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Title: Breaking Election News... Post by JDH on Nov 4th, 2004, 3:26pm BREAKING ELECTION NEWS: NEW ENGLAND, NEW YORK CITY SECEDE Kerry To Lead Breakaway Republic Boston (Reuters) In a fiery concession speech at Boston's historic Faneuil Hall, defeated Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry accepted the now inevitable conclusion of a long 2004 election night: New England and New York City seceding from the Union. "The voters have spoken and I respect that process," said the Massachusetts senator, before an audience of friends, family, supporters and campaign staff. "And the voters have told us that it's time for tolerant, open minded and sane Americans to form our own nation." Kerry gave words to what many of his fervent supporters have long believed. "If the rest of the nation wants to be led by a bunch of gay-bashing, war-mongering, corporate-sleeper evangelicals, so be it," said the Senator. "We chose to live in peace, harmony and fiscal sanity east of the Hudson river." Legions of lawyers working for the Kerry campaign have shifted their attention from voting booth challenges to the legal paperwork required for setting up a new country. "We'll have the world's 6th largest economy, the world's most highly educated populace, the best NFL team, and the best baseball rivalry," said Kerry. "Once Kofi approves the paperwork and the new letterhead comes in we'll be our own. Thank god." Kerry stressed this path was the only way for the nation to begin the process of healing. "As a thrice decorated Vietnam vet I saw men whose only hope of life was the sweet, swift and sharp healing of amputating an infected and shrapnel filled limb," said the hoarse Senator. "And now we must amputate the cancerous red state tumor that is otherwise known as Bush's America." Details were not firmed up as to the fate of Democratic supporters in the mid-west, Pacific west coast, and District of Columbia. "Blue state citizens will be automatically eligible for membership in New America (TM)," stressed Kerry. "The rest of you bible thumpers, Humvee drivers and NRA members can take your assault rifles, Confederate flags and gay marriage bans and choke on the arsenic laden water and $6.50 per gallon gas prices that your vote has bought you. Best of luck with Iraq, by the way." Bush officials had no comment, other than to confirm the pending elimination of the E.P.A., the reduction of the minimum wage to $2.00 per hour, the reinstatement of the Dred Scott decision and the nomination of Ralph Reed to replace William Rehnquist on the Supreme Court. Meanwhile, Providence, Rhode Island was being strongly considered as a symbolic location for the new nation's capital. "More than 300 years ago, Anne Hutchinson led a stubborn band of colonists who refused to recognize the maniacal, religious right morality of the Puritans and went off to form Rhode Island," reminded Kerry. "Today, we refuse to recognize the Puritanical zealotry of John Ashcroft, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld and form our own nation, free of Cracker Barrels, Dale Earnhardt memorials and Lee Greenwood. This is a great day for New England." |
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Title: Re: Breaking Election News... Post by Jeepgun on Nov 4th, 2004, 4:38pm Good. Hope they don't let the door hit them in the ass on the way out. Take Ted Kennedy and most of Hollywood too, please. |
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Title: Re: Breaking Election News... Post by Hirvimaki on Nov 4th, 2004, 4:46pm on 11/04/04 at 15:26:26, JDH wrote:
That is quite possibly the funniest thing I have read all week. I'm glad to see the original meaning of Utopia has been restored: no-place. Hirvimaki-Isi |
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Title: Re: Breaking Election News... Post by Rock_Lobster on Nov 4th, 2004, 4:48pm I saw a post elsewhere about 'Blue America'... a liberal breakaway... very funny. That said, there is an effort to move a pack of Libertarians to New Hampshire... http://www.freestateproject.org That idea is more appealing to me... an entitlement-free society. |
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Title: Re: Breaking Election News... Post by Hirvimaki on Nov 4th, 2004, 4:57pm on 11/04/04 at 16:48:43, Rock_Lobster wrote:
Ah, now that would be Nirvana indeed. Hirvimaki-Isi |
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Title: Re: Breaking Election News... Post by Tom K on Nov 4th, 2004, 6:02pm on 11/04/04 at 16:48:43, Rock_Lobster wrote:
Weren't these guys in Montana, called Militiamen and smeared by the media? Oh, wait...those were conservitives who did that. T |
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Title: Re: Breaking Election News... Post by Charlie on Nov 4th, 2004, 8:24pm Quote:
Fine. We havd Teddy, you have Tom Delay, Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell and Zel Miller. The losers would be the red states. No one to bash but themselves. It would be like a time warp. Bush would make an excellent 19th Century President. Oh. We'll need a California corridor of some kind. Charlie |
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Title: Re: Breaking Election News... Post by Kris_in_SJ on Nov 4th, 2004, 8:45pm Hey JDH! Do I need a passport to come live there? I always liked New England, anyway ..... Kris |
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Title: Re: Breaking Election News... Post by eddie on Nov 4th, 2004, 9:26pm GO PATS |
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Title: Re: Breaking Election News... Post by Jeepgun on Nov 5th, 2004, 7:37am Touche', Charlie. Tom Delay, Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell and Zel Miller: What a bunch of azzholes.... *sigh*If we have to put up with them, you will have to put up with Hillary Clinton, though. *shudder* (A fate worse than death!) LOL! |
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Title: Re: Breaking Election News... Post by M.R. on Nov 5th, 2004, 9:24am In further breaking news, the rest of the country traded New England to Canada for a new strain of Brook Trout, several trucks of Labatts, and some shrubbery. ;;D |
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Title: Re: Breaking Election News... Post by Jeepgun on Nov 5th, 2004, 9:43am "A shrubbery!?" |
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Title: Re: Breaking Election News... Post by M.R. on Nov 5th, 2004, 9:51am Some shrubbery. :) |
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Title: Re: Breaking Election News... Post by Tom K on Nov 5th, 2004, 11:32am on 11/05/04 at 09:43:12, Jeepgun wrote:
"Chop down the mightiest tree in the forest with...a herring." T |
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Title: Re: Breaking Election News... Post by floridian on Nov 5th, 2004, 11:39am Speaking of Mr. Python, did you hear John Cleese's latest bit? How many Bush administration officials does it take to change a light bulb? None. There’s nothing wrong with that light bulb. There is no need to change anything. We made the right decision and nothing has happened to change our minds. People who criticize this light bulb now, just because it doesn’t work anymore, supported us when we first screwed it in, and when these flip-floppers insist on saying that it is burned out, they are merely giving aid and encouragement to the Forces of Darkness. |
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Title: Re: Breaking Election News... Post by Kirk on Nov 5th, 2004, 11:46am Hmmmmmmmmm Looking at resources and infrastructure. Yes good idea, lets get rid of the New England area. They really serve no usefull purpose that can't be replicated elsewhere more efficiently. [smiley=twocents.gif] |
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Title: Re: Breaking Election News... Post by sandie99 on Nov 5th, 2004, 12:25pm Whatever you think about John Kerry and John Edwards, I still think that it is extremely sad that Mrs Edwards has cancer... Hearing news like that reminds me of the day his cancer was diagnosed. And that makes me feel sad... :( sandie99 |
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Title: Re: Breaking Election News... Post by floridian on Nov 5th, 2004, 12:40pm on 11/05/04 at 12:25:04, sandie99 wrote:
Agree with you there, Sandie. When a former president get alzheimers or a heart attack, when Mrs. Ford or Mrs. Edwards is diagnosed with cancer, it is a sad day. |
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Title: Re: Breaking Election News... Post by Jeepgun on Nov 5th, 2004, 12:45pm Agreed. I wish Mrs. Edwards all the best, and hope that her cancer is cured. |
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Title: Re: Breaking Election News... Post by Rock_Lobster on Nov 5th, 2004, 1:16pm We went from 'A Herring!' to cancer. :-/ Is there a thread on this board that cannot be spared from degenerating into a crevasse of gloom? |
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Title: Re: Breaking Election News... Post by Tom K on Nov 5th, 2004, 1:46pm on 11/05/04 at 13:16:15, Rock_Lobster wrote:
Can I get an AMEN? T |
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