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        New Message Board Archives >> 2005 General Board Posts >> A Little Police Humor 
        
(Message started by: Jimi on Aug 11^th, 2005, 10:59am)

Title: A Little Police Humor
Post by Jimi on Aug 11^th, 2005, 10:59am

So you thought police officers didn't have a sense of humor.... The
following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll
stretch out after you wear them awhile."

#14 "Take your hands off the car and I'll make your birth
certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you
didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my
gun."

#11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means
I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't
think it will help. Oh .. did I mention that I am the shift
supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do
that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are
drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where
you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey $#*!."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a
toaster
oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "Just how big were those two beers?"

#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas
but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

#2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good ! personal friend
of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

and the best one . .

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? ...... You're
right, we don't. ... Sign here."

Clusterbabes excluded of course. ;;D

Title: Re: A Little Police Humor
Post by LeLimey on Aug 11^th, 2005, 11:04am

on 08/11/05 at 10:59:55, Jimi wrote:

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? ...... You're
right, we don't. ... Sign here."

Oooh that is wicked!! I love it! [smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: A Little Police Humor
Post by Lizzie2 on Aug 11^th, 2005, 11:25am

LMAO

So....there's this underground rumor that if nurses/docs/etc are in uniform or have the stethoscope around, then they won't get a ticket if caught speeding.......so I was given the advice to always keep my stethoscope in the car.

Can you advise me on how true this rumor is? I really enjoy driving about 85mph to work in the mornings.

;;D

Oh yeah...and Diane (Jefferson roomie) once told me that if I get pulled over, I should not use her dad's name to get out of a ticket. He's the sargeant, and he's real tough on everyone - she thinks they'd even give diane a ticket out of spite! LMAO

Title: Re: A Little Police Humor
Post by Jasmyn on Aug 11^th, 2005, 11:32am

on 08/11/05 at 10:59:55, Jimi wrote:

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? ...... You're
right, we don't. ... Telephone no. here please."

;;D

Title: Re: A Little Police Humor
Post by Frank_W on Aug 11^th, 2005, 12:18pm

These are great, Jimi! (Unless they are being said to me, of course!) [smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: A Little Police Humor
Post by Langa on Aug 11^th, 2005, 12:22pm

Quote:

Clusterbabes excluded of course. ;;D

OF course...

Langa

Title: Re: A Little Police Humor
Post by rextangle on Aug 11^th, 2005, 12:54pm

Bad boy bad boy whatcha gonna do? :)
It's been a while since I've had cuffs on but they must have been new! >:(

Title: Re: A Little Police Humor
Post by sandie99 on Aug 11^th, 2005, 1:03pm

;;D ;;D ;;D

It's nice that clusterbabes don't get tickets... I don't have a driver's licence so I'd be in real trouble... [smiley=laugh.gif]