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        New Message Board Archives >> 2004 Posts >> Wearing Down Bigtime
        
(Message started by: Carl_D on Oct 11^th, 2004, 6:02pm)

Title: Wearing Down Bigtime
Post by Carl_D on Oct 11^th, 2004, 6:02pm

Things are gradually getting worse again. Besides the CH's increasing, my legs are giving out again, and my right leg feels like it is going to explode. It throbs and burns, my knee feels like it has blown out, ankle feels twisted, and the calf feels like I have a constant charley horse in it. It has spread up the right side of my back as well, and my shoulders are hurting bad too.
I went to my GP again today, and he agreed that what is probably keeping me awake and unable to sleep is the pain I have been in. He told me also that the reason my Testosterone level has dropped so drastically is the result of all of the meds I have taken the last few years. It is a possibility I will be on Testosterone replacement therapy the rest of my life. Also, since my Testosterone has been dangerously low over the last year, I am at high risk of Prostate or Pituitary cancer.
There are still many more questions that my Doc just couldn't answer; one of which is why since Oct 2nd I have been getting weaker each day. I'm having to use a cane to walk, and making the walk from my apartment to here at my brothers house is about a 3 1/2 block walk. I had to stop to rest midway here though. Yesterday I was weaker than the day before, and today I am weaker than yesterday. I told my Sis in law that I probably won't be able to walk here by the weekend at the rate I'm going. I am just worn out massive and feel like I have been beaten with a ball bat. I'm in so much pain, it makes it hard to do anything or even concentrate. It's really starting to bum me out too. The last time I went through this in June I wound up being confined to my apartment for over two weeks. At least back then I was online and able to communicate with friends & family. Now I am basically screwed. I told my sis in law that with each day I am getting weaker, and probably won't be able to walk over here by the time the weekend gets here.
I'm just a wreck right now. I hardly sleep anymore, and am in constant pain 24/7 which is crippling me, which is bumming me out bigtime. I'm frustrated beyond belief and staying worn out. My nerves are shot too. I was asked by my old bandmates if I would do a benefit show with them to help a lady who is fighting cancer and can't pay her bills. I told them that if I am physically able when the time comes, I'll do it. I just hope that I am not incapacitated at that time. At the rate I am going though... things aren't looking too good. I'm fighting this with everything I have in me though, and am doing everything in my power to stay functioning.
Been missing you guys alot lately too. I really miss HSG chat late at night, and also haven't had time to read much on the MB here. I'll check in whenever I can, but if I keep getting weaker, I won't be able to leave my apartment. Got to go for now. I hope you guys are doing good. I love & miss you all.

Peace,
Carl D

Title: Re: Wearing Down Bigtime
Post by Dave_Emond on Oct 12^th, 2004, 9:50am

Dang Carl!
Seems like we could write the same post! Going through the almost exact same things. Just feel my body wasting away day by day and no evidence that things will change for the better. Today and tomorrow I'll be going back to the docs to see if anything is changing for the better with all these meds they're pumping into me. Today we'll check the testosterone, yeast, thyroid, adrenal and muscle deteriation. I know how hard it is to put up with this hour by hour, day by day. So hard not to let ourselves just fall into deep depression and give up. Very hard! Sitting here now at the computer writing is even difficult. Starting to check out bus routes as driving may soon be out of the question. Also know how it feels to feel like we're stuck in at home that has now become more like a prison.
Have to keep looking for reasons to keep fighting constantly. Although I'm doubled over as I type right now, I saw your post and thought I'd share with you something that I stumbled across this morning that will at least put some more energy into pushing through another day:
A young man was at the end of his rope, Life's burdens had taken their toll on his spirit, he was very weary, and seeing no way out, he dropped to his knees in prayer. "Lord, I cannot go on like this," he said, I have too heavy a cross to bear. I need your help. The Lord replied, "My son, if you can't bear its weight, just take your cross, and place inside this room, then I want you to go around and open that other door, and pick out any cross you wish." The man was filled with relief and said, "Thank you Lord," and he did as he was told. He placed his cross in the room, and then went around to the other door. Upon entering the other room, he saw many crosses, some big and heavy looking, some twisted and awkward looking, and some so large the tops were not even visible. Then, he spotted a reasonably small cross leaning against a far wall, and said " Lord, I think I'll take this little one here, "I'd think I could manage this one. The Lord replied, " very well then my son, you take it for me, but just so you know, that is the cross you just brought in." When life's problems seem overwhelming, it sometimes helps me to look around and see what other people are carrying.
I don't know who wrote this and don't think one has to be of any certain faith to get the concept. Just know it's something that will work for today, may need something else for tomorrow? Just want you to understand that I understand where you're coming from and how much work and effort it takes to keep going and that there are many times we just need a REAL REASON to keep fighting.
Hanging in there with ya,
Dave

Title: Re: Wearing Down Bigtime
Post by nani on Oct 12^th, 2004, 10:09am

[smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif]
for both of you. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. Maybe the real reason to keep fighting is just to not let the beast win? I don't know- no profound words of wisdom...just vibes and hugs and prayers going out to you...

Title: Re: Wearing Down Bigtime
Post by Rock_Lobster on Oct 12^th, 2004, 10:26am

Shit, Carl. Hold out until next summer... then we will be neighbors. You are gonna be teaching both my daughter and I how to tear up our guitars. Not to mention showing me where to find ~~drugs~~ ~~hookers~~ places to eat.

Hope you are soon doing better as well, Dave.

Title: Re: Wearing Down Bigtime
Post by Tiannia on Oct 12^th, 2004, 10:38am

Carl and Dave. All I can say is take it one day at a time, hell one minute at a time. Carl, there should be some osrt of assistance program that can help you with travel to your brothers house. It does not seem right that there is not somethignt hat can help you so that you are not home bound. That goes for you to Dave.

You both are in my thoughts.
Blessed be, my friends,
-Tia

Title: Re: Wearing Down Bigtime
Post by Gator on Oct 12^th, 2004, 11:10am

Carl and Dave, you are both in my prayers. I hope you both get a break in your pain soon.

Gator

Title: Re: Wearing Down Bigtime
Post by ZAIRA on Oct 12^th, 2004, 3:59pm

Hi Carl and Dave. You are not alone with your feelings. It sounds like you both are having a rough time. I'm sorry.... I'm sad..... :'( and I'm hoping that you both will have many pain free days in your future.............

Stay strong, Zaira

Title: Re: Wearing Down Bigtime
Post by Dave_Emond on Oct 12^th, 2004, 5:20pm

Thanks to all for your support for Carl and I,
Well, since I last posted, things haven't gone so well today. Sure enough, fell in the shower getting ready for my doc appointment, don't think I hurt anything, but the rails will be put up soon now. :P
So .. the visit with the doc, didn't go as I would have liked either. Instead of hearing the medications were working, they all were doubled (except the Stadol). :-/
We then addressed the extreme pain in my rib area for over a year once again. The doc had me lay down on my back, but couldn't induce the pain with pressure. He had me just bring my leg up forward in a normal postion and tried again ... pain with pressure this time. Started to get hit with a CH attack so most the rest is somewhat hazy. He left to get some medication to shoot into my rib areas, my CH attack increased. When he got back, I was using all my coping methods to stay still for the shots. I could hear him say this is going to really be painful and we're going to have to shoot several areas.
"Damn! Everyone else comes up screaming or even swinging at me during these shots, you barely flinched!"
He was saying as he finished, but then saw me immediately grab my head and push hard on my temple.
He helped me sit up, and just said, "I just don't know how you put up with this?" "No choice doc." For quite a while he went over the med increases, I could hardly speak and asked him to just write everything down. My attack did back off to just a heavy shadow and I told him about Carl and he did have some advice, but I can't apologize more Carl, I just can't remember at all what he said, I was having a very hard time concentrating. I'll try to E-mail him and discuss your situation with him again. If you get a chance Carl, let me know exactly what testosterone type med you're taking, how much and how often. (Also if you know your numbers and the ranges they were taken in.)
So, no good news for me today, they're still concerned about the adrenal glands, but with everything else going on, it's hard to figure out just how serious this could be ... need to try to stop some of these other areas first to get solid tests on what they do believe to be failing adrenal glands. I already know what that would mean and left it alone as well as not talking about the possible ALS. My head wasn't ready for anything else at the time. Cancelled the Neuro appointment for tomorrow as it looks like they can be no more help for now.
Afterward, still had to go to the bank and grocery shopping! I'm really wiped out right now and ready to hit the Stadol NS ... don't know if I'll be able to even write after that. Carl try to keep in touch, and thanks to all of you for your support for us in these ... well ... flat out miserable times. :-/
Love ya all!
Dave

Title: Re: Wearing Down Bigtime
Post by broomhilda on Oct 12^th, 2004, 5:33pm

OMG Dave, you are in my thoughts and prayers....

Hugs to you and Carl......

Title: Re: Wearing Down Bigtime
Post by Grandma_Sweet_Boy on Oct 12^th, 2004, 5:37pm

No one should have to endure what both Carl and Dave are going through. There is no justice sometimes.

Thinking of you both and hoping for better days ahead.

Carol

Title: Re: Wearing Down Bigtime
Post by Jeepgun on Oct 12^th, 2004, 5:54pm

Ditto what Carol said. :-/ :'(

Title: Re: Wearing Down Bigtime
Post by alleyoop on Oct 12^th, 2004, 7:10pm

I had been doing a little complaining about my situation and my pain today.

Think I'll keep my own cross and shut up.

Carl and Dave, know that my prayers are with you guys.

....................alley

Title: Re: Wearing Down Bigtime
Post by Charlie on Oct 12^th, 2004, 7:10pm

Ditto ditto.

I want you clowns to be well enough to meet you again in Dallas or something. Both of you pay attention to your sawbones and keep us posted.

All my best guys.

Charlie

Title: Re: Wearing Down Bigtime
Post by Mastifflvr28 on Oct 13^th, 2004, 1:57am

I been wondering how you were doing Dave!

Thanks for the update.
I'm sending up vibes and prayers to both of you that you get some relief from your pain soon!!!
Mast