Clusterheadaches.com Message Board


    
      
        Clusterheadaches.com Message Board
        (http://www.clusterheadaches.com/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.cgi)
      

        New Message Board Archives >> 2005 General Board Posts >> Sad & hurt, also childish?
        
(Message started by: sandie99 on Jun 4^th, 2005, 1:55am)

Title: Sad & hurt, also childish?
Post by sandie99 on Jun 4^th, 2005, 1:55am

I'm Miss Positive Outlook on life herself. I don't waste time by hating anyone or anything and I don't feel hatred.

But I am still hurt, thanks to someone I consider to be a dear friend.

Yesterday evening this friend of mine held a graduation party to 200 people, all friends and acquintances. There was loud music, barbeque, laughing, talking, drinking... that sort of thing at her parents' house with a huge garden.

But me, a friend of hers since she was 3, and a next door neighbour, who has helped her through all sort of things in her life over the years... I wasn't invited.

I'm sad and hurt by this... :(

I keep on making excuses for her... Like she didn't know that I was at home... which she did. That it was a party for relatives predominantly... which isn't true, as the only relative there was her brother, who is a chef and took care of the barbeque. I know that for a fact, because they were talking loudly, I know most of her relatives and we can see to their garden directly without looking.

I don't know what to do know what to do about her... Shall I just pretend that nothing happened or should I call her and ask did they have good time...?

Perhaps it is childish of me to feel hurt about this, but that's how I feel... :(
Sandie

Title: Re: Sad & hurt, also childish?
Post by cootie on Jun 4^th, 2005, 2:02am

I've learned to hate and it is a bad trait.....I don't recommend it......not that you'd hate her. Are you sure she didn't just FORGET to invite you or tell you about it ? Or was it a wild party and maybe for some reason she didn't think you'd like it or feel comfortable there.......or sumthin goin on that would cause someone to be 'selective' ? I dunno......I think I'd be tempted to aks her 'only when I ran into her face to face' if she had a good time the other nite. But then if she said YEAH in a smart ass tone I'd probly get pissed off cuz it was a WRONG answer when actually I would wish her to speak up saying she missed me and why wasn't I there !!!!! I'd not bring it up until we were face to face......I don't like lettin people see my weak side or let them know shit bothers me. Stubborn as a mule Pam 8)

Title: Re: Sad & hurt, also childish?
Post by Candycane on Jun 4^th, 2005, 2:14am

Well, if shes a real friend, can't you just tell her how it made you feel? [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif]

Title: Re: Sad & hurt, also childish?
Post by Langa on Jun 4^th, 2005, 2:25am

I would crash the party... :D

j/k

I'm with CC, tell her how you feel...and you're right to be hurt.

Langa

Title: Re: Sad & hurt, also childish?
Post by Pinkfloyd on Jun 4^th, 2005, 2:29am

on 06/04/05 at 01:55:35, sandie99 wrote:

Yesterday evening this friend of mine held a graduation party to 200 people, all friends and acquintances.

I wasn't invited.
Sandie

As of 2 minutes ago, the world population was 6,526,534,763

That means, you and I and 6,526,534,561 other people weren't invited.
Had they wanted a great party, we all would have been.

There may be a good reason, maybe not. If she's a good friend, ask her why. She'll then have the opportunity to tell you the reason or...offer an apology. One way or the other, you can then move on.

BobW
BTW, as soon as I can figure out the postage you and the other 6,526,534,561 are all invited to my house. Keep an eye on your mailbox. ;;D

Title: Re: Sad & hurt, also childish?
Post by Langa on Jun 4^th, 2005, 2:31am

Quote:

BTW, as soon as I can figure out the postage you and the other 6,526,534,561 are all invited to my house.

Woohoo!! A party???

I'll bring donuts... ;;D

Langa

Title: Re: Sad & hurt, also childish?
Post by LeLimey on Jun 4^th, 2005, 5:05am

Oh Sandie ((HUG)) I can understand you are hurt. Any of us wouldve been. Some of us would have been mighty pissed off too!
The best advice I can give you is play it by ear.. see what happens next and go from there. Everything everyone else has said so far is a possibility and she could well be feeling really bad too over her lapse of sense. (And lets face it.. it must've been a really shitty party if you weren't there mustn't it?! ;;D )
Carry on in your own sweet way and enjoy life and don't let this drag you down.
You're off to Stockholm!
If that isn't going to be wild I don't know what is!
Now listen to Auntie Helen and have a great time you hear ?!!

Title: Re: Sad & hurt, also childish?
Post by Kevin_M on Jun 4^th, 2005, 9:03am

on 06/04/05 at 01:55:35, sandie99 wrote:

I'm Miss Positive Outlook on life herself. I don't waste time by hating anyone or anything and I don't feel hatred.

Be yourself then. Walk over a nice graduation card with money in it to a lifelong friend and say "I didn't get a chance to give this to you the other day". Or mail one. At least you'll feel good about yourself, but maybe she won't.

Kevin M

Title: Re: Sad & hurt, also childish?
Post by notseinfeld on Jun 4^th, 2005, 12:59pm

Tsk Tsk Kevin---that's passive aggression and you're not a middle-aged Jewish mother!

There was someone or something at the party that she did not want you to come in contact with, imo, Miss Sandiferous. Try the direct approach with her in a non-chalant manner and maybe she'll reveal a bone she has to pick with you or still remembers when you wet your pants at the last party and had that residual fear ;;D

We still love you here, take heart!

Title: Re: Sad & hurt, also childish?
Post by Kevin_M on Jun 4^th, 2005, 1:31pm

on 06/04/05 at 12:59:41, notseinfeld wrote:

Tsk Tsk

Why, whatever do you mean? *smilie w/halo* ::)

;)

Title: Re: Sad & hurt, also childish?
Post by Jonny on Jun 4^th, 2005, 1:38pm

Fire bomb the house ;;D

Title: Re: Sad & hurt, also childish?
Post by Charlie on Jun 4^th, 2005, 6:05pm

Ask her how the party was. Don't say anything before she answers. When she does, you'll have some idea about this thing.

Charlie

Title: Re: Sad & hurt, also childish?
Post by Sean_C on Jun 4^th, 2005, 10:52pm

I love ya, but first tell her to fuck off Sandie. Then follow with a simple gesture like this...................

http://www.rajuabju.com/literature/images/the_mi1.jpg

Don't look back Sandie, just move on, her loss totally believe me.

Big hugs comin your way sis,

Sean.......................................

Title: Re: Sad & hurt, also childish?
Post by Lizzie2 on Jun 4^th, 2005, 11:34pm

Sandie,

Many hugs. Personally, I think I would say something to your friend. You already are feeling pretty crappy about this - if you bring it up to her and learn that she really did not want you there, then you'll have closure and maybe be able to work at putting it behind you. But at least you'll also have gotten your point across about how hurt you were.

I say this because for senior week after high school graduation, my friend Paige invited our entire group of friends down to her shore house for the week except for 3 of us. I found out towards the end. I was told, "The house wasn't big enough for everyone." A series of events like these went on, and eventually I got pretty bitter. I don't have too many friends left from high school anymore - those I am still friends with are people who I hung out with later in college.

I wish I had really said something. At least got my feelings out there. Instead I would sit at home on Friday nights and wonder why nobody would ever call.

But there's no going back - no regrets! My friend Ericka (from that group) sent out an email the other day saying that all our old group gets together on Tuesday nights to play sports in a local park and goes to a quizzo game on Wednesday nights. I sent her an IM and caught up briefly with what was going on. She acted very enthusiastic like she wanted me to come hang out with them next time they get together.

I was hurt for years - but even then, sometimes people can surprise you and things will turn around. :) I was really happy after that conversation!

The best thing you can do is talk to your friend. At least have your feelings known. If she's a true friend and values your friendship, then hopefully she'll at least apologize, even though there is probably no excuse for why she did not invite you. If she just blows you off, well....then you are far more valuable than she realizes, and think of how many people here and how many others in your life truly realize and value that!!

Love ya girl!
Lizzie2/Carrie :)

Title: vRe: Sad & hurt, also childish?
Post by sandie99 on Jun 5^th, 2005, 12:25am

Thanks for good advices, everyone. :)

I called my friend, but she didn't pick up. I called he cellphone, so she knows it was me. Let's just see what happends... I'll text her/email her when I'll return from Stockholm. So I will let her know how I feel, in a way or another! :)

You know, my aunt came to visit us with her dog at the night of the party. My aunt suggested that we'd let her dog run free to ruin the party. I did thought about it for a moment... ;;D
But we didn't do that. It would have been so much fun to watch, but knowing me, I would have felt guilty about that "accident".

And Helen, I WILL have wonderful time at Stockholm! The friend who is going there with me is one of the best ones anyone can have! I'm so much looking for the trip that I woke up before 6am this morning although we'll meet at the harbour at 4.15pm... ;)

Title: Re: Sad & hurt, also childish?
Post by Frank_W on Jun 6^th, 2005, 9:20am

I agree with Sean's advice, Sandie. I recently had a friend stab me right in the back, and when I confronted them, they were too busy being outraged and angry that I'd found them out, then they were, interested in making amends for the hurt they caused. People like that aren't worth the powder to blow them to Hell with. Give her the big ol' middle finger, and move on. Such people are a dime a dozen... They aren't worth one second of your hurt.

Title: Re: Sad & hurt, also childish?
Post by rickyshot on Jun 6^th, 2005, 9:44am

The fact that she is not even picking up your calls is telling. you can't even get closure. You called. She knows you did. I don't know what is going on but you did your part and if she does not call fuck her. If she does, I would let her know how you felt and see what her reason was. Even if she was angry at you for something, not inviting you to the big mix and knowing you for so long shows she does not have good character. I would blow her off as a friend. She is NOT a friend. Friends communicate and don't hurt you in that kind of way.

Title: Re: Sad & hurt, also childish?
Post by aprilbee on Jun 6^th, 2005, 11:14am

on 06/04/05 at 13:38:31, Jonny wrote:

Fire bomb the house ;;D

[smiley=laugh.gif] no point in holding a grudge huh???

You have your own life, don't get wrapped up in what other people think or do....you know you're a good person...that's all that matters... :-*

Title: Re: Sad & hurt, also childish?
Post by yikes-another-one on Jun 6^th, 2005, 10:25pm

Normal females games, her not picking up the phone. >:(

Obviously she is listening to someone spreading lies

or just got moody ::)

or a hundred other reasons. :-/

Would any reason really matter to you? ;)

Let it slide,
if you feel like you can still be a "good neighbor"

otherwise, you can confront her and educate her about manners and such things....
knowing that a lecture about "class" and "friendship"
will go in one ear and out the other.

Sometimes people want to pretend they have changed,
:o

or transformed into another type of person.
Maybe she wanted to down play the
"small town relationships" to impress someone...

who knows and who would care. :P

a good friend would never do that. :-X

and a nice neighbor, or one who occasionaly thinks of others would have invited you jsut so the noise would not get reported to the police....
:-*

Title: Re: Sad & hurt, also childish?
Post by Ree on Jun 6^th, 2005, 10:32pm

awwwwww things like that have happened to me.... act like you don't even care..... if you say anything or make like it bothers you, you are actually feeding the demon that is making you hate......Instead think of the gift money you saved and next time...... leave her out......LOL learn from the experience......

who knows maybe she thought she did invite you... and is pissed at you for not showing up...lol.........

love ya Ree

Title: Re: Sad & hurt, also childish?
Post by Lizzie2 on Jun 7^th, 2005, 1:30am

on 06/06/05 at 22:32:40, Ree wrote:

who knows maybe she thought she did invite you... and is pissed at you for not showing up...lol.........

love ya Ree

LOL that's why sometimes it is good to say something -- sometimes it can be a misunderstanding. Although it sounds like it's not if the girl can't even be mature enough answer her cell phone or at least return missed calls!!

Hugz to you Sandie!!

Carrie :)