlie on Oct 7th, 2005, 12:28pm Hilarious airhead comments Carl. http://www.netsync.net/users/charlies/gifs/cheesyrotfm.gif Charlie |
||
|
Clusterheadaches.com Message Board » Powered by YaBB 1 Gold - SP 1.3.1! YaBB © 2000-2003. All Rights Reserved. |