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        New Message Board Archives >> 2005 General Board Posts >> Another form of 'beast' - please help!
        
(Message started by: ssantos on Mar 10^th, 2005, 7:43am)

Title: Another form of 'beast' - please help!
Post by ssantos on Mar 10^th, 2005, 7:43am

Hi there guys,

I hope that you are all well and pain free from the beast :)

I'm talking about another form of beast - I know this has nothing to do with my clusters, which I'm happy to say has been at bay since last year.. The beast that I'm referring to is divorce! :( Can anyone please tell me how do I cope with this? I've been married for 14 years and now my husband wants a divorce. Says he does not love or want me anymore. I've been the perfect wife to him and he admits this 100% but still wants out. He has found himself an 18 year old girlfriend and he is 36 years old - (I'm 35)I'm confussed and so hurt! How does something like this happen!! ? My whole world has turned upside down ...

Can anyone please give me any solid and sound advise on how do I carry on without him and how does life go on after giving 100% of myself to this man. Thankfully, we don't have any children. How can someone change like this over night??

I'm doing my best to stay calm just in case as I woulden't want my clusters to resurface due to the stress and depression ... and the sad thing is that he is just going on as if life is just so wonderful for him while I'm suffering [smiley=huh.gif]

Please help ...

Title: Re: Another form of 'beast' - please help!
Post by rickyshot on Mar 10^th, 2005, 8:07am

OMG I am so sorry. Not that this will make you feel better but this is quite common. It is not your fault but trust me this was a long time coming not overnight. You missed the flags or pushed them to the back of your mind. Many people have secret lives. It is so amazing. I was married for 15 years and gave him the boot as he was a loser and an addict Long story. I had three young children. I am very strong and would rather be alone even with young children in tow that with the wrong one. You husband is an not a very nice person with issues . So typical of a lot of men who basically lead with their dicks. This 18 year old is gonna take him for such a ride and not the ride he is thinking of. Oh he will get his trust me. As for you you take one day at a time and start over. One day you will get to a point of finding someone worthy of you. Never never settle for less. You are lucky no children are involved. I had hell. My kids never really knew their father. He is in and out of jobs. Child support was rare. I lived in poverty and lost my home and everything I had. I was in a shelter with them for two months. They all have issues. We moved to another country Canada and that was hard for them. And I can never really get him out of my life as he is the father of the children and when in remission from drugging will work pay support and does love his children. You on the other hand can consider your bozo dead and move totally on. And I suggest you do.

Title: Re: Another form of 'beast' - please help!
Post by ssantos on Mar 10^th, 2005, 8:15am

Thank you for sharing your hurt too with me! I cannot even imagine how or what your divorce must of done to you with the children! :( You must of gone through hell over and over again.. I'm sorry for that.

Thank you so much for your honest opinion and advise. I know that I must go on and it will most likely be for the best in the long run anyhow! As much as it hurts I also know, as you say, I have to get him completely out of my life... His hurt me too much! I even went as far as forgiving him two years ago for having an affair with my own sister-in-law! Now I feel like such a fool..

Title: Re: Another form of 'beast' - please help!
Post by Langa on Mar 10^th, 2005, 8:55am

Leaving you for an 18 yo and had an affair with your sister-in-law and you’re not having a party he’s out of your life???

I’m sorry you’re hurting. Rejection and betrayal when you’ve given your all is unbearably painful, but you will get through this, one day at a time. And one day, you’ll see that this was a blessing in disguise. You’re young, no ties to him and you’ll get back on your feet. His loss…

Hugs my friend.

Langa

Title: Re: Another form of 'beast' - please help!
Post by Donna_D. on Mar 10^th, 2005, 9:35am

Just remember....18 goes into 35 a lot more than 35 goes into 18 ;) think about it...

Be glad he's gone. You deserve better.

DD

Title: Re: Another form of 'beast' - please help!
Post by rickyshot on Mar 10^th, 2005, 9:58am

He had an affair with your sil OMG. You are well rid of him. ONce a cheater always a cheater in my books. There are no second chances with me never. If you accepted and forgave that, you will have to do a lot of soul searching as to why. Think of the next year as getting to know you.

Title: Re: Another form of 'beast' - please help!
Post by guesst on Mar 10^th, 2005, 10:06am

Steel your heart and will, become stronger and meaner than him. He does not deserve to be with you. Let him know about every little fault that he has. Crush his will.

Title: Re: Another form of 'beast' - please help!
Post by Kim Y. on Mar 10^th, 2005, 10:10am

You know what I see? I see that he is the loser in all this and when he realizes what he has lost you will stand on the side lines as the winner. He will cry and say he wants you back and you can stomp on his toes and tell him you have moved on and he is too late.

My mom and dad got a divorce and my dad was cheeting on her. He would say he was going on buisness trips. She also took him back when cheeting and getting caught. When they got a divorce and he realized what he had lost he tells her on the phone all the time How stupid he was. Of course my mom has married the best man and dad we could ever ask for. He has been there ten times more then my father and couldn't pay child support. We struggled back then but not as much as the above post. My sister and I got fed up in our dead beet dad and ask this one to adopt us one Christmas and it made all our new years. My dad had no problem letting us go because he hated to pay child support and couldn't because he went from job to job.

I guess what I am saying is if I saw my mom do it and come out of it a better person(she smiles again and with my other father I rarely saw her smile). Then so can you. Stay strong. He doesn't deserve you...

Title: Re: Another form of 'beast' - please help!
Post by Gator on Mar 10^th, 2005, 2:13pm

I hate hearing stuff like this. You definitely deserve better. As you reflect back over your marriage, you will see clues you dismissed and realize there was nothing sudden about his. Give him his divorce and shake him loose from your coat tails.

BTW, wouldn't your sister-in-law be his sister?

Title: Re: Another form of 'beast' - please help!
Post by Leesa on Mar 10^th, 2005, 2:19pm

Im sorry for the hurt you having right now but after 2 divoces my self I can tell you this dear "This too shall pass" I didnt have kids with the first sperm donorer, but the second I did. My 2nd divorce was NASTY. I really thought my life wasnt worth living. Even wrecked my car over him. Totaled is more like it. I found out 1 big thing after the accident "Im worth more then he will ever know, I matter (not to him) but to my kids, my friends and my family I matter!" Most woman, put them selves last on the list when it comes to husbands, kids, house, work, etc. Now its your chance to find who YOU are again. The things you loved to do before you got married. What you like and dis like. Try things that are new that you always wanted to do and do them!
Your stornger then you think you are dear. Most woman just have to find the strong again. But once you find it you wont settle for anything less then 110% from your self or anyone eles. I figured out after my 2nd divorce that my x sperm donor was a real jerk. Treated my oldest kids like crap, drank too much, and told his mother EVERYTHING! Sometimes we cant see the bad in a person till we have been hurt by them. Once we see them for EXACTLEY what they are then can we see the light at the end of the tunnel. Once I was on my own for the very first time in my life, I got GREAT joy out of doing things for me self. Paying my bills, getting the oil changed in my car, making dinner to suite ME! I just needed to take time for ME instead of everyone eles. Now that Im on my 3rd marriage. Im older and wiser bout who I AM and what I wanted when I came in to this. It takes time, and the hurt will go away in time. PROMISE! But...... when he comes to his sences and he will, he will find someone (YOU)who is strong, indepentant, self assured, and wont take any crap from him. That will be the day, you can say "I dont want you and I sure as hell dont need you!" Then he will know all too well what he gave up and hate him self for it too. Revenge is a dish better served cold. ;)And you will mean it!! Divorce sucks period. But NO man is worth me loosing my self and who I am. Any man whom has treated you the way your x has is not worth having. His little "girl toy" will leave him when she gets bored and trust me she will soon enough. So take stock in YOU!! Let that bastard rot in hell and pay for what he's done!
We are here if you need anything just let us know.
Leesa, whos got your back all the way!!

Title: Re: Another form of 'beast' - please help!
Post by rickyshot on Mar 10^th, 2005, 3:02pm

AMEN Leesa. Couldn't have said it better myself. [smiley=bow.gif] [smiley=sayyes.gif]

Title: Re: Another form of 'beast' - please help!
Post by rickyshot on Mar 10^th, 2005, 3:07pm

OK I just found out my daughters bf has been cheating on her and got a girl pregnant. SHIT My DD tried to kill him last nite but the little mf got away. What is it with men . A bunch of dicks with no balls. GRRRR Any man best stay away from this thread [smiley=furious.gif]

Title: Re: Another form of 'beast' - please help!
Post by cootie on Mar 10^th, 2005, 4:16pm

He'll play this new game for a while but....LOOSE IN THE END.......he'll get his........it'll jus take a while. He won't be able to keep up.......he'll fall on his face sooner or later but he'll have fun trying. I've seen this happen so many times before.....even with my dad. Be glad you KNOW what type man he is now and can move on verses findin out when alot older. Screw him.....he's a jerk still tryin to be with his youth the hard way. Cheater cheater mean mistreater Pam

It's gonna hurt for a while but you'll adapt.....get in with a couple good friends and go shopping and do some stuff together and HAVE SUM FUN !! Do it for YOU !

Title: Re: Another form of 'beast' - please help!
Post by LeLimey on Mar 10^th, 2005, 4:59pm

With the greatest of respect to ALL the men here

Behind every strong woman is a man who let her down.

You WILL come through this and you WILL be stronger.. it just takes time. Just practise getting through one day at a time. Concentrate on single footsteps not running a flippin' marathon straight off!

How go out and get yourself the biggest rottweiler of an attorney/solicitor/whatever you call them and take him to the cleaners. Lets see how much little miss lolita loves a man who is skint huh?! Do not sign anything, do not move out. Get on the phone ASAP and get an appointment and get yourself covered. I can't urge you to do that enough. He ISN'T the man you thought he was and therefore you DO NOT know what he will do.. do not rely on him being decent.. his recent actions have proved otherwise (bastard)

And finally on a lighter note... when there are some really, really wonderful men about what would you want a P.O.S like that for?!

Let us know how you are doing okay? I for one want frequent updates to make sure you are okay [smiley=hug.gif]

Title: Re: Another form of 'beast' - please help!
Post by Jonny on Mar 10^th, 2005, 5:02pm

on 03/10/05 at 15:07:19, rickyshot wrote:

GRRRR Any man best stay away from this thread [smiley=furious.gif]

[smiley=finger.gif] [smiley=bigtiny.gif] [smiley=finger.gif]

.............................;;D

Title: Re: Another form of 'beast' - please help!
Post by cootie on Mar 10^th, 2005, 5:23pm

When I first got into horses MANY years ago I was told one thing.........NEVER trust a stud.........I believe that goes for 'anything' not nueter'd Pam

Title: Re: Another form of 'beast' - please help!
Post by Gator on Mar 10^th, 2005, 6:18pm

on 03/10/05 at 15:07:19, rickyshot wrote:

I'm sorry someone did your daughter dirty, but I got news for you. Men don't hold sole ownership on infidelity.

When I went into the Air Force, my first wife and I discussed it and she said it was a good idea. Then I went to the recruiter who sat down with BOTH of us and discussed it even to the point of telling her that my first tour might be an overseas remote tour where I would be away for 12 - 18 months. We discussed it some more and she said she could handle that. I signed up went to Basic and the police academy. She even got to be there to pin my badge on me. All seemed right with the world.

My first tour was indeed overseas remote to Greenland. We spent our first anniversary on the phone. I went home 4 months into my tour on leave and all seemed well. I went back to Greenland with the intention of coming home again in 4 months and she knew this. 2 months later the letters dried up and the phone calls got more and more generic. Finally, I asked her what was wrong and she said she wanted a divorce. I was like WTF? After an alcohol related incident, I was allowed to go home on emergency leave. I confronted her and she told me she had an affair. I tried to convince her that we could work things out and get past it. She said she was too ashamed of herself. Then one day I was looking for something (don't remember exactly what) and I found one of her new boyfriend's shirts in one of her dresser drawers. That just kind of pushed me over the edge and I went back to Greenland. I haven't seen her since. Last I heard she moved to New York with the guy.

I'm over there suffering from the ancient Greenlandic disease called lackanookie and she's at home getting laid on a regular basis.

Happened again with my second wife. She and I talked about assignments and she said she wanted to go to Japan. The only way to get there was to volunteer for an unaccompanied tour to Korea with a guaranteed follow-on assignment. I asked her if she could handle it and she said yes. I make it through the year in Korea and get to Japan. I get a house on base and get everything shipped in and set up. Now she don't want to come to Japan and I'm going to be there at least three years. Ended up getting in legal trouble for occupying government housing without dependents present and also ended up divorced. I'm pretty sure of why she didn't want to go, but I could never prove anything. There were just some familiar signs. I'm betting she spent the better part of a year setting up housekeeping with some jackass and didn't want to leave him. I also found out later that shortly after I left for Kore she had an abortion. She killed what would have been MY child. Most people here know how I feel about children.

So you can take your what's wrong with men comment and shove it. We ain't all bad. We ain't the only ones that are, either.

Title: Re: Another form of 'beast' - please help!
Post by Cerberus on Mar 10^th, 2005, 7:22pm

tried that one about 6 years ago....didn't work and glad it didn't.

This may be simplifying things a bit, but make life really, really, really "expensive" for the both of em, and then tell him he shoulda bought a Porsche.

That oughtta hit him right in the jumblies....F*ckin men!

Oh....Wait! ;)
Ramon

Title: Re: Another form of 'beast' - please help!
Post by pattik on Mar 10^th, 2005, 9:31pm

There are plenty of negative vibes going around this thread, and I can't really add a whole lot at this time, except hindsight will really be healing to you at some future point, and as the saying goes, "the best revenge is to live well."
Hang in there. ;)

Title: Re: Another form of 'beast' - please help!
Post by cootie on Mar 10^th, 2005, 10:44pm

There's exceptions to every rule.....I failed to mention that. One of the exceptions Pam

Title: Re: Another form of 'beast' - please help!
Post by Gator on Mar 10^th, 2005, 11:13pm

I know this has been posted here before, but this might be an idea for you:

Quote:

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman.

The multimillion dollar home was in his name and he wanted to remain there with his new love so he asked the wife to move out and then he would buy her another place.

The wife agreed to this, but asked that she be given 3 days on her own there, to pack up her things.

While he was gone, the first day she lovingly put her personal belongings into boxes and crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their candlelit dining table, soft music playing in the background, and feasted on a pound of shrimp.

When she had finished, she went into each room and deposited a few of the resulting shrimp shells into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

The husband came back, with his new girl, and all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning and mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit...

Repairmen refused to work in the house...The maid quit...

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house.

She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back...

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth...But only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home...

.....including the curtain rods.

Title: Re: Another form of 'beast' - please help!
Post by Leesa on Mar 10^th, 2005, 11:33pm

LMAOROTF Gator thats perfect!! Sounds like something I would do. HEHHEEHE I love it when a plan comes together.

Rem. not all men are bad. You just have to kiss a few toads before you meet your handsome prince. Trust me Ive kissed ALOT of toads. But I got my prince when I was 35!!
Hang tuff gal, your going to be just fine!!!!!
Leesa

PS: Ricky, at least it wasnt your daughter who got preggers thats one to be thankful for hun.

Title: Re: Another form of 'beast' - please help!
Post by sandie99 on Mar 11^th, 2005, 3:32am

All I can say is that I wish you the best... [smiley=hug.gif]

You deserve a man who loves you, respects you and is honest to you. And I must agree that the best revenge is to live well. I do hope that you won't let hate take over your life - if you feel hate, it won't destroy the one you hate, but just you. And you've deserved nothing but the best! :)

Best wishes,
Sandie

Title: Re: Another form of 'beast' - please help!
Post by aceserve on Mar 11^th, 2005, 1:20pm

I'm sorry your world has turned upside down, and I wish you strength and a bright future.

Title: Re: Another form of 'beast' - please help!
Post by Cathi04 on Mar 13^th, 2005, 6:08pm

1-Respect your self.have faith in the person you are.

2- be sure ANYONE you allow into any facet of your life has that same respect for.never lower your standards.......

3-KNOW that there are wonderfully good men out there...and some pretty scummy women....Garbage comes in all different paper. It's all proportionate.

4-Gonna make my husband a really nice dinner tonight, light the candles, and remind myself just how lucky I am(oh, he' lucky too!)

Night, all....and best of all...............

Cathi, going on 32 yrs of happy marriage

Title: Re: Another form of 'beast' - please help!
Post by jokrs2 on Mar 14^th, 2005, 2:53am

Sorry about your current situation. Here's what happened to my first marriage. I got a cluster headache and my wife said it was just too much to have to deal with, and started acting like she was cheating on me so that I would kick her a$$ out. All the while she was secretly aborting our second child. She ended up marrying an alcoholic who loves to fight with her and is so smart he thinks he can hide the smell of the alcohol by drinking lysol. She has 3 more kids and still doesn't know how to cook or clean a toilet. I however ended up with an angel and another wonderful son, and my wife supports me and my chronic clusters. She decided that I should stay home and raise the children and she brings home plenty of bacon. NO PROBLEM!
Sorry ladies, but there are some bad eggs in the basket on both sides of the aisle. ;)

Quote: "My ex-wife needs an asbestos suit for where she's going."