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Title: Funnies for Today... Post by Langa on Jun 9th, 2005, 9:33am http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y126/mery_scala/gotmale.jpg Next? ;;D Langa |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by nani on Jun 9th, 2005, 9:39am http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v203/nani36/post.gif Next.... |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by ghost62 on Jun 9th, 2005, 9:42am DADDY CUT THE BIG ONE Copyright © Confederate Railroad It was a hot Sunday mornin', Middle of July The choir was a singin' 'Bout the sweet by and by. Everybody was a swayin' And sweatin' in the heat, We all bowed our heads down As the preacher took his seat. My sister and my brother Stood next to my mother In the quiet at the close of the verse. That's when daddy cut the big one.... At the Horn Lake Mississippi Missionary Baptist Church. My sister rolled her eyes back, My brother bit his lip. My cousin just behind us Whispered, "Hey, who let it rip?" I stuck my face in my shirtsleeve, Stared down at my shoes. Lord, you could hear a pin drop, As we stood there in the pew... Heads were turnin', Eyes were burnin', Momma stuck her nose in her purse, After daddy cut the big one .. At the Horn Lake Mississippi Missionary Baptist Church. He cut the big one, It was a stinker. Then he broke the silence ~ With a snicker And us kids started laughin', 'Til I thought we was all gonna burst.... After daddy cut the big one, At the Horn Lake Mississippi Missionary Baptist Church. He said, "The devil made me do it..." Momma said it was the liverwurst.... And that's why daddy cut the big one, At the Horn Lake Mississippi Missionary Baptist Church. KEEP SMILING! Next |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by Bethany1 on Jun 9th, 2005, 9:56am http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/47b5d828b3127cce9241b832464a00000016108Actm7Zu2ZN8 |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by Frank_W on Jun 9th, 2005, 10:01am God at his computer: http://fervalaka.free.fr/Images/Humour/Dieu.jpg |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by Jimi on Jun 9th, 2005, 10:03am Here is my contribution from Kentucky........... Susie Lee done fell in love; She planned to marry Joe. She was so happy 'bout it all She told her pappy so. Pappy told her Susie gal, You'll have to find another. I'd just as soon yo' Ma don't know, but Joe is yo' half brother. So Susie put aside her Joe, and planned to Marry Will. But after telling pappy this, He said, "There's Trouble still". You can't marry Will, my gal. and please don't tell ya mother. But Will and Joe, and several Mo' I know is yo' half brother. But Mama knew and said, My child. Just do what makes yo' happy. Marry Will or Marry Joe. YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by ghost62 on Jun 9th, 2005, 10:04am Marriage A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money. The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed. The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed. The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed. The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her. Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs. Men are like that, you know. next |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by Langa on Jun 9th, 2005, 10:10am ROFLMAO! [smiley=crackup.gif] Here’s another one… http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y126/mery_scala/busywoman.jpg “’It’s our new option for the modern, busy career woman”… :-/ Langa |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by Jimi on Jun 9th, 2005, 10:11am Ok, one more and then I gotta get to work. A guy was in New York on a business trip and decided to head to a >> > local bar for a drink. Standing outside the bar was a nun holding a tin cup. >> > >> > As the man threw a few bucks into her cup the nun launched into a >> > long tirade about the evils of alcohol. She went on and on about >> > how alcohol was tearing apart the fabric of society and how it was >> > the root of all the city's problems. >> > >> > Slightly ticked off at having to listen to this, the guy said, >> > "Listen sister, I work hard for my money and sometimes at the end >> > of a long day I like a drink or two That doesn't make me a bad >> > person. I have a wife I idolize and two wonderful kids at home. I >> > provide for my family, I volunteer my time to several local service >> > clubs and I contribute regularly to various charities. Yet you >> > stand here and condemn me just because I drink the occasional glass >> > of scotch!" >> > >> > The nun was slightly taken aback and replied, "I see your point my >> > son and I apologize if I offended you but the alcohol is such a >> > powerful demon that all who consume it are doomed..." >> > >> > "Look there you go again," said the man. "How can you make such a >> > sweeping statement. Have you ever even TRIED alcohol?" >> > >> > "Of course not!" gasped the nun, "The evil alcohol has never >> > touched my lips." >> > >> > "Do you really think that one glass of booze can change you from a >> > devout nun to some kind of evil degenerate?" >> > >> > "Well, I really don't know ..." >> > >> > "I'll tell you what, come into the bar with me and I'll buy you a >> > drink. One drink. I'll prove to you that "evil" is not inside the >> > glass, it's inside the person." >> > >> > "Oh, I could never be seen going into such a den of inequity, it's >> > out of the question. However, your comment about evil residing in >> > the person >> > >> > rather than the glass is quite intriguing. I must admit you've >> > aroused a curiosity in me." >> > >> > "Well let's go inside and settle this!" >> > >> > "No my son, I could never enter such a place... but how about this. >> > Take my tin cup with you and fill it with this "scotch" you mentioned. >> > Bring it out to me and I'll try it." >> > >> > "You're on!" said the guy. >> > >> > The nun removed all the change and handed him the tin cup. He went >> > into the bar and said to the bartender, "Two scotch on the rocks, >> > and could you put one of them in this tin cup please?" >> > >> > The bartender sighed and asked, >> > "Is that nun out there again?" >> > |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by ExplodingEyeBall on Jun 9th, 2005, 10:26am on 06/09/05 at 09:42:46, ghost62 wrote:
BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Been there, done that. |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by nani on Jun 9th, 2005, 10:28am http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v203/nani36/lostpuppy.jpg |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by ExplodingEyeBall on Jun 9th, 2005, 10:32am http://www.goyk.com/pics/images/154.jpg |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by ghost62 on Jun 9th, 2005, 10:34am A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles. Coincidentally, by chance, while checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new Bibles that had never been opened and distributed. So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the Bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church. Peter, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task. The reverend knew that Peter and Paul earned their livings as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some Bibles; but he had serious doubts about Louie. Louie was just a little local farmer who had always tended to keep to himself, because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment. Poor little Louie stuttered very badly. But, not wanting to discourage poor Louis, the reverend decided to let him try anyway. He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with Bibles and asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday, which they did. Anxious to find out how successful they were, the reverend immediately asked Peter, "Well, Peter, how did you make out selling our Bibles last week?" Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Peter replied, "Pastor, using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 Bibles; and here's the 200 dollars I collected on behalf of the church." "Fine job, Peter!" The reverend said, vigorously shaking his hand. "You are indeed a fine salesman and the church is indebted to you." Turning to Paul, he asked, "And Paul, how many Bibles did you manage to sell for the church last week?" Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, "Reverend, I am a professional salesman and was happy to give the church the benefit of my sales expertise. Last week I sold 28 Bibles on behalf of the church, and here's 280 dollars I collected." The reverend responded, "That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is also indebted to you." Apprehensively, the reverend turned to little Louie and said, "And Louie, did you manage to sell any Bibles last week?" Louie silently offered the reverend a large envelope. The reverend opened it and counted the contents. "What is this?" the reverend exclaimed. "Louie, there's 3200 dollars in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 Bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week? Louie just nodded. That's impossible!" both Peter and Paul said in unison. "We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many Bibles as we did." "Yes, this does seem unlikely," the reverend agreed. "I think you'd better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie." Louie shrugged. "I-I-I- re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered. Impatiently, Peter interrupted. "For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!" "A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Louis replied, "W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this B-B-B-B-Bible f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks ---o-o-o-or--- wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you?" |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by Frank_W on Jun 9th, 2005, 10:34am LMAO!! This thread is great... Nani: "Crack kills." ;;D |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by Langa on Jun 9th, 2005, 10:39am Pat, we’ve never doubted that you’ve been there done that… ::) Nani, I almost fell off my chair with that doggie in the crack pic…bwahahahahah! Ghost/Jimi – ya’ll ain’t right…lmao!! Langa [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by nani on Jun 9th, 2005, 10:40am OK one more and then I have to get busy... A bumper sticker I need to get: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v203/nani36/bumpersticker9.jpg |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by Frank_W on Jun 9th, 2005, 10:43am I had this on my Jeep for years...;;D http://www.northernsun.com/images/thumb/0560Copilot.jpg |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by ghost62 on Jun 9th, 2005, 11:25am Bubba and Jimmy Joe One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin. "Bubba, where'd you get that truck?!?" "Betty Sue gave it to me" Bubba replied. "She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?" "Well, Jimmy Joe, let me tell you what happened. We were driving out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere. Betty Sue pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said, 'Bubba, take whatever you want'. So I took the truck!" "Bubba, you're a smart man!. Them clothes woulda never fit you!" |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by pattik on Jun 9th, 2005, 11:29am http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y71/northcolor/brownpaper.jpg Relax lady. It's delivered in a brown paper wrapper, see? |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by giffy76 on Jun 9th, 2005, 11:40am 3 guys are drinking at a bar, shootin pool and havin some fun when an old drunk guy walks up to the biggest one and says"your mom is a fat ugly b!tch" and then he turns around and goes back to his stool. the guy just blows it off and goes back shootin pool. about ten minutes later the old drunk walks up to the same guy and says"your mom is th" the big guy interupts him and says.... Go home dad your drunk. |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by ghost62 on Jun 9th, 2005, 12:22pm A lady walked into a Lexus dealership to browse, and spotted the most beautiful, perfect "fully loaded" Lexus-and walked over to inspect it closer. As she bent forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little burst of flatulence escaped her. Very embarrassed, she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had noticed. There, standing behind her was a salesman. With a pleasant smile he greeted her, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?" Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiled back and asked, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?" Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that if you farted just touching it, you're gonna sh!t when you hear the price." |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by LeLimey on Jun 9th, 2005, 1:23pm Whats the worst thing about having a lung transplant? The first few times you cough up phlegm it isn't yours.. :-X |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by giffy76 on Jun 9th, 2005, 1:24pm Mmmmmmm.Chunky! |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by Frank_W on Jun 9th, 2005, 1:27pm [smiley=hurl.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by broomhilda on Jun 9th, 2005, 1:39pm LMFAO this thread is killing me [smiley=laugh.gif] All hail Sooty! http://www.allfunnypictures.com/images/guinea.jpg |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by nani on Jun 9th, 2005, 1:43pm Ya think Sooty might be a clusterhead? ;) |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by broomhilda on Jun 9th, 2005, 1:47pm LOL he fits the profile...male, rugged, horny :-X [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by Frank_W on Jun 9th, 2005, 1:51pm Rock on, Sooty!!! [smiley=headbanger.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by sandie99 on Jun 9th, 2005, 1:56pm [smiley=crackup.gif] Thanks, guys! I needed cheering up after the day I had. |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by Langa on Jun 9th, 2005, 2:00pm "he was absolutely shattered"... [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by pattik on Jun 9th, 2005, 2:11pm Here's one for you Langa... http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y71/northcolor/LarsonWiernerNest.jpg |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by thomas on Jun 9th, 2005, 2:19pm on 06/09/05 at 13:47:52, broomhilda wrote:
He's my idol. ;;D |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by Langa on Jun 9th, 2005, 2:47pm on 06/09/05 at 14:11:45, pattik wrote:
[smiley=crackup.gif] Langa |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by Ueli on Jun 9th, 2005, 3:57pm A man get into a wine store and asks for a good bottle of wine for his wedding anniversary. The wine merchant: "To celebrate or to forget?" |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by Candycane on Jun 10th, 2005, 1:05am on 06/09/05 at 15:57:18, Ueli wrote:
Hmmmmmm? [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] Needed that tonight :) |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by Charlie on Jun 10th, 2005, 11:52pm http://www.netsync.net/users/charlies/gifs/purple laugh2.gif http://www.netsync.net/users/charlies/gifs/crackup.gif http://www.netsync.net/users/charlies/gifs/ROFprone.gif http://www.netsync.net/users/charlies/gifs/cheesyrotfm.gif http://www.netsync.net/users/charlies/gifs/heehee.gif Charlie http://www.netsync.net/users/charlies/gifs/needsign.png |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by Charlie on Jun 11th, 2005, 12:21pm GOOD: In Madison, WI, a policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't catching any. Then he discovered the problem -- a 12-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD". The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading "TIPS"--- and a bucket full of money! BETTER: A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in La Crosse, WI. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs. BEST: A young woman was pulled over for speeding. A Wisconsin State Trooper Officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the State Troopers Ball." He replied, "Wisconsin State Troopers don't have balls." There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car. Charlie |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by pattik on Jun 11th, 2005, 12:27pm Thanks for the tip, Charlie.....I'm going to use that last idea next time...it obviously works here in the badger state [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by Jimmy_B on Jun 11th, 2005, 1:50pm http://www.squarewheels.com/newgraphics/catgoes.jpg |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by nani on Jun 13th, 2005, 11:42am http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v203/nani36/plantaman.gif |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by Langa on Jun 13th, 2005, 11:49am hee, hee.... |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by sandie99 on Jun 13th, 2005, 11:54am Hmm... now tell me girls where I can get those "plant a man" seeds? I'll be needing a 6'0 chap with blue eyes, blond hair, singer's voice, sixpack tummy and kind personality... ;;D [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by ghost62 on Jun 13th, 2005, 12:41pm on 06/13/05 at 11:54:20, sandie99 wrote:
How about 5'9" Green eyes Brown hair smokers voice pony keg tummy teddy bear at heart ;;D |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by notseinfeld on Jun 13th, 2005, 1:37pm Evidence in the Michael Jackson Case: http://www.spapatrol.com/impropaganda/jackson-evidence.jpg |
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Title: Re: Funnies for Today... Post by sandie99 on Jun 13th, 2005, 1:43pm on 06/13/05 at 12:41:59, ghost62 wrote:
;) Seriously, I'm a gal for personality. Gotta made me laugh! ;;D |
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