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        New Message Board Archives >> 2005 General Board Posts >> How do show your supporter they are appreciated?
        
(Message started by: Kim Y. on Apr 14^th, 2005, 10:08am)

Title: How do show your supporter they are appreciated?
Post by Kim Y. on Apr 14^th, 2005, 10:08am

Starting this thread because I feel that no matter what I do its not enough to show my hubby that I appreciate all he does.

Last night he was trying to cheer me up by tickeling my feet and I bit his head off. I had been having a bad hit night and was more angry at the beast then him.

I appologized last night right away and in a sad tone he said I was no fun (like he wished the beast would go away so his fun loving wife was back). Again today I appologized and told him how much I loved him.

Some days I just don't know why he sticks around I'm 4 1/2 mo. into this cycle with no end in sight. :-/

Lets see what others do.

Title: Re: How do show your supporter they are appreciate
Post by Gator on Apr 14^th, 2005, 10:48am

Besides telling them, try doing something that you know they will like without having to be asked and for no special reason and make sure your heart is in it.

Last night I had Jane grab a cushion off the couch and sit in front of my chair and gave her about a 20 minute head, face, neck and shoulder massage.

Title: Re: How do show your supporter they are appreciate
Post by Svenn on Apr 14^th, 2005, 10:54am

on 04/14/05 at 10:08:35, Kim Y. wrote:

You don`t want to know [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif]

Svenn

Title: Re: How do show your supporter they are appreciate
Post by thomas on Apr 14^th, 2005, 10:59am

on 04/14/05 at 10:54:12, Svenn wrote:

You don`t want to know [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif]
My name is Svenn Thorn, and I am a star on internet porn. ;;D

Svenn

Title: Re: How do show your supporter they are appreciate
Post by Kim Y. on Apr 14^th, 2005, 11:00am

Svenn
Thanks [smiley=laugh.gif]
Gator that is a good one. Does making him breakfast yesturday count... :D Tday he had to work so I just made him oatmeal.

Title: Re: How do show your supporter they are appreciate
Post by Frank_W on Apr 14^th, 2005, 11:18am

My supporter usually went into the laundry hamper, after I finished with a match. [smiley=laugh.gif] :-X

Title: Re: How do show your supporter they are appreciate
Post by Kim Y. on Apr 14^th, 2005, 11:19am

[smiley=laugh.gif]cute

Title: Re: How do show your supporter they are appreciate
Post by LadyLuv on Apr 14^th, 2005, 11:32am

Beside my telling them, I send them thinking of you/I love you cards and small token gifts through out the year for no special reason.

Lady Luv

Title: Re: How do show your supporter they are appreciate
Post by Ree on Apr 14^th, 2005, 1:12pm

Don't tell us tell him!!!

I have to say that all you have to do is be nice... and if you have nothing good to say don't say anything or just say "sorry hon I'm in a terrible mood"

I'm usually more sympathetic but Im so tired of the snappy personality on my clusterhead. There is no excuse for treating someone that cares for you and your family calously.

just ree on a vent fest.......

next topic

Title: Re: How do show your supporter they are appreciate
Post by Kim Y. on Apr 14^th, 2005, 2:07pm

Sorry :-X :-X :-X

Title: Re: How do show your supporter they are appreciate
Post by Ree on Apr 14^th, 2005, 2:21pm

me too... now go up to him and tell him you will love and appreciate him and next time he is tickling your feet try to be a little less psychotic......

if not someone might snatch him up.......!
Actually, what DOES he look like????????LOL just kidding.......Ree

Title: Re: How do show your supporter they are appreciate
Post by mynm156 on Apr 14^th, 2005, 2:24pm

I wear my French Maid outfit. Full body Massage and of course no MASSAGE would be complete without a HAPPY ENDING!!!!

Title: Re: How do show your supporter they are appreciate
Post by nani on Apr 14^th, 2005, 2:27pm

In January (while I was still suffering a lot) my hubby told me I was no fun. :( I was crushed. And then I realized he was right. :-/ So, since then, I try to make the in-between times fun. And I let him (and my kids) know how much I love and appreciate them as often as I can. I don't know if it makes them feel any better when I'm feeling bitchy and in pain...but I'm doing the best I can....it's all I can do.

Title: Re: How do show your supporter they are appreciate
Post by Frank_W on Apr 14^th, 2005, 2:33pm

on 04/14/05 at 14:24:47, mynm156 wrote:

I wear my French Maid outfit. Full body Massage and of course no MASSAGE would be complete without a HAPPY ENDING!!!!

Gender: Male....

Uh... Mynm? Something you wanna' tell us?

(and I'm jealous: I look awful in my French Maid outfit!) :-X [smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: How do show your supporter they are appreciate
Post by nani on Apr 14^th, 2005, 2:36pm

MYNM and Frank...Please don't post any pictures of yourselves in your french maid outfits.....I'm begging you!!!

Title: Re: How do show your supporter they are appreciate
Post by E-Double on Apr 14^th, 2005, 2:37pm

Try to let him know everyday how special he is to you.
Hugs when you can and that bit of affection can go a long way.......

I try to let my wife know as much as I can and will do the little extra things when I am pain free.....though rare it is attainable.

You have to fight for not only yourself but your family and try to stay positive!! That is more of a battle than the pain!

I just reached the chronic stage and although it has worn us out I am damn sure that I will not let this beat us nor will I let it beat any of you guys!!!!

Despite all the shit that we deal with you still have to make time and LIVE!!!! Go out on a date or something....
We do!! The fact is this and I learned it a long time ago...

Gonna get hit regardless so put on that happy face and have a blast in between!!! ;)

Title: Re: How do show your supporter they are appreciate
Post by Tiannia on Apr 14^th, 2005, 2:40pm

NOTE ... Guys dont read if you dont want to know how your wives can manipulate you.... ;)

Kim -

I think that this is a really hard question when it comes to the wife who is the clusterhead. My husband wants to fix it and he knows that he can't. It makes him mad at the beast and I take that at him being mad at me a lot of the time. Shaun wants me to be back and not in pain.

I am now in 22 months straight. This damn thing has turned our lives up side down. But I try very hard to let him know that when I need to be alone that I tell him. He knows then that I need to fight this and that it is not him. When I am done and feel human again I will go to him and ask him to help rub my shoulders or anything. Even if it really does not help it makes him feel like he can DO something to help and makes it easier for him.

The little things dont always work with husbands. Women notice the little things more. Guys sometimes have to be beat over the head to take a hint. ::) So sometimes you have to go out of your way to do something nice for him that is just his to do. It all depends on your husband.

Hope this helps. There are those of us out here that really do understand. Just let him know all of the time that it is not him that it is the pain that you are angry at. And when you feel it coming give him warning so that he does not try and play and finds that you are ready to kill people.

PF Wishes my friend
-Tia

I know that some guys might not like this manipulation but it really does make him feel like he is a part of a solution rather then me having to fight it all alone all of the time.

Title: Re: How do show your supporter they are appreciate
Post by Frank_W on Apr 14^th, 2005, 2:45pm

Tia, I do the same thing when I'm working with hospice: I give the family members stuff to do, when they're standing around and fidgeting and looking uncomfortable. If they feel like they are helping, then it makes them feel better, and that way, I can continue doing the real job of looking after the patient.

Title: Re: How do show your supporter they are appreciate
Post by sandie99 on Apr 14^th, 2005, 3:23pm

My main supporter is my mum. Since I live in different city, my CH isn't that much troubling her. But when I'm visiting her, I try to recall to do little things for her to show my appreciation such as get the paper from the mailbox early in the morning or set the table for breakfast. I also give her shoulder massages, which I'm good at. :)

Title: Re: How do show your supporter they are appreciate
Post by ghost62 on Apr 14^th, 2005, 7:46pm

on 04/14/05 at 11:32:43, LadyLuv wrote:

Beside my telling them, I send them thinking of you/I love you cards and small token gifts through out the year for no special reason.

Lady Luv

I tried that and got accused of cheating. for whoever it workes I envy you! :'(

Title: Re: How do show your supporter they are appreciate
Post by Kim Y. on Apr 14^th, 2005, 9:18pm

I am really having a sucky day today but my face says it all. Had to come home from work 4 1/2 hours early and I just knelt beside his leg and layed my head on it and shed a few tears while he ran his fingers through my hair.

Tiannia- you said it so true about husband wanting to make it all better and they find it so frustrating when they can't fix it.

I do all the small things like telling him I love him and appreciate him. It is times like tonight that I feel like I need to do more (but the more I could do isn't possible and that is get better). We have learned to make the most of the time together when it is a good day. Of course that is if I am not at work..

Thanks for the feed back.

Title: Re: How do show your supporter they are appreciate
Post by M.R. on Apr 14^th, 2005, 9:39pm

I had her shot... ;)

What part of don't piss me off didn't she understand

Title: Re: How do show your supporter they are appreciate
Post by Tiannia on Apr 14^th, 2005, 9:57pm

on 04/14/05 at 21:18:27, Kim Y. wrote:

You probably made it 100 times better just letting him do that. It is very hard to be in the situation where he wants to be your knight in shining armor and the beast is the dragon he cant slay. I know that sounds corny but all you guys know that when your wife is hurting (really physically, emotionally hurting you would move heaven and earth to stop the pain) with CH there is nothing they can even look at on an x-ray to focus on. Just take each day as it comes and enjoy the time that you have, the minutes the seconds. There are so many times that after I come back to bed that Shaun has woken up just to hold and rock me while I cry. No the crying does not help, but it is a release because I keep so much botteled up.

Kim just keep talking to him. Dont let him forget that you love him and appreciate him. And let him "help" even if all it is, is to dry a tear or two. [smiley=hug.gif]

Title: Re: How do show your supporter they are appreciate
Post by Kim Y. on Apr 14^th, 2005, 10:29pm

Doesn't sound corny at all it is so true. ;;D

Will keep it up.

Title: Re: How do show your supporter they are appreciate
Post by cootie on Apr 14^th, 2005, 10:55pm

Since 'I'M' the supporter I buy myself stuff at Walmart........I'm the one with the attitude inbetween Brad's cycles and then it's his turn. Nothin remains the same Pam

Title: Re: How do show your supporter they are appreciate
Post by purpleydog on Apr 15^th, 2005, 12:13am

I send him coffee cake. And cookies. :)

Title: Re: How do show your supporter they are appreciate
Post by Ree on Apr 15^th, 2005, 9:12pm

I have learned alot being here over the past 4+ years Im going on my 5th B-day here next week...

I am a good supporter, through thick thin...ailments deployments...I have learned that sometimes good supporters don't get any support from their sufferers and it sux but I have never GIVEN in order to GET......

Dave hates to see me sick, or weak, lets just say I'm the strong one here and if I fall apart he always gets it worse and then its about HIM again......
I married him, his condition and his personality......
You can imagine what me with one wrist is doing to him!

just don't visit the house it is a mess, the cleaning elves have not surprised me with a visit.....there will be dust and my whites will probably be ruined...(((I caught him putting them in with the darks today)))... He is thinking of reasons to run errands and get away from me for fear that I will ask him to help or something.......

We will see just how nice I am NEXT cYcle.......and he is acting so weird that I am counting the days.......God help us....... ree

Title: Re: How do show your supporter they are appreciate
Post by cootie on Apr 15^th, 2005, 11:02pm

Wow Ree at least Dave does laundry.....Brad would NEVER do that....doesn't pick up after himself or do dishes...won't cook and doesn't know how to cook anything. He even asked me when I was sick with pnemonia few years back WHERE dinner was cuz he was HUNGRY. I was so sick I couldn't move so I jus sorta laid there and he jus sorta sat there stareing. I think he had potato chips that nite and ice cream and easy stuff for a week till I was able to get around better. Just trained him to MAKE his own sandwich a couple years ago when hungry and I am out or busy. He doesn't like it but he does it. Problem is he doesn't check lunchmeat to see what is old or new. I feed the bit older stuff to the cats and stash it aside (not real old.....not tryin to kill anything). I do EVERYTHING around this house.....he mows now tho and does lifting projects and remodle'd the kitchen. Gonna add on this summer so he says......wonder if it will happen.....really ? Not sumthin I can start on my own. Linkin logger Pam

Is this the thread about unsupportive house husbands with housework ? He's a "good" as hell guy.....he's jus not handy with a broom.

Title: Re: How do show your supporter they are appreciate
Post by BlueMeanie on Apr 15^th, 2005, 11:10pm

I untie her from the basement once a week to show how much I appreciate her. ;)

Title: Re: How do show your supporter they are appreciate
Post by Kevin_M on Apr 15^th, 2005, 11:37pm

I stay in touch, and sometimes tell her, when it periodically dawns on me, what a lucky connection I've made. Support in return in a usual awkwardly shortcoming type of "guy" way, despite her never ceasing to amaze me.

to a special and rare, for me, takes one to know one buddy. ;)

Kevin M