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        New Message Board Archives >> 2005 General Board Posts >> He's a good dog.
        
(Message started by: giffy76 on Jun 15^th, 2005, 7:20am)

Title: He's a good dog.
Post by giffy76 on Jun 15^th, 2005, 7:20am

My best friend Bo, my lab, will be put down tonight. I don't know how to tell my kids (ages 11 & 6) my wife is going to take them to a friends for the evening because she can't watch the vet do the deed and we don't think it's a good idea for the kids to see it.

He has Cancer and until last month he was doing fine, now he's lost about 40lbs. and won't do anything but lay around. Luke, our other lab tries to play with him but Bo just growls at him.

What do I tell the kids?

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by don on Jun 15^th, 2005, 7:28am

Heres what you tell them:

http://rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by giffy76 on Jun 15^th, 2005, 7:32am

Thanks, Don. That's a great poem.

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by Langa on Jun 15^th, 2005, 7:42am

Sorry about your dog... :'(
I wish there was an easy way to tell the kids...Nani recently lost one of her sheperds...I don't remember how she told the kids, but she might have some words of wisdom for ya.

I've only had one dog in my life...my doxie who is only 2 1/2 yo. I wouldn't even begin to know how to handle it, but above all I would never want to see her in pain.

Langa

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by burnt-toast on Jun 15^th, 2005, 8:06am

If you go in (I just had to) cradle Bo's head in your arms because the process is very fast. I blubered like a baby. [smiley=bigcry.gif]. Be honest with the children it made getting another dog easier when when my children were young.

We were fortunate with our last dog Buster, a Border Collie who we could allow to die at home. My children were old enough to understand and we all hugged and comforted him as he slipped away. It is really like loosing a family member and tears flow freely.

We have land and buried Buster in the corner of a field he would always go to and watch the house from a shady spot.

Tom

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by Missy_Donna on Jun 15^th, 2005, 8:10am

giffy, I am so sorry. This is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. My vet told me that our pets don't express themselves when they are in pain. That's why he gave me pain meds for Polly when she had a simple spay job done.

It is the most loving of acts when we do let them go and help them find peace. You know without a doubt that this is the kindest, most unselfish, painful thing that you can do for Bo, but for his sake, it has to be done.

Tell the kids just the way it is. Bo got old and sick and was hurting and would hurt more and more and never get better. Then go to the site that don suggested. I saw it for the first time today, and believe me when I say tears are running down my face.

Love and prayers,
DonnaH

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by rickyshot on Jun 15^th, 2005, 8:26am

:'( :'(I am so sorry. I had a dog who lived 14 years and had to be put down. I was pregnant with my first child and very emotional and took it so hard. But death is a part of life and pets gives us the lessons of not only responsibility and love but also saying goodbye. I am one who does not believe in hiding death from children. It is a part of life. It is how you handle it and let them go through the mourning process.

Don you old suck.....

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by Svenn on Jun 15^th, 2005, 8:30am

Im so sorry,and in tears bc i know what you are going trough.

Its 3 years now since we had to do the same with our Cat "Ronja"

And that poem and memories still get to me.

I agree with you about your kids BUT all i ask you is give your kids a chanse to say good bye BEFORE the vet are there.Thats importent

Svenn

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by giffy76 on Jun 15^th, 2005, 8:36am

The vet is coming to the house, Bo hates going to clinic so for less stress on him we're having a house call.

He would lay at the edge of our ravine for hours.(his favorite spot) so it's only fitting that he lay there from now on.

Thank you all for your support.

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by Missy_Donna on Jun 15^th, 2005, 8:39am

I was just thinking the same thing, Svenn.

The older one especially might resent not having the chance to say goodbye, or even being there to see Bo off. I think I would at least give the ll year old a choice. 6 is a little too young yet to deal with being witness if it isn't necessary.

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by LadyElaine on Jun 15^th, 2005, 8:39am

I know the pain to well. Its the best thing for your friend.

JD my grandson doesn't understand death. He misses his dog Taco . He misses his grandfather. I read a story on the internet to him about pennies from heaven. When you find a penny its from heaven from a angel that misses you. He always looks for pennies, when he finds one he is so happy. We made a jar called pennies from Heaven when he misses them he looks at all the pennies he was sent.

It will be hard for you and them. You just have to know its the best thing for your friend. He/she would tell you so if they could.

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by aprilbee on Jun 15^th, 2005, 8:58am

OMG....I'm bawling...I am sooooooooo awfully sorry... when my boxer, Jed, that I grew up with, died, my dad didn't tell me, it crushed me that I didn't get to say goodbye, of course I was much older. I can't imagine what you're going through, I'd never have the strength... good luck. I hope he goes peacefully and you cherish his memory forever... [smiley=hug.gif]

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by Jimmy_B on Jun 15^th, 2005, 9:02am

Awww man....it's really tough to put a pet down. They give you nothing but unconditional love and when the time comes...there's nothing harder.

But just like everybody said...it's for the best. The one mistake I made with my last dog was not being there when he was put down.

Jimmy :'(

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by Frank_W on Jun 15^th, 2005, 9:04am

I'm so sorry for your loss. My opinion is, let your kids know what's going on, let them help bury him, and let them get to know death up close and personal. As heart-wrenching as it is to lose a pet, death is as much a part of life as birth is. These bodies are vessels in the way that shoes are vessels for our feet. When the shoes get old and wear out, we buy new ones. Bo's vessel is tired and worn out. It seems like there's never a good time to say goodbye, but regardless, that time always comes. And anyway, your children will be able to visit with him in dreams. :)

My condolences to your family, and my best wishes for a smooth, lucid, and comfortable transition for Bo.

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by aprilbee on Jun 15^th, 2005, 10:04am

on 06/15/05 at 09:04:23, Frank_W wrote:

Very well said Frank.... :'(

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by seasonalboomer on Jun 15^th, 2005, 10:18am

on 06/15/05 at 07:28:00, don wrote:

Heres what you tell them:

http://rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm

I had a friend send me here when I had to put down our 12 year old German Shepherd last May. It was absolutely great and I cried a lot. The crying was good, especially when you see how people memorialize their dogs on this site. I think you miss an opportunity for your kids to feel a loss and go through the process -- have them write a memorial on ranbows bridge -- what a great tribute and a way for them to work their way through it.

My thoughts are with you -- I still have an old dog left and will be crushed when she goes.

Scott

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by pattik on Jun 15^th, 2005, 10:20am

[smiley=bigcry.gif]I will be facing this soon with my sweet old lab, Tasha (she's 14 and has had cancer). Good advice has already been given here, so I'll just say that I'm so sorry for the loss you are about to go through, and my thoughts are with you and your family. [smiley=hug.gif]

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by nani on Jun 15^th, 2005, 10:36am

:'( I'm so sorry, giffy. It's very hard, but I also suggest you be there with him when it's time. You won't regret him knowing you were with him until the end. My kids watched their dog deteiorating and we'd discussed it prior to that day. They agreed that holding on to her while she suffered was selfish, and not in her best interest. While they were at school and I was waiting for the vet to come out, she died while I sat next to her and stroked her. We had a lovely memorial service for her and Mooshie (my 9 year old) still has a beautiful memorial set up with pictures and toys in my living room. I'm ready to have it come down (it's been since Feb) but she isn't. I'll let her take all the time she needs to grieve. She just got a puppy last month, but still isn't ready to let go of her Shiva. :(
hugs and vibes to all of you, nani

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by Margi on Jun 15^th, 2005, 11:02am

Giffy, our condolences, too. It's so hard to lose a pet, it's just SO not fair that their lives are so short! They become our eternal children and they will stay in your heart forever. There just aren't words to ease your pain.

You do need to grieve though, and so do your kids. Allow that grief to wash over you and let the tears flow. Frank's given you some awesome advice here - kids can handle more than we think they can sometimes. Let them see your grief and encourage theirs. Talk about it when they want to and be quiet when they don't.

Love on Luke a little bit more, too - don't lose sight of the fact that he just doesn't understand what happened to his buddy. He's going to feel pretty lost for the next little while, especially seeing his family so sad.

It does get easier with time, Giffy - we lost our 8 year old Rottie to lupus 9 years ago (today, actually, June 15) but there are still times when we miss our girl, Chelsea.

Our Chesapeake, Barly, is now 9 years old and we got him the day we put Chelsea down. He and spent those first few days crying together, him missing his brothers, me missing my girl. We healed together though and he was very comforting for us all through our grief.

Peace is with Bo now - you've set him free from his pain, Giffy. You'll see him again. He's waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge.

Hugs,
Margi

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by giffy76 on Jun 15^th, 2005, 11:50am

Thank you all again. You guys are the best.

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by TomM on Jun 15^th, 2005, 12:20pm

The absolute hardest thing I ever did was put down my cat last summer. http://mysite.verizon.net/vze6mqbc/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/.pond/haikusmpaint.jpg.w560h380.jpg
Rainbow Bridge and time helped. I still cry about him. Just know you are doing the right thing. He's uncomfortable and in pain. Yup, Rainbow Bridge should help you and the kids. :-["The time has come for Bo to go. He has done his job in training you and you have passed."

Good luck and god speed.
TomM

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by purpleydog on Jun 15^th, 2005, 12:27pm

:'(

I have two dogs, 11 years old. I will be there for them when the time comes, and they will be stronger than me.

I'm sorry giffy. Not an easy thing to do.

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by sandie99 on Jun 15^th, 2005, 12:35pm

Giffy, I am so, so sorry... :'(

I haven't lost a dog in my life (we never had one), but I did lose my guinea pig Olivia.

She went through a lot during her short life, cancer and losing one eye, two operations which each could have been fatal... on both occasions the vet told me to 'prepare myself'.

I refused to think that she would die and she survived. Finally she died on my lap on December 30th, 1999.
That was the best way, I'm sure of it. I was 19 and had already lost all granparents and my father, so I did know thing and two about death already.

I wish I would have seen that Rainbow poem or equivalent back in 1989, when my granmother passed away... :(

Sanna/sandie99

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by Frank_W on Jun 15^th, 2005, 1:26pm

The following was read at my grandfather's memorial service. I feel it's just as true for pets.

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by LeLimey on Jun 15^th, 2005, 2:10pm

Oh Giffy, I'm more sorry than I can say. I know what its like to lose an animal you love and nothing I can say will ease it for you or your family.
It IS better to be honest with your children, they deserve to know the truth and as others have said it will make it easier to grieve than if there is resentment to get over too.
You've had a very loving response from this wonderful family over this. We are still here for you if you need to vent or grieve with us again okay?
lots and lots of love
Helen

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by firebrix on Jun 15^th, 2005, 5:42pm

O giffy76 - we've just had to do the same thing for Monty mastiff who was diagnosed with bone cancer last week. It's awful. But it IS the kindest, most loving thing to do, especially if the vet will come to Bo's home. Our vet was wonderful. So was Monty.

Our child has grown up. She came and said her goodbyes early as she wanted to remember Monty well and happy.

What you COULD do with the children is make a beautiful garden where he's buried. Kids like to do this - they select plants which mean something to them, (dwarf BOgainvillea?) and you could all go out looking for a special tree to plant which you all feel represents Bo well. Monty has a young kauri. Being involved with creating something beautiful from such a sad event helps them to recover and also allows them to grieve, but in a more positive manner - while they are making a beautiful little garden. They will probably always see that this garden is weeded and looks good. Gardens such as these do not need to look like graves or tombs - just beautiful, restful gardens.

My thoughts are with you. Be strong. IM any time. I understand.

firebrix

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by giffy76 on Jun 16^th, 2005, 8:17am

Everything went as good as it could. We told the kids that the vet was coming to look at Bo and she may have to put him down, they gave him lots of love and my wife took them to a friends to play. Shortly after that Jennifer (vet) showed up, did her dirty work and consoled me a little cause I was crying like a sissy. When I went to pay her she said "I was never here" and she left.

I buried him under a big shady maple and went down to the creek and got the biggest chunk of sandstone I could lift for his headstone. The kids are gonna decorate the headstone and plant a flower garden over the grave and they have already started.

The wife and kids came home and we all sat on the porch swing and talked and cried and remembered all thr good times we shared with Bo, it was actually very nice.

Luke, our other lab frantically searched for his buddy for about 45 min. untill we all began to spoil him with attention, then he was ok.

If I can figure out how to post some pics I will. Thanks again everyone for your ideas and genuine concern and prayers

Part of the "family"
Ryan

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by Langa on Jun 16^th, 2005, 8:23am

Hey Ryan, glad all went well and the kids handled the news okay.

Still so sad though...sorry. :-[

I can help you post the pics if you'd like...

Langa

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by Frank_W on Jun 16^th, 2005, 8:26am

Ah.... Ryan, your message brought tears to my eyes... [smiley=hug.gif]

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by Margi on Jun 16^th, 2005, 10:11am

Ryan, BIG hugs. You've done the right thing for Bo. What a peaceful transition you gave him, by letting him go at home. I'd personally like to hug your vet. She sounds like a very cool gal! It must have been so hard to see Luke searching, that's the part the guts me. :( At least you can explain it to your kids and they have coping mechanisms. Like I said yesterday, love on him just a lil more for the next while.

Brikkie, I'm so sorry to hear about Monty! :( My heart is with you and Mopar through your grief. You're one of the biggest animal lovers here, lady - I know you must be having a rough time with this. I'm always here if you need me, lady - dont' forget that ok, my Kiwi friend.

Title: Re: He's a good dog.
Post by pattik on Jun 16^th, 2005, 10:12am

Thanks for the follow up, Ryan. Luke is likely to miss his buddy for a while. Dogs show their confusion and sadness in many ways. I think they mostly don't like change. So he will need some extra attention for a while. All the best to you and your family. Pat