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        New Message Board Archives >> 2004 Posts >> Sick of being chronic
        
(Message started by: becky8 on Oct 19^th, 2004, 11:02am)

Title: Sick of being chronic
Post by becky8 on Oct 19^th, 2004, 11:02am

First let me say CH one way or another sucks!!! But I am tired of never having more than a 24 hour break ( and lately not even that cause the night hits. I wish I could just say to myself "Get through this month or 2 and it well be over for awhile". I know alot of you will be upset I said that cause I know you probably get hit harder more often than I. but just knowing theres no end, never being able to plan anything year round gets to me.
Sorry for the whining, I'm better now!! LOL!!!

Title: Re: Sick of being chronic
Post by Gena on Oct 19^th, 2004, 11:04am

whine, bi*ch, cry, scream whatever thats what were here for.

Vibes to ya

Title: Re: Sick of being chronic
Post by alleyoop on Oct 19^th, 2004, 11:47am

Although I have no idea what the stats are on suicide of ECH vs. CCH, I'd have to believe they're higher among chronics.

I've always said, it's not the intense pain (as bad as that is) that makes you think of offing yourself, it's the day in, day out, week after week, month after month, year after year of living with unpredictable pain that very few people even understand, that finally drives one to seriously contemplate suicide as a viable alternative.

I would never make light of the episodic's plight either Becky. Just know that as a fellow chronic, I feel your pain.

...............alley :'(

Title: Re: Sick of being chronic
Post by Big Dan on Oct 19^th, 2004, 12:10pm

Not chronic, couldn't understand what your going through...

... but when your in a hit, just say "You can't win you dickless fucking piece of shit"... or a clean version of that "You non-tallywhacker having flippin' chunk of poo"...

... either way... fight the good fight.

-Big Dan

Title: Re: Sick of being chronic
Post by karma on Oct 19^th, 2004, 12:35pm

Hi Becky,
Read the thread on mushrooms in the treatments section. It may be worth considering.
The one catch is that you need to be completely free of triptans and other meds for awhile before this will be at its most affective.
Good luck

Title: Re: Sick of being chronic
Post by nani on Oct 19^th, 2004, 1:15pm

I hear you, girl... what alley said is right, it's the day in, day out... shit that gets to ya. I'm in my 6th week of a bad "episode" and in my 4th year as a chronic. Most of the time you just live with it, what else CAN you do. But sometimes, which is now for me and apparently you, you just don't think you can go on another day like this. But you do... and you cry, scream, vent, medicate, whatever it takes. Hang in there honey... don't let the fucker get to you. (I am in a bad place-I almost never curse!) Don't ever give up hope that someday it will end...sometimes hope is all we got! [smiley=hug.gif]

Title: Re: Sick of being chronic
Post by echo on Oct 19^th, 2004, 1:52pm

Whine away. Sometimes that's all we have to keep our selves from self inflicted brain ventilation.

Must admit that this chronic shit gets REALLY FRIGGEN old after a while. Usually when I'm at the end of my rope one of my idiot staff will come to my office to complain about a nagging headache. Sure fire way to get assigned the shitest project I have on deck. If any of them had to deal with just one of what we deal with. it would friggen kill them.

I'll shut the fuck up now.

Title: Re: Sick of being chronic
Post by don on Oct 19^th, 2004, 2:01pm

Quote:

I know alot of you will be upset I said that cause I know you probably get hit harder more often than I.

Guess what kiddo. No ones pain is worse than your own.

If anyone is upset then they are probably a MEEEEEEGRAINER any hoot.

Title: Re: Sick of being chronic
Post by Gator on Oct 19^th, 2004, 2:41pm

We all know that pain is subjective. Your pain is the worst to you and that is all that matters. The never ending onslaught on your head and sanity can wear you down. You are among friends. Rant and rave and kick and scream all you need to. We are here for you.

Gator

Title: Re: Sick of being chronic
Post by Karla on Oct 19^th, 2004, 3:08pm

I certainly understand where you are comming from. After being chronic for 6 years and getting hit constantly all day long and finding no relief was maddening. I had my husband lock the guns away and hid the keys to the gun safe. I went on massive antidepressents and at least that did help so I didn't think about suicide daily or hourly. Not going to lie either tho the thought did still cross my mind from time to time and I had a mental breakdown due to the constant never ending pain and the stress caused me to have to go on antiphycotics. Talk to your dr and let him know how you reallly feel and how this effects your daily living and mental health. He may be able to help you in means of a good antidepressent. If you are already on an antidepressent and it isn't doing what it should talk to him about that. I am now this year eposodic. I got hit in the spring for 2 weeks and in the fall for two weeks. Things can change. You are never alone and there is always hope that things can and will get better someday. Hang in there. If you ever need to talk I am here for you.

Title: Re: Sick of being chronic
Post by Tiannia on Oct 19^th, 2004, 3:54pm

on 10/19/04 at 11:02:46, becky8 wrote:

I know alot of you will be upset I said that cause I know you probably get hit harder more often than I. but just knowing theres no end, never being able to plan anything year round gets to me.
Sorry for the whining, I'm better now!! LOL!!!

I feel the same way hun. I know that there are people that get hit harder then me. But each and everytime I get hit, all I want to do it rip my head off (annd there have been more then a few times that I I have contimplated ways of literally making that happen, especially here recently - Thank you again everyone for the support when I needed it most :-*). Hell my life is still turned upsidedown and sideways from these things. I'm still a noob to this whole thing.

raises hand... Don, Can I be a
Quote:
MEEEEEEGRAINER
? Please...... hehe Aw hell no, then I would be lumped into a group with my mother and I would not wish that on my worst enemy...

This CH is for the fucking birds (no offence Guido/Jonny ;)) and for the past 15 months, I just keep praying that they will stop. That I wont get hit while I'm sitting in a meeting with the City Council members. That I just MIGHT sleep though one whole night. That I wont sit up afraid to fall asleep because I know that I will get hit. All of this is just saying that you are not alone. We cant make them stop but we can help you get though one more day. And that is ALL you can do, but it really is a HUGE thing. Plan stuff and go with it. If you get hit, then you get hit. But you can not let this A$$HOLE of a BEAST run your life.

By the way. You where far from whining..... There are far worse things then coming here and losing it for a while. Just getting the thoughts out of your head is a big help. There are times when I have wanted to call people in the middle of the night, just to hear a voice say. "I understand." Then I would just feel awful in the morning though. :-/

Anyway, bitch, yell, cry whatever you need. That is why we are here.

PF Wishes to you, girl
-Tia

Title: Re: Sick of being chronic
Post by Charlie on Oct 19^th, 2004, 8:14pm

I don't recall chers here whining and certainly not you. The kind of pain clusterheads have is impossible to convey.

Rant away.

Charlie

Title: Re: Sick of being chronic
Post by Jonny on Oct 19^th, 2004, 8:31pm

Cheer up....it wont kill you.

....................................jonny

Title: Re: Sick of being chronic
Post by Carl_D on Oct 22^nd, 2004, 1:27pm

Being chronic fucking sucks, and can ruin your life, as well as your will to live it. It never ends.
Lately the thought of checking out early has been in the back of my mind. I'm not just going through chronic clusters, but also 3 other types of headache, and Fibromyalgia which can be extremely painful and scary. I don't know what to expect day to day. And never get any sleep - partially from insomnia, and mostly from CH's waking me up. Not much of a quality of life methinks.

Carl D

Title: Re: Sick of being chronic
Post by Nathan on Oct 26^th, 2004, 7:45pm

first of all... what is Fibromyalgia??? second, i can relate to the cronic chs ruining your life. i started cronic 4 years ago and have been ever sence, i get hit every other day multiple times a day sometimes. you cant plan anything because in the back of your mind you just KNOW that as soon as you get to the theater, resturant, whatever.. your gonna get nailed. if your one of the lucky ones like myself and you respond to O2, you can go out... if you want to walk around everywhere carrying or wheeling an O2 tank along with you, just in case. i my self have become a complete recluse, i gave in to the beast partly due to pride, party due to i dont have the balls to carry around an O2 tank where ever i go. (have you ever tried to order at a mcdonalds drive thru with a full face mask on? it aint pretty.)
so i sit at home, with a huge M tank in my bedroom, just waiting for an attack. i keep the M tank in my room because i have a huge problem with using my O2 in front of people. i just feel a 33 year old man sitting on an o2 tank just looks stupid. put me in a hole already.
i also agree with one of the other posts (sorry for leaving out names, i just got over an attack earlier and my head is just too empty to remember names. but like one of the posts said, its not so much the attacks, its not knowing when their comming. i actually went one solid month with no attack at all, and completely wasted the month because i didnt KNOW i wasnt going to have an attack so i just sat around waiting for one. hows that for wasting a perfectly good life??
now THATS whining!!!! LOL!!!!----Nathan

Title: Re: Sick of being chronic
Post by jminmilwaukee on Oct 27^th, 2004, 2:42pm

Just remember....it's all in your head :P

If that dosn't help, I highly recommend you pick up the phone and instead of bashing yourself with it, call any one of us. It helped me beyond belief before I found my "cure".

Hang tough, we are all woking on the solution.

jmin

Title: Re: Sick of being chronic
Post by Carl_D on Oct 27^th, 2004, 2:51pm

on 10/26/04 at 19:45:00, Nathan wrote:

first of all... what is Fibromyalgia???

Chronic crippling pain! Have been paralyzed unable to move in so much pain I begged for death (kind of like having a CH trhoughout your body.)
I still don't understand it all. It's almost like arthritis in the muscles and bones. I feel like I have been beaten all over with a baseball bat and it hurts to move or stay still. They think the paralysis is from MS (Multiple Sclerosis) but the jury is still out on that one. Basically, I uesd to tell friends and family that I wondered if having Clusters since I was 17 was preparing me for something else in life that I could not deal with otherwise and would have offed myself in a heartbeat. Well, going on 6 years of being chronic now with CH and my body turning against me...still confused and bewildered. One thing is for certain: I never imagined my life would have turned out like this. I thought by now I'd be on tour with a happening band slayin with my guitar and making Ozzy look like Captain Kangaroo.[smiley=laugh.gif]

Trent Reznor echoed my sentiments in the Nine Inch Nails song "The Wretched"

just a reflection
just a glimpse
just a little reminder
of all the what abouts
and all the might have
c..c..could have beens
another day
some other way
but not another reason left to continue
and now you're one of us
the wretched

the hopes and prays
the better days
the far aways
forget it

it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to
it didn't turn out the way you wanted it, did it?
it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to
it didn't turn out the way you wanted it, did it?

now you know
this is what it feels like
now you know
this is what it feels like

the clouds will part and the sky cracks open
and god himself will reach his fucking arm
through
just to push you down
just to hold you down
stuck in this hole with the shit and the piss
and it's hard to believe it could come down to this
back at the beginning
sinking
spinning

and in the end
we still pretend
the time we spend
not knowning when
you're finally free
and you could be (but it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to)
(it didn't turn out quite the way that you wanted it)

now you know
this is what it feels like
now you know
this is what it feels like

?what you did was try to stop it?

now you know
this is what it feels like
now you know
this is what it feels like (you can try to stop it but it keeps on coming)
(you can try to stop it but it brings you down)

That song about sums it all up for me.

Peace,
Carl D