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(Message started by: cootie on Nov 28th, 2004, 3:15pm)
Title: Do you like yourself ?
Post by cootie on Nov 28th, 2004, 3:15pm
Jus curious how others felt.....cuz sometimes I don't (like myself) and it gets to be a depressing issue for a while and then.....I snap out of it a while. Thoughts of the person I wish I was Pam

Jus stupid shit.......but it gets too me at times and wonder if it was NORMAL ??  :-/
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by LeLimey on Nov 28th, 2004, 3:25pm
Don't know if its "normal" Pam but I do it too! Its one of those things I think about when I can't sleep at night or I'm driving.. anything where I have too much time to think about it and depress myself into a coma nearly. Like you the only thing to snap myself out of it is thoughts of how to improve myself.. which I'll be honest and admit I never stick too
Now I'm depressed again!
I'll be a better person one day... I hope!
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by john_d on Nov 28th, 2004, 3:30pm
not really, but I do more than I did 5 years ago, and 20 years ago I really hated myself.  Now it's just modest and non-constant dislike and I am way, way too hard on myself over the stupidest shit.  I tend to think about things I did and be hard on myself from time to time.  I don't know why  :-/  I am glad it is changing, but I am not sure if it is just lower standards with age or if I am getting better about it ;)
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by Tim_Z on Nov 28th, 2004, 3:34pm
No it's not stupid. I can't say I don't like myself but I do have low self esteem, I'm a pessamist and I'm also a bit of an introvert. Stubborn and bull headed too. I'll make a good old man someday bitching at the neighborhood kids.

I think it may be that we are just getting older and different things bother us from time to time. A while back I totally stressed out about dying. That lasted a couple of weeks and now I'm fine.

This is a normal thing in my opinion.

Tim
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by Donna_D. on Nov 28th, 2004, 3:35pm
For a very long time I didn't like myself one bit.

NOW I am happy with who and what I am...sure I could lose a few pounds, could keep a cleaner house, could make a little more money...but all in all I am one happy camper.


DD
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by cootie on Nov 28th, 2004, 3:46pm
I tend to think about everything I said or did in public now worse then ever even amungst my bestest friends and sort of 'rate myself' and wish I'd said more or less.....or did or didn't do this or that.......and I really get goin when my brain cuts loose on everything in the past and gets on a roll about shit YEARS ago. I guess I figure I did POORLY in my own minds eye so I depress myself....sometimes it is a bad depression too and I don't do anything 'THAT' bad tho. Am I my worst enemy Pam
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by becky8 on Nov 28th, 2004, 4:00pm
Thats funny Cootie, cause I think your an amazing person and I don't even know you that well! I do like myself but the CH sure doesn't and I often do the "Why me thing" when I am getting hit days on end. I hate to hear you guys say that about yourself because you have to be a very special people to be on these boards helping people like me. So please don't feel that way, I do often wish I could chop off my head!!! Bless all your wonderful hearts!
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by Redneck on Nov 28th, 2004, 5:10pm
Sometimes I do

Sometimes I don't

but what the hell I am all I got. And all I know I can depend on (see me in a dark mood!  :'()

nuff said!
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by cschick on Nov 28th, 2004, 5:33pm
Nope, don't like me very much.  I don't like my appearance, my teeth, my nose is crooked (broken 2 times), thin lips, fat body.  HOWEVER, I care about others and will protect my family and friends to the death.  I won't put up with anyone saying or doing something to hurt a friend or family member but you can attack me and I will agree with everything you say.  I will protect all around me and give great advice to others about how to "fix" them, but can't seem to fix myself.  I have never been a confident or outgoing, always been pretty quiet until I get to know someone and figure out that they don't care about the outside, it's the inside that counts.  
I believe Dr Phil to be a complete idiot but he was right about 1 thing - he says we have defining moments in our lives - here is mine:  Went to a college party with some friends and we were all drinking and having a great time, meeting new people and just chatting with them.  There was a guy that kept talking to me and I wondered why he kept talking to me because he was very attractive guy.  He kept seeking me out throughout the night, making me feel like quite the good looking girl.  Well, we were getting ready to leave and he said he wanted to talk to me before I left, so I go out to talk to him and we talk for a few minutes then he tells me I have a beautiful smile.  Oh man, I felt like I was floating on a cloud.  NOBODY ever had told me I had a pretty smile.  I say "Thank you" all the while blushing like an idiot.  I hear lots of laughter and then he says, "Thanks you just won me $50 and get some braces."  I turn around and all these guys are standing at the side of the house laughing.  Come to find out I was the ugliest of the girls at the party and was the butt of a huge bet of who could find the ugliest girl at the party.  There is a name for this type of bet but I can't think of it at this time.  I still cry when I think of this and remember just wanting to die.  This was 10 years ago and still remember the look of disgust on his face.  Why do people find humor in other people's pain?  I will never understand this and I swore to God that night I would NEVER do or say anything before thinking about it first.  Such pain can be inflicted with words.  The old phrase "Sticks and Stones may break my bones but words shall never hurt me" is a bunch of shit in my book.  I will never in my entire life forget that moment in my life.  I can tell you how the air smelled, the cologne he was wearing, the clothes he had on, the clothes I had on.  Seered in my brain for all time.  I have never told this story to ANYONE before - thought maybe it would help me to get it out there.  Thanks for reading.
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by medic1852 on Nov 28th, 2004, 5:39pm
Well, I would have to answer this yes, I love myself, not in a egotistical way, but I am happy. Even though like most there are some things I would change in my apperance, weight, hieght I am only 5 foot 6. I would try not to be such a procrastinator. Also one last thing, the 100mg of Zoloft help. LOL [smiley=laugh.gif]
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by becky8 on Nov 28th, 2004, 5:41pm
cschick, I think your really BEAUTIFUL!!!!
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by john_d on Nov 28th, 2004, 5:44pm
cs, I had a similar experience in the 8th grade.  I can hardly believe an adult would behave in such a childish and harmful way- HE is ugly; truly, deeply ugly.  >:(  
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by nani on Nov 28th, 2004, 5:45pm
I think it's human nature to dislike some of the things we do and the way we handle things. It's one of the most important factors in developing ourselves...why change or grow at all if we think we're perfect. We can also hurt ourselves by being too critical and judgemental of ourselves. Everyday, in every situation, we must look hard at our behavior. We have to look objectively-like an outsider. Critique what could be better and give ourselves the credit we so often deserve, as well. So- do I like myself? Mostly, I do- but there's lots of room for improvement...
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by Redneck on Nov 28th, 2004, 5:49pm

on 11/28/04 at 17:33:49, cschick wrote:
I have never told this story to ANYONE before - thought maybe it would help me to get it out there.  Thanks for reading.


Thank you,
now where is the M/F, got a gator to hang on his nether regions!  [smiley=cowboy.gif]  


P.S. I ain't but 5'6", but I cheat  ;;D
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by cootie on Nov 28th, 2004, 5:58pm
Oh wow cschick.....now that sort of stuff would of DEVASTED me......I am stronger willed then minded. I never trusted guys that asked me out or acted interested.....always felt there was an alterior motive like what happen'd to you.....my freinds thought I was nuts being that way. Had a rich guy that owned a jewlry store and drove a new Lotus get on his knees and ask me out.....I said NO.....my friends just stood there with there mouths hanging open. He was out of my league and I did not want to go there so spared myself before anything got started. Had a guy gteet me one nite in a bar as I walked in telling me I was gorgeous and he acted 'star struck' as I walked past him. I just smiled and felt VERY impressed just as I heard him say it again behind me and I glanced around and he was pulling the exact SAME routine on a real gross ugly fat chick. I never took compliments well after that.......I think there lieing jus to be nice or get in good with me or some motive. Makes it hard when you have strange qorks in life like that......I am way too judgementa of myself in every detail. And I worry to much of how I interacted when out the nite before.....I get way too depressed way too easy. Then I begin to reminiss the past.....I digress from there. It's been a blue day and I needed to talk......thanks for listening. You've done the body good Pam (still depressed but feeling better)

Why can't we be who we want to be.......or is that even possible ? Miss perfect in every way would be nice.
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by cschick on Nov 28th, 2004, 6:08pm
Wow, that felt good to get that all out and Pam I am finally starting to learn as I get older that I am a truly GOOD person.  I care about others and see the beauty inside which is so much more important than the outside.  I refuse to judge people on the outside appearance which is why I love this website.  It took me a long time to get myself to post a picture of myself but I DID IT!  It didn't matter if people found me attractive on the outside, all that matters is that I have found a bunch of people just like me that understand and feel for what I am going through.  This has been a very emotional day for me and I am so glad to have been here today.  Gave me a lot to think about!  

Karen

ps I thought about this before I typed it but I decided if I could find that little not a very nice person that did that to me I would take you up on the gator on the balls thing JIMBO!  LOVE IT!   ;;D
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by IndianaJohn on Nov 28th, 2004, 6:23pm
Not right at the moment - got alot of personal BS going on in my life.
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by LeLimey on Nov 28th, 2004, 6:26pm
Karen  [smiley=hug.gif]
Come over here for a week hon, you'll be beating them off with a stick!
That is a typical immature pack male thing to do.. he would never have done it if not for trying to look big in front of his friends. I can understand how much it hurt though, it hurt me reading it for you and left me sitting here feeling murderous.
I have never in my life done anything that mean but I have done mean things.
I can remeber every horrible thing I have done with great shame and they haunt me.
I hope your persecutor never sleeps again for that one
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by cschick on Nov 28th, 2004, 6:34pm
[smiley=hug.gif] to you John.  I hope things get better for you soon!  

Karen
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by don on Nov 28th, 2004, 6:36pm
Who you are and what you do can be differant things.

For the most part I like who I am but dont always like what I do. If I dont like what I did, then I try to amend it and I like that about myself.

I like myself loooong time.
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by EBaby on Nov 28th, 2004, 7:19pm
There is always room for improvement ! I like mayself, but somethings I do I hate and try to improve myself. I think the older we get, the more regrets we have and the more we want to improve.
I think its natural. Night time is a time to think and thats when we see things a little clearer.
When I get tired of beating myself up at night I take a sleeping pill LOL! All in all I like me!
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by Kirk on Nov 28th, 2004, 8:56pm
No I don't. I like fishing though.
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by Kevin_M on Nov 28th, 2004, 9:02pm

on 11/28/04 at 15:46:12, cootie wrote:
I tend to think about everything I said or did in public now worse then ever even amungst my bestest friends and sort of 'rate myself' and wish I'd said more or less.....or did or didn't do this or that.......


I know this won't help because Don said it but, I gotta agree with him.  Then again, his reply was short enough so that I read it.

Quote:
Who you are and what you do can be differant things.
...If I dont like what I did, then I try to amend it...


Doing it the way you want to do it from now on will in time erase the thoughts that linger and bother and you will become the person you want and like to be.  
 Believe me... I had LOTS of feelings that you described so well.  Everyday I still have more, I even edit my posts to say things better than I could have.  In life, we don't get that chance it seems but the chance to amend comes around if you are receptive to when it occurs.  Eventually, things that are done right are dwelled upon more, and knowing you can overcome and the chance to do so will happen, your actions and words are a powerful part in changing your thoughts of yourself.
 Pammy, over 4700 posts here for you and not a one for you to regret have I read from you.  Damn kiddo!  Can't even express the enjoyment you've brought.  You is soooooo good.  And I've learned from you there's different ways of spellin'   ;;D

8)


Kevin M
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by don on Nov 28th, 2004, 9:02pm

Quote:
No I don't. I like fishing though.


Good enough.

Always pick your battles wisely.
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by Charlie on Nov 28th, 2004, 9:26pm
http://www.netsync.net/users/charlies/gifs/caveblob.jpg


Charlie (who likes himself better than when he was 38, not a lot but enough I hope)
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by ckelly181 on Nov 28th, 2004, 9:53pm
At home I like myself, I love my dogs, I love my house.

At work I like myself when I'm not in conflict (which is rare...heh heh).

Any social gathering and I HATE myself, have panic attacks and just want to go home.

So, yea and nope.

(cschick - thank you for your story -  it must have been hard to hit the Post button, but it made me feel good for you to be able to share that horror).

Chris
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by Renee on Nov 28th, 2004, 10:13pm
Chris,

I can relate to your post totally!

I don't like myself.  I hate the pain, the meds, the lack of a "normal" day and being able to actually plan things.

I hate going to sleep knowing what will come next.  I hate waking up knowing it will be another day of fighting the beast or medicating because of the beast.

I don't like me.  :(
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by cootie on Nov 28th, 2004, 10:48pm
This is an old mood enhancer remedy someone sent me.......some of you have seen this before but it is so dam cute.......here is the link. I'm still down on me today but nothing happen'd really to cause it.....I think I do what Kevin said.....I try to edit myself a day too late. I jus think too much and go over everything like a tape recorder and see my flashback and jus wish I was better at it. I get uptight when out even tho I LOVE to go out. Makein my own defects defective Pam

http://www.geocities.com/johnniemccoy/elasticbaby.html
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by Cathi04 on Nov 28th, 2004, 11:10pm
Pammiecoots...............WHAT A LADY!!!!  Sweetheart, you are one of a kind! An exceptional rare breed who posesses the gift to bring some level- headed logic, wrapped up in kindness, into each and every thread you type here!
So, I thought to myself, could it be that she will be that smart, that witty that kind in person?? Lo and behold. YOU ARE!!!!
Coots, I can understand self-esteem issues..........no normal person can say they dont...I think! But, Coots....you are some kinda wonderful lady.........and I will remind you of that any time you need me to!

Cathi  :-*who thinks Cootie is a pretty good thing!!
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by Mr. Happy on Nov 28th, 2004, 11:26pm

on 11/28/04 at 23:10:59, Cathi04 wrote:
who thinks Cootie is a pretty good thing!!

Good thing? Why.........after quaffing a 6 pack, you should hear that lass belch while reciting the alphabet w/o missing a vowel. And the gleam on her tats as the sun sets over her shoulder.....ahhhh, it's a moment to hold close.
Who needs to worry about liking themselves with people like THIS around.

How many times has your teenager said LIKE today,
RJ
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by cootie on Nov 28th, 2004, 11:29pm
Maybe that's what I need......a new tatt fix.......did get some new cats mixed in with my work few months ago. Thanks guys.........the more the merrier Pam
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by thomas on Nov 29th, 2004, 12:00am
Cschick, You are a beautiful person, inside and out.  If I ever met that dude in your story, I'm afraid of what I might do to him, I'm sure Jonny could give you a few hints, but in reality, what I would do is much worse.:o  You are a wonderful asset to our world, and I am a better person for you being here.

Pam/Cootie, you were out of that dude's league, don't ever second guess yourself, Brad is one lucky dude.  

As far as the question of this thread goes............... I'm 50/50 sometimes I like myself and sometimes I don't.  Right now I am too damed happy to hate anything or anyone, there is a story here, lol, and you all will know soon.  ;)
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by kimmiedawn81 on Nov 29th, 2004, 12:59am
Sometimes I really don't like myself.  It's usually the times when I get upset about something or I get really agitated over something that doesn't amount to anything.  I want to be one of those people who can just let stuff roll off of their back and go with the flow.  I am definitely not one of those types of people.  I can totally relate to getting depressed about it though.

~Kim
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by sandie99 on Nov 29th, 2004, 2:52am
I think that everybody dislikes themselves every once in a while.

I used to hate myself for years. But not anymore. I stopped thinking negative things about myself and instead I begun to think positive things about myself.

Now I like myself and accept myself.  :)

I am far from perfect, but I don't blame myself for hours for doing a tiny mistake anymore.  ;;D

Recall, you are world's best yourself!  :)

Best wishes & PFdays,

sandie99
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by suzy617 on Nov 29th, 2004, 4:25am
Coots,  I think your unique and very special.   :-*

Chchick,  Im so sorry for what happened to you.  Wish I could take the pain away.

I've grown to like myself more these days.  I realize I am a far better person then some of the jerks that I know.

Suzy
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by Melissa on Nov 29th, 2004, 7:56am
I like myself sometimes.  I usually never stop to think about it.  I get down on myself a lot for the things I do, which other people think is silly, since according to them, it's for very minor things.  I haven't done anything REALLY bad for many years, like the gambling problem I had 5 yrs ago that I am way over with now.  I used to be a big gal, so I would get teased more than the average schoolkid.  I'd be called lardass and slapped by another kid at my desk while they were walking by, and I wouldn't do anything about it except cry.  Many environmental things affect the way you feel about yourself, like parents going through a divorce, or doing drugs.  Makes you feel like a lost cause where noone would give a shit if you lived or died.  But there will always be at least 1 person who would be heartbroken if you did.  Don't ever forget that.

Nowdays I'm more concerned about my kids feeling good about themselves, and my husband.  I just battle with smoking on and off, seems that I light up when I'm a complete nervous wreck, like lately with the lump thing.  I start and stop like nuts, and wish I could control my urges better.

It's like my neighbor lady told me, who's like a mother to me (I call her ma), she said, "Honey, I wish you could see yourself as others see you.  You have a light that shines so bright from inside of you, and people are drawn to that."  I tell you, my eyes well up whenever I think of those words, because I have always thought of myself as nothing.  I still do, but sometimes I gotta just step outside myself and realize I'm not such a worthless person.  Doesn't matter if I don't have a "job" I go to outside the home, or the way I battle with my addiction, what matters is the imprint I leave on other peoples hearts.  If I can make them happy just being around them, that is quite an accomplishment!

:)mel

p.s. Karen, your kindness and humor are apparent in the words you write each day.   And Pam, just thinking about when I met you makes me smile, you're like a breath of fresh air!

lyg
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by ExplodingEyeBall on Nov 29th, 2004, 8:59am
If I could take my current personality (not the one from 20 years ago) and put it into my body from 20 years ago (not the current one) and stay that way, it would be perfect.

I used to be a total class A jerk a lot when I was younger and can still get that way if provoked. I have mellowed a lot in the last ten years. I have mellowed even more in the last 3-1/2 years since my daughter was born and yes... I like myself and doggone it... people like me.

;;D Pat
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by Jeepgun on Nov 29th, 2004, 12:02pm
I accept myself. I've made mistakes, done things and said things that I regret, and sometimes react in ways that I wish I didn't. Like/dislike.... I like who I've become and I don't expect perfection or hold up some impossible standard that I either adhere to, or else beat myself up for not meeting. I am comfortable with myself.
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by AlienSpaceBabe on Nov 29th, 2004, 2:04pm
that depends on the level of Prozac in my system
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by Carl_D on Nov 29th, 2004, 6:13pm
Limited on time, but had to respond to this...

I used to like myself. There are certain things I love. I love to create, and feel blessed to be able to play multi instruments and write and perform music. One other quality I like about myself is also sometimes my downfall. I care too much.

Last couple of years though since being chronic, I've had some serious conflicts and things are not as they used to be. A NIN song called "Gave Up" sums it up best for me. "I hate myself and what I've become." I just haven't figured out how to get a seperation or divorce from myself.

Ball and chain,
Carl D

*Have to add, Why hate yourself when there are so many people who can do that for you?
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by Magick on Nov 29th, 2004, 7:12pm
Well I know it's not "in" to like yourself, but I do. My life sucks most of the time. I have these dam CH's. I do thing I wish I would not do. I think things I wish I did not. But I try to stick to what I belive. That alone is more then most people are willing to do.

The 7 Deadly Sins  
 
Greed - An excessive desire to acquire or possess more than what one needs or deserves, especially with respect to material wealth.


Envy - A feeling of discontent and resentment aroused by and in conjunction with desire for the possessions or qualities of another.


Dishonesty - Violation of truth or trust; a disposition to defraud, deceive, or betray.


Malice - A desire to harm others or to see others suffer; extreme ill will, spite, or hatred.


Oppression - Arbitrary, cruel, and unjust exercise of power or authority; subjugation by cruelty.


Intolerance - Refusal to recognize and respect differences in opinions or beliefs.


Conformity - Unquestioning adherence to a set of socially accepted thoughts, beliefs, and behavior.



The 7 Heavenly Virtues  
 
Truth - Truth is a comprehensive term that in all of its nuances implies honesty, accuracy, sincerity, integrity, and reality.


Love - A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection, devotion, and/or compassion toward a person.


Courage - The state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear, or change with self-possession, confidence, and resolution; bravery.


Wisdom - Knowledge, and the capacity to use the best means for attaining the best ends; good judgment.


Creativity - The ability to produce through artistic or imaginative effort, characterized by originality and expressiveness.


Tolerance - The practice of recognizing and respecting the beliefs or practices of others.


Freedom - The power to act, speak, or think without externally imposed restraints.





The "Shalt Nots"  
Thou shalt not kill.
Thou shalt not steal.
Thou shalt not lie.
Thou shalt not hate.
Thou shalt not oppress.

 
The "Shalls"  
Thou shall love.
Thou shall create.
Thou shall seek knowledge.
Thou shall have courage.
Thou shall know thyself.
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by Ree on Nov 29th, 2004, 7:27pm
Pammy~~~ We have all had those times where we wish we would have said more less or just shut up... You are a wonderful sweet beautiful human being outside as well as inside... and I mean this in all sincerity... When I met you, I felt immediately comfortable in your presence.  You made me feel like we had been friends forever.  I love how secure you are and your relationship with Brad and the bunch... it was just a nice time and I loved being with you... Dave dittos my sentiments... If you have to watch what you say in front of your dearest friends... then you ought to look inside and find out which one of these "dearest" friends is trying to extinguish your beautiful bright light.
 Karen... I think you are awesome too... That jerk that did that to you should be brought up on Oprah or one of those talk shows... believe me he will get his... Some men (and women) have to show off to feel BIG... Too bad you didn't kick him in his EGO... what a bully...  I would bet you anything that experience sits hard in your soul.  Let it go... You ARE so much more than that...We are so lucky to have you here. You give so much of yourself on this board.  I appreciate you.
 There are times now that I feel sorry for myself... $'s tight... Neither Dave nor I thought we would have been starting over from scratch in our 30's...I'm getting older and I am sorry I didnt finish school and go for a more important career.  But Now~~ I have everything I need...a roof over my head, food, we're healthy. I think about how Sean felt when he returned from Iraq... He said everyone here takes simple things for granted. When I get down, I remember life could be worse.  I was brought up in an era when women matter.  In a country whereI have so many freedoms... The wrinkles are forming... but I am what I am... not perfect.  Today I am ok with me.  ree
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by Mac_Muz on Nov 29th, 2004, 7:42pm
I'll be 53 just about the time most folks read this... Oddly I am just now figuring out who I am.. I used to hate myself.. lefty, odd man out, Hell, odd kid out...

I spent 1st grade in the trash can at the head of the class... How's that for a good start on life? I dropped out then too.. Yup a first grade drop out..

Lots more nastyness which even included murders (I didn't, but I lost family)

So looking back there were a few issues... I like my wife best!  [smiley=bloos.gif]  Mac
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by kissmyglass on Nov 29th, 2004, 7:52pm
Yeah these clusters have turned me into a really fucking wonderful person... >:(


Kev
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by Gator on Nov 29th, 2004, 9:05pm

on 11/28/04 at 22:48:26, cootie wrote:
This is an old mood enhancer remedy someone sent me.......some of you have seen this before but it is so dam cute.......here is the link.

http://www.geocities.com/johnniemccoy/elasticbaby.html


Thanks for the link Cootie.  You brought a smile and even a little laughter into an otherwise dreary day.

Before CH, I was at peace with myself.  I have always been a realist and have never dwelled on either the good or bad things I have done or that have happened to me.  Just took things as they came and when it was over, it was over - move on to the next thing.  

Starting in August of last year a series of catastrophies have struck one right after another.  First we almost lost my daughter-in-law and/or my grand daughter.  She had to be delivered about a month premature and had some respiratory problems which required a stay at the OU Children's Medical Center in OKC.  Two days after my grand daughter came home, my son was in an accident that should have killed him.  He was fucked up as a football bat for a while.  After he starts walking again, I get hit with CH.  Since contracting this disease/disorder/condition (what the fuck ever), I feel totally worthless most of the time.  I lost my job, no one in this area will hire me and the ADA doesn't protect me because there is no "reasonable accomodation" an employer can make for a chronic clusterhead that gets hit 5 times (more or less) a day.  Soooo...I clean the house, wash the clothes, cook the meals and so on...but I do not contribute financially to the cause and here lately we're swimming about 6 inches below the surface.  Of course, the wife makes just a little too much for any type of financial or medical assistance and not quite enough to survive.  Her insurance sucks, so even when one of us is hurting or sick, we don't go the the doctor, unless it is just so bad that we have to.  That's just for the wife and me - the kids always get taken care of by hook or by crook.  My GP and two neurologists have all but given up on finding a preventative for these damned headaches.  Even with a letter of medical necessity from my neuro, Aetna won't pay for more than 10 vials of Imitrex per month (which is being appealed), so if oxygen doesn't do the trick I am screwed. [Don't even think about it - tried once and found the local postal system to be too screwed up to depend on.  Bless that person's heart for trying.  Someone is enjoying a cache of aborts, but it ain't me.]  Social security has denied disability which is under appeal.  My long term disability insurance company I had from my previous employer is constantly screwing with me witholding checks until I complete just one more fucking form.  They sure picked a wonderful time of year to do that.  Needless to say, a 12 guage nasal inhaler is looking pretty good right now.

Just waiting for plagues of boils and the water to turn to blood and things will be just fucking peachy.

Gator
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by cootie on Nov 29th, 2004, 11:53pm
Oh my Gator.......I am so sorry you are so down in the luck department rite now.......that's just wrong what you have to go thru. Wish there was a cure for CH.......I don't think I could handle it myself cuz I can't even manage  ME half the time as it is. Manic suppressant Pam

Thanks everyone.........suma made me BLUSH !   [smiley=blush.gif]  Ree was the FIRST person in this group I met in NY.....after askin others in the lobby if they were CH'rs when we first got there and was so nervous I got a rash....and the people I asked lookin at me backing up......cuz they were jus there for vacation and had no clue what the heck I jus asked them. Love you guys !!  
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by jmorgan52 on Nov 30th, 2004, 4:26am
I like myself very much, but I don't like some of the shit that happens to me!

John
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by helpless23 on Nov 30th, 2004, 7:37am
This may sound silly, but I like myself because I have let great people into my life.  That definitely boosted my self esteem.  I lost 20 pounds (due to stress, but hey - it still counts) and I'm getting happier with the way I look.  

Unfortunately, this year has been not very good to us and it's kind of hard to think about yourself when you are so worried about everyone else.

But for the most part, before tragedy struck our family, I liked myself. I didn't at the beginning of the year, at all, but after my son got sick - I changed...for the better...I think.  I could still use some work - but hey...nobody's perfect right?

:-)

Toni
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by Carl_D on Nov 30th, 2004, 8:06am
Damn. All I can think of is the echo of Charlie and so many other peoples sentiment, including mine that, dealing with CH alone is enough to battle without adding so much other shit on top of it. Having CH should exempt you from further trials.

Gator, check your PM's ASAP!

Peace & love,
Carl D
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by Tetris-addict on Nov 30th, 2004, 8:20am
Af reind once said that before we are born,
we are in heaven, and we choose all the major things that will happen to us.

I say "BULLSHIT"

I would never have..... yada yada....

Others say life is one giant experiment that God created
jsut to see what would happen, because he was bored.

I still say  Bullshit.


Others believe everything was set into motion
with the first words, "let there be light"
and that things will unfold as they were meant to be.

Another has a theory that we can either
pull creative engery and love towards us, or resist it,
and that shapes our life on Earth.


I am 33, living in America.
I have enough food, clothes, trnsportation,
friends, family...what not.

I was never rich and probably won't be,now that I am in
to a mortgage of over 80 grand. and with credit debt
of at least 12,000.

I am not perfect.
I prpbably will never get smart enough to
fool all of the people all of the time.

but darn it.

I am doing my best.
I cannot do any better.

I used to beat myself up.

(I was a little cashier at 17 years of age,
and I still have night mares about giving out the
wrong change to a customer.)

When I do get negative thoughts
I throw them out.

I mean, "five cents?"  Not worth my mental energy.

I used to beg God for Do-overs.

Now I am jsut begging him to take me out of here
before I burn the house down.

(LOL  just kidding...wink)

CH, friends, holidays, household chores that never end.

That's life.

Plenty of lemons.

But the beast and false friends are not
about to steal one more second of JOY
from me.

I am too tired to struggle,
but by giving up, I find that I am floating
above the petty and worry and fear.

I am soaring on angels wings.

Every minute that is pain free
is another minute I fill with laughter and hugs.

Life is too short to wish away the past.

Learn from it, and promise to not get caught
in the same spider web the next time.

We cannot go back, cannot wish away thoughtless actions or terrible words.  All we can do is watch what we say and do today.  and plan not to hurt anyone
tomorrow.
(EAsier said than done... I have been trying not
to step on anyone's toes for a long time, and some people are jsut determined to get offended.  All I can do is stay out of their way....)

Give yourself a break,
get permission to live.

No one is all knowing, or perfect....
well ...you know what I mean....

we are not God.  We cannot do it all.
so relax, and enjoy bieng human.

live, laugh and love.

TJ
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by Carl_D on Nov 30th, 2004, 8:27am
Um, wait a minute....

If it were true that we could have picked our destiny before living it on earth, I wouldn't have just chosen to be a guitarist/ writer, I would have chose the major event of BEING A ROCK GOD SUPERSTAR PLAYING LEAD GUITAR FOR OZZY OSBOURNE!!!   ;;D

Just blues for now,
Carl D
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by nani on Nov 30th, 2004, 3:53pm

Quote:
If it were true that we could have picked our destiny before living it on earth, I wouldn't have just chosen to be a guitarist/ writer, I would have chose the major event of BEING A ROCK GOD SUPERSTAR PLAYING LEAD GUITAR FOR OZZY OSBOURNE!!!  


That's what Carl, the human would have picked. Carl, the spirit or soul, chose to come into this life with talent and creativity and some major hurdles to overcome. Carl the soul knows how capable Carl the human is and that as he deals with his problems he will grow into a more compassionate, loving human. He will understand other's pain and limitations and will learn to create in spite of, and maybe because of, his own trials. Carl the human still has plenty to offer the rest of the world and Carl the soul is going to see to it that he does it.
Oh, and yes, I also believe that we come into this life knowing what we will face in order to evolve.
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by OneEyeBlind on Nov 30th, 2004, 9:36pm
There were many thought provoking responses to this thread.  I'll come back and address them one by one via IM ..... cause I really did appreciate the messages that they sent.  

Cootie, don't worry if you don't like yourself ....... I like you enough for the both of us !!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

NanWhoHasHadBetterDaysButStillKnowsAWinnerWhenSheSeesOne.  
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by cootie on Nov 30th, 2004, 10:14pm
Well I didn't like myself to well at Walmart today......tryin to ROUND UP my Xmas shopping since were goin to my daughter's early now this weekend......(they live in the worst of snow belts) I dodged screaming babies and gross smelly people with one tooth......sick people coughing and hacking . Looked at toys and stuff as potential gifts till I wanted to SCREAM ! Almost started crying twice.....swell.....miss pshyco can join the crowd of wierdo's rite ? Then I got mad as hell at some kid that was acting TERRIBLE and hittin stuff and throwing stuff down and climbing shelves. Angry acting kid........very bad......almost scarey. When I found myself wanting to strangle him I knew it was 'time to leave'.......I sat on the floor waiting in line to check out. Oh and that Christmas music.......ahhhhhhhhh........ !! Singing non stop life size mechanical danceing Santa by the door needed knocked down a few levels Pam

Do you get happy or sad Xmas shopping ???
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by cschick on Nov 30th, 2004, 10:23pm
WOW - You sound like me when I go to Wal-Mart - I wanna beat those little turds butts when they act like that - unfortunately mine little turd is usually the ring leader.  I have a story about Wal-Mart, a fit and my kid from last Christmas but that is a story for another time.  

I really wanted to say "THANK YOU" everyone for all the wonderful, caring and occasional funny things that were said to Pam and I and everyone else on this thread.  This has been so therapeutic to me and I have actually spent a lot of time since Sunday thinking.  Just thinking and praying about everyone here.  I am so ecstatic that I found this site and all of you.  You all have got to be the most fantastic bunch of people I have ever had the fortune to meet.  I love you all and am getting teary eyed again so I have to stop typing now.  I will post more once I get myself together.  

You guys went and screwed yourselves good because you are sooooo stuck with me now!
Karen
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by nani on Nov 30th, 2004, 10:27pm
We love you, too, Karen. And Pam (I hate WalMart, too.)
:-*                                              :-*
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by cootie on Nov 30th, 2004, 10:54pm
Hey karen and nani......lets go to Walmart and 'go wild'.....first we'll stop off at the neighboring bar and grill fer a beer or wine (or mountain dew) and take it all in ! Play with toys.....try on stupid hats......point at all the dead fish in the aquariums........and take turns rideing in the cart. Therapy for the therapist Pam  ;;D ;;D
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by Carl_D on Nov 30th, 2004, 11:31pm
My God Nan. I read this and cried. You really can see beauty in ashes can't you? Truth is, when I go through some of the worst shit... I've never quite understood this, I do become my most creative. I have so much music I want to record but am crippled by lack of a couple of pieces of gear (which, my brother even has two things I need but he won't let me use it for some reason.) I know so many people right now just sitting on gear that is collecting dust and they're doing nothing with it. It's frustrating. I have the drive to do this, for as long as my body continues to allow. I just can't build it without the necessities. However, I do spend alot more time on my guitar than I have in a long time.
I have changed alot since becoming chronic. When I am around people I don't stress out all the time, and let alot of crap just roll off of me. I prefer to try and have fun, kid around. I just got back from a friends house who just got dumped and was like "I need a friend right now." I went over there not knowing what to say. I already told him in an email I don't really know what to say because everything sounds so cliche. Well I got there and he had a friend there. Within minutes, I had them both laughing their asses off, just making wisecracks, acting stupid, telling jokes. I stayed there like that for an hour and by the time I left he gave me a hug and said "Thanks man."Anytime. I guess laughter was the best medicine for that.

COOTIE!!!   [smiley=hug.gif]
Who loves you babes? You Know We ALL do. Yes I get sad shopping since my mom died, but avoid it now by being poor.  [smiley=laugh.gif] Actually gonna order the stuff for my niece and nephew off Amazon.com, since my nephew wants to be a Jedi and my niece wants Billy Martin from Good Charlotte for Xmas. They'll just have to settle for now.  ;)

Big Hugs to you  Nani, Cootie and CSchick.
*snif*
Carl D
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by Jeepgun on Dec 1st, 2004, 9:23am
[smiley=hug.gif] to you all. :)








P.S. Fuck Walmart!  >:(
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by cootie on Dec 1st, 2004, 11:09pm
Love you all too.............................gettin to be a mushy thread Pam  ;) :-* ;)

Still battlein with who I am.....should be.......or am not......aren't we all in one way or the other ?
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by BlueMeanie on Dec 2nd, 2004, 12:06am
nope !  ::)
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by Apple on Dec 2nd, 2004, 3:32pm
Wow! I'm going through some weird stuff at the moment. I'm in my 40s and have been through heck over the last decade with my migraines and my two teens who are real PITAs. Now, I'm worried about getting old. Fortunately, I'm only a size 8 and still look and usually feel young...maybe 30. I just got my hair highlighted...it's true, men prefer blonds. I'm ditching my glasses for contacts. I'm wearing sexier clothing. I think I'm going through some sort of mid life crisis. Worried about my  future...worried about everything. Worried I didn't get enough education (I have a BA). Blah, Blah, Blah. One nice thing and perhaps the most important, is I'm trying to be better to my friends. I've lost a few over the years. Maybe they weren't so hot to begin with. Some didn't like my PITA kids for example. Anyway, I'm taking the time to get extra special Christmas gifts this year. There were times I was too sick to do that. I think I like myself. I guess we all have to keep on working on ourselves. A little more on the inside than the outide...but both is probably good. Great question.  
Title: Re: Do you like yourself ?
Post by Carl_D on Dec 2nd, 2004, 3:38pm
I can relate to alot of what you said Apple (except, if I try to wear something 'sexy', it scares people, LOL!)

I'm 34 and having my mid life crisis early.

Cootie, you are a WONDERFUL person.  [smiley=hug.gif]

LYG,
Carl D


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