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        New Message Board Archives >> 2004 Posts >> Today is a hard day for some reason...
        
(Message started by: helpless23 on Nov 16^th, 2004, 9:40am)

Title: Today is a hard day for some reason...
Post by helpless23 on Nov 16^th, 2004, 9:40am

And I wrote this poem about how I felt. I wanted to share it with you guys, because you have been so wonderful to Ken and I, with your thoughts, vibes and tons of prayers and kind words. Bare with me, I'm no writer, I just know how I feel.

Toni

Every night I pray to God,
But the damage has been done.
There's no more faith left in my life.
He took away my son.

All the bad and good we've seen,
Means nothing to the man above,
But yet in times of good and bad,
There's always that love.

I asked you not to take him
I begged him to fight,
But in the hours of his final breath,
You were already showing him your light.

I can't understand why you've called him
Why it had to be so soon.
Sometimes I don't know if you really hear us,
And see our world of doom.

But yet through all the lack of faith,
I still have just a tad
Cuz still throughout those lonely days,
It feels just as bad.

I know that we will make it through,
At least I know I will
But everyone else in this home
They've had their fill.

I still pray to you oh mighty God,
And ask for you to see,
Though what you've done, you may have seen was time
You can't prove that to me.

He was so good, so kind, so carefree,
He deserved his life to live
If I ask for one thing from you,
Oh wait...you didn't give...

So with my thoughts I carry on,
And lack of faith is there.
But still I pray each and every night
For Christopher to be up there.

Hold him in your mighty hands,
Never let him go,
For he was such a good boy,
Please tell him so he knows.

I know you hear me every day,
My faith isn't null and void
But struggle is part of life's road
And this we can't avoid.

Tell him we love him each and every day
Tell him that we tried
For everyday that goes by
A tear that we will cry.

The memories are still so fresh
And they will always be
I know I wasn't his flesh and blood,
But he meant a lot to me.

Dear Lord, please watch over the rest that remain
Help us to heal
I know you're busy up there,
But we need you a great deal.

On my last and final thought,
I love you and I love him.
Please try to forgive me.
For what I know is a sin.

Title: Re: Today is a hard day for some reason...
Post by unsolved1 on Nov 16^th, 2004, 9:45am

[smiley=hug.gif]

Title: Re: Today is a hard day for some reason...
Post by BobG on Nov 16^th, 2004, 9:48am

Thanks for posting Toni.

Your words and feelings are understandable and not a sin.

Please take care. Our thoughts are with you and yours.

Title: Re: Today is a hard day for some reason...
Post by nani on Nov 16^th, 2004, 9:48am

:'( :-* [smiley=hug.gif]

I imagine that there will be some very bad days, hun...but hang in there. I really doubt that God would hold your grief against you... He understands your times of anger and doubt. You've probably heard this and I apologize if I'm overstepping my bounds...but Christopher's in a better place. The pain and subsequent healing are our human burden to bear, and bear it we must. Try to be strong when you can, cry and yell when you have to and hopefully each day will hold a little less pain and a little more happiness from having had the chance to have him with you while you did. Your poem was beautiful. Much love to you and Ken and family...you are all in my prayers.

Title: Re: Today is a hard day for some reason...
Post by Ruth on Nov 16^th, 2004, 9:55am

Anyone who has lost a loved one feels your pain and confusion.
I no, because I have been there.
My heart aches for you and your family and I hope tomorrow will be a better day, we can only do one day, one hour, one minute at a time.
Hugs to you and I think God understands our grief and suffering and I think he understands when we get mad at him.

Ruth

Title: Re: Today is a hard day for some reason...
Post by Jeepgun on Nov 16^th, 2004, 10:10am

[smiley=hug.gif]

There's one thing I know: Love just goes on and on. It never ends... If God didn't understand, S/He/IT wouldn't be much of a God. I am of the opinion that there is no "sin." Only learning and experience, and growth. Peace, love, and strength to you, beyond measure.

Love,
-Frank

Title: Re: Today is a hard day for some reason...
Post by Melissa on Nov 16^th, 2004, 11:12am

I refuse to go back to those places in my life where I felt the horrible pain of the loss of loved ones, that is why I could not completely read through your poem Toni. I fee bad about that, but wanted you to know I totally feel what you're going through. The grief is so raw and apparent that I cannot help but wish you were nearby so I could give you a hug. :(

I'm so sorry...

Title: Re: Today is a hard day for some reason...
Post by helpless23 on Nov 16^th, 2004, 11:14am

I'm so sorry Mel,

I just wanted to express somehow what I was feeling.
I'm sorry if I hashed up feelings for you. I understand.

That wasn't my intention though.

I wish you were nearby too, I think we could both use a hug.

Someday soon hopefully.
Love you guys,
Toni

Title: Re: Today is a hard day for some reason...
Post by Melissa on Nov 16^th, 2004, 11:18am

on 11/16/04 at 11:14:11, helpless23 wrote:

I'm so sorry Mel,

I just wanted to express somehow what I was feeling.
I'm sorry if I hashed up feelings for you. I understand.

You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about! I'm OK, and just wish that you didn't have to go through such emotional pain, but that is what makes us human, isn't it? Let me know if you need anything, I'm here for you.

hugs,
mel

Title: Re: Today is a hard day for some reason...
Post by Ruth on Nov 16^th, 2004, 11:21am

Ditto from me.
Ruth

Title: Re: Today is a hard day for some reason...
Post by Edna on Nov 16^th, 2004, 11:50am

Toni,

Those words are truly beautiful and I thank you for caring enough to share with us here. I think God is totally understanding, and I myself don't even begin to consider what you're feeling as any part of sin.

Your faith is not absent dear, it is just strained with emotions that are totally HUMAN.

I'd like to offer this for you right now, and with it a huge hug too. Just remember, God is right there with you all the time........

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:

"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

written by Mary Stevenson

God bless you and your family Toni,

hugs,
EDNA

Title: Re: Today is a hard day for some reason...
Post by lionsound on Nov 16^th, 2004, 11:58am

Hugs for you Toni........

-lionsound

Title: Re: Today is a hard day for some reason...
Post by nani on Nov 16^th, 2004, 12:25pm

Quote:

I think we could both use a hug

Toni- [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif]
Mel- [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif]

Title: Re: Today is a hard day for some reason...
Post by taraann on Nov 16^th, 2004, 1:23pm

I'm so sorry Toni. That is a beautiful poem. Here is a poem someone gave me after my mother passed....

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow;
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain;
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift up lifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight,
I am the soft star that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die

Title: Re: Today is a hard day for some reason...
Post by Jeepgun on Nov 16^th, 2004, 1:29pm

Taraan, that poem was read at my grandfather's memorial. It's always been one of my favorites... Thank you.

Title: Re: Today is a hard day for some reason...
Post by Leesa on Nov 16^th, 2004, 2:57pm

Toni, my Jersery gal. Im very sorry your hurting so bad. I wish I could wrap my arms around you and hug you. You know where I am if you want to talk hun. Im right here. ALWAYS!! That poem I hope you know was printed off cuz you said what I wanted to when my father passed away in 95. Thank you for putting into works what I couldnt. Edna & Tarann, those are wonderful.
With lots of love, Leesa

Title: Re: Today is a hard day for some reason...
Post by Ree on Nov 16^th, 2004, 6:28pm

Toni ~~it will take time but you will find one day that you are more calm and can actually feel him... He will never be gone. You can carry him in your pocket. He will visit your dreams... just be open to it and maybe he will tell you something to make you believe. It is so hard to lose a child. God bless you I think of you often. Love to you Ree

PS I understand your faith has been rattled don't be so hard on yourself. We are human first. Your creator understands your pain.

Title: Re: Today is a hard day for some reason...
Post by LeLimey on Nov 16^th, 2004, 7:52pm

Toni [smiley=hug.gif] that was a beautiful poem, thank you. I love the poem posted by Tara and I have had such a lot of comfort from it over times when I've really needed it. Hope it helps you too
Helen

Title: Re: Today is a hard day for some reason...
Post by helpless23 on Nov 17^th, 2004, 9:52am

on 11/16/04 at 11:50:24, Edna wrote:

Edna,
It's funny that you wrote that poem. That's what we picked out for Christopher's mass cards. Footprints on the front, with this saying on the back:

May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be
always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
May the rains fall
soft upon your fields
and until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
Amen.

Thank you all for your support. I love all of you.
And thanks for letting me post my feelings. It sometimes feels good to get it out.

This is one of the hardest things I think I've ever had to endure, and to have all of your support, means the world to me and helps a great deal.

So hugs and love to all of you.

Toni

Title: Re: Today is a hard day for some reason...
Post by sandie99 on Nov 17^th, 2004, 11:22am

Toni,

We all have hard days.... [smiley=hug.gif]

My dad passed away in 1997, but there are days in which it feels like it had been only yesterday.

I know that writing feelings down helps to deal with the pain. It's always good to let them out! It's more damaging to keep them hidden inside.

Melissa,
there are certain painful experiences in my life I wish not to look back on. I have dealed with them, understood them and learned from them. [smiley=hug.gif]

Best wishes,
sandie99

I wish you both strength. :)

Title: Re: Today is a hard day for some reason...
Post by cschick on Nov 17^th, 2004, 8:40pm

My sister-in-law passed away 4 years ago today. It has been a rough day and I am bawling like a baby reading this post. I can't take anymore tonight but just know please that I am thinking of you in this time of need!

Big Hugs!
Karen

Title: Re: Today is a hard day for some reason...
Post by taraann on Nov 17^th, 2004, 9:06pm

on 11/17/04 at 11:22:30, sandie99 wrote:

Toni,

We all have hard days.... [smiley=hug.gif]

My dad passed away in 1997, but there are days in which it feels like it had been only yesterday.

I lost my mom 3 yrs ago and sometimes I still feel the same way.

Just know Toni that it does get easier, the sad days will outnumber the not sad days for now but that will change. Eventually that hurt empty feeling gets smaller and only hurts once in a while. You will be able to think about him without crying every time, and eventually be able to recall him with a smile and no tears. There will always be those sad days but they do get easier and less often. Time does really truly heal, I didn't believe that 3 yrs ago, but I KNOW that now. Lotsa hugs and prayers and vibes to you Toni in this sad time.

Title: Re: Today is a hard day for some reason...
Post by thebbz on Nov 17^th, 2004, 9:18pm

Prayers and Hugs all around. And the dawn comes a new beginning. No one knows where it will end, only that there will be another. All my regards and prayers.
BB