Clusterheadaches.com Message Board


    
      
        Clusterheadaches.com Message Board
        (http://www.clusterheadaches.com/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.cgi)
      

        New Message Board Archives >> 2005 General Board Posts >> soon to be single clusterhead
        
(Message started by: cschick on Jan 23^rd, 2005, 9:41pm)

Title: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by cschick on Jan 23^rd, 2005, 9:41pm

I have been asked for a divorce. It's over. It's been a long time in coming and as fucked up as it sounds, I am kind of relieved. I will be contacting a lawyer in the next few weeks to get the ball rolling. We will have to do parenting classes and all that jazz, but I truly believe we will be better parents apart than together. Last night was the straw that broke the camel's back. There has been A LOT of things going on that I haven't talked about here and I won't bore everyone with those details now. We agreed that we will still live here together until Colin gets done with the school year, we aren't telling him until after school is done. My parents are moving back here from Florida in the next 2 months and we have spent the day on the phone talking and we (me and Colin) are going to be living with them. Going to be 30 and living with my parents with my child. ugh. Didn't see this coming when I was 20. My parents and I get along very, very well so I think it will be ok. Well, I'm going to bed now, been up since 4:30, cried all day and well, I'm quite frankly pooped out.

:'( Karen

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by Woobie on Jan 23^rd, 2005, 9:45pm

:'( :'( sorry........

dont know what to say - just sorry :-/

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by MOMO3 on Jan 23^rd, 2005, 9:47pm

Karen so sorry to hear this. Must be terribly difficult for you. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and Colin as you go through this difficult time. Try to get some rest, sounds like you need it.

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by Sylvan on Jan 23^rd, 2005, 9:53pm

Karen:

Let yourself hurt - it takes time to relearn who YOU are.

But most important right now - no matter how much it hurts - take control of the situation. Protect your assets. Divorce can get very nasty and no matter what - you have to make sure that you not only get a good lawyer who will look out for your best intrests - you need to start immediately.

If last nights little fiasco was any indication of what kind of marriage you are in - i will not say i'm sorry. I will say welcome to the first day of the best years of your life.

Learn to like you again. Realize that you do not need someone who has so little regard for you. Know that you have the stregth to not only get through this - but to flourish.

[ Hugs ]

Now get some sleep
Anne

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by K-9 on Jan 23^rd, 2005, 10:11pm

Very sorry. :( As said before though, from the looks of your other thread this is a positive step in the right direction. Difficult time but you'll get through it. Hang in there.

Chuck

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by Redneck on Jan 23^rd, 2005, 10:13pm

I wish I had wonderful words to make things better. But I can't even get my own life straight :(. Just always remember you have friends who care. Who will listen. And in my short time here, a cluster family that will help in any way possible.
So a short redneck sends you hugs. Rest, take care of yourself.

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by Biker on Jan 23^rd, 2005, 11:45pm

I got the same proposition this weekend. Hang in there. Your young, and in time, will adjust.

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by high_commander on Jan 24^th, 2005, 12:16am

[smiley=hug.gif] :'(

So sad for you, hugs, vibes, prayers .. on their way

Danielle

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by Gator on Jan 24^th, 2005, 3:15am

Sorry to see a family break up, but staying together for the sake of a child does no one any good, least of all the child. As a policeman, I responded to some bad situations that got totally out of hand trying to do that.

Between you and the spouse, definitely look out for number one, first. A good lawyer will tell you how to protect your assets, your credit rating if you have one and your parental rights.

I've done the divorce thing. I know it hurts, even if it is the right thing to do. You have family and friends that will listen any time you need to talk. That's what we are here for.

Peace be with you,

Mike

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by LeLimey on Jan 24^th, 2005, 6:09am

Oh Karen, I wish I was nearer. I'm glad you have the knowledge now at least of whats happening from her eon in but I so wish I could make it better. [smiley=hug.gif]
All of us here love you LOTS!
Helen

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by PrettyH8Machine on Jan 24^th, 2005, 6:17am

:'(

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by Jeepgun on Jan 24^th, 2005, 7:38am

Karen, I am so sorry....

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by Opus on Jan 24^th, 2005, 8:00am

My wife went and got separation papers because I was going to DavCon. When I decided not to go I told her she should turn them in anyway. Doesn't make much sense to try and stop me from going when that may have been the only way I could have recovered enough to stay with her.

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by Rock_Lobster on Jan 24^th, 2005, 8:37am

What Gator set.
Begin inventory of financial assets NOW.

Get your lawyer TODAY.

Key assets include his 401K, stock purchase plan and any other work-based retirement savings accounts.

Take the last account statement for EVERY financial asset to your atty TODAY.

Take a camera and walk around the house. Take a pic of EVERY room, EVERY closet, EVERY tool.

Pay the $$$ to have a fraud watch put on yourself... at all three reporting agencies. They will need to call you to confirm anytime new credit is being issued with yourself listed as a party.

While you are still married, it is entirely within his right to liquidate assets and mysteriously lose the funds 'gambling' or such, without ever telling you. He can take a 2nd mortgage on the house, take out loans on your already-paid-off cars, max out new credit cards, etc.

The safest way to not get fucked is to play the game as though screwing you were his intention.

Get your ATTY today. It is easy peasy, and will give you the upper hand from day 1.

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by Jeepgun on Jan 24^th, 2005, 9:14am

Good advice, Wrokk.

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by sandie99 on Jan 24^th, 2005, 9:15am

[smiley=hug.gif]

I'm so sorry, Karen.... :'(

I wish you & your son the best... These situations are never easy.

Sandie

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by Ruth on Jan 24^th, 2005, 9:39am

Karen,
sending you hugs and support, the suns going to shine again in your life, just be patient and thankful that you have friends here and your parents to help you through this.

Ruth

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by cat14 on Jan 24^th, 2005, 9:50am

Karen,
My heart goes out to you. You will go through some very emotional times for while, so hang on and we are here to listen and help if we can. But having said that do what "ROCK" says!!!!!! Question? Why are you moving out? Your son shouldn't have to leave his home!

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by cschick on Jan 24^th, 2005, 11:12am

Thanks everyone - I am contacting a lawyer when I go to lunch today. Could this have come at a worse time? I just started school last week. bleech. oh well. It's never going to be a "good time" I suppose.

I am leaving in the early summer because I flat can't afford to live there alone. It is too much money. I am going to have a hard enough time making it on my own without have a huge monthly payment. He makes about 3x as much as I do so he will be able to afford it just fine on his own. So Colin will still have his "home" but we are going to make a home of our own, too. I have to let go of the past and move on.

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by LeLimey on Jan 24^th, 2005, 11:29am

Its good that you can move into somewhere new and make your own memories! Find the positive things to concentrate on honeybun and let us know how you get on with the solicitor! [smiley=hug.gif]

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by Rock_Lobster on Jan 24^th, 2005, 12:09pm

Actually, since he is the one with the higher income, legal doctrine dictates that HE be the one to move out, as he can better afford to replicate his current lifestyle in a new home.

Yep... the law works in strange ways.

Title: live your lkife like its golden -
Post by headoftheclass05 on Jan 24^th, 2005, 12:54pm

Karen (i hope i can offer you some advice on this and i don't affend you ) STAY strong I DON'T know you but my parents went a divorce when i was a pre-teen and trust the best thing you could do know is stay strong and build yourself up and love yourself and your son more. Also seek out
God find him and he will lead you to the life you envisioned! it might be harder now but DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP ..... grieve yes and start the healing process now do some of love to do and spend lots of time with your child just being a great mom and know that trusting someone else with your heart isn't wrong and that even on your craziest hair day girl your bueatiful. Pray for guidence and resolution Don't think your family is breaking up !You are starting a whole new family where you are free to do what you want with new traditions don't give up anything you want to make this go smoother fight for everything you new life needs. [color=Red]Freedom is power and you need to make sure you go to the best lawyer in town and get everything set up for your son becuase sometime men are well [smiley=sgrin.gif] and you need to do what best for the new family your starting today. Don't let him see you cry, but when you need to let it make you stronger, do something just for you like take early mourning yoga class or read an investment book and plan a creative small outing for you and your son reasure your self that no one person can take away how much love you have in your heart. i know this is the hardest thing you may have every done but just like you may have labored to have colin you have go through another labor of love now you get remake your self into the love of your life
A qoutes. [/color]

No one has looked back sadly on a life full of experiences, but many look back wishing they had the courage to do more.
-- Anonymous

my prayers are with you -hotc05

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by Kirk on Jan 24^th, 2005, 1:31pm

Do what Wrock said ASAP. Be kind to yourself. Hug the midget. We'll be around with love etc.

TTFN

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by don on Jan 24^th, 2005, 1:38pm

OK Rock.

Quote:

Key assets include his 401K, stock purchase plan and any other work-based retirement savings accounts.

If my soon to be ex reads this I will hunt you down like a lame army mule.

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by cootie on Jan 24^th, 2005, 1:39pm

Better to end the fighting and stress then to continue knowing it ain't gonna work. All that hassle shit screw's up the kids emotionally (and yourself)...even if ya don't think they can hear ya or know what is goin on.....they can sense it. Best to move on now while young and yer lucky you can live with your parents and get along with them so well. That will take some of the financial burdon off yourself tryin to make it. Should be able to get decent child support also comein in......I think you will do ok. Sometimes good things happen out of the bad. When good goes wrong Pam

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by cschick on Jan 24^th, 2005, 2:00pm

I think I am in shock right now. Just retained a lawyer. Oh God. I think I am going to hyperventilate. He is really pushing me to try to get my name off of everything. WRONG! I am not doing anything or signing anything until I talk to the lawyer. I have a feeling this could turn really ugly. I don't want it to - I really just want it over. :'(

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by Sylvan on Jan 24^th, 2005, 2:11pm

Make sure you get HIS name removed as beneficiary on any life or casualty policies you may have.

Do NOT sign anything until your lawyer looks it over.

And yes - it can get very ugly.

Hang in there - we're all here for you.

Anne

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by nani on Jan 24^th, 2005, 2:22pm

:'( [smiley=hug.gif]

Be strong, hun. And think like a hardass! He probably will. If you need me, you know where I am...love to you, nani

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by Jeepgun on Jan 24^th, 2005, 2:23pm

If he's going to be mean about it, even a better reason to retain an attorney ASAP. Don't let him bully you into signing anything until you obtain legal advice. If he wants to be nasty about it, let him. That's his problem. Unplug your emotions and let your attorney walk you through it, step by step. Self-preservation mode, Sis. Hang in there.

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by rextangle on Jan 24^th, 2005, 2:43pm

Good luck to you with everything...
I've been divorced before and once you deal with all the BS associated with it, it's great... a new beginning.
Hang in there, it'll be worth it!

Take care,
Rex

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by Rock_Lobster on Jan 24^th, 2005, 3:26pm

on 01/24/05 at 14:00:18, cschick wrote:

Just retained a lawyer.

I could kiss you.

And what Jeep said.

Inventory all of your high-value easily-liquidated possessions today. Coins? Firearms? Jewelry? Anything he is particularly fond of?

If he gave you the heads up and is already trying to get your name off property, then he has already thought this through. Time for you to get in the lead. Make him your bitch.

And dig up & secure those account statements. They are gold.

Watch your credit card and other balances daily, as well as moving forward with the Credit Watch service. If he starts playing games with any of them, close the cards/accounts and/or take a cash advance for every penny remaining on the lines of credit.

Start playing this like a game. Read other peoples accounts on the net. For every not a very nice person move he makes, respond with 3 of your own.

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by PittsburghJoe on Jan 24^th, 2005, 3:44pm

I just want to wish you best of luck, cschick... it's a tough time, but you'll be better off in the long run.

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by Woobie on Jan 24^th, 2005, 4:48pm

YOU will be OK!!!!!!!

Keep goin to school - build a better life. You can do it!!!!

:-* :-* :-*

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by vig on Jan 24^th, 2005, 4:51pm

on 01/24/05 at 16:48:41, Woobie wrote:

YOU will be OK!!!!!!!

Keep goin to school - build a better life. You can do it!!!!

:-* :-* :-*

You won't be OK, you'll be BETTER OFF!!!
don't look back

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by cschick on Jan 24^th, 2005, 5:03pm

just had a little breakdown but I'm good now. You guys are the best - I know I can do it - I have been doing it for 8 years now. Everything happens for a reason and the only thing I am ticked off about right now is knowing I have to deal with him for the rest of my life because of Colin but Colin is my main focus and concern so so be it. I can tolerate him for the sake of my wonderful, beautiful child.

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by Charlie on Jan 24^th, 2005, 5:25pm

Sorry things came to that but what's worse? Ans. living with someone you no longer should or need to.

Lots of good ideas here too and pay attention kid.

Charlie

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by Leesa on Jan 24^th, 2005, 9:09pm

Karen, all I can say is Im sorry hun. :'( We'er here for ya hun. Keep us posted.
Leesa :'(

Title: Re: soon to be single clusterhead
Post by Grandma_Sweet_Boy on Jan 24^th, 2005, 9:46pm

Karen - I'm so sorry that I gave you such a flippant answer on your post about him being out all night and worrying you. I honestly didn't realize it was that serious or I'd have kept my smart-assed mouth to myself. :-[

It's too bad you're in the midst of all this right now, but it sure looks like you've had lots of advice coming your way.

At the end of the day - you can only do what's right for you and your child.

Good luck Carol