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Title: To Help You Get Thru The Week Post by Jimi on Jun 28th, 2005, 11:50am For my cluster friends: 1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony >wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. > >2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve >you, but don't start anything." > >3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted. > >4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. > >5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and >says: "A beer please, and one for the road." > >6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does >this taste funny to you?" > >7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" >"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's >Not Unusual." > >8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says >to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't >believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy. > >9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing >to look at either. > >10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before. > >11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I >couldn't find any. > >12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He >shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor >replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!" > >13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel. > >14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. > > . 15 Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other >and says "Dam!". > >16 Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in >the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't >have your kayak and heat it too. > >17 A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were >standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. >After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to >disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, >"I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer." > > >18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them >goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a >family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of >himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her >husband that she wishes she also had a ! picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, >"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." > > > 19 Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, >which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also >ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, >he suffered from bad breath. This made him ..(Oh, man, this is so bad, >it's good)..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. > > >20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to >his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make >them laugh. >No pun in ten did. |
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Title: Re: To Help You Get Thru The Week Post by Frank_W on Jun 28th, 2005, 1:51pm There was the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who would lie awake at night, wondering if there was a Dog. Then there was the dyslexic Satanist who was shocked and horrified to discover that he had sold his soul to Santa. One more: There was a guy who had been practicing contemplation for many years, and had to get a root canal done. When he sat in the dentist's chair, he told them not to bother with the novacaine. It seems he wanted to transcend-dental-medication. ba-dum-PSH! ;;D |
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Title: Re: To Help You Get Thru The Week Post by aprilbee on Jun 28th, 2005, 1:58pm [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: To Help You Get Thru The Week Post by nani on Jun 28th, 2005, 2:03pm You have no earthly idea how much I needed that today, Jimi. Thanks. :) |
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Title: Re: To Help You Get Thru The Week Post by LeLimey on Jun 28th, 2005, 2:07pm Frank you missed the one about the dyslexic pimp who bought a warehouse dummy! ::) |
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Title: Re: To Help You Get Thru The Week Post by TomM on Jun 28th, 2005, 2:16pm on 06/28/05 at 11:50:00, Jimi wrote:
OMG! I'm laughing out loud. [smiley=crackup.gif] Thanx. TomM 8) |
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Title: Re: To Help You Get Thru The Week Post by Frank_W on Jun 28th, 2005, 3:06pm on 06/28/05 at 14:07:00, LeLimey wrote:
Wait: Wasn't that a movie in the 80's? [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: To Help You Get Thru The Week Post by Luke63 on Jun 28th, 2005, 8:59pm Cute Jimi!!! Luke |
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Title: Re: To Help You Get Thru The Week Post by sandie99 on Jun 29th, 2005, 3:17am [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] Thanks!!! I loved these! Sanna/sandie99 |
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