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Title: Bloody Kids!! Post by LeLimey on Nov 5th, 2004, 3:54pm I'm sitting here at the 'puter at the moment and the kids were chatting quietly while watching "Hocus Pocus".. again! ::) My nine year old, Barnaby suddenly came out with "I think Grandad should marry Gran as then they wouldn't both be lonely" ( My husbands GP's Maternal grandad and Paternal Grandma) My ten year old daughter Brid looked at him with that withering look girls can't usually manage until they are mid teens and said in a really PATRONISING voice " Don't be SOOOO stupid Barney.. they can't get married. Grandad eats meat and Gran's a VAGINA" I'm sitting here choking, coughing and getting hiccups pretending to be laughing at something one of you lot has written! Oh boy.. is THAT ever going in her dad's speech when she gets married!!! [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by Jeepgun on Nov 5th, 2004, 3:57pm BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Holy shit... That's the funniest thing I've read all day! LMAO!! [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=crackup.gif] [smiley=crackup.gif] |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by vig on Nov 5th, 2004, 3:59pm [smiley=crackup.gif] [smiley=eek.gif] |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by broomhilda on Nov 5th, 2004, 4:01pm [smiley=crackup.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] LMFAO!!! |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by Gator on Nov 5th, 2004, 4:05pm ROFLMAO! Out of the mouths of babes! You really couldn't make up stories half as funny as the real ones where kids are involved. My poor computer. I'm glad I spent the extra few bucks on a spill proof keyboard. And don't worry about the monitor, I always clean the screen with coffee. I'm just glad I don't take cream and sugar! Still giggling Gator |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by LeLimey on Nov 5th, 2004, 4:24pm Oh my kids are multi-talented.. at any given time they can piss me off and embarrass me simultaneously! ::) At least that one was at home.. When Barney was five we had lunch in Ikea while shopping one day and as David and I were queueing to put our trays away Barney reached out and grabbed the bum of the girl who was cleaning all the trays. He really GRABBED it mind and she shot around and GLARED at my poor husband who, luckily! had his hands full carrying trays! >:( She looked downwards seeking the culprit and when she saw it was only Barney she smiled and said "J bet you learned that from your dad!" [smiley=laugh.gif] I was younger and more naive in those days and made the mistake of saying "Why did you do that?" [smiley=huh.gif] With his BIG blue eyes brimming and his bottom lip trembling my precocious little pervert announced (LOUDLY) "'Cos I couldn't reach her boobies!!!" To this day I still haven't EVER seen my husband exiting anywhere as fast as he did that restaurant.... :-[ :-[ And guess what?! We haven't been back to that branch either!!! |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by Jeepgun on Nov 5th, 2004, 4:25pm ROFLMAO!! You're killin' me!! *roaring with laughter and receiving odd looks from coworkers* |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by ExplodingEyeBall on Nov 5th, 2004, 4:31pm Thanks for the laughs. It's a great thing to end the work week with. Kids are great aren't they. Yesterday, my 3 year old told me "I wish GrandMa could come down from heaven for a while so we could give her a hug.", and then she notified me that she wants to be an ambulance driver when she gets bigger so she can drive fast and go through the red lights. Pat |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by Jeepgun on Nov 5th, 2004, 4:36pm I was trying not to swear when driving. Julia was three years old and sitting in the backseat in her car seat. Someone cut me off and I had to slam on the brakes. I didn't say a word, but a few seconds later, this sweet little voice pipes up from the backseat, "Azzhole..." I started laughing and Mari started hitting my shoulder yelling, "SEE?? You SEE?? She DOES listen to you!!" [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by ExplodingEyeBall on Nov 5th, 2004, 4:39pm Mackenzie has started saying COME ON PEEEEEOPLE!!! when ever someone drives slow in front of me or stops for no reason. I wonder where she got that from??? She has a NASCAR career ahead of her already. |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by LeLimey on Nov 5th, 2004, 4:45pm Kids in cars.... oooh wheee! I shall save those stories for another day [smiley=laugh.gif] I'm the worlds worst person to be around kids when they swear as I can't help bursting out laughing.. I know I shouldn't but there is something so funny about little kids using bad words! [smiley=oops.gif] I truly did not know the meaning of embarrassment until I had kids.. Hirv I hope you are taking note of all this! My older two used to want to be a soldier and a nurse.. Barney was going to kill everyone and Brid was going to make them all better! |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by Jeepgun on Nov 5th, 2004, 5:08pm As a child, I was well-acquainted with the taste of Irish Spring. Let me just clue you in: It tastes like SHIT!! [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by LeLimey on Nov 5th, 2004, 5:19pm Oh I have a better punishment.. I give them a spoon of cod liver oil! I'm not saying I have bad kids or anything but they do have really shiny hair!! [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by taraann on Nov 5th, 2004, 6:16pm on 11/05/04 at 17:08:31, Jeepgun wrote:
Esp when parents make you bite down. What a pain it is getting it outta your teeth! |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by nani on Nov 5th, 2004, 7:24pm mooshie has always been very dramatic. About 2 years ago (age 7), she was having kind of a bad day when all of a sudden she throws her hand back against her forehead and exclaimed "OH- my aching testicles!!!" Use of the word testicles does not occur often around my house, but it's not forbidden. I said "honey- where on earth did you hear that?!" She said "SpongeBob, nani, squidword says ir all the time." "Sweetie" I say, "Squidword is a squid and he's referring to his tentacles." "Testicles, tentacles...it's all the same to me. I don't have either." |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by LeLimey on Nov 5th, 2004, 7:27pm Aren't you glad you were at home when that happend?!! LMAO [smiley=laugh.gif] Has mooshie drawn any nice pictures lately? *hint, hint* :) |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by nani on Nov 5th, 2004, 7:35pm Yes I'm very glad we were at home, mostly because I almost peed my pants laughing! [smiley=laugh.gif] I'm trying to figure out how to post mooshie's pics so they can be seen. I have one posted on the tech problems board as a test, but you can't see it (too small) I haven't given up, just very busy. Her HA pics are great. A nail being hammered into an eye, a pic of me w/ an icepack and a cig sitting pathetically in our laundry room w/ tears in my eyes. She even drew the washer and dryer in 3D and included details like dirty clothes and hangers. I'll keep trying... |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by Ree on Nov 5th, 2004, 7:41pm One of my daycare kids mom came in laughing one day saying that she cursed at someone calling them a STUPID ASS HOLE and her 3 year old said "MOM!!! YOU SAID STUPID!!!!!" wait til the kid realizes that Ass hole is worse than Stupid... |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by cschick on Nov 5th, 2004, 9:56pm ROTFLMAO!!!!! [smiley=crackup.gif] I have a few from my wonderful son. God love him. Earlier this week I was driving him to daycare and he was jabbering away and I was just nodding and saying uh-huh when this comes out of his mouth "Hey, Mommy (every sentence begins like that!), we are learning about the heart and my teacher always asks me what the one part of the heart is called and I can never remember I think it is called something like, vvvv, um, vv, um, oh yeah, Viagra." :o I almost crashed the truck before I realized he meant ventricle. God help me it's not a wonder I am grey at 29. Thank God for Miss Clairol. Sick as this is I am soooo glad to read other people have children like mine! I have a lot more - I will just have to remember them all. Keep 'em coming guys I love it! |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by cschick on Nov 5th, 2004, 9:59pm I just thought of another one. We were driving to St Louis to take my niece and nephew home who are 14 and 16. Colin is sitting in the back between them when he goes "Hey Mommy (told ya every sentence begins like that!) Ryan just said a BAD word!" I said "What did he say?" He goes "It was a REALLY bad word, Mommy, I can't say it!" I told him it was okay he wouldn't get in trouble, so he says "Ryan said beyotch, but he said the real word!" My sister and I laughed so hard I pee'd my pants! |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by vig on Nov 5th, 2004, 10:10pm We got a call from the school once that our boy (my ex's from a previous) had called one of the little girls in his class a lesbian. He got punished, but after he went to bed, we couldn't stop laughing... Where do they pick these things up? [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by nani on Nov 6th, 2004, 12:37am Thought of another- about a year ago mooshie happened to walk into the room while I was watching CNN. Knowing that I really don't want her to watch the news(too graphic), She glanced sideways at the TV at the moment they showed a picture of a baby born with two heads. She stopped dead in her tracks and asked (rather alarmed) "What the heck is THAT about?" I explained that the baby was born with a birth defect and they were going to attempt to do surgery on him. At this news, she rolled her eyes. hung her head down and shook it back and forth and I heard her mutter as she left the room "Yep- that's what happens when cousins marry cousins..." Where she gets this stuff - I just don't know |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by cschick on Nov 6th, 2004, 12:41am [smiley=crackup.gif] [smiley=spit.gif] |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by nani on Nov 10th, 2004, 1:22am I had to bring this one back.. I thought of two more hilarious ones! Driving the carpool to school one day one of the neighbor kids asked me if I ever said bad words because she never heard me use one (she's aound my house A LOT). I explained that I felt people resorted to using profanity only if they are very frustrated or have a limited vocabulary. "Does that mean they're not smart?" she asked. "Well- I guess you could say they aren't "word" smart, there are always words to describe things without cursing." "Well then, you know what... (her face scrunched up-deep in thought) my parents are NOT SMART AT ALL!" It was everything I had not to lose control of the car, I was laughing so hard... [smiley=laugh.gif] Another classic- We were taking one of the kid's friends along on an errand and passed a hospital. "That's where they took my Dad when he had his heart attack!" he said. (I know the family well and had not heard that before)"Honey- when did your Dad have a heart attack?" "While he was in jail." he confidently told me. "Dylan- your Dad has NOT been to jail-where did you get that idea?" "He hasn't? Oh- well maybe it's just one of those things that only happened in my head." :D |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by Melissa on Nov 10th, 2004, 7:57am LeLimey, my son Eli is 1yr and 4 months old, and he likes to touch waitresses. He's taken off a couple of their aprons, pulled out their pens and notepads, and feels them up the leg. [smiley=laugh.gif] I have sooooooooo much trouble on my hands. :-[ ;;D |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by taraann on Nov 10th, 2004, 8:45am ROTFL those stories are awesome. I got one that just happened a few days ago. I have a boy and a girl Sammie is 4 and Toni is 3. We were at the Golden Corral for dinner the other night, this is a very busy place, and while my husband was away from the table Sammie says (very loudly I might add) Me have winky (our word for penis) and sissy doesn't, sissy have BUTT. As I'm quietly telling him yes he is right and sissy has a weewee not a winky he keeps repeating himself over and over and louder and louder with a big shit eatin grin on his face! My husband gets back so I get up to get my food and Sammie continues his little anatomy lesson to his dad with his superhero doll. |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by LeLimey on Nov 10th, 2004, 8:59am Mel you have my deepest sympathy.. change your name and leave the country NOW! Nani.. my husband has a theory that this is my payback for all the things I have done or said to embarrass him! The list is long and well... I think leaving it at long is probably best! Taraann my 3 year old is obsessed with willies too! He likes announcing that he has a lickle wille Daddy has a BIG willy and mummy doesn't have a willy.. usually in the middle of Asda (supermarket) Mind you.. it was ME who totally embarrassed my husband yesterday. We were having lunch out and he had Jasper on his lap while we were waiting for our food. There were some chinese people sitting at the table next to us.. anyway Jasper was messing about and he grabbed my purse so I said " Give it back you chinky monkey" (instead of cheeky) and when I realised what I said I got a fit of the giggles. My poor long suffering hubby was scarlet with shame and I sat there braying like a donkey on speed.. most unattractive! |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by Jeepgun on Nov 10th, 2004, 9:25am BWAHAHAHAHA!! [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by BobG on Nov 10th, 2004, 1:24pm Do kids learn to stereotype people at an early age? One of the wife's favorite TV shows is Cops. Our 2 year old grandson, Dakota, is often at our house. Except for cartoons you would think he never pays any attention to the TV. Wrong! A couple days before the elections Dakota and I were in the front yard when a young black man walked over to give me a political flyer. When Dakota saw him coming he started to sing "Whatcha gonna do, Whatcha gonna do When they come for you. Bad boys, bad boys" |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by nani on Nov 10th, 2004, 3:55pm Quote:
Actually Bob, they do. In college I did a research paper of prejudice and found that the two primary influences on later prejudice and stereotyping are 1. family influence 2. cultural influence (in the US TV and pop culture are at the forefront of our culture.) |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by Melissa on Nov 10th, 2004, 5:42pm OK, someone PLEASE tell my why I am doing this thankless job??? I went in to get Eli from his crib because he was up from his nap, and WHAT do you think he did? I CANNOT BELIEVE that he dug in his diaper and flung poo everywhere! He also had it smeared it on the wall, clothes, sheets and his face... *sigh* I don't get paid enough for this. [smiley=ohjez.gif] |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by LeLimey on Nov 10th, 2004, 5:44pm ANd when they do this its ALWAYS an absolute "toxic waste" one isn't it?! [smiley=huh.gif] |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by Ree on Nov 10th, 2004, 6:34pm My son Sean at about age 4 walked up to a small person ( a midget (I hate that word) and asked him loudly " How did you get here????" the guy said to him "I walked" so he yelled back to me "Hey MOM he walked" I think he thought he came straight from OZ... After that, when we saw people with any type of special affliction or was at all different, we would cross the street. Another time, I caught Scotty about the same age giving the lady with polio next door a ticket as she rode up the street in her wheel chair. ree |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by ckelly181 on Nov 10th, 2004, 7:41pm These are great! When I taught 3rd grade a few years back, I had just come back to the classroom from lunch and the kids were trickling in from recess. I noticed a note on my desk. It said: "Miss Kelly. I will be late. I spilled milk on my tits. Signed, Lehtitia." I was just stunned and a little irritated until Lehtitia walked in the door with milk stains on her TIGHTS. I still have that note... Chris |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by nani on Nov 10th, 2004, 8:23pm From mooshies spelling sentences: Pike up your pals! the bich is closed! ;;D (pick up your pails, the beach is closed.) |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by Ree on Nov 10th, 2004, 8:45pm Nani... That is so cute........Dave and I used to walk around Toys R Us with other parents trying to decipher the Christmas list to Santa. One time Sean asked for mergamies and a sermereen ~~~ it was Micro Machines and a Submarine. Another time in 4th grade Sean announced to everyone the year of my divorce on the "Time Line" project that the kids made for open house... For EVERYONE to read he wrote... When I was 6 my parents got divorced. There was a drawing under it of a guy sitting in a car waving it said Dad and the balloon above his head said bye bye. I was so embarassed. The teacher told me after that she never had the kids do that project again for Open House. LOL funny now it wasn't then... I have a million of these stories. love ree |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by nani on Nov 15th, 2004, 12:04pm On the way to school w/ mooshie. "NANI I'M SURE GLAD I DON'T LIVE IN ENGLAND. THEY MAKE YOU GO TO CHURCH." "where did you hear that, honey?" "IN SCHOOL. THESE PEOPLE LEFT ENGLAND CAUSE THEY DIDN'T WANT TO GO TO CHURCH. THEY SAILED TO SOUTH AMERICA AND LANDED IN VIRGINIA. THIS GUY - I CAN'T REMEMBER HIS NAME INVENTED TOBACCO AND MARRIED POCAHONTAS. THEY WENT BACK TO ENGLAND AND PROBABLY HAD TO GO TO CHURCH." [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by Jeepgun on Nov 15th, 2004, 1:11pm ROFL, Nani! Ree, that must have been horrible... (But still funny!) LOL! |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by TomM on Nov 15th, 2004, 2:06pm on 11/05/04 at 17:08:31, Jeepgun wrote:
You've eatin shit, too? ;) |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by Jeepgun on Nov 15th, 2004, 2:53pm Eh.... Just a figure of speech, Tom. LOL Compared to the taste of Irish Spring, shit might actually taste better. (After all, 50 million dogs can't possibly be wrong, can they?) [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by ExplodingEyeBall on Nov 15th, 2004, 3:26pm I once stopped to pick up Mackenzie (my 3 year ol) from the baby sitter in the afternoon. (Our baby sitter is very active in the Curch we have been attending for the last 14 years. It gets better.) The baby sitter told me that Mackenzie said something bad today. I asked her what and she wouldn't even repeat it. She handed me a note with the words 'Stupid F****R' written on it. I can honestly say that I wasn't to blame for this one. We DID have some words with Mackenzies 19 year old sister later that evening. |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by Jeepgun on Nov 15th, 2004, 3:32pm I was cleaning out a closet and had a pile of books stacked up. They toppled over and Julia was standing there. I think she was only three, at the time. She sighed in a world-weary way, "Oh shit. Oh dammit." I laughed so hard, I thought I was going to die. LOL! |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by LeLimey on Nov 15th, 2004, 3:33pm Well the curse of the Kemps struck again today, I had a visit from the local fire brigade regarding O2 storage. Jasper saw the fire engine pull up outside our house and when the fireman came to the door he stood there, totally awestruck and said " Wow.... you got a BIG one.. I only got a lickle one" A few years ago when I was only dating David I had a similar experience with Barney, he was only three at the time and I had a policeman call at the house. He was very taken with his uniform and everything and he wanted him to stay. The copper said he had to go and go home to bed to which Barney said " You can sleep in my mummys bed cos she has a big bed and theres plenty of room." We both laughed (me fairly embarrassed ) but that was nothing... when he went Barney insisted on waving bye bye from the front door and he YELLED right down the road after him "Come back soon and sleep with my mummy" I hate kids!! :-[ |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by Jeepgun on Nov 15th, 2004, 3:37pm BWAHAHAHAHA!! [smiley=laugh.gif] Kids RULE!! LOL! |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by Ruth on Nov 16th, 2004, 11:24am [smiley=laugh.gif] Thanks to you all for the laughs, kids are the greatest for showing us who is really the boss. |
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Title: Re: Bloody Kids!! Post by Leesa on Nov 16th, 2004, 3:12pm LMAOROTFPIMP now thats funny!!! Boy did I need that today!!! Leesa [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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