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Title: Trouble with friends, help! Post by sandie99 on Apr 25th, 2005, 1:13pm I love my friends to the bits, but why do they have to have drama going on in their lives on the same time? Like now, I'm turning into a shrink to three of them. One is devastated after her (twice) unfaithful fiance has left her for a third woman. She doesn't really get that they're through. He's packed his bags, doesn't return her calls. She should be listening to soppy songs and complaining and crying and eating chocolate, but instead she's downloading pictures of wedding dresses and tiaras from internet! That's not healthy to me... I just worry that her eating disorder will return now. :( Another friend is afraid that she's turned into another woman: to her internet pal! She has never met him, but I think she's falling for him although she knows that whereas she's single, he's not. The weirdest thing is that she could get any guy, but prefers being single. And third friend, who suffers from depression and eating disorders, has just walked out from hospital where her problems were treated and she's relying on me. I'm afraid that the responsibility is too heavy on my heart; I'll do anything for my friends, but I am not a trained professional like the ones who were treating her. What's a girl to do...? I'm doing my best, but my dear pals and their problems leave me clueless. In days like this I wish I had more male friends... |
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Title: Re: Trouble with friends, help! Post by cootie on Apr 25th, 2005, 1:25pm Oh my "do I ever know what you are talking about'......it gets tireing and it wears you out mentally after a while.....I had a freind that left his family for my one girlfreind and NO WAY was it goin to work. He would corner me at parties and campouts ALL NITE LONG and talka bout her and how he was goin to have her soon.....I kept tellin him no way it'd work but he went on and on and on till I started to avoid him cuz he'd ruin my entire nite. Course when I finealy DID have enuff of his whineing I went off on him and he kicked a big dent in my car. So mite want to avoid that theory. Ruin's a good start on a buzz too when out for the even camping whatever. Plus I think I felt the need to keep telling him it wasn't goin to work. Nuther freind wasn't happy with her boyfriend (he's also a close freind) so they'd both sit and corner me and whine about each other ALL NITE LONG. Nuther girlfreind was havein boyfriend toubles and all she'd talk about too.....I got to where I was gettin a ha from it all. My problem was I would try to set them straight or give them some good solid advice they'd listen to and DROP it. I mean if shit ain't workin out then MOVE ON type stuff. I had a real bad summer with that crap.....and anymore I will jus say a few wise words and then bascially change the subject or where I am sitting. Or.....worst of all kind of back off a while bein as close as much as I hate to say it. Ya jus can't let it get you down and 'it will' cuz all day long or week long you'll keep what they are goin thru rollin thru yer head hopein for some sorta WISE AS HELL thing to tell em for them to SEE THE LIGHT. Instead fineally they move on and never mention it again....and you have been left rather 'weary' over the entire ordeal. Sumtimes it is best to jus look at em and tell em to use there best judgement and change the subject for yer own sanity cuz sooner or later they will pick up on the fact they are whineing and it is a no win situation or else keep it to themselves. Been there said that Pam |
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Title: Re: Trouble with friends, help! Post by BobG on Apr 25th, 2005, 1:38pm Sandie, Introduce the first one to the second one. They can go to a bar, get drunk and whine to each other. Buy the third one a donut. Problem solved. 8) |
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Title: Re: Trouble with friends, help! Post by sandie99 on Apr 25th, 2005, 1:45pm on 04/25/05 at 13:38:09, BobG wrote:
Sounds like a plan to me! [smiley=crackup.gif] Thanks for wise words, Pam... :) It's true that I can solely give them pointers, they have to crawl into the right direction themselves. I want to avoid being caught in the middle, so that's why I'll never set my male and female friends up. I know that one of my male cousins has a thing for a friend of mine, but since she's the no 1, I'll just keep my mouth shut. |
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Title: Re: Trouble with friends, help! Post by Langa on Apr 25th, 2005, 1:51pm Quote:
You are so cute! And aren’t you happy we, your Clusterville family, are all normal??? ::) Okay…here’s my words of wisdom for ya pretty girl…pay close attention…ready? Here we go: You are not their Saviour… Sometimes all your can do is listen, have a crying shoulder, give advice and care and love them without judgement, and most importantly force yourself to separate from the situation so that it doesn’t drag you down if it’s getting out of hand (this takes some time). You’ll constantly have people in your life like this. They’ll find their way, we all do. ;) I’m a tough friend. Can you tell? Love ya, Maria |
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Title: Re: Trouble with friends, help! Post by Frank_W on Apr 25th, 2005, 1:58pm Langa's advice is spot on. There's a difference between being compassionate and kind, and being a doormat. Be good to yourself, Sandie. [smiley=hug.gif] |
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Title: Re: Trouble with friends, help! Post by don on Apr 25th, 2005, 2:07pm Next time they come over be dressed in a wet suit, flippers, and with your underwear on your head. Spin and leap while singing "I am pretty, oh sooo pretty" They will probably redirect their efforts elsewear. |
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Title: Re: Trouble with friends, help! Post by sandie99 on Apr 25th, 2005, 2:22pm One feminist writer wrote: "Am I a feminist? If that's the only option between a sleeper and a doormat, I'm a feminist." Frank's advice just brought that one to my mind. ;) Maria, "normal" is a dangerous word... ;) But I love that we here come from different backgrounds and experiences. That's what makes us so strong. We can learn from each other. And help each other out. And oh yes, I CAN tell that you're a tough friend. ;) I just wish I could meet my pals at the same time and smash their heads together - so they would, you know, snap out of it! ;;D |
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Title: Re: Trouble with friends, help! Post by Linda_Howell on Apr 25th, 2005, 2:25pm Quote:
OMG! Because....uh...like, they have no emotional/phycho problems that THEY would dump on you.???? Dons solution intrigues me. ;;D Linda, friendless in Seattle(o.k., so it's Spokane) |
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Title: Re: Trouble with friends, help! Post by sandie99 on Apr 25th, 2005, 2:35pm on 04/25/05 at 14:25:11, Linda_Howell wrote:
I bet some guys DO have... ;;D But most of my Finnish male pals are the kind who rather solve their problems on their own. They need me to laugh at their jokes or tell my opinion about a gift for their girlfriends... ;) |
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Title: Re: Trouble with friends, help! Post by sandie99 on Apr 25th, 2005, 2:36pm on 04/25/05 at 14:07:43, don wrote:
Intriguing idea! ;) I should try this! Mental note: buy flippers... ;;D |
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Title: Re: Trouble with friends, help! Post by Linda_Howell on Apr 25th, 2005, 2:39pm Quote:
That's it! I'm moving to Finland then. Linda |
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Title: Re: Trouble with friends, help! Post by sandie99 on Apr 25th, 2005, 2:49pm on 04/25/05 at 14:39:59, Linda_Howell wrote:
Welcome! ;) |
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Title: Re: Trouble with friends, help! Post by ExplodingEyeBall on Apr 25th, 2005, 3:02pm on 04/25/05 at 14:07:43, don wrote:
Are you kidding. That could be a major turn on for some people. Not me but someone... :-[ ::) :-X |
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Title: Re: Trouble with friends, help! Post by Langa on Apr 25th, 2005, 3:15pm Quote:
Of course... |
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Title: Re: Trouble with friends, help! Post by Frank_W on Apr 25th, 2005, 3:18pm "Not that there's anything wrong with that..." [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: Trouble with friends, help! Post by nani on Apr 25th, 2005, 3:20pm on 04/25/05 at 13:38:09, BobG wrote:
Or, better still.... arrange to meet them all at a bar. Go get some donuts and go home. They can whine to each other and you get all the donuts. ;;D You can call me if you wanna share the donuts. I don't have any problems to whine about.... ::) |
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Title: Re: Trouble with friends, help! Post by sandie99 on Apr 25th, 2005, 3:23pm Yeah, I know: let's keep Whining & Donuts - theme night! ;;D[smiley=me&mb.gif] |
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Title: Re: Trouble with friends, help! Post by Langa on Apr 25th, 2005, 3:24pm on 04/25/05 at 15:20:32, nani wrote:
Or you can ditch them, hang out with Nani, me and some strippers...? (oh yeah, bring the donuts) ;;D Your choice...just sayin... Langa |
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Title: Re: Trouble with friends, help! Post by Cathi04 on Apr 25th, 2005, 3:41pm OH YAHH...I'm in too!.............uhh, I thought you said slippers!!!!!!!! (shuffle, shuffle, mumble, mumble......grrrr..........) |
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Title: Re: Trouble with friends, help! Post by BarbaraD on Apr 25th, 2005, 3:46pm on 04/25/05 at 13:38:09, BobG wrote:
That's really the best advice you're gonna get and it works. Few years back I had two friends who were both getting divorced. (They didn't know each other). I had to listen to them whine every day. so one day I invited them both to lunch, introduced them and lo and behold they had someone else to whine to. And I could get back to work and not have to listen to every detail. They became bossum buddies and as far as I know still are. If you start giving too much advice, you'll end up being the "bad" guy. Ruins a lot of friendships. Or as Kip say, "Don't sweat the small stuff -- and most things ARE small stuff." Hugs BD |
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Title: Re: Trouble with friends, help! Post by sandie99 on Apr 25th, 2005, 4:15pm on 04/25/05 at 15:24:01, Langa wrote:
Sounds good... ;) Here's the deal, you bring the strippers, Langa, and I'll bring the donuts. :D Krispy Kreme or Dunkin...? ;;D Let's let Nani pick the first one... :) And stippers or slippers, you're welcome along, Cathi... ;) |
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Title: Re: Trouble with friends, help! Post by sandie99 on Apr 25th, 2005, 4:17pm on 04/25/05 at 15:46:09, BarbaraD wrote:
Good advice again... :) I do my best to remember that. Thank you, BD! :) |
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Title: Re: Trouble with friends, help! Post by Charlie on Apr 25th, 2005, 5:47pm Help one and see what happens. Who knows? Something different is needed. Life is short. Not sweating the small stuff works for me. Charlie |
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Title: Re: Trouble with friends, help! Post by nani on Apr 25th, 2005, 6:54pm on 04/25/05 at 16:15:34, sandie99 wrote:
The first stripper? ;) Am I limited to one? |
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Title: Re: Trouble with friends, help! Post by sandie99 on Apr 26th, 2005, 12:49pm on 04/25/05 at 18:54:04, nani wrote:
First stripper, first donut...whatever. And of course not! ;) But the fun must begin from somewhere, right? ;;D |
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Title: Re: Trouble with friends, help! Post by PrettyH8Machine on Apr 26th, 2005, 4:12pm Since high school, I was considered 'the level headed one' (HA!) and all of my friends, for years have come to me with their troubles, drama, broken hearts, etc. Did alot of counseling with youth years ago when I was in church too. It's been happening again lately, but all I have to do is mention the shit I am going through and I get the classic "Damn, that's fucked up dude" line and they get over it. It kind of makes me feel like Dana Carvey's old cranky character he had on SNL years ago where he would say "You think thats bad? We had to walk barefoot to school, through 2 feet of snow, uphill, for 10 miles, and then had to walk back home again! We didn't even have thermal underwear! We wore T-shirts and WE LIKED IT!" The Blind Leading the Naked, Carl D |
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Title: Re: Trouble with friends, help! Post by OneEyeBlind on Apr 26th, 2005, 9:34pm LOL Carl. My dad used to tell me that stuff. ((((((((((((Sandy)))))))))))) hugs to ya. Don't let other people get you down .......... life is too short for that crap. Buy dognuts and men and whatever you want for the party ... but have one ! |
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