|
||
|
Title: True Confessions Post by LeLimey on Nov 18th, 2004, 9:56am I have had a lot of fun reading peoples posts lately and getting to know you all better so in the same vein I thought a nice "catholic" session of confession and guaranteed absolution would be good for our souls! AND NO.. I did not say ARSEHOLES!!! Its my accent okay?! I thought I'd kick off with a relatively minor one of my transgressions.. depending on how bad the rest of you admit to being will depend on whether I tell my all time worstest worst thing I have ever done.. yet! When Barney was about 7 months old my ex and I went on a day trip to France to do some christmas shopping. Bear in mind that Brid is only 10 months older. The day was fine, did my shopping and drove back to the ferry port to wait for our sailing. It was a cold November night and we were parked in lines waiting to drive onto the ferry in front of us getting progressively colder. We had to wait for four hours and I don't know about you but four hours stuck in a car in the middle of nowhere with two babies is my idea of hell! Understandably the car started to get a bit whiffy after a while.. gravity was taking effect within the pampers! That was about the final straw for me and I stormed out of the car and went to find the nearest "official" and ... "discussed" the situation with him! I wanted to know where I could change the kids and he asked why I couldn't do it in my car - but with two car seats it was a physical impossibility. By this time everyone else was leaning out of their cars and shouting "you tell 'im love" and honking their horns and I think he felt intimidated beyond belief. Anyway he offered me his car to change them in. So I went and got the kids and the changing bag and took them over to his nice big WARM car.. we had all been told to turn our engines off but HIS car was warm and it was just about the final straw for me.. THAT came when I heard, over his car radio that painting the handrails was finished and they could start loading in about 20 minutes. They had kept us all sitting in a cold car park on the sea front for over four hours in November while they were painting sodding handrails! Brid was just wet but Banrey had a toxic meltdown nappy, you know, the sort that make you gag. Well. I "accidentally" dropped it on the floor of the car, upside down and because my hands were so cold it sort of got smeared about a bit while I was trying to pick it back up (thats my story and I'm sticking to it.) I must have been so cold it affected my memory too because I forgot to take the nappy out of the car and as I was getitng out I must have kicked it under the passenger seat in error.. what a doofus huh?! Anyway I had to run back to my car as we were starting to get onto the boat but I left his car with the heating on full blast. I bet that was a real joy to be in when he finally got back into it. And do you know.. I have never been on a Sea France ferry again to this day?!! |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by E-Double on Nov 18th, 2004, 10:01am AWESOME!!!!!!! |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by Ruth on Nov 18th, 2004, 10:04am Pretty crappy I'd say. Glad you were able to get that off your chest. |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by Hirvimaki on Nov 18th, 2004, 10:05am LOL! Perhaps I will have to share a few confessions of my own. The last time I did that on this site, I was "politely" reminded that this is a family site... Nappies, eh? You Brits! Dang I miss my days in Lancashire... Hirvimaki-Isi |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by LeLimey on Nov 18th, 2004, 10:09am Hoi! Ruth and mr-about-to-be-married!! spill the beans!!LOL Hirv I just KNOW you are going to be good for a couple of real humdinging stories! Lancashire huh? Have you still got a flat cap?! Whereabouts were you? I'm going to a wedding there next weekend that promises to be about a dozen posts in itself!! |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by Jeepgun on Nov 18th, 2004, 10:11am Oh boy... LOL! I have a ton of confessions! Revenge is such a fun sport. [smiley=sgrin.gif] First one: I was working in a convenience store as a teenager, part time. Everyday, a woman would come in and complain that the quart (litre) of milk she had purchased the day before was sour, but she would purchase another one. This went on and on for WEEKS. One day, I was in the walk-in freezer, stocking the shelves and through the glass, I saw the woman come in. I turned out all the lights in the walk-in, and when she opened the dairy freezer, she was in mid-complaint when I reached out of the darkness and grabbed her wrist. She was screaming and I started pulling. I was yanking her halfway into the freezer, with yogurt, milk, and cottage cheese flying all over the place. I kept yanking and then finally let her go. She was FREAKED OUT. She went running up to the register, screaming and having a fit. I exited the walk-in and came in through the backdoor. The manager gravely asked me, "Frank? Did you do this?" Solemnly, I answered, "Yessir. Yes, I did." The manager turned to the lady and said, "Ma'am, we'll take care of this." She shouted, "You'd better!" and stomped out of the store without buying any milk, thank god!! The manager and I were nearly wetting our pants laughing, and when we finally regained control of ourselves, he said, "Frank, you know I'm going to have to fire you." I said, "Yes... I know." He said, "However, if you're looking for a job next summer, come on by." I collected my pay and left, whistling, "Moon River." [smiley=laugh.gif] Second one: I was fresh out of Army medical school and arrived in Japan, where I worked at a small clinic, mostly in the emergency room. I had arrived with two other soldiers who were complete slobs, and did things that caused them to get into trouble. I kept my mouth shut, kept my uniform sharp, and I was damn good at my job. Still, all three of us had the same supervisor. He went ahead and did the paperwork necessary to get the two slobs kicked out of the Army, and he was trying to do the same to me. He was trying desperately to make himself look good, because he was overweight and in danger of being kicked out of the Army, himself! All the while, he kept thinking I was stupid and that I didn't know what he was up to, and he kept acting like he was my best buddy. He came over to my barracks room one day, because I lived across the street from the gym, and I was working night shift at the time. He was all sweaty and nasty from working out, and he said, "Hey, buddy! How's it going?" and then he proceeded to come into my room and sat his funky, sweaty ass on my BUNK!! A plan formulated... I said, "Gee, you look like you could use a glass of water!" He agreed, so I got a glass, went into the bathroom and ran the water in the sink. I dipped the glass into the toilet bowl, then wiped off the outside of it, then turned off the water in the sink, and carried it out to him. He sat there and drank the water like it was the best damn water he'd ever had. He thanked me profusely and then left my room. I laughed until I thought my ribs were going to break. Shortly after that, I received a much-envied transfer to the local aviation unit to begin working as a flight medic, and he was booted out for failing to meet the height/weight standard. Karma's a bi-yotch! LOL! Third one: On what was to be my last night of work at the clinic, (just prior to my transfer), I went through the entire clinic and wiped out every roll of toilet paper, including the supply closets. I hope everyone was wearing long shirt tails... I also taped raunchy centerfolds to the pull-down anatomy charts in the OB/Gyn exam room, put a cigarette in the aorta of a model of a heart that a doctor had sitting on his desk, stuffed a rancid tuna sandwich into a specimen cup and placed it inside the heating vent of the chief nurse's office, and melted down a Milky Way chocolate bar and then shaped it so it looked like a turd, put it in a Ziploc baggie, and filled out a bogus lab slip that I paperclipped to it, and then placed it in the staff food refrigerator. I have more, but my fingers are tired. LOL -Frankster |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by E-Double on Nov 18th, 2004, 10:13am on 11/18/04 at 10:05:37, Hirvimaki wrote:
I'm with ya bro......the little stuff doesn't need confession. Too many funny or sick twisted stories to share ;;D& I'm Jewish so I get to attone for my sins @ Tashlich during Rosh Hashana....Gives me a year's leeway for transgression ;) E. Oh yeah hiding fecal matter always makes for a funny story......try nuking it in tupperware in a bitchy sorority house....OOPS did I say that? EEEEWWW !!![smiley=laugh.gif] |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by Jeepgun on Nov 18th, 2004, 11:32am Okay, here's another: The convenience store I worked in also sold live bait. (Crickets) A buddy of mine had gotten used BADLY by a girl that he foolishly gave his heart to. She was dating him just to make some other guy jealous. Once the other guy started paying attention to her, she dumped my buddy like last week's kitchen trash. He was all tore up, because he really had feelings for this ice-queen. I filled a cricket cage with about a hundred crickets and drove over to her new boyfriend's house, where her car was parked. I opened her door and shook all of the crickets into the backseat. Yet another: When I was in military housing, there was a neighbor of mine who was always pulling in at 2 a.m., drunk as hell, rap music THUMPING, and then he and his old lady would begin to have loud angry screaming matches. Several of the neighbors had asked him to turn his stereo down and to keep their voices down, to no avail. A month later, all the cats in the neighborhood went into heat. The competition among the males was fierce. I was awakened by his stereo and then the usual screaming match one night, so I went to the kitchen, opened a can of tuna, and went out to his car. I opened the door and placed the tuna on the passenger seat. Then I waited until four big and scruffy tomcats had entered the car. Then I slammed the door shut. The noise was truly ferocious!! He ended up buying a new car and becoming a much more considerate neighbor, after that. |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by LeLimey on Nov 18th, 2004, 11:38am Aaah Frankie!! I knew you were a fellow sinner!!!LMAO |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by Jeepgun on Nov 18th, 2004, 11:43am [smiley=laugh.gif] But wait! There's more! SO much more... ROFLMAO!! <-----Bad bad bad bad boy [smiley=laugh.gif] ;;D |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by Bethany1 on Nov 18th, 2004, 11:54am Oh my gosh Frank, those stories are awesome. [smiley=crackup.gif] |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by nani on Nov 18th, 2004, 11:55am Oh you are all very bad indeed. I for one have no sins to confess...I am a model human being. :P Unless you count that spit in the beer thing in 1989... ;;D |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by Hirvimaki on Nov 18th, 2004, 12:09pm When I was a lad of mid-teen years one of the great larks my friends and I would do was to, er, borrow fire extinguishers and ride around looking for people who looked to be in need of some assistance. This was, of course, pointless thuggery and had no purpose other than to establish ourselves firmly in the juvenile delinquent category. The usual fire extinguishers we managed to procure were the powder-type, small and almost harmless. On one fine day we were out getting in to our usual trouble. I had heard from my friend Rick and he sounded quite pleased and eager to go out in search of a dupe. When we stopped by to pick him up, he had a rather large tank wrapped in a blanket. This was no small powder-tank. No, this was the mother of all fire extinguishers, a foam extinguisher! A least four times as large as the usual office ones. We drove around for quite some time, not wanting to waste our new found wealth on just anyone. At long last we had our mark. A boy about our age was riding his bicycle along the sidewalk, oblivious to the world around him. I cannot say what exactly it was about him that attracted us, but there was something, like he was asking to have a little excitement in his day. I circled around, slowed and maneuvered into position while Rick rolled down the window and took aim. I don't think any of us realised the force a large extinguisher has behind it, nor were we expecting the result we got. The initial force of the blast of foam knocked the kid off his bike and to the ground. The slathery foam had coated the ground, so rather than just staying where he had fallen, he slid along the path of foam, down the sidewalk. The force of the extinguisher moved him along at quite an alarming rate and Rick scrambled to shut the damn thing off. That boy would most likely still be sliding along on his arse had he not been abruptly stopped by a well placed hydrant. Luckily he avoided any possible head injury by having the good fortune of straddling it! The best part of this whole tale is that I was relating it, years later, in the break room of an Ad agency in which I was working and among the expected guffaws of most present, there was one fellow who was stonily quite. The laughter died away and he said, "You f*cker, that was ME!" Small world. Hirvimaki-Isi |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by nani on Nov 18th, 2004, 12:21pm Quote:
The best part? No guilt? No remorse? You had better go say a prayer to save your still delinquent soul! ;;D |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by Hirvimaki on Nov 18th, 2004, 12:24pm on 11/18/04 at 12:21:58, nani wrote:
Neither of those popular items come with handles, therefore I don't even try to carry them around with me! :) Hirvimaki-Isi |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by nani on Nov 18th, 2004, 12:32pm And you have the nerve to call yourself a Catholic!?! ;;D |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by Opus on Nov 18th, 2004, 1:41pm Man, Everyone here, makes me look like a saint, Just one question, are all of you getting any sex?, if so I may have to change my ways LOL. Opus/Paul |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by Hirvimaki on Nov 18th, 2004, 1:50pm on 11/18/04 at 13:41:54, Opus wrote:
As most of my stories relate to sex, I fear I will not be recounting them here... Once bitten, twice shy. I still have bad memories from the New Year's thread... [smiley=yikes.gif] Hirvimaki-Isi |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by Jeepgun on Nov 18th, 2004, 1:55pm ROFL, Hirv! In my hometown, (which will remain unnamed on the grounds that it may incriminate me) the circuit breakers were all mounted on the outside of the homes. Every winter, before Christmas, everyone would try to outdo each other with the most gaudy light display. The big-assed plastic santa on the rooftop with a sleigh and plastic reindeer all lit up, lights around every tree, lights all over the rafters, big-assed Christmas tree all lit up in the window.... So my buddy and I used to run around and throw peoples' mains. One year, we darkened the entire street. The coup de grace, was one night, there was a huge house that was having a Christmas party. The Christmas tree was in the second story window, all lit up, the house full of people, every light in every room was on, and we brought instant darkness and confusion to the entire party. ROFLMAO!!! I have more of these kinds of stories... LOL |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by Jeepgun on Nov 18th, 2004, 2:19pm We were preparing for a Command Inspection towards the end of medical training. All of us were bustin' our asses cleaning the barracks so it would pass a white-glove inspection. There was one guy who finished getting his locker squared away, and then decided that he wasn't going to help, and instead, was going to go hang out at the snack bar. He closed his locker doors and waltzed out of the bay where we were all working. I walked over to his locker and tipped it forward, shaking it vigorously. The inspection began and as the battalion colonel, brigade general, company commander, and sergeant major came to each locker, it had to be opened for inspection after they inspected our uniform. They got to the end of the bay and it came time for asshat to open his locker. When he did, an avalanche of his personal effects showered the feet of the officers standing in front of him. He was called to the commander's office and was gone for a long time. When he returned, he was considerably more cooperative and team-oriented. |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by Ronny on Nov 18th, 2004, 3:15pm eheheh LMAO, too damn funny. No stories here, cant think of any, guess i'm a good nice boy. ;) |
||
|
Title: Re: True ConfessionsNot that I w Post by Opus on Nov 18th, 2004, 3:27pm on 11/18/04 at 13:50:41, Hirvimaki wrote:
No, no, you have me wrong, not wanting to here sex confessions, just want to know if the confessioners are getting any and if so maybe I will change my ways from good to bad LOL. Hirv, we al know you don't have a problem, ***deleted**** It's the rest I don't know. Anyway no need to answer in any case. Opus/Paul |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by Jeepgun on Nov 18th, 2004, 3:31pm Sex? Why yes! And lots of it! :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by Jonny on Nov 18th, 2004, 3:32pm on 11/18/04 at 10:05:37, Hirvimaki wrote:
Your shitin me right? When the fuck was someone going to get around to telling me that fucking shit? The only family here is the family that is here....Family this! [smiley=guyflash.gif] ................................King |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by LeLimey on Nov 18th, 2004, 6:05pm Way to go Jonny!! [smiley=sayyes.gif] |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by LeLimey on Nov 18th, 2004, 6:13pm My ex's brother lived with us for a few weeks after he left his girlfriend and he was a pig. It was getting harder and harder putting up with him and after he called me a **** one evening it was payback time. I used to make lunches for both him and my ex to take to work every day and they both used to have croissants, ex had chocolate spread and the brother had marshmallow fluff. Under a very liberal layer of marshmallow was an equally liberal layer of toothpaste ( he had a dirt mouth!) Do you know he never ever swore at me again?! PS It wasn't his language that pissed me off, it was his attitude!! I also spilled a pint of milk on the floor in the back of his car.. it is a great revenge as it soaks in pretty quicly and oooh weeee is it pongy! Oh and I also dropped a cat turd into his motorcycle boots (his cat, my kitchen floor) ... and I glued sand on his windscreen wipers but that was ALL I did to him honest! |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by LeLimey on Nov 18th, 2004, 6:19pm Actually I started on the revenge kick when I was very little.. my earliest recollection would be when I was about six. One day my brother did a quite common kid stunt and put salt in the sugar bowl. I got blamed and punished despite vociferously denying it and my parents attitude was that even if he HAD done it it was my fault as I was a year older and should have stopped him Not fair huh? I didn't think so either! I decided to show them a thing or two. Now at the time we had a sugar shortage here, not only was sugar a fearful price but it was very hard to get hold of. I knew it would be really naughty to put salt in the sugar bowl again so I didn't. I put it in the kettle. Next time they made a cup of tea bugger me it tasted salty again! [smiley=laugh.gif] My dad threw out the whole bowl of sugar and then came to find me, slipper in hand. Of course stupid here didn't have the brains to confess the bloody salt was in the kettle not the sugar bowl so when he went downstairs to a THIRD cup of salty tea he was not a happy camper and yours truly didn't sit down for a week. Didn't put me off revenge, only getting caught!! |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by Redneck on Nov 18th, 2004, 7:35pm Before I drank coffee, my old man and buddies on the houseboat/hunting camp would make me get up and light the heater, start the coleman stove and make coffee in the old drip pot. It was cold as hell in there. One mornining i decided i didn't want to do that anymore. So, instead of the usual amount of coffee I kept adding coffee and packing it down untill it was full. They drank it and never said a word. They never made me do the coffee again. Do you think the coffee was a bit stout for them? ;;D |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by AussieBrian on Nov 18th, 2004, 7:56pm A so-mate mate did a real bad thing by me so I started entering him in childrens' art competitions. He's won three prizes now, and been in trouble with the police each time. |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by cschick on Nov 18th, 2004, 10:18pm I've never done anything I need to confess about....I am a perfect ANGEL! :-* angelic Karen |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by Jeepgun on Nov 19th, 2004, 8:30am ROFL!! To get revenge on my sister once, I opened the cookie jar and ate the frosting out of each Oreo cookie, and then stuck them back together. Boy, was she ever PISSED!! [smiley=laugh.gif] When I was in Army med school, there was a couple of guys who would always come in late at night, drunk as a skunk, banging into stuff, waking everyone up, and making asses of themselves. One of them had the top bunk and one of them had the bottom, so one night, when they were out, four of us took revenge on them. We turned their entire bunk upside down, and the top bunk was wedged in place by the sheer tension of the frame. The hooks where it fastened into the frame, rather than looking like an "n" were now in the shape of looking like a "u" They came in late at night, making their usual racket, and flopped into their bunks. It sounded something like this: "Squeak! (bottom bunk) "Oof, squeak! (top bunk) THUD!! OWWWWWW!!! (top bunk, with bottom person screaming) WHOMP!! (bottom bunk hitting the floor) CRASH!! CRASH!!" (both ends of the frame collapsing on top of them) [smiley=laugh.gif] |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by Jeepgun on Nov 19th, 2004, 3:37pm C'mon, people! I know more of you have done more devious and wicked things. If confession is good for the soul, this thread must be a fucking CARWASH!! LMAO!! Fess up! Get all of the vengeful, cruddy, rotten things you've done to people out in the open! (Besides, it makes for wonderfully hilarious reading!) [smiley=laugh.gif] |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by cschick on Nov 19th, 2004, 10:07pm Mine isn't near as good as Franks but here goes. My best friend and I were quite the, um, "smokers" in high school. Her dad was a bit of a hippie and looks like a lost member of ZZ Top, well, anyway, her parents took off to Hawaii for 2 weeks and left us in "charge" of the house and her younger sister. BIG MISTAKE. We had a party and found her dad's stash. We smoked it ALL in the 2 weeks they were gone. Well, her sister was quite the little smoker, too, so we took pictures of her in her altered state and left the developed photos where we knew her dad would find them. In the location of where his stash used to be. She was grounded for 6 months and we got off with not so much of a lecture. Although he wondered how the photos got there. We never 'fessed up. |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by thebbz on Nov 19th, 2004, 10:13pm Now that was some good reading. All right I confess....I did it. It was me .....I got drunk and rode around Glencoe naked and I liked it. Sturgis 95. ;;D BB Not to proud of it now though |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by Jeepgun on Nov 21st, 2004, 4:23pm ROFL!! I'm beginning to think that I'm the only one who has so many revenge stories, and I'm starting to wonder what this means and what it says about my character. Hrmmm... Nawwww... [smiley=laugh.gif] Singing Dennis Leary's, "A.S.S.H.O.L.E." [smiley=laugh.gif] |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by Hirvimaki on Nov 23rd, 2004, 1:18pm In high school, there was a girl who would always wear this horrible fake rabbit-skin half jacket. Nothing quite says aspiring low-rent hooker like a fake rabbit-skin half jacket... One day I asked her if she knew how many rabbits they had to kill to make her jacket and she proud exclaimed, "It's not rabbit, it's simulated!" I looked at her with horror in my eyes and said, "Oh my God! Simulates are half the size of rabbits and they have to kill so many more of them. I'm pretty sure they've passed laws making the importation of simulate fur illegal." She never wore the jacket again. Again, in high school, a girlfriend and I broke up, and it was less than amicable. Dirty looks and harsh words were exchanged on both sides and things went into a downward spiral. Through a friend of hers, I was impolitely informed that she would like her bra and panties back that she had left after one of our amorous liaisons. I told her I would be happy to return it. That afternoon I went with some friends and we splurged at one of the local smut shops, buying all manner of masturbatory devices and trashy f**k-me under-things. I put it all in a bag and pinned it with a note which read, "Amy, thanks for all the fun. Sorry I did not return these right away. You were worth every dollar." The next day I took a detour on the way into school and placed the bag of nasties on her parent's door step where I was certain her mother would find it. In my early twenties I worked for an advertising studio right across the street from a night club. I used to hang out quite a bit (OK, all the time) at the night club as I was good friends with the owners. I was, er, especially close with Lisa, one of the owners who was also a DJ, and we would partake in a bit of snogging and general fun in the DJ booth. One evening I had just been relating the above story to Lisa when who should I spy coming into the club with her entourage? Yep, Amy the Sex Toy Girl. I pointed her out to the DJ girl and we had a good laugh. I went down to fetch some drinks and could not resist walking by Amy, only to have her throw the bird. How rude, no? So a bit later, when the dance floor was packed and Amy was dancing with her friends, the DJ killed the lights and music and shone a spot light down on Amy. Over the microphone she announced, "Amy, wh0res aren't welcome here. Get the f**k out of my club!" The lights came back on and I've never seen anyone look quite as much like they wished the ground would open up and swallow them. Hirvimaki-Isi |
||
|
Title: Re: True Confessions Post by sandie99 on Nov 23rd, 2004, 1:26pm I haven't done anything horrible... Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it... ;;D |
||
|
Clusterheadaches.com Message Board » Powered by YaBB 1 Gold - SP 1.3.1! YaBB © 2000-2003. All Rights Reserved. |