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        New Message Board Archives >> 2004 Posts >> The cat needs help.... got any ideas?
        
(Message started by: AlienSpaceBabe on Oct 13^th, 2004, 7:57pm)

Title: The cat needs help.... got any ideas?
Post by AlienSpaceBabe on Oct 13^th, 2004, 7:57pm

Hello all!
The cat is writing a letter to my son who is in basic training right now. The cat is sorta stuck. Can anyone help him out of his writer's block?

This is what he's written so far:

Dear "Big Man called Mike,"

It has been very quiet here without you. Don't worry about the big old lady you call Mom - I'm doing an excellent job as watch-cat of the house.

Today I slept on the yellow cube, then watched my dinner (oh, YUM!) flit around outside, flapping their wings against the breeze. Just wait until I finally lure them in... I am a very good stalker, you know!

It's frustrating here sometimes. I eat well, then cough it up for the big old lady to see. What does she do? She picks it up and throws it out! All that hard work wasted! Or I finally get the litter box just the way I like it (half chunky, half smooth) and the big old lady comes downstairs and makes it all smooth again! I have to give up 3 or 4 naps in order to get it just right again.

I don't know what's going on with the big old lady, or the big young lady who comes sometimes. It's playtime but they both make loud roaring noises then snort and tell me I should let them sleep because it's 2am. Geez, what's their problem?! The big old lady opens the window then yells at me for stepping on her face. The big old lady's face has a big lump in the middle - isn't that meant to climb?

Yesterday there was a fly between the windows in the room with the food. Boy, did I ever terrorize it! Every time it moved, I swatted at it! We must have played together for hours! I hope we can play together again soon.

Did you know that the big old lady takes off her fur to bathe? What a waste of time! All she has to do is lick herself clean... okay, so maybe there's a hairball or two - but I just leave them as wet, slimy presents for the big old lady to step on when her feet are bare. I think she likes it when I do that because she always yells for me to come there! I'm such a good watch-cat that I even leave her presents!

Title: Re: The cat needs help.... got any ideas?
Post by Renee on Oct 13^th, 2004, 10:41pm

Mr. Cat,

You have done very well thus far.

Do you miss your Big Man Called Mike? If so, you might want to put that in your letter as well. You know, something about how Big Man Called Mike is not here for you to claim as your own?

Has Big Man Called Mike called you on the phone yet? You could ream his butt for not calling you? What did you and Big Man Called Mike do together that you are really missing now? You might want to bring that up as well.

Many purrs headed your way,
Tootles Mom

Title: Re: The cat needs help.... got any ideas?
Post by Jeepgun on Oct 14^th, 2004, 9:32am

Wow.... That's quite a caring cat!

I got a letter from my cat, once. (A big ol' Maine Coon) It read, "Servant, clean out my litter box, get me some different food, and STFU!!! Next time you disturb one of my naps, I'm going to scratch your eyeballs out and shit on your pillow. -Queen Tillie

Title: Re: The cat needs help.... got any ideas?
Post by Ronny on Oct 14^th, 2004, 2:30pm

LMAO

:D ;;D

Title: Re: The cat needs help.... got any ideas?
Post by Charlie on Oct 14^th, 2004, 2:56pm

How about:

"I'm going to get you for using me to clean the toilet bowl. No more dead mice and moles here buddy and enjoy the new upholstery while you can."

Charlie