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Title: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by athos on Apr 21st, 2005, 2:57am can't do this... can't..... I did something to piss off God Just make it quick |
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Title: Re: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by Renee on Apr 21st, 2005, 6:47am [smiley=hug.gif] Ken, Just wanted to let you know my thoughts are with you! Renee |
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Title: Re: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by rickyshot on Apr 21st, 2005, 7:43am Not much you can do. Just support her and prepare to become a grandparent. I hope she will continue in her schoolwork. |
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Title: Re: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by BarbaraD on Apr 21st, 2005, 8:06am Ken, We went thru this in our family years ago when our 15 year old neice got pregnant. At first it's a shock, then you plan for the little one. Our little angle has been a Godsend. He's grown now and has a little one of his own. He's always been the "special" kid in the family. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, take what's given to you and just figure there's a reason for it. Hugs BD |
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Title: Re: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by nani on Apr 21st, 2005, 9:12am Sorry, Ken. I was a 16 yo Mom. Certainly wasn't the smartest move I ever made in my life, but it wasn't the end of the world. Try to be as supportive as possible. She needs to be reminded that she can't let this stop her life from going on as she planned. It will be hard, but she can finish school, go to college and make positive choices from here on. If not for herself, then for her baby. You all are in my thoughts and prayers. hugs, nani |
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Title: Re: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by cootie on Apr 21st, 2005, 10:57am Man that is goin to be a real tough one.......my daughter got pregnant thinkin her boyfreind that didn't work or do shit would take her more serious and get a really good job and buy her a house and life would be so rosey !!! WRONG ANSWER. The kid was a bad boy anyhow and in all sorts of trouble and he took off.....so she thinks to herself.......hmmmmmm.....but I'll get lots of child support in the mail and get money and do just fine......WRONG AGAIN. We had her arragnged to go to a womans house after the baby was born.....I KNOW this sounds bad to most of you and am sorry for that......but WE COULD NOT support her and a baby here in this small house.....it jus was NOT goin to happen. She was a bit older then 16 tho (she did get pregnanat twice before by low lifer's and had early miscarrages....)....I know too many freinds that are now raiseing there grand kids and can't do anything or go out and paying for everything and the kid gets pregnant again !!! And gets to run around with everything paid for....what a life.....sum sort of plan ?? We couldn't do it....were active and have things to do and did our part. Knowing my kid she would of STUCK us all the time and been runing around makein us pay for insurence and cars and never change. She stole from us and lied to us to much previous. With this womans house program they MADE them work and helped with sitters....and they had to share work around the apartments with lawn ect. No boys were allowed near the place or in rooms. And they had affordable liveing and counciling. We felt it the best for her and for us......we just were not seein her go in the rite direction and us supporting her here further would of imprison'd us. She now has 3 kids and no one is working.....mite loose her house. She hasn't changed but she is a good mom. OK.....rant over.....it was a BAD time for us. Was hard to send her off but we had to....we did our part. Kidless in Ohio Pam |
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Title: Re: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by LadyElaine on Apr 21st, 2005, 11:09am Its hard Ken, they made a big mistake when that happens. We as adults have to be the adults and support them. If you don't you might lose for life something you can't get back. I know I fliped when my first daughter did that. I lost her, and the baby. I didn't flip out when my other daughter did the same thing instead I supported her. I am glad I did. It was hard but the reward was wonderful. Support your daughter and love her. It will all work out! Hugs E |
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Title: Re: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by ShariRae on Apr 21st, 2005, 11:10am Ken, After the initial shock is over,just make sure she knows you love her & that will never change..best to ALL of you Huggs Shari |
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Title: Re: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by mynm156 on Apr 21st, 2005, 11:19am My mom was 16 when she had me. She talked to me over and over again about being careful and waiting. I took her advice I waited till I was 19. The Mother was 16 though. Sometimes we do everything right and it still happened. Just stay strong and support your baby girl through this. We will always be here to support you! your Brother in Pain mynm156 |
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Title: Re: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by Frank_W on Apr 21st, 2005, 11:31am [smiley=hug.gif] to your whole family, Ken. |
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Title: Re: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by athos on Apr 21st, 2005, 11:37am I can't think of a way that she should keep this baby. She and the father are head long in to drugs, alcohol and gang violence. Theft ring and assault. This baby needs a chance at life. |
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Title: Re: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by sandie99 on Apr 21st, 2005, 11:50am [smiley=hug.gif] I've noticed that things seem bad at first. Some blessings come in disguise. I know it wasn't something you wanted for your daughter at her age, but it might be good for her if she has lived a wild life before. :) |
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Title: Re: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by nani on Apr 21st, 2005, 1:11pm Ken, if she's drinking and using drugs while pregnant, she can do a great deal of harm to the baby. Even if the child is given up for adoption, it's going to have to deal with a plethora of issues due to prenatal substance abuse. I wish I had some real advice to give you. :( I will say that in NM, a minor under the influence can be admitted to a psyche hopsital or rehab because they are a danger to themself. If she's pregnant, that may constitute a danger to others as well. Perhaps an involuntary trip to rehab will at least give her some tools to stay clean and sober during the pregnancy. IMHO, it's the least she can do for this baby. Hugs and prayers, nani |
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Title: Re: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by vig on Apr 21st, 2005, 1:14pm :^(............. |
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Title: Re: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by Charlie on Apr 21st, 2005, 1:25pm Man. What a way to grow up. Damn drugs make other options attractive for some. My ex squeeze put up for adoption her first because she was 16. Over time she thought it was the right thing. Wish I had something profound. [smiley=hug.gif] Charlie |
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Title: Re: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by Woobie on Apr 21st, 2005, 1:42pm Ken [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif]I'm sorry! |
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Title: Re: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by LadyLuv on Apr 21st, 2005, 2:29pm Ken, this is not on you and Gods' not punishing you... Don't you sit there blaming your self... I have a youth group that I work with with under privilege and troubled children. We can do the best we can with our children, give them the best of everything and then they meet someone that have more influence than we do... or they want to prove that they belong and every thing we have said or done goes on the back burner... It sounds like she need help in order that the baby do not become another statistic.. I'm Praying that you can get her into some kind of rehab, so she can dry out and atleast give the baby a chance.. I will keep you in my Prayers... Lady Luv |
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Title: Re: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by Cathi04 on Apr 21st, 2005, 2:50pm Lady Luv is right, Ken..........this is NOT God's punishment............it simply IS a situation. period I know you, and I know your morals, and I know how hard you have tried with Cami... I also know that there is a BIG problem inasmuch as this baby has been exposed to alcohol and lord knows what else, but still, I have to tell you something...... 8Yrs ago, on Valentine's Day, my son came to me, girlfriend in tow, and said."Mom, be happy for us, we are gonna have a baby".....I pasted on a smile, hugged em....and when I could, cried in my own solitude, till I could cry with my husband. Well, fast-forward to today. I have just returned from a cruise to the caribbean, my now 7 yr old grandson Michael wrote in a journal each day we were gone. He told of all the things he was doing, and how much he hoped we were having fun, but couldnt wait for us to get home so we could visit. Ken, he is the light of my life! This child I dreaded....and he is smart, and funny and thoughtful and insightful.... and, even though I knew what I was in for, I got him some steel drums while in the Virgin Islands...and damned if the kid isnt actually playing tunes on em already...... How could I have lived without this child????????? You never know.......BUT, Ken, if you want to know what part God played in this.......it remains to be seen.... No more beating yourself up, please? This is NOT your fault.....it is simply something that has occurred(yes, I know where babies come from.....).dont take ownership, dont feel responsible, and, above all, dont-please, think of this as punishment......band with Jody, hold on tight, and see what happens....... My best to you both, Ken.......and CAMI?????? Take care of that baby.beginning NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cathi |
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Title: Re: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by Tiannia on Apr 21st, 2005, 3:05pm on 04/21/05 at 11:37:29, athos wrote:
Ken I was going to stay out of this but there are issues that need to be addressed now. Before what she is doing effects this child in ways that can not be undone. Here is alink that you might want to look into . They might be aboe to poiint you in the right direction of how best to help her and what options are open to her and to you. http://www.drugrehabresources.com/bycity.php/Arizona/Lake%20Havasu%20City This is not a simple case of assepting her and standing by her. The drugs and gang shit needs to be addressed now. She needs a reality check and coming from you might not help but an outside sourse can get through in a way that you cant. I fshe is going to make adult choices about drugs and sex then it is high time that she be forced to face some other ADULT issues like the responsibility for your actions. Ken - tough love is hard but sometimes needed. It DOES NOT mean that you turn your back on them. It means that you give them the resourses to take care of themselves and let them do it. Besides, maybe they can help get her into a program that has family counseling as well so that you and your wife and get some extra tools to help you with this. NA might be a good place to start. Open meetings can really help you to get some idea of how to reach her that is beyond the wall of mom and dad. PM me if you ever want to talk. I counseled addicts for 7 years. Hang in there. This did not happen because of you. Dont take all this on yourself. -Tia |
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Title: Re: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by Cathi04 on Apr 21st, 2005, 3:42pm Thank you, Tia..........this is excellent advice! Ken, you KNOW Cami's background.please get in touch with Tia........ You know this comes out of concern for you and Jody and the kids..... |
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Title: Re: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by athos on Apr 21st, 2005, 4:05pm thanks guys Jody and I are so polarized on this it is at the breaking point there to. Thanks Tia, I will be in touch. |
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Title: Re: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by Kris_in_SJ on Apr 21st, 2005, 8:15pm My thoughts and prayers are with you, Ken. Check your PM's. I sent a few thoughts that way. Many Hugs, Kris |
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Title: Re: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by Sean_C on Apr 21st, 2005, 11:27pm 16 is a tough age, we're thinking of all of you. Sean......................... |
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Title: Re: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by KingOfPain on Apr 22nd, 2005, 12:47am on 04/21/05 at 11:37:29, athos wrote:
Voice of reason. Sounds to me you are on the right track Ken. I'm on your side. |
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Title: Re: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by sandie99 on Apr 22nd, 2005, 1:02am Ken, whatever your family decides... you all are in my prayers. I hope that things turn out for the best. |
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Title: Re: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by rumplestiltskin on Apr 22nd, 2005, 3:02am i have a 38 yr old child whom i have never seen. i have a 34 yr old child aborted whom i have never seen. i have an 19 yr old child with severe cerepral palsy that i adopted whom i love more than life. i have a 1 yr old child that miscarried whom i have never seen. i have a 9 month old child in Georgia whom i am about to see in a week or so. The babies that we can see are the best kind. If you want "reasons" ...you'll have to make them up. do the next right thing...and if what that is illudes you...then love the one yer with. walk in the sunshine den |
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Title: Re: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by don on Apr 22nd, 2005, 6:51am Quote:
Isn't that statutory rape on the fathers part? |
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Title: Re: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by Karla on Apr 22nd, 2005, 9:39pm Ken so sorry to hear the news. God is not punishing you. You will find a way to deal with this and come up with a solution. I will be praying for you, your family, a healthy baby, and a lot of other things! |
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Title: Re: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by Sean_C on Apr 22nd, 2005, 11:16pm on 04/21/05 at 11:37:29, athos wrote:
Its not your decision Athos. Say and think what you want, but the bottom line is you have absolutely no control there. Sean............................. |
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Title: Re: 16 yr old daughter is pregnant... Post by Ree on Apr 22nd, 2005, 11:48pm I was a mom at 17... I wasnt your typical 17 year old Senior in Highschool... Mike was a 24 year old Criminal justice major......Northeaster University... We met working at a store together. He was the store detective... I was a cashier....He pulled me away from a bunch of kids that hung around in this place called the "Night Spot"... they were all into pot smoking and drinking til they fell down...... I was really young but infatuated with this guy that was so different from the usual "dopes" I hung out with.....I got pregnant after we were going together about 9 months.....I had planned to go to ART school... I was a good student... good grades nice 2 parent family that loved me..... Never once did abortion cross my mind...I proudly wore my maternity clothes and saw my new adventure as not a CHOICE seems that the CHOICE was made the day Mike and I concieved that child together. We got married and though the marriage only lasted 13 years, two great soldiers were created. That baby was Scott..... a kid who became so independant and strong. He protected me from an early age and at times, protected me from his own father. Recently I had the pleasure of talking to an Army SGT that told me the Kiowa pilots saved their butts... so there is one damn good reason not to abort this child..... MY SON IF HE WASNT HERE WOULDNT HAVE SAVED ALL THE GUYS ON THE GROUND THAT THEY COVERED FROM THE SKY....... Being a mom probably saved me from being a drug addict or an alcholic like some of the friends I hung with before Mike and I got together... though the marriage had its ups and downs, Mike and I remain friends because of those great brave sons..... I became the best mother.... being a mom is my greatest accomplishment....much better than any ART degree I could hang on my wall......I am now a grandmother and I couldnt be prouder.....I wonder who my grandson will be when he grows up or whether he will save lives or make a difference like his dad. I am so glad I never had to DECIDE the fate of a child. The fate of any child should be put in Gods hands.....or at least the mother of that child....... This matter should be private between you and your daughter and God....... Ree |
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