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Title: long ago Post by alchemy on Jul 28th, 2005, 5:40am when i was younger i learned to love the night. it was my favorite time. my stepbrother and i would play an old indian game where we would be in front of our boathouse one would turn his back to the lake while the other would shoot an arrow out in the lake, the other would have to fing the arrow by using a canoe and kining up with the moon correctly. the game would go back and forth all night. i a;so enjoyed the eerie call, of the loon as it sought out its mate in the dark. few people get to know the dark as well as i did. i'm not really sure why but a lot i feel had to do with fear. i never had that fear. if my old man;s nightly beatings didn'y scare me than the dark surely couldn't. for many tears i worked as a collector for drug dealers. the sights and sounds from that should have scared me a way from the dark forever but the night always held a certain magic for me. that was true until roughly about five years ago when i started having ch's. the nightly battles with what refer to as the beast have beaten the magic of the night from me and also made the daytime mt enemy also. i get 7 attacks a day. the worst one's are at night. i know i have no right to bitch, others of us have it far worse than i. but bitch i'm going to. i'm going to rant like i never have before. these fucking ch's have gotten to the point i can no longer work. for the first time since i moved out on my own at fifteen last night i wasn't able to provide food for my family. i have never felt nor do i ever want to know what that feels like. it out of my hands now. my wife works her ass off and she is doing all she can, i feel too much. i have been writing this for hours. please pardon my spelling. at one last night i was walking the dog when i got a hit, on my knees i ended up on the rr tracks. the pain came so fast and strong i was puking. i pray no one saw me banging my head on the rr tracks. well the sun is about to rise and what used to be a joyous time in it's own rite now just starts the fucking time clock ticking towaeds another fucking night. |
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Title: Re: long ago Post by E-Double on Jul 28th, 2005, 6:18am Here for ya brother! |
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Title: Re: long ago Post by Jasmyn on Jul 28th, 2005, 6:52am Bitching is alright. Hang in there! |
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Title: Re: long ago Post by maffumatt on Jul 28th, 2005, 7:18am Your not alone...... |
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Title: Re: long ago Post by Frank_W on Jul 28th, 2005, 7:51am Hang in there! We're with you.... :-/ |
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Title: Re: long ago Post by vig on Jul 28th, 2005, 8:04am rant away.... (but do something about it... ;;D) |
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Title: Re: long ago Post by LeLimey on Jul 28th, 2005, 8:52am Jim hang in there. There will be a med that will work for you, we just need to find it. We WILL help, we ARE here for you. Please remember that. YOU matter and I'll be damned if I let you feel like this without trying to help. What have you tried so far? |
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Title: Re: long ago Post by Kevin_M on Jul 28th, 2005, 8:57am on 07/28/05 at 08:04:39, vig wrote:
Sure, like Vig *and LeLimey* says, that's what we're all here for, to help each other. Fill in another piece to the puzzle from around here. Fight back! It has taken a lot of us there, that's why DJ made this site. |
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Title: Re: long ago Post by sandie99 on Jul 28th, 2005, 8:57am Hang on in there.... [smiley=hug.gif] We're here for you. Night and day. Always. :) PFwishes, Sanna |
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Title: Re: long ago Post by lionsound on Jul 28th, 2005, 10:21am [smiley=hug.gif] Jim, I'm so sorry you are in so much pain. You are not alone.....we all are here for you. And I'm closer than most :) Call me!! -rori |
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Title: Re: long ago Post by burnt-toast on Jul 28th, 2005, 10:43am Bitch away - the best part is there's support here from folks with hands-on experinence with this nightmare. We can't do much to make it better but there's healing value in knowing others truely share the pain and frustration. FEEL THE POWER OF THE FORCE Alchemy - Ok thats corny but what the hell. Stay Strong Tom |
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Title: Re: long ago Post by ghost62 on Jul 28th, 2005, 10:45am we do know the hell you feel and wish there was more we could do but we ARE here for ya dude. :'( ;) |
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Title: Re: long ago Post by rickyshot on Jul 28th, 2005, 2:18pm :'( :'(I have come so close to disability that is the biggest scare. I am alone and value my independence above anything else. I feel for you.... |
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Title: Re: long ago Post by Kirk on Jul 28th, 2005, 4:41pm Your not the only one up at that hour my friend. Grab Skype and give me a call when ya feel the need. I don't sleep much either. Hang in there. |
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Title: Re: long ago Post by alchemy on Jul 28th, 2005, 5:01pm thanks guys, here the new coctail list from my hosp discharge. neurontin-2700 mg daily. baclofen 5mg ev 8hrs. cymbalta 30mg daily, imetrx inj, verapamil 480 mg daily trazadone 100 mg daily imipram 30 mg daily anvinsa 30 mg daily. the state will now only pay for verapamil. the goods news is i got the machine that makes o2. with four tanks on the side. thats al the info i got right now. more info as i get it. thanks again |
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Title: Re: long ago Post by LeLimey on Jul 28th, 2005, 5:55pm Just remember Jim, there are always alternatives! Like Kirk said, download Skype! Its amazing, incredible and also lots of fun. I'm lelimey on that too (no surprises there huh?!) so when you download it add me too! That way if youre up at odd hours we can always chat! Take care and remember, WE care love Helen |
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Title: Re: long ago Post by Charlie on Jul 28th, 2005, 7:36pm Good idea Helen. Download Skype. I'm going to as soon as get my headset. I can't yet get to a store that sells the right one. Keep plugging away. Rant more. We're here for you. Charlie |
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Title: Re: long ago Post by cootie on Jul 28th, 2005, 10:44pm I had a script for anvinza (speling) myself for my back.....was up to 60 mg's but that shit made me EXTREMLY ill in a flash.....never knew when it'd happen. And seems to me that sort of pain med can cause rebounds ? It's morphine sumthin or other. Just not heard much about that med workin for ch....didn't do much for my back either but I got violently sick a few times unexpectidly and it scared me. The cymbalta is for diabetic pain and causes nausia....also some sort of antidepressant. I can't do nausia......nerontin made me LOOPY as hell and got big red blotches and couldn't stand up or walk or talk well. Trazadone is an antidepressant of sorts also and baclofen is some sort of relaxant. Not pickin yer cocktail apart and I'm far from an expert but just worry it all works well together ? Just be careful......don't want to make shit worse or create more crap......antidepressants make me feel FREAKING wierd......oh wait a minute I am wierd. Alot of meds caused new problems I have taken for this or that and then I'd be scripted this to counteract that.....I won't do that to myself anymore. I'm a supporter.....and wishin you the rite mix to be PF. Liveing hell Pam |
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