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Title: I need to do this... (update 9/25) Post by Melissa on Sep 15th, 2005, 3:54pm Hello my friends. I know you probably find this weird, considering I've been so lively on the board lately, but it's been bothering me for quite some time, so I thought I'd just "get it out". After I miscarried my baby on June 23rd, I've been battling many demons of another kind in my head. I've had panic attacks and rampant thoughts of death that seem to just snowball on me until I almost hyperventilate. Now, I do have some quick acting Xanax to help calm me down, but I will tell you it's been a very rough road for me. My brain is evil, LMAO, no, not really, it's just that it SUCKS that it can be so screwed up. :-/ It was only today that I decided to do a search as to what my problem really is, why I keep having these thoughts that go from one thing to another to a point where I'm thinking I'm losing my mind. At first I would think that I'm having a manic episode, but realize that's not it (my mom was bi-polar). Then I did a search on szichophrenia(sp?) and realized that's not it either. Then I clicked on postpartum depression. :'( My hormones have not stabilized yet as I've been having some episodes here and there. They HAVE been diminishing, but I do still get anxiety attacks if I'm around a lot of people. I also realize that I have been keeping myself from crying, and as I sit here writing this the tears are finally starting to flow. Sometimes I feel very alone in my mind, and that scares me, but I need to know that I'm going to be OK. Having everyone here who supports me, means so much more to me than any pill ever could. :'( A huge THANK YOU to all of you for occupying my days, the times I feel alone and afraid, and also when I'm happy. I know I have sort of a long road ahead of me. It may be a few months, it may be a year, but I know I'll get better, it just takes time. thanks for the space... mel |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by ExplodingEyeBall on Sep 15th, 2005, 3:57pm [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif] |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by LeLimey on Sep 15th, 2005, 4:00pm [smiley=hug.gif] Mel we're all here for you. I've been where you are now - I know its tough. You always know where I am hon lots of love Helen X |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Jimi on Sep 15th, 2005, 4:01pm So thats what that msn message was about. I am sorry Mel, I didn't know what you have been going thru. Sorry I was so flippant. I will be attuned next time I promise. :-/ |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by ghost62 on Sep 15th, 2005, 4:04pm Hey Mel dont worry we are here for the good and bad. Besides you have helped keep us in class lately. ;) Hugs to ya ok. :-* |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Margi on Sep 15th, 2005, 4:05pm add me to the list of been there done that, honey. Of course you're going through post-partum depression. And good for you for recognizing it! Completely normal and, if you chose, treatable with meds. I've had 2 miscarriages and I remember feelings exactly like you describe here. Mine were years ago, but I still remember those dark feelings. With miscarriage PPD, you also have to add in grief to deal with. (So many people think that you don't grieve with a miscarriage but...you do. It's just not a "publicized" grief - other folks will never understand your need to grieve.) But, Mel, you have to let yourself do that - let yourself grieve. It's very real. You're NOT going crazy, my friend. What you're going through is normal. And all part of the healing process. always here if you need to talk off the board, Mel, you know that. big hugs, Margi |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by alienspacebabe on Sep 15th, 2005, 4:14pm I understand. Take care of yourself, Mel. [smiley=hug.gif] |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by broomhilda on Sep 15th, 2005, 4:17pm :( [smiley=hug.gif] Big hugs to you Mel, take care of you, thinking of you... Andrea |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by vig on Sep 15th, 2005, 4:21pm Yes, you have a long road ahead of you, but we'll all be here for you everyday... shoulder to shoulder. |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Mastifflvr28 on Sep 15th, 2005, 4:42pm Mel, Thinking of ya and appreciate the chats on msn :) Love ya, Mast |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Cathi04 on Sep 15th, 2005, 4:54pm Aww, Mel, if only hugs were dimensional. Please give yourself time to grieve. You've suffered a loss! Holding back will only cause you to blowe up like a pressure cooker....it's MEL time...give it a good cry, then look to those little ones who adore you already BIG BEAR HUGS ON THEIR WAY! Cathi |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Grandma_Sweet_Boy on Sep 15th, 2005, 4:59pm [smiley=hug.gif] You have countless friends here Mel that will do whatever it takes to help you through this. Either on this board, by PM, by email - whatever it takes. You are loved kiddo. Hugs Carol |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by sassy_lady on Sep 15th, 2005, 5:10pm Oh Honey I'm so sorry!! I know how you feel & what you are going through, I lost two babies, from tubral, my thoughts & feels went hay wire on my, thought I was going crazy!!!! almost signed myself in to the nut ward!! stay strong sweety, it will take time, but it will pass!!! so sorry, In my Prayers & thoughts!! Lots of Love Jolene |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Charlie on Sep 15th, 2005, 5:23pm Rats. So sorry Mel. I think the best thing to do is to come here and really let us have it. http://www.netsync.net/users/charlies/gifs/furious.gif Charlie http://www.smiley-sanctuary.com/smiley/amour/3/0079_G.gif?SSImageQuality=Full |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by rextangle on Sep 15th, 2005, 5:43pm Sorry Mel, but I'm glad we're all here for you. Vent away, go nuts, have a punk-rock moment if you need to! ;) Rex Pistols |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Redd715 on Sep 15th, 2005, 5:59pm Mel, I'm so terribly sorry for your loss, and this PPD. Margi and the rest are very right, and that you need to give yourself the permission to grieve. There is an entire family here to lean on and help hold you up. Luve you hon, Pegg |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Woobie on Sep 15th, 2005, 6:02pm Oh Mel!!!!!!! I'm sorry!!! Check your PMs. [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif] |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Jonny on Sep 15th, 2005, 6:17pm on 09/15/05 at 16:59:43, Grandma_Sweet_Boy wrote:
You got that right, Carol.....Hell, Ill fly there and bother you for a long weekend, Mel ;;D Smile kid, you have a beautiful family....something that I was robbed of. Im always here, just reach ;) |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by maffumatt on Sep 15th, 2005, 6:38pm Thinking of you............... |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Cerberus on Sep 15th, 2005, 7:32pm My humblest condolances.... [smiley=hug.gif] I may never truly know what it is like to have that happen to me. Admittedly, I probably dont WANT to, there are just some things that one never fully recovers from...however, I do have some words of advice that have helped me in the past. The Irony of inner-strength is, that one has to have enough of it to be able to admidt that one doesn't have enough of it... CRY, cry a helluva lot and just when you think you can't possibly cry any more... cry again. Only then will you truly know for sure that you are ready to move on. Some cultures allocate a specific amount of time to "grieve" ranging from hours to years... that being said, take all the time you need, we will still be here. Peace, Ramon |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by lionsound on Sep 15th, 2005, 7:37pm Mel, :'( [smiley=hug.gif] It must not have been easy to keep all that in. Sharing is a good thing. We don't mind. We are your family and you are not alone. Love and hugs, Rori |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by rickyshot on Sep 15th, 2005, 7:39pm I suffered two miscarriages when I was young and many people just do not understand. Oh you did not see the baby, y'all can have another one. I have seen more response appropiate on the loss of an animal sometimes. Most women definitely grieve after a mis and some wonder why. PERFECTLY NORMAL. Know that your child is in God's kingdom back to his/her makerand safe. We grieve for ourselves , the fact that we did not get to see them, or know them but WE WILL. [smiley=hug.gif] I never took medications to get over the brutally hard times I have had in life. I am so crazy that maybe I should have lol. Do whatever it takes to get through. |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by minnie on Sep 15th, 2005, 8:20pm MEL, I'm sorry you and your family are having to go through this horrible loss.You do need to take the time to grieve.I suffered a miscarriage april 15,1996.It still is a date every year that I get sad and a little weepy.We had our wedding 5 days later with about 150 people .So happy yet so sad close family and friends new we were gonna have a baby .We were gonna announce it at the wedding but :'( .April our older daughter was our "souvineer " from our Nashville honeymoon.Man talk about hormones Preggers,not preggers and preggers again within a month my body didn't know what it was doing. sorry what I'm trying to say with all of this is take the time you need and maybe have your hormone levels watched to see if medication might be needed to stabalize them .Love to you hon I.M me if you need to talk I can even call if you need me to just I.m me your #. Minnie p.s. I too am going through a really tough time right now.Will tell the family about whats going on soon it's just too hard to discuss now :'( .You and all the people here have helped me keep my sanity and given me a smile.knowing your doing this through your pain makes me treasure your friendship even more.love ya ,see you in class and don't forget the sleepover ;) |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by cootie on Sep 15th, 2005, 8:25pm Actually I went thru sumthin similar to that when my best freind and husband were killed in a car wreck. I also worked for them.......we had so much in common. My world was turned upside down overnite and then I had the responsibility of the kennel on my hands cuz no one else knew much or could do it. It wasn't a misscarrage like you had but it was a big loss just the same......alot of strange thoughts went thru my head and would do like you said........hit me hard.......wierd shit and thoughts and ideas and visuals flashing thru my head at random. Alot of bad stuff.....real bad and I couldn't deal with anything anymore. I found this place.......it occupied my mind with better things. It kind of over ruled the bad Pam Took me a few years to get my shit in a pile......kinda sorta.........hang in there......it mite be a bumpy ride but you HAVE FREINDS !!! |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by BMoneeTheMoneeMan on Sep 15th, 2005, 8:31pm Well wishes to you Mel. I know exactly what you are going through. My wife and i have been trying to have a baby for over a year now, but we have had 3 miscarriages. It is quite common, but it never gets any easier. There's nothing i can say that will relieve your pain, but just know that we are all here for you, and quite a few of us have had similar situations. We are with you. Well wishes to you BMonee |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Sean_C on Sep 15th, 2005, 8:33pm Hugs heading your way Mel [smiley=hug.gif] |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by TxBasslady on Sep 15th, 2005, 8:40pm Mel, I didn't know..... :'( I talked of you often cause you just kinda disappeared...I was concerned. We passed emails..but I never asked...and you didn't tell. Now I understand. You came back...and it seemed as though all was ok. Bless your heart....those feelings you've had must have been a terrible experience. You're never alone, sweetie, never. Much love to you...and if I can do anything, let me know. Jean |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Kevin_M on Sep 15th, 2005, 8:52pm i mAde a pumken at scKool foR yU. It haz bRite eyes aNd a glEaming smiLe frOm the bEamIng caNdle glOwing suNny inside, lyKe you Melissa. |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Ree on Sep 15th, 2005, 9:05pm Hi Mel.... I am so sorry for the loss of your baby on June 23rd... I seem to have missed this because that was the week my father died. Miscarriage to some people is trivial... Unless you have experienced a miscarriage you have no idea that this is a death. That the grieving can go on for several years if not forever. You will always wonder who that child would be.... I guess you can tell that I have experienced this too (twice).... Life can be so hard.It takes a while for the pregnancy hormones to leave your body and your life clock is off because it usually takes 9 months and then some to shed these hormones. The postpartum that comes from a miscarriage can be devistatingly long, especially if you didnt have a D and C afterwards to be sure you don't have any "product of conception" left... Imagine they use terminology such as that to referr to a child.... the product of your love..... God bless and know I am here for any ?'s you might have... don't blow this off. If you don't feel good get help.... talk talk talk.... you don't have to be bipolar to grieve the loss of a baby you much wanted..... Be well.....love ree |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by nani on Sep 15th, 2005, 9:32pm Aw, melly, I understand. I suffer from anxiety and depression, too, and it never ceases to amaze me that my mind can take me to such dark places. You stay strong, OK honey. We are all here for you. You have my number if you need to talk. hugs and lots of love to you, nani http://bestsmileys.com/hugging/2.gif |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by rextangle on Sep 15th, 2005, 9:52pm [smiley=hug.gif] |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Melissa on Sep 15th, 2005, 10:04pm Wow. I don't know what to say! I just wanted to write it down, so others can see, to sorta help vilify I'm not insane. :-/ I never had any intentions of receiving hugs or understanding, but if it's a "side effect", I'll take what I can get! ;) I love each and every one of you not the same, but individually, for who you are, and how you treat others. I have read and re-read your words of comfort and wisdom and cannot help but feel a swell of love in my heart. Thank you so much for being here for me, right now at this time in my life. I hope that no one reading this thinks all I do is take and not give back, for that is definately NOT my intention. hugs and many thanks, mel |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Redd715 on Sep 15th, 2005, 10:10pm Of COURSE you give Mel...thats why now it's your turn to recieve.... Mell in one way or another over the years, before I was here or many others you were giving and giving.... Now is your time to recieve and it's only coming as you have earned it. 100 fold. Mell you are a dear sweet and generous soul. Let us give back all you have given. Again, Luve you, Pegg |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Svenn on Sep 16th, 2005, 1:05am So sorry Mel |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Jasmyn on Sep 16th, 2005, 2:31am Melly, you hang tough girl. Tough girls may cry. You are very special to us all. Lovies & Huggs Jas |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by BikerBob on Sep 16th, 2005, 3:29am Dear Melissa, I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible. Would you like to talk about it? I don't know what to say, but I'll be glad to listen. I can only imagine what this must be like for you. I'll keep hoping for you, even though I know it's hard for you to hope right now. BB ~Miscarriage~ Statistical Findings * 30% of the women interviewed in this study said that, after their miscarriages, they had thoughts about suicide. * 32% of the mothers named their babies, some before they were pregnant, some during their pregnancies, and some after their miscarriages. * 36% of the women said their losses triggered thoughts about their own mortality. * 38% of the women recognized in themselves a sense of searching for their lost babies. * Although less than 10% of the women experienced what they labeled as panic attacks before their miscarriages, 38% of the women said they experienced panic attacks after their miscarriages. * 41% of the women said they felt the desire or yearnings to do things that seemed odd or irrational to them. * 42% of the women recalled having nightmares. * 43% of them felt a closeness or contact with their babies at the time of the interviews. * 44% of the mothers felt concern about their own sanity. * Following 48% of the miscarriages, women at some point in time doubted they would ever get through their grief. * Although almost none of the women had physical evidence or medical verification of their babies' genders, 50% of them "had a feeling" about the sex of their babies. * 50% of the women felt a sence of closeness or contact with their babies after their miscarriages. * 55% of the mothers created mementos of their babies. * 58% of the women remembered dreaming about their babies after their miscarriages. * During 62% of the pregnancies, the women thought of themselves as mothers to their babies. * Following 63% of the miscarriages, women said they felt devastated. * 64% of the women said their sex drives changed following their miscarriages. * 64% of the mothers interviewed, consciously visualized their babies during their pregnancies. * 69% of the women felt that the pain from their miscarriages would never completely go away. * 71% of the miscarriages were experienced by mothers as the death of their children. * 73% of the women felt a sence of internal chaos or disorder. * 73% of the women worried that they had somehow inadvertently caused the demise of their babies. * At the time of or after their miscarriages, 74% of the women felt out of control emotionally and/or physically. * Following 81% of the miscarriages in the study, the mothers felt that a part of them had died. * After 83% of the miscarriages, mothers felt loneliness. (From the book "Miscarriage- Women Sharing From The Heart" By: Marie Allen, PhD & Shelly Marks, MS) ~What is a Miscarriage?~ Miscarriage is the loss of a baby, but it is also the loss of a dream, the loss of a future, the loss of innocence, the loss of control, the loss of relationships, the loss of trusting your body, the loss of an expected outcome. ~What People Say~ The following commonly heard statements by well meaning people are not considered helpful to most bereaved parents. Often people resort to talk because they mistakenly believe that saying something to a bereaved person will make that person feel better or give them hope. But words won't take your sorrow away. A knowing look, a hug, the willingness to just be there is what will be most helpful. The words below offer hollow consolation, but you will probably have to endure some of them. Try not to let them get you down and, above all, don't allow them to minimize your loss or belittle your experience of that loss. "This is just nature's way of dealing with an imperfect child." "Everyone has miscarriages." "It's no big deal." "I understand" (unless you've actually been there) "It wasn't really a baby yet." "Now you can finish school before getting pregnant again." "Don't worry. You'll get pregnant again." "Maybe you're not meant to have children." "What did you do wrong?" "At least you never felt movement or saw the baby." "I don't know why you keep doing this to yourself." ~Words That are Helpful~ "I'm so sorry for your loss." "You must feel terrible. Would you like to talk about it?" "I don't know what to say, but I'll be glad to listen." "I can only imagine what this must be like for you." "I'll keep hoping for you, even though I know it's hard for you to hope right now." (From the book "Too Soon A Memory" By: Pat Schwiebert, RN) |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Georgia on Sep 16th, 2005, 4:01am Oh sweetness, I am so very sorry. I lost my first baby. It devastated me. I had heard of miscarriages from others, knew many who had them, but never fully understood the depth of the pain until it happened to me. It is such a quiet grief, and it shouldn't be. You did the right thing, talking about it, getting support, crying. I tried to be strong too, put it out of my mind...tried listening to all the shit that people told me about how it was meant to be, that everything happens for a reason....it brought no comfort, only floods of intense feelings, anger, and crazy thoughts. I blamed myself, I blamed everyone else, I eventually went through all of the stages of grief...but allowing myself to grieve at all was the hardest part. I felt like everyone expected me to move on and forget it ever happened - almost immediately. I remember having to go to the hospital after to get a shot of Rhogam and the check in nurse referring to it as an abortion. That nearly killed me. It nearly kills me still. Just the implication that there was any chance that I didn't want my baby with every cell of my being....god. Listen to your heart, sweetie. Your heart is hurting and well it should be. Your baby was loved from the moment she was conceived, she was a part of you and always will be. I planted a tree to remember my angel baby. Dennis and I went together and picked one out and then we planted it in the yard. I put a statue of an angel under it. For me it helped make it tangible, to bury the roots of the past, to watch the growth of the furture, to have a special place for my baby and I to be. I did get pregnant again and obviously had a beautiful, healthy baby. But I know that Jonah will never replace my angel baby. They are both my babies, special in their own way. Name your baby, Mel. Grieve her as the individual that he/she was. Cry for your baby. Cry for you. Refer to her. Remember her. I had a dream last night about a little red-headed, freckly faced little girl, playing and dancing around me. In the dream I knew she was a ghost who had come to see me. I asked her her name and she did not reply. She started to fade and as she did, she turned to me and said, "Don't take my mommy away" and she disappeared. I woke knowing that the little girl in my dream was the baby I had lost, growing into a beautiful little girl. She never told me her name because I never named her. I need to do that now. I won't take her Mommy away as long as I always remember that she is my baby, and always will be. I miss her, I wish I could hold her, and more than likely, I always will. I find solace in the knowledge that she is mine, I am hers, and we are together - some way, some where - because nothing...nothing...can truly seperate a mama from her baby. Love, Georgia |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by giffy76 on Sep 16th, 2005, 4:50am [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=lick.gif] [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=lick.gif] |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by E-Double on Sep 16th, 2005, 6:49am Tons of love Melissa!!! I don't know the physical pain nor the mental anguish like a woman due to some small details and chromosomal differences yet I go through this everyday with my wife. It has been a journey and though we hate to hear it, all the cliches seem to hold true. Time will tell and life will be much brighter again! Eric |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Bethany1 on Sep 16th, 2005, 7:06am [smiley=hug.gif] Mel, I'm so sorry. Sharing is definitly a good thing. Thinking of you in your time of need.... love & hugs- Bethany |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Frank_W on Sep 16th, 2005, 7:15am Mel, I am so very sorry, my friend. My deepest condolences... And yeah, we're your friends and family. Whenever you need a kind word, your spirits bolstered, a hug, a smile, or someone to listen, we're always here. [smiley=hug.gif] |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Melissa on Sep 16th, 2005, 7:32am Oh wow, I just got over a good cry with my husband to hold me while I got it out. I'm probably going to have a few of those. :-/ Anyway, I asked him if we could plant a tree for our child. He thought that was a wonderful idea. He said we could do it this year, but asked me what kind I wanted. I told him a pink flowering crab tree. :'( We'll see if we can do that now, but even if we have to wait till spring, that's OK. I can wait. Each of your posts have tugged at my heartstrings, I am SO not used to shouldering my pain on anyone and it hurts really bad to do so. Thank you, all of you. mel |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Sandy_C on Sep 16th, 2005, 7:35am Oh, Mel. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. No, you are not going crazy. Your reactions are entirely normal. http://bestsmileys.com/comfort/5.gif We love you, Mel Sancy |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by ExplodingEyeBall on Sep 16th, 2005, 7:45am on 09/15/05 at 18:17:00, Jonny wrote:
But you've got us. |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Margi on Sep 16th, 2005, 8:58am Melissa, print out Georgia's post and fold it up, putting it away in a box for when you need to look at it again in the future. Wow, Georgia - that blew me away. I think every mother that has lost an unborn child needs to read your post, girl. Holy. :'( You simply can not understand unless you've been through this. Thank you so much, Georgia. You've touched so many souls here. We'll all see our lost babies again. I believe. They are waiting for us. |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by sandie99 on Sep 16th, 2005, 9:14am Mel, I'm so, so sorry... :'( I had no idea. My deepest condolences. [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif] Naturally, I can only imagine how you're feeling right now, but I do know what depression is. Too well. And I know that it takes strength to cry. And big cry helps and heals. I think that planting a tree is a wonderful idea! :) You know, my dad planted us one on his last fall... We found that out the next spring... after his death... :'( I think it's a great way recall someone who you've loved and lost. If there's anything I can do to help, let me know, okay? Sanna :'( |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Mark C on Sep 16th, 2005, 9:32am |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by rickyshot on Sep 16th, 2005, 9:45am Wow this thread is blowing me away too. Georgia you are the bomb. You know I never named the two babies I lost. I know in my heart the first one was a boy. I lost him in my bathroom in the toilet after excruciating pain. I saw the little "fetus" and freaked out. It was very traumatizing. Had the second child my Sam, lost my third more humanely was able to get to ER for D and C, and had my fourth Deidre and fifth David. I think your ideas are wonderful. Although I have personal closure with my losses I think naming them is a great idea and so personal. |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by vig on Sep 16th, 2005, 9:47am we tried twice and lost 'em both. never succeeded. must've been meant to be that way... look ahead to what is meant to be! |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Melissa on Sep 16th, 2005, 9:55am The tree will be named Josephine. :) |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by rumplestiltskin on Sep 16th, 2005, 9:56am 3 AM...The heart of darkness. I barely made it outside. My chest tightened and I stopped breathing. The stars and moon had gone away. At once everyone in my town turned their head and looked my way. Those awake stopped what they were doing and stared at me over the miles. Those asleep, startled awake, rose to one elbow and as if they could see me through their walls and forest, looked in my direction. Even babies,able to just turn their heads watched me. All of the insects and night creatures had gone silent. They too watched. No sound. No light. I felt submerged. Afraid to take a breath for fear of drowning. Everyone continued to stare in my direction. Tears welled and rolled on still cheeks. A small child appeared. Held a finger of my limp hand and whispered "BREATHE". Love den |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Ree on Sep 16th, 2005, 10:14am Beautiful post Georgia.... Informative and wonderful post Biker Bob.... I never knew all that. You inadvertently helped me too with those posts.... Love to you...... I think planting a tree is a great idea Mel.... and I did name my babies, the priest at my church told me to do so and I know I will see them again. My Dad and Mom lost a baby before any of us were born and my Dad was the only person that got to hold the baby and see him... One of the last things my Dad said as he gazed speaking to someone other that my brother and I in the ICU was "Is the baby there????" I believe he was asking if the baby was there in Heaven with whomever he was chatting with...There IS a thin line tween whats here and whats next.... YOU will see that baby again.... and Georgia... that was your beautiful little girl, she is waiting for you! How wonderful that you got to see her. love you guys Ree |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by sandie99 on Sep 16th, 2005, 10:25am on 09/16/05 at 09:56:34, rumplestiltskin wrote:
Amazing post. :) |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by vig on Sep 16th, 2005, 10:31am great posts Den and Georgia... |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Margi on Sep 16th, 2005, 10:58am oh Den, great post. Sometimes we also forget the father's pain after the loss of an unborn life. I'm so sorry for you, too, my friend. And, after re-reading this thread, I'm so sorry for you too, Eric. I didn't know. |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Jackie on Sep 16th, 2005, 11:17am Mel, Folks have opened their hearts and souls to you with some very beautiful posts. They are so full of love and compassion. I so hope they have helped you. I'm not good at putting things to words....but I've been in your shoes. In my words.....it feels like shit. Feel the love, sweet Mel....it will help you. Jacks 8) |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Karla on Sep 16th, 2005, 11:19am I am so sorry that you have had to go through this. I will continue to pray for a quick recovery. I'ts not easy miscarage or mental illness and I have had both also. Your strong and will pull through. I love the idea of planting a tree and naming it Josephine. That seems like a wonderful way to start the road to recovery. |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Peppermint on Sep 16th, 2005, 1:35pm Melo, [smiley=hug.gif] It's one of those things you're not sure if you should talk about. I hope you feel some comfort and peace as the time passes, glad you were able to share. Getting through the hormone rollercoaster is hell too. on 09/16/05 at 11:17:49, Jackie wrote:
As good words as any to describe the feeling. Those were very poignant and giving posts Georgia and Den... Love you guys |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Edna on Sep 17th, 2005, 12:43am Melissa, I had no idea. I've been away for way too long here. Hugs, prayers, vibes and much more already there with you. Now, go check your pm. love to you and your family during this time of loss, EDNA |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by Melissa on Sep 25th, 2005, 9:51am Finally, after living in hell for the past 5 days, I can finally say, that I think I'm going to be alright. I can finally feel the grief in my heart at the loss of my baby. I wanted her so badly. :'( Since I had never had a miscarriage before, I did not know how to cope, so I did what I do best... locked it up inside and just didn't deal with it at all. I was doing halfway decent, until I went to see my newborn nephew. You all saw his picture along with my own. Well, that visit, sent me into a nightmarish hell. My voice in my head would not be quiet, I had sensory overload that was so immense, I wanted to kill myself. I have NEVER experienced anything like that in my life except for one other time.... 2 days after I miscarried. :( I did not make the connection until yesterday. Now this morning, I have been doing a lot of crying, a lot of realization and feeling a huge pain in my heart of losing my child. Even if a woman is only 7 weeks along, like I was, it is still a baby, a dream, a hope and a future that is all of a sudden gone. It's traumatic, devistating and very very sad. It's like I lost Eli or Lily. It fucking hurts like HELL!! But you know what? I'm going to make it through this, I'm going to get better. I'm on an antidepressant now, and I think if I had not gone to seek help, I'd of spiraled out into nonexistance by now. Thank you everyone who had responded to this thead, for being so understanding and patient with me, and for sharing your own experiences. Even though this is a MB for clusterheadaches, you are all my family, and we have other problems in our lives that we come to each other for. I love you all. love, mel |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... Post by vig on Sep 25th, 2005, 10:29am on 09/25/05 at 09:51:21, Melissa wrote:
[smiley=hug.gif] |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... (update 9/25) Post by LeLimey on Sep 25th, 2005, 10:33am My sister in law was due the week after I was. Facing her with her baby was the hardest thing I've ever done. Even though I was already pregnant with Jasper at that point it didn't make a blind bit of difference, it hurt. I'm so proud of you for seeking the help you need and letting it all out here too. I didn't, I couldn't and I suffered even more because of it. We're all here for you any time you want us Mel. I love you to bits Helen X |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... (update 9/25) Post by nani on Sep 25th, 2005, 11:31am Good for you, melly. When something hurts so much, we try to deny the pain, or put it off. It's has so much more power over us that way. The only way to put it in it's place, is to allow ourselves to really feel it. It's terribly painful for a while, but it gets easier to deal with everyday. hugs and love to you, sweetie, nani |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... (update 9/25) Post by minnie on Sep 25th, 2005, 12:29pm [smiley=hug.gif] (((MEL & FAMILY))) You know I'm hear for you.Please check your I.M.'s. Minnie |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... (update 9/25) Post by Ronny on Sep 25th, 2005, 4:33pm Hi Mel, Cheer up, the worst part is over now. We had 3 miscarriages and the only thing i can say is "Time heals everything" [smiley=hug.gif] |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... (update 9/25) Post by Charlie on Sep 25th, 2005, 5:33pm So sorry but glad for you at the same time. Good going Mel. We're with ya. Charlie |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... (update 9/25) Post by Ree on Sep 25th, 2005, 5:38pm You will be ok Mel..... and so is your child..... God bless and God speed..... love ree |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... (update 9/25) Post by Carl_D on Sep 25th, 2005, 6:38pm Mel, I am giving you the biggest [smiley=hug.gif] I can from far away. I'm glad you are doing better. Peace, Carl |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... (update 9/25) Post by alienspacebabe on Sep 25th, 2005, 7:48pm Nothing I can say will make it better, Mel.... I do understand, unfortunately. Time takes the sting away. |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... (update 9/25) Post by DonnaHar on Sep 25th, 2005, 8:59pm I'm so glad that you named your tree, Mel.....and Georgia and den, you make me shiver in awe of your depth and understanding and the beautiful way your words tell the experience so that we can see it and share it with you.. I have a little boy named Thomas who decided to be a 7 month preemie. Back then, 1962, if a little persons lungs weren't fully developed ( I think it's spelled hyaline membrane disease or something that sounds like that) they just couldn't make it on their own. Little Thomas lived 36 hours. I wasn't allowed to hold Thomas, but he was a beautiful little guy, 3lbs, 14 ozs., with blonde hair. He has 3 other brothers or sisters up there with him. After Thomas, I had panic attacks. I wanted to run down the street screaming. My heart beat so loud at night that the bed moved with the beats. I developed an ulcer. My lungs hurt.....it was hard to breathe. But I got better. You will too, honey. It hurts so much, but it will get better. So, sweetie, what you are going thru IS perfectly normal, even tho it is so hard to understand and it feels like it will never get better. I am sorry, very sorry that it turned out thiis way. Love you, Donna H Edited.....post too long. |
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Title: Re: I need to do this... (update 9/25) Post by Jeepgun on Sep 27th, 2005, 12:24pm I love you, my friend. Glad to hear that you're feeling better and making it through the pain and grief and loss. [smiley=hug.gif] <----(about a thousand of these) |
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