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        New Message Board Archives >> 2005 General Board Posts >> Random Thoughts Of The Slap-Happy
        
(Message started by: PrettyH8Machine on May 1st, 2005, 2:12pm)
Title: Random Thoughts Of The Slap-Happy
Post by PrettyH8Machine on May 1st, 2005, 2:12pm
Always remember, 49.9% of your friends are below average.

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people

God bless Darwin.

Stock up and save. Limit: one

Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

I discovered today that goldfish do not like jello.

If a mute swears does his mother wash his hands out with soap?

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

Why isn't there mouse flavored cat food?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

If a funeral procession is at night, do people drive with there lights off?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Should vegitarians eat animal crackers?

If cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, really loudly, for no good reason.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

Laurie used to get offended when I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.

Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.

Whether they find a life there or not, I think Jupiter should be called an enemy planet.

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.

I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed shrink is our friend.

I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.

[smiley=gocrazy.gif]
Title: Re: Random Thoughts Of The Slap-Happy
Post by Kirk on May 1st, 2005, 7:16pm
Are all fishermen liars? Or do only liars fish? [smiley=mellow.gif]
Title: Re: Random Thoughts Of The Slap-Happy
Post by PittsburghJoe on May 1st, 2005, 9:28pm
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out.

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.
Title: Re: Random Thoughts Of The Slap-Happy
Post by sandie99 on May 2nd, 2005, 7:05am
:) ;;D
Title: Re: Random Thoughts Of The Slap-Happy
Post by TomM on May 2nd, 2005, 8:29am

on 05/01/05 at 19:16:47, Kirk wrote:
Are all fishermen liars? Or do only liars fish? [smiley=mellow.gif]

Hey, now....
I ALWAYS catch fish when I go: SunFish, BuzzFish, BeerFish.  ;;D Why lie? [smiley=huh.gif]

Then, as a last resort, "It's called fishing; not catching."
TomM  8)
Title: Re: Random Thoughts Of The Slap-Happy
Post by Bethany1 on May 2nd, 2005, 8:37am

on 05/01/05 at 21:28:58, PittsburghJoe wrote:
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.


[smiley=crackup.gif]
Title: Re: Random Thoughts Of The Slap-Happy
Post by cootie on May 2nd, 2005, 12:20pm
Clowns are kind of scarey......why is that ? I've always thought as a kid if Ronald McDonald ever came close to me I'd kick him in the nutz and run off screaming. He's supposed to be a 'good' clown tho. Don't clown around me Pam  ;)
Title: Re: Random Thoughts Of The Slap-Happy
Post by nani on May 2nd, 2005, 12:23pm
Chuck E Cheese freaks me out.  :o
I was a very young Mom. Took the kids to CEC once (I was about 25) effen Chuckie pinned me in a booth and grabbed my boob.  >:(  I didn't want to freak the kids out, so I whispered... "Get your hands off me or you're gonna lose your balls." He did.
Title: Re: Random Thoughts Of The Slap-Happy[smiley=laugh
Post by LadyLuv on May 2nd, 2005, 12:34pm
[smiley=crackup.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=crackup.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif]
Title: Re: Random Thoughts Of The Slap-Happy
Post by Charlie on May 2nd, 2005, 1:23pm

Quote:
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.


I don't know. If, like me, you're old enough to remember Clarabell, they aren't frightening, just goofy.

My dad fired clowns.

Charlie http://www.netsync.net/users/charlies/gifs/nono.gif

Hey Carl: Thanks http://www.netsync.net/users/charlies/gifs/slap.gif
Title: Re: Random Thoughts Of The Slap-Happy
Post by TomM on May 2nd, 2005, 4:54pm

on 05/01/05 at 14:12:06, PrettyH8Machine wrote:
Always remember, 49.9% of your friends are below average.

Actually, you are referring to the Median http://www.animatedsoftware.com/statglos/sgmedian.htm where 50% fall above and 50% fall below.

Average is that 68% in the Normalized Bell Curve where you fall with in +/- 1 Standard Deviaton from the Mean. {http://www.animatedsoftware.com/statglos/sgmean.htm}
http://www.dmu.ac.uk/~jamesa/learning/graphics/bellcrv.gif
Title: Re: Random Thoughts Of The Slap-Happy
Post by PrettyH8Machine on May 2nd, 2005, 7:56pm
You know what would make a good story? How about a story of a clown who is always smiling, but inside he is very sad. Also, he has severe diarreah.

;;D
Title: Re: Random Thoughts Of The Slap-Happy
Post by cootie on May 2nd, 2005, 9:22pm
If an admired clown has diahrea would you want to fill his shoes ? How bout a peuking clown with a smile......maybe he could try hard and get it to come out his nose and ears. The incredible peuking clown.....I can see the flyers now........come one come all Pam

What about a masturbateing clown....oh never mind....that's a circus midget........... 8)


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