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        New Message Board Archives >> 2005 General Board Posts >> Frank-W   re: Privacy
        
(Message started by: AussieBrian on Aug 16^th, 2005, 8:37am)

Title: Frank-W re: Privacy
Post by AussieBrian on Aug 16^th, 2005, 8:37am

I agree with you completely, mate, and this sort of stuff must remain confidential. That's why I like PM so much. We can keep it just between you and me.

Sorry you're having these problems, and here's my answers one by one:-

Problem ... Drinking fails to give taste or satifaction. Front of shirt wet.
Cause ... Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
Remedy ... Practice in front of mirror. Continue as required.

Problem ... No satifaction or taste. Drink unusually clear and/or pale.
Cause ... Glass empty.
Remedy ... Find someone who'll buy you another.

Problem ... Feet cold and wet.
Cause ... Glass held at wrong angle.
Remedy ... Ensure open end is pointed upwards.

Problem ... Feet warm and wet.
Cause ... Loss of self-control.
Remedy ... Complain loudly to nearest dog-owner. Demand free drink.

Problem ... Bar blurred.
Cause ... You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
Remedy ... Discuss CH with nearest drinker. Accept free drink. Continue drinking alone.

Problem ... Bar swaying.
Cause ... Air turbulence extraordinarily high. Darts match in progress.
Remedy ... Insert broom handle down back of jacket.

Problem .. Bar moving.
Cause .... You are being carried out.
Remedy ... If being taken to another pub, sing quietly. Otherwise call "Help, Muslims aged 17 to 40!!!"

Problem ... Wall opposite contains ceiling fans and light fittings.
Cause .... You've fallen backwards.
Remedy ... If glass still full and no-one standing on drinking arm, stay put.

Problem .. All is dim. Mouthful of cigarette butts.
Cause ... You've fallen forwards.
Remedy ... As above.

Problem ... Sharp pains in rear end.
Cause ... Too close to pool table.
Remedy ... Have pool table moved immediately.

Problem ... All is going dark.
Cause ... Pub is closing
Remedy ... (a) panic, (b) find another pub, (c) find take-aways fast.

Problem ... Waking up to find bed hard and cold, cannot see walls or ceiling.
Cause .... Slept in the gutter again.
Remedy ... Check time. If bar not yet open, treat yourself to a nice lie in.

Happy to be able to help, Frank, and if you've any other problems of a personal nature feel free to PM me again any time. I'll PM you straight back like I did this time.

Your secrets are safe with me, mate, so sleep easy.

Regards always,

Brian.

Title: Re: Frank-W Privacy
Post by Frank_W on Aug 16^th, 2005, 8:45am

Thank you, kind sir. As always, I am eternally grateful, and pleased to know that my confidence is safe with you. I'm also pleased to know that my drinking regimen is on-track. Rest assured that my continued punishing of the evil liver will continue unabated.

Confidentially Yours,
-Frankzilla

Title: Re: Frank-W Privacy
Post by clarence on Aug 16^th, 2005, 9:22am

on 08/16/05 at 08:37:17, AussieBrian wrote:

"Help, Muslims aged 17 to 40!!!"

Bwahhhahahahahahahahhahhahah. I think I just peed myself, I mean, a dog peed on me.

Casey

Title: Re: Frank-W Privacy
Post by Jasmyn on Aug 16^th, 2005, 3:27pm

OMG!!! [smiley=crackup.gif] [smiley=crackup.gif] [smiley=crackup.gif]

Title: Re: Frank-W Privacy
Post by sassy_lady on Aug 16^th, 2005, 3:32pm

[smiley=crackup.gif] [smiley=crackup.gif] [smiley=crackup.gif]

Title: Re: Frank-W Privacy
Post by Sandy_C on Aug 16^th, 2005, 4:23pm

Brian, you are a trip!!!

Title: Re: Frank-W Privacy
Post by blossom on Aug 16^th, 2005, 10:57pm

Holy Hell! Please tell me that Brian will be attending a future convention. ;;D He will be of the utmost help since the only place you will find a Clusterhead at a convention is in a VERY smoke-filled bar - even at 7am!

Too funny!

Karen