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        New Message Board Archives >> 2005 General Board Posts >> QUESTION...
        
(Message started by: Langa on Feb 5^th, 2005, 11:29am)

Title: QUESTION...
Post by Langa on Feb 5^th, 2005, 11:29am

IF someone was dying and wanted to leave their children in your care, what is the best way to put that in writing? For instance, does the Mom write a letter stating such and then go get it notarized? Or is a lawyer a better route to go?

The children are 15, 10 and 8 yo., so they're old enough to say who they want to be with and they all want to stay with the person the mother wants to leave them with - the Mom's sister.

The Mom wants to know so that when she's gone, other family members don't have a say so with the kids. She's really concerned about the father's of the kids. Above all, they have rights too, but the father's have had trouble with the Law and are both on Parole.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Langa

Title: Re: QUESTION...
Post by Frank_W on Feb 5^th, 2005, 11:31am

Talk with an attorney.

Title: Re: QUESTION...
Post by Jonny on Feb 5^th, 2005, 11:35am

on 02/05/05 at 11:31:37, Frank_W wrote:

Talk with an attorney.

Ditto!

Title: Re: QUESTION...
Post by clarence on Feb 5^th, 2005, 11:36am

on 02/05/05 at 11:31:37, Frank_W wrote:

Talk with an attorney.

Ditto Frank...

Casey

Title: Re: QUESTION...
Post by nani on Feb 5^th, 2005, 11:38am

on 02/05/05 at 11:31:37, Frank_W wrote:

Talk with an attorney.

I agree. If the father's parental rights have not been terminated or suspended, they have legal rights to the children. Even if the children choose otherwise. State laws vary, but my suspicion is that all the states would rule in the father's favor unless they voluntarily sign over guardianship. Even of they were in prison at the time...it could get tricky.

Title: Re: QUESTION...
Post by AlienSpaceBabe on Feb 5^th, 2005, 11:40am

ditto

a great attorney is worth every penny.....

Title: Re: QUESTION...
Post by Langa on Feb 5^th, 2005, 11:56am

Okay...thanks guys!

Langa

Title: Re: QUESTION...
Post by ClusterChuck on Feb 5^th, 2005, 6:41pm

When my wife and I wrote out our will, with a lawyer, we specified who we wanted to take our children. Our lawyer told us, that just because we named someone, it does not mean that is who they will go with. The judge will judge the competence and ability to care for these children, and also listen to family members.

Basically, the will would tell what we desire, but it only acts as a guideline, and show what our wishes are. The judge has the final say.

Chuck

Title: Re: QUESTION...
Post by LeLimey on Feb 5^th, 2005, 6:57pm

on 02/05/05 at 18:41:01, ClusterChuck wrote:

I'm sorry Chuck but that is awful. It must've been tough for you to hear that.
If the parents want their kids to go to a certain person and the kids and that other person are happy then why should anyone else be able to rock the boat? Short of the obvious things like drugs or whatever.
Its important for (in this case) the kids and the mother to be certain about their future, to know whats going to happen when everything else is shifting so much. It seems dreadfuly unfair. Here the wishes of the child are paramount and I say this from experience with my own kids and my ex. The court appointed someone to listen specifically to them as well as me and their father and what they wanted mattered far more than either of us adults. The courts here do only take the opinion of kids over 8 into consideration as they feel kids under that age can be pressured more easily I guess.
Langa [smiley=hug.gif] I hope it all works out for you. Let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do hon

Title: Re: QUESTION...
Post by catlind on Feb 5^th, 2005, 9:05pm

As everyone has already said, get a good attorney. What you leave in a will isn't going to guarantee anything. However, each state will have different lawas regarding this as well. My 2 oldest kids are from a previous marriage in a different country, in Ontario, once they reach the age of 12 they can decide who they want to be with, and if they even want to visit the other parent, and there is nothing the courts can do to change it.

One thing we did to help with the process to ensure that the person who was executor of the estate was a trustworthy person. In addition, we made sure that the money was going to go to someone who would take care of the kids, so even if my 2 oldest ended up back with their father, he would have no say in how the money was spent for them, that is being handled by my brother. Even though the 2 issues are separate, it's a good way to help discourage a person who is only interested in gaining access to the financial resources needed to care for the children. In some cases, denying all access to the funds is enough to persuade the other person not to even try to get custody.

Hope it all works out the way she wants.

Cat

Title: Re: QUESTION...
Post by juvy on Feb 6^th, 2005, 5:49am

Langa,

She needs to make an appt with an attorney and get guardianship papers made up. It's very important to do this legally so the kids will go with who the mother wants them to be with.

My sister had the same drawn up for her kids. I'm the legal guardian so i control the estate. The kids on the other hand will have a choice of who they want to stay with, within reason and approval from the guardian. I have all my sister's requests in writing so if god forbid something does happen, it will work out the way she wants.

HTH,
April