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Title: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Langa on Jan 3rd, 2005, 1:56pm My girlfriend received this from her boss as a joke. She forwarded it to me and said she's looking for women to put some rules together from a women's perspective. I thought you ladies would enjoy reading this and coming up with some rules of your own We men always hear the rules from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side: Please note: These are all numbered “1” on purpose. -Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don’t try to change that. -Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complain about you leaving it down. -Saturday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. -Shopping is not a sport and NO, we are NEVER going to think of it that way. -Crying is blackmail. -Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this issue: Subtle hints don’t work, Strong hints don’t work, Obvious hints do not work. JUST SAY IT! -Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to any question. -Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. -A headache that lasts 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. -Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissable in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. -If you think you are fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. -If something we said could be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you angry, we meant the other one. -You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, do it yourself. -Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. -Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. -All men see is in only 16 colors. For example, Peach is a fruit, Pumpkin is a veggie, WTF is mauve??? -If it itches, it will be scratched…Yeah, we do that! -If we ask “what’s wrong” and you say “nothing”, we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it’s just not worth the hassle. -If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear. -When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine…really! -Don’t ask us what we are thinking unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as sex, sports or cars. -You have enough clothes. -You have way too many shoes. -I am in shape, Round is a shape. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonite, but did you know men really don’t mind that. It’s like camping. I'll start - "DON'T EXPECT US TO LOOK LIKE VICTORIA SECRET MODELS, IF YOU DON'T LOOK ANYTHING NEAR LIKE THE ROCK" ;;D Langa |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by becky8 on Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:04pm I agree with Langa, let us just get fat and lay around on the couch watching T.V. all day! ;;D |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by becky8 on Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:07pm In my underwear!! |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Grandma_Sweet_Boy on Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:09pm Scratchin' whatever itches - whenever it itches - wherever we are! ;;D |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Miklos on Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:12pm Why would I want to you to waste money on clothing and lingerie? A brush would be nice. A razor is optional. Oh, and wax, if you are so personally inclined; I don't care one way or another. |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Langa on Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:18pm on 01/03/05 at 14:09:55, Grandma_Sweet_Boy wrote:
There you go Becky... [smiley=laugh.gif] My friend has one about how if men can scratch their balls in public, then we should...well never mind... :-/ Langa |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by becky8 on Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:18pm And don't their underwear have a brown strip down them??????? 8) 8) [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Langa on Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:20pm on 01/03/05 at 14:18:21, becky8 wrote:
Girl, now that's just nasty! ;;D Buy the man some underwears Or divorce him... [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by becky8 on Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:24pm Langa, did you ever watch sex and the city? Not my spouse (don't go near him) [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Langa on Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:26pm on 01/03/05 at 14:24:53, becky8 wrote:
I've caught it a few times...is that where you saw about the brown streak on the underwear? |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by becky8 on Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:28pm They had a whole show about how men need to learn how to wipe!!! [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Langa on Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:30pm on 01/03/05 at 14:28:56, becky8 wrote:
Glad I missed that one! :P Langa ;;D |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Jonny on Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:31pm on 01/03/05 at 14:28:56, becky8 wrote:
Screw that!, why do you think they make black underware....LMAO ;;D |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by becky8 on Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:34pm No, It was sooooo funny I was rolling laughing on the bed. One of the women was complaining about always doing her boyfirends laundry and how bad it was!!! |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Langa on Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:38pm on 01/03/05 at 14:34:06, becky8 wrote:
I used to have a neighbor that would hang them to dry outside his window...girl, they had the streak... [smiley=hurl.gif] I mean could he not see his nasty underwear?...and then he'd walk around like he was "it"...meanwhile all the women knew about his "streaked-on" undies...nasty! He definitely need to buy the black underwears at least to have mercy on everybody else. Langa :P :P |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by becky8 on Jan 3rd, 2005, 2:39pm [smiley=crackup.gif] [smiley=crackup.gif] [smiley=crackup.gif] [smiley=crackup.gif] |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by cat14 on Jan 3rd, 2005, 5:50pm You guys are so funny! LOL!!! |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by nani on Jan 3rd, 2005, 6:38pm Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Umm...girls....that describes me. ;;D |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Langa on Jan 4th, 2005, 11:02am on 01/03/05 at 18:38:25, nani wrote:
YOU GO GIRL!! ;;D Langa |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by karma on Jan 4th, 2005, 12:03pm Nani We know better. We've seen your picture. I'll add Candles are for romantic dinners or when the power goes out. There not meant to decorate every available flat surface. edited to add The kids belong to both of us. You cannot blame them on me when they have been bad and take credit for them when they have been good. |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by nani on Jan 4th, 2005, 12:18pm Quote:
LOL Robbie...what you didn't see in the pic: I had just gotten up off the couch You can't see the unshaved body hair under the sweater And you can't see my hand in my pants scratching my "whatever"... ;;D |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by becky8 on Jan 4th, 2005, 2:34pm What the hell, its winter anyway!!! [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by ExplodingEyeBall on Jan 4th, 2005, 2:43pm If I forget to get a card on one of those Hallmark holidays, it DOESN'T mean that I'm getting action outside of our marriage. It simply means that I'm a dude and I forgot. I know how much you weigh. I don't care how much you weigh. You don't have to go on a diet for me. When I look at you, I see the pom pom girl that I went to High School with. |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by karma on Jan 4th, 2005, 2:44pm Nani, I live on an island that is 1/2 Dutch and 1/2 French. You gotta do better than that to surprise me. |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by becky8 on Jan 4th, 2005, 2:53pm on 01/04/05 at 14:43:50, ExplodingEyeBall wrote:
That not real life!! Come on don't depress me! |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Langa on Jan 4th, 2005, 3:04pm on 01/04/05 at 12:18:26, nani wrote:
Girl, that sounds like Al Bundy! [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Langa on Jan 4th, 2005, 3:06pm on 01/04/05 at 14:44:41, karma wrote:
[smiley=crackup.gif] |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by nani on Jan 4th, 2005, 3:07pm I am Al Bundy! I'm OK with it, though... |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Langa on Jan 4th, 2005, 3:08pm on 01/04/05 at 14:43:50, ExplodingEyeBall wrote:
Then you are an exception to the rule... Langa |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by hilbily on Jan 4th, 2005, 3:17pm on 01/04/05 at 12:03:14, karma wrote:
Yes, we can, and do! Jim |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by vig on Jan 4th, 2005, 3:21pm not the only one... ;;D |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Langa on Jan 4th, 2005, 3:30pm on 01/04/05 at 15:21:13, vig wrote:
;;D |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Miklos on Jan 4th, 2005, 6:22pm Ladies, perhaps this is the product you were looking for earlier in this thread? P.S. After nearly 40 years of helping do laundry here at the house, I can practically guarantee that that I have never seen any "splotched" ladies undergarments. Yeah, right. |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Langa on Jan 4th, 2005, 7:06pm on 01/04/05 at 18:22:46, Miklos wrote:
Thanks Miklos, but we weren't looking for anything, we just felt that the stubborn creeping crud could easily be fixed by men just washing their ass with warm soap and water...lmao!!! And I have no idea what "splotching" is on women's underwear... Thanks for the info though. Langa ;;D |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Sean_C on Jan 4th, 2005, 8:14pm if men wrote advice columns... [smiley=laugh.gif] This was not written by me, its just for fun ;;D (thanx karen) Sean............................... Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me. A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing, your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved, too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your best friend without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it. Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him. A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is thank him be performing it at least twice a day, and then cook him a nice meal. Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys. A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress reliever and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it is a great time to clean the house, too!). Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he returns home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal. Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is. A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it on your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal. Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay. A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to men is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should. He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking him a nice meal. Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one. A: I'm not sure that I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal. |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Jonny on Jan 4th, 2005, 8:28pm Thats a keeper, Sean........LMMFAO ;;D |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by nani on Jan 4th, 2005, 10:39pm ROTFLMAO Sean... I am so glad Dear Abby didn't leave her column to you...perhaps you could get a Dr Phil like show on Bravo? |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Sean_C on Jan 4th, 2005, 10:44pm God I love you nan, you are awesome ;;D That advice column killed me too[smiley=laugh.gif] Sean.................................. |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by broomhilda on Jan 4th, 2005, 10:48pm [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] LMFAO Sean!!! edit to add Mik, thats what gstrings are for ::) |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Peppermint on Jan 4th, 2005, 10:51pm brown strip... bleaaugh. :P Nani and Langa.... you girls are a trRRRip! [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=crackup.gif] Pep |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Rock_Lobster on Jan 4th, 2005, 11:26pm Shit Sean... that one is a hoot! |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Jimi on Jan 4th, 2005, 11:29pm [smiley=crackup.gif] [smiley=crackup.gif] [smiley=crackup.gif] |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Langa on Jan 5th, 2005, 8:49am I THINK YOU'RE ALL CERTIFIABLE ;;D ;;D ;;D I'm the only Normal Clusterhead here... ::) Langa |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by becky8 on Jan 5th, 2005, 9:25am See what you started Langa [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] Looks like things really got going last night!!! :o |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Langa on Jan 5th, 2005, 10:04am on 01/05/05 at 09:25:15, becky8 wrote:
It started after I left the board too...missed all the fun... :-/ Actually, you started it Becky with the brown streak undies...your fault! ;;D Langa |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by vig on Jan 5th, 2005, 11:16am [smiley=referee.gif] 5 yard penalty for being too funny. |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Jeepgun on Jan 5th, 2005, 11:35am Hate to burst your bubble ladies, but men aren't the only ones that end up with "racing stripes." I was doing the laundry for my girlfriend, several years ago. She thanked me. I told her it was no problem, but that her underwear were like a breakfast platter: Cream with a strip of bacon. And she never asked me to do laundry again. [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Langa on Jan 5th, 2005, 11:40am on 01/05/05 at 11:35:00, Jeepgun wrote:
Okay, I almost gagged at that one Frank! Yuck! I'm glad I wasn't having a breakfast sandwich... :-[ I mean, haven't women heard of panty liners?...they're called "liners" for a reason. Some women just have more natural discharge than others, it's normal, but you have to wear liners... Yeesh! Langa :P |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Jeepgun on Jan 5th, 2005, 12:16pm So, if men began wearing "liners" then we wouldn't be leaving those brown lines in our drawers? Oh.. I see. You girls are a bunch of cheaters. [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Langa on Jan 5th, 2005, 12:21pm on 01/05/05 at 12:16:33, Jeepgun wrote:
Hmmmm?? Now there's an idea...Liners for men...Becky?! Where are you?! We can make millions on this idea!!! Thanks Frank! We'll cut you in on the deal... ::) Langa ;;D |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Jeepgun on Jan 5th, 2005, 12:26pm No thanks. The adhesive strips are terrible to remove, and pull all of the hair right off! I don't know how you women stand it! [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Langa on Jan 5th, 2005, 12:30pm on 01/05/05 at 12:26:58, Jeepgun wrote:
Frank, i'll let you in on a little secret...the adhesive strip is on the bottom of the liner...you never even see it or feel it... [smiley=duh.gif] ;;D |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Jeepgun on Jan 5th, 2005, 12:32pm ROFLMAO!! [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=crackup.gif] |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by becky8 on Jan 5th, 2005, 1:59pm Now you're just getting really gross!! [smiley=hurl.gif] [smiley=hurl.gif]lol! |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Langa on Jan 5th, 2005, 2:26pm on 01/05/05 at 13:59:43, becky8 wrote:
I told ya...you started it! But I still think we can make a million with Frank's idea... ;;D Langa :P |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by becky8 on Jan 5th, 2005, 2:31pm Frank, One more thing, some women don't have any hair there!!! Good Idea Langa!! |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Jeepgun on Jan 5th, 2005, 2:32pm on 01/05/05 at 14:31:13, becky8 wrote:
See? I TOLD you those adhesive strips were bad about ripping all the hair off!! :o |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by becky8 on Jan 5th, 2005, 2:35pm NANI LANGA help me here!!!! [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Langa on Jan 5th, 2005, 2:39pm on 01/05/05 at 14:32:31, Jeepgun wrote:
Frank, baby, you're confusing that dumb adhesive strip with waxing...very different from the other. The liners have the adhesive strip on the bottom of the liner facing the panty. It never touches a woman's well, you know... I'm exhausted explaining about these liners already... :-/ but I love ya anyways... ;;D |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Jeepgun on Jan 5th, 2005, 3:18pm ROFLMAO! It's been a fun exchange! LOL [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Langa on Jan 5th, 2005, 3:20pm on 01/05/05 at 15:18:59, Jeepgun wrote:
Yes, it has! I'm pooped! You crack me up! [smiley=laugh.gif] Langa |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by nani on Jan 5th, 2005, 3:21pm Quote:
[smiley=crackup.gif] |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by ExplodingEyeBall on Jan 5th, 2005, 3:22pm on 01/05/05 at 14:31:13, becky8 wrote:
[smiley=JAW_DROP.gif] |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by echo on Jan 5th, 2005, 4:06pm on 01/05/05 at 15:20:27, Langa wrote:
Now we're back to the laundry streak again. |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Langa on Jan 5th, 2005, 4:07pm on 01/05/05 at 16:06:34, echo wrote:
[smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] Damn, I walked right into that one, too! Langa |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Jeepgun on Jan 5th, 2005, 4:09pm Oh, that stinks... [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Langa on Jan 5th, 2005, 4:13pm on 01/05/05 at 16:09:50, Jeepgun wrote:
Shut up Frank! You're the one that got me pooped to begin with... :P Langa |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by Jeepgun on Jan 5th, 2005, 4:23pm [smiley=smug.gif] W00T!!! [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: MEN'S RULES - For the Ladies... Post by high_commander on Jan 5th, 2005, 4:45pm You know, if your husband does all the laundry, you never have to deal with these "issues" ;;D ;;D Danielle Edited for bad spelling |
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