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Title: what was your worst ch moment Post by maffumatt on Apr 26th, 2005, 7:20pm Mine was moveing from California to Kansas in Feb. 04. Their was heavy snowfall on I80 so I took the southern route from Reno to Las Vegas then east on I40. I went through Las Vegas at 8 pm with a Kip 9, in a 32 ft UHAUL with everything I own, towing my car, with my wife and 2 kids in the front seat with me. Anyone liveing in Las Vegas knows what highway 95 is like.Albuquerque NM was the same. Driveing into the morning sun sucked. |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by medic1852 on Apr 26th, 2005, 7:34pm Was working extra ambulance shift and it was a night from hell..I was at like kip 8 and my truck was geting slammed and i made like 3 or 4 runs back to back and on the way to the next run I was in the back huffing on the main O2 like a feind. I was really inpatient with the patients and my partner was like a mouse and affraid to speak to me till after it was all over. He said I looked like hell and did not know what to do. To make matters worse the runs were mostly bullsh_t and one was even a MEgrainer. Rodger |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by PrettyH8Machine on Apr 26th, 2005, 7:38pm Worst CH moment? Can only pick one? Way too hard. Had too long of a period after becoming chronic where nothing worked for me and I just rode attack after attack, sometimes seemingly endlessly. I guess it would have to be when I realized of all of the friends, possessions, jobs, loves, etc. that I had lost due to CH, the greatest thing I had lost was my dignity as a human being. Anyone who has not yet had this happen to them all I can say is, it is a humbling experience. Peace, Carl D ***Got one! Having all of my gear in my car trunk, running an hour late to meet up with Scott Ian for my inauguration into a metal band called "Anthrax" playing lead guitar, replacing the sessions player who was filling in for Dan Spitz who had left the band,which would have been the gig of a lifetime. In my apartment, in the dark, throwing shelves during a raging 2 hour level, knowing the whole thing was fucked and I'd miss the tour! That one was a bit of a bummer. :-[ |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by maffumatt on Apr 26th, 2005, 7:43pm the greatest thing I had lost was my dignity as a human being. Anyone who has not yet had this happen to them all I can say is, it is a humbling experience. Yes it is. Haveing my kids see me in a kip 10 was right up there. |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by BobG on Apr 26th, 2005, 7:54pm My worst CH moment? Had to be when my grandson saw me at a bad time. Copy and pasted from this site exactly 5 years ago today. Posted by BobG on April 26, 2000 at 23:54:41: I have a story to tell about a little supporter of mine. Little because he’s less than 2 feet tall. He can’t talk, wobbles when he walks, wets his pants, will believe anything I say, hangs around our house every Friday and Saturday, and I love him more than life itself. He’s Zackery, my one year old grandson. Here’s the story. Last February, the week before Valentine’s day, my daughter, Zackery’s mom, had the opportunity to put in a lot of extra hours at work. She’s a flower designer and it’s the next to biggest day of the year for flowers. If she worked all the extra hours it would mean a big paycheck but also a big babysitting bill. I volunteered to take the week off and watch little Zack. Since my wife works it would just be Zackery and me. Figured we could do some man things, like push the stroller around the block, change dirty diapers and fling food on the floor. We could also do a little (do I dare say it) .........bonding. The first day stared out just fine but by noon Zackery was getting cranky. As the day went on he got worse. Didn’t want to play, eat or nap. Just wanted to be held. So I held him. He would just lie in my arms and look up at me and his eyes would say "Thanks Grandpa. I like it here". His temperature started to go up and he was feeling miserable. By 6 o’clock he was one sick little boy. A cool bath and a little Children’s Tylenol and the fever came down. By bedtime the fever was back up but he was so tired that he wanted to sleep. A little more Tylenol and he slept through the night and by morning he’s seemed fine but it started over again in a couple of hours. He just wanted to be held. I can’t stand to see him sick so it was off to his pediatrician. We find he has an ear infection and is cutting a tooth. Got some medicine for him. Poor little guy, hurting like hell and can’t tell us or show us what hurts. His face saying "Please hold me, Grandpa" I held him for 4 or 5 hours before the medicine brought his pain down. He still wanted to be held until bed time. He slept through the night and by morning he was new again. But first there was a hug and look that said "Thanks Grandpa". Where is this story going? Well, fast forward to the day before Easter and payback time. Little Zack is at our house and we’re playing on the floor. Then the first twinges of a cluster start. Very unusual for me. I almost never have an attack during the day. I excuse myself telling my wife why, grab an ice bag, go to the bedroom, pull down the shade and sit on the edge of the bed breathing deeply trying to get all the oxygen I can and stop the pain before it really gets going. I want to be left alone but Zackery comes in and I just can’t tell him to go away. He comes to me and hugs my leg and looks up at me. I could see pain and heartache in his eyes. Somehow he knew, even at only one year old, that Grandpa was hurting. In his way he was saying "I’m here now Grandpa. You held me, now it’s my turn". He never made a sound. Just laid his head on my lap, hugged my leg and tried to love the pain from my head. Know what? It worked! Within 5 minutes the attack was over and we were back on the floor playing. God bless the children. Unconditional love of a child can fix almost anything. |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by Svenn on Apr 26th, 2005, 8:02pm Worst ch-moment? Would have to be my last suicide attempt when i woke up in the ER and found out what a beautiful family i have and was villing to leave behind without a word Not to forget my beautiful clusterfamily here that has helped me more then anyone here know. Yess thats right.Last time was the heartattack in 2001.Had it for 4 days with ALL the classic signals.Did NOT tell Bente a word,just praying that it would knock me out completely. I have to pay for that stupid IDIOTIC mistake for the rest of my entire life. all i can say to you my family is that i will NEVER try that again.You all are worth to much for me to try that again. As a payback for that stupid episode and ALL the help i have dedicated my life to try help other clusterheads.So far i think i have succeded that task. At least that is what i believe. Please family,remember that your life is worth a lot more then try what i did Svenn |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by pattik on Apr 26th, 2005, 8:11pm My worst moment was just last summer when I stupidly thought I could drive a few miles to help clean out the rental van we had used for our two week trip to Colorado. Five minutes into the drive, I went from a Kip 5 to a Kip 9. I felt like an idiot for being behind the wheel--took back roads in order to go slower. And after realizing how stupid I was being and heading back home, the pain got so overwhelming that I had to pull onto the shoulder, open the door and puke, with other drivers passing me by and staring. Now that's humiliating. ::) |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by E-Double on Apr 26th, 2005, 8:13pm on 06/23/04 at 11:26:37, E-Double wrote:
Wow looking back....I'm a completely different man. Thank you all!!! E |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by Charlie on Apr 26th, 2005, 8:28pm Can't tell you much. It's been a long time. I know when my old neurologist told me that they will be back. Can't beat that for fun. Charlie |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by don on Apr 26th, 2005, 8:40pm The first time I witnessed someone else get hit. Made me sick to my stomach. |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by Kevin_M on Apr 26th, 2005, 8:57pm on 04/26/05 at 19:54:26, BobG wrote:
Nice story Bob Kevin M |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by blossom on Apr 26th, 2005, 9:08pm ONE of the worst moments came last night when I was hit for the 4th time at 4am and pressed so hard on my eye that when I woke up this morning I discovered I ruptured a blood vessel in my eye and I look like something out of a horror movie! I quit trying to explain it at work after the 5th person asked me what happened - I finally said I threw up so hard that it ruptured the blood vessel in my eye. That seemed to satisfy everyone! The life and lies of a Clusterhead! Karen |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by LeLimey on Apr 27th, 2005, 4:26am on 04/26/05 at 20:40:30, don wrote:
My worst moment was Tuesday night. Thats right, this week. My three year old son Jasper has been having headaches for a while now and typically he gets woken in the night in so much pain he tries to rip his hair out of his head. Sounds familiar? He scratches his face so much we have taken to putting him in scratch mitts at night again. He usually gets them for three to four nights in a row every couple of weeks. Its awful. No its worse than awful, It does literally make me throw up non stop once he finally settles again. My husband, bless him tries to cool him down with cold flannels on his head which he seems to like for about five seconds and then just screams again so David goes running off to cool it a bit more. In the meantime he wants a cuddle but when you try to get near him he kicks the bejaysus out of you. Sound familiar? Tuesday night was the worst as I woke getting hit myself and about five minutes later he woke. Well that was it, I left the o2 alone to try and sort him out so I got a full 6-7 rampaging thenwithout any relief. I was slower than I wanted to be sorting things out for him, and I couldn't help it but I was talking to him through gritted teeth which is no way to talk to your child, He was too far gone himself to notice if I was even talking english. He knew I was there. He has an appointment for an MRI on the 5th of May and I'm sure you can imagine how I'm feeling. I'm constantly on the point of tears and this site, once again, is literally saving my sanity. If I couldn't come here and act the arse as I do, well, I don't know what I'd do. I've never felt so helpless or frightened in my life. I've never both wanted to talk about something and NOT want to talk about something so much either. Right now I'm just trying to get through each day in the knowledge its a day nearer to next Thursday. Jasper has a follow up appointment scheduled for June with the neuro. On one hand I hope they don't want to see him again before that (cos it means nothing nasty lurking in his head) and on the other hand I can't bear the thought of him being in pain any more. One bright note is that he didn't wake up in pain last night. He had from Friday to Tuesday this time so hopefully we have a couple of weeks without pain for him now. You know what? As parents we are supposed to protect our kids. This is my worst nightmare come to life. Sorry for the long post and the vent, I try not to usually! Hey BobG Thanks for sharing your story. Made me cry, that was so poignant [smiley=hug.gif] |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by Bethany1 on Apr 27th, 2005, 7:35am Coming home from the ER all doped up. Fell down the stairs, went back to the ER. :-/ The saturday before Christmas. Strange things seem to happen to me right before Christmas, car stolen last year, wonder what it will be this year. |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by sandie99 on Apr 27th, 2005, 9:02am Last spring... My ch was running overtime and I was depressed. I was so sure I'd come back to Finland in a coffin... :( |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by Langa on Apr 27th, 2005, 9:04am Thanks for sharing your story Bob…it’s so true…the unconditional love of a child can fix anything. Helen, just reading what your son is going through made me sick. I can only imagine what it’s like for you witnessing it…I’m so sorry your son is going through this…you better let us know what the doc said cause I’m hoping as all hell it is not CH…! For me, the worst CH moment was when Crystal was about 8 years old. I had taken her to the theatre to see a live production of Peter Pan. Well smack in the middle of it I got hit with a cluster that was quickly ramping. I used an Imitrex nasal spray in the hopes of it aborting the headache (should’ve seen the look on the faces of those sitting nearby wondering what the heck I was snorting). Well, it didn’t work and by the time I got to my car I was in so much pain I could barely stand up straight or see clearly. I told Crystal to get in the car and I sat on the curb away from her view so she wouldn’t witness it. I knew she was in the car listening and tried to keep calm as to not frighten her, but pretty much I just lost it. Luckily the street was pretty quiet since the show was still going. This hit left me a shaky, weak mess barely able to drive home. My right eye was also bloodshot and droopy for hours after. I think the worst part was that according to Crystal I sounded like I was dying. Crystal knew I got headaches, but this was the first time she got to somewhat witness one and it left her pretty traumatized. After that, whenever I mentioned the word headache she’d start crying because in her mind a headache could kill mommy. It took a while for her to realize that no matter how bad it was, it wouldn’t kill me. Langa |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by Candycane on Apr 27th, 2005, 9:32am I think my worst time (not worse hit) was when I was at the park on a beautiful day with my 14 year old daughter and got hit so bad I would not see and was shaking so bad that she had to sit in the car with me and actually fill the needle with the trex. I probably will never forget that. I will never fully know what that did to her, kids hate needles and I was in bad shape. I also broke 3 needles trying to stick in because of the panic. Helen, check your PM's |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by blossom on Apr 27th, 2005, 10:40am These stories are horrendous, but the worst part of it is we all understand exactly what the other is talking about. I wrote this and saved it to my computer last month but never posted it - I think this is my worst CH moment: Why do we have to understand, why do we have to have this site yet at the same time thank God everyday to know we are not alone but praying for something to happen, some breakthrough, some discovery to make it all go away. I think I may be at my breaking point, either up or down and I don't think I can go any further down right now. I have pushed things into the back on my head and I can just feel the beast dragging them out and pushing them forward, pushing them through my eye, out my nose, pounding away. I can't deal with all this crap anymore. Why doesn't the beast just leave us all alone? I have enough stress and pain in my life without him making his daily visits. I hate this, I hate all of it... I understand now why clusters are also called suicide headaches. There have been moments the past few weeks when I have looked at the knives in my kitchen and the shotgun in my closet and wondered, what would happen if I did it? Would anyone care? I deserted my family here in January because of reasons other than CH - would they care if I was gone - would they even know? What would happen to Colin - would he grow up thinking I was a great mommy or a horrible mommy? I don't know because I have pushed everyone away. I don't want to deal with anything or anyone. It kills me to say it out loud but I can't deal with these things anymore. I feel like a hermit yet I can't be alone. I want to be with people yet I don't want to deal with life. I don't want to go to work and I don't most days. I stay home and feel guilty because I'm not at work yet I can't make myself go. I let Colin stay home today because I think to myself what if I finally do it, what if I finally pull that gun out of the closet? Will he remember the good times or the bad times? Will he remember me at all? Will he hate me for the rest of his life because I took his daddy away and because I am so hateful all the time because I am in pain? I have been and am hurting in so many ways. How do you deal with all of this? When does it all end? I allowed this horrible beast to take over my life and I can't get rid of him. I'm at the bottom waiting and hoping and praying someone reaches down soon. |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by thomas on Apr 27th, 2005, 10:59am About 4 years ago, when I had one of my few (thank God) 10's and the imitrex didn't work. I was screaming at my ex to get me a gun or knife so I could end it. I told her if she loved me she would get it, so I wouldn't have to suffer anymore, I was unable to do it myself as I couldn't get off my knees. |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by Margi on Apr 27th, 2005, 11:07am Bob, I remember when you posted about Zachery. Made me cry then. Now, too. Thomas, thank God your ex didn't obey your wishes. I've had that same request made to me in the past, as well. My heart goes out to your ex - that's a tough thing to hear. I mean, I know it's a zillion times tougher to be at the point that you need to ask for that, but ... on the other side of the coin....well, anyway. Damn, this thread is hard on us old supporters. Sure wish you folks would stop feeling so bad for something you can't control. We feel guilty for making you feel guilty that you're scaring us. Cluster guilt is contagious and, sadly, inevitable. I hate clusters. :( |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by PrettyH8Machine on Apr 27th, 2005, 11:32am on 04/27/05 at 11:07:32, Margi wrote:
Me too. I hate them with a passion unknown. With every ounce of my being and existence!!! Man, after reading this all I can say is I grieve alongside all of you, knowing the daily/nightly pain and what it does to us, and what it does to those around us; both those who try to understand and those that don't. :'( Carl D |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by pattik on Apr 27th, 2005, 11:46am These stories remind me (as if I needed to be reminded) how important it is for us to keep in mind that we are not alone. Blossom, your story explains how much pain can color our lives and fog up our ability to look forward, and yet we still find a way to do it. Thomas, you show me that strength and empathy can go hand-in-hand, and maybe this battle is what makes all of you such a special group of people. |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by TxBasslady on Apr 27th, 2005, 11:48am :'( OMG...BobG You have lived thru something I have feared for a long time. I have 8 grandchildren. The youngest is 4 1/2. Her name is Skyler.....and thank God, she has never been awake to witness this pain. She spends the night with me pretty regular.....and the fear I have of this beautiful child witnessing such pain is more than I can bear. :'( We are so lucky......to have these precious angels in our lives. So much love...so innocent..and knowing just when to give those hugs. Thanks Bob......for sharing that beautiful story. :-* Jean |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by maffumatt on Apr 27th, 2005, 12:04pm I agree with Jean. |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by LadyLuv on Apr 27th, 2005, 2:04pm When I first read this topic.. I was all set to answer the question "what was your worst CH moment", .. Boy I thought I have had some rough ones, which one should I use??? Than I read each of the previous situation and many brought tears :'( to my eyes.. After reading these I realized that out of all my pain, all the times that I have injuried my eye, each time I've hit my self in the temple and head with any thing I could get my hand on, bumped my head against the walls or gotten down on my knees and bumped my head against the floor.. even out of all the times I've begged God to please end my life..... there are others that have faced worse or just as bad of a situation(s) that I feel is my worst... So kind of like the saying goes... "I want count my worst day, until all my days are in.. ", because there is always someone that has had it worst off than we feel we have.. Thanks Fellow Cluster Heads for opening my eyes... Peace & Blessings Love & Prayers to each of you...and healing vibes to us all LL |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by Linda_Howell on Apr 27th, 2005, 2:25pm As a 18 year chronic, which one was the worst... They're all bad. Once I was out of 02. It was summer.... Then there was the time someone had to carry me through the lobby of a hotel.... NOPE!!!!! every single time I can think of as "THE WORST" had to do with inflicting my headache on someone else. 1. The picture in my mind of Ernie..holding his head in his hands because he couldn't help me. 2. The look of terror in my kids eyes as I became someone else. 3. Trying to hide the pain for someone who couldn't deal with it. Damn you..(LOL) for bringing this all up. Linda |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by ExplodingEyeBall on Apr 27th, 2005, 3:41pm My heart goes out to all of you for your suffering. When I read threads like this one, it make me feel very fortunate to be episodic and not have to go through it as bad as the chronics. I don't think my worst CH moment would even come close to the torture that you guys go through every day. My worst that I can think of right now was last year just a couple days before I set up my account here. It was several back to back K10s in the middle of the night. My wife tried to help but didn't have a clue how. I was up most of the night. This was after I had a similar but not as bad night the day before. At one point, I literally hit my head against the wall so hard it made me see stars. My wife came running down the stairs to see if I was OK. I growled at her and said I'll be all right, leave me alone. When I woke up the next morning, I had a pretty good sized knot on the side of my head. If I had to go through this on a chronics level, I probably wouldn't survive. Pat |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by thomas on Apr 27th, 2005, 3:46pm on 04/27/05 at 15:41:38, ExplodingEyeBall wrote:
If I hear that again, I am coming to whoever says it's house and kicking their ass. You made it this far, you would continue to survive. We do what we need to to get by, it's why we are all still here. |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by Linda_Howell on Apr 27th, 2005, 3:50pm heehehehehehe. Thomas? I just sent him an IM saying exactly this. Linda |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by thomas on Apr 27th, 2005, 3:54pm on 04/27/05 at 15:50:39, Linda_Howell wrote:
GMTA! ;) Edit to add, You NEVER, EVER see a chronic on here saying how lucky those whimpy episodic sufferers are. |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by Linda_Howell on Apr 27th, 2005, 3:56pm you bet your sweet bippy. Uh-oh....showing my age now. Linda, watcher of "laugh-in" |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by Jonny on Apr 27th, 2005, 3:57pm on 04/27/05 at 15:46:38, thomas wrote:
;) |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by nani on Apr 27th, 2005, 5:06pm Damn...this thread is depressing. And inspiring. CH sufferers and supporters are some of the toughest people on earth, aren't we? I thank God everyday for all of you, I don't know what I would have done by now without you. :( OK...my depressing story. My first hit. I was 16 and had given birth to my first child just 2 weeks before. He woke up for a middle of the night feeding. I was awakened from dream, I remember being groggy and kind of confused. I got all set up to nurse him and seconds after he latched on I got hit. Went from 0 to 10 in 30 seconds. I literally had to tear him off me, while I started yelling and thrashing from the pain. He was screaming, I was screaming and my husband (ex) couldn't get out of bed fast enough. I basically tossed the baby to him and started banging my head against the wall. The baby was wailing, my husband was yelling "should I call an ambulance" I was screaming for him to leave me alone or kill me (I had spinal anesthesia for the child birth and was told if I moved my head too soon, I'd get terrible headaches...I figured I must have moved my head). It never occured to me that the HA was not from the spinal. About one hour later, the pain stopped and I hit the floor sobbing. I cried for 2 hours, sure that I wouldn't be able to care for my baby. I was terrified, my husband was terrified and my poor little angel was still crying...he was still hungry. :( I started weaning him the next day, sure that my anxiety and pain could be ruining my milk. I got hit every night for the next 4 weeks. |
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Title: Re: what was your worst ch moment Post by Margi on Apr 27th, 2005, 5:13pm from the chronics and the episodics I know - both groups are terrified to be part of the other group. Episodics think they couldn't handle chronic because there's never the pain free breaks. Chronics think they couldn't live all the time with the fear of going into cycle again and never knowing when it will hit - at least being chronic (Elaine told me this when she was chronic) you know that you're going to get hit and you just learn to live around it - but to feel a cycle starting again after years of remission, she found that MUCH scarier. I think, basically, both groups just respect the hell out of each other. :) |
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