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        New Message Board Archives >> 2004 Posts >> A bit of life (long, not CH)
        
(Message started by: Donna_H on Oct 7^th, 2004, 10:57am)

Title: A bit of life (long, not CH)
Post by Donna_H on Oct 7^th, 2004, 10:57am

Once upon a time, there was a rebellious teenager. She
gave her single mom of three as hard a time as can almost be possible. These were dark days for both.

The girl became pregnant at 17, and her mom, once again, threatened to press charges of "unruley teenager". The mom also told the girl that they could either fight for the rest of their lives, or make this pregnancy what is should be.....a most beautiful part of life. And the girl agreed that it was time to grow up and become responsible.

She went back to school and earned a GED, got a full time job and started to act like a civilized person. The mom was in shock. They worked together. The young dad didn't want any part of the situation now or ever and the girl decided that they were just two irresponsible kids and she didn't have the heart to punish him for a stupid mistake they both made. So
she decided to keep his identity a secret......and she did.

She had a good pregnancy. Her mom was her labor and birthing coach. What an experience to hear the first cry of a beautiful baby girl.

Funny, but the little girl didn't start asking real questions until she was about 12. Her little life was happy and full with a strict and loving mom and grandma and two uncles who loved her & played all kinds of silly games with her. When she did ask her mom about life, mom told her that she and the dad were two kids who thought they were in love & made
a mistake that surprisingly turned out to have the most beautiful ending.....a baby girl that was wanted and loved more than anything else in the world. A baby that, if not wanted, would most certainly have been adopted. That daddy was never a part of her life because he probably went on to fall in real grown-up love and had another family. But it didn't make him a bad person.....just a kid who made a foolish mistake. When the girl turned 17, her mom asked her if she wanted the dads phone number and the girl said " no, I'm fine with things the way they are now."

The girl now had a great step dad for 4 years and her mom, having gone to school and worked 1-1/2 jobs for years, had just earned her RN, BSN in nursing and she had the normal and a bit more loving relationship with her brother of 13. Life had been a lot of work and
more than a bit short of money, but it was a good life.

Mom was a very understanding person--sometimes it seemed like mom had a crystal ball and came down a bit too hard--but like mom said, been there, done that and you can't fool me so don't even try. It worked
most of the time, and the girl turned out to be an honors student, cheerleader captain, pretty darned good at playing the flute, was newsletter editor, prom coordinator, earned Thespian, was honored in a dinner by MIT in her senior year and worked with her mom at their part time job cleaning condos since the kid was 12 years old. She still has that job today although mom quit when she became a nurse. The kid also works
full time at a restaurant and carries a 4.0 grade point average with a bunch of college credits.

Now the kid is in college.....started just this August, and this week she made it into cheerlearing. She lives in a 4 girl apartment on campus and I miss her terribly. She calls me every couple of days. She wrote me the
most beautiful letter the other day. In part, it says "You are such a strong, beautiful and wise woman, and I truly believe you've made me into the young woman I am today. You"ve taught me so much as far as love and life are concerned..lessons that I will carry with me my whole life. Thank you for being all this and so much more. You are one of the closest people to me in my
life".

People I've worked with over the years have told me that I have a black cloud hanging over me head. In most cases, I guess I do.

When you get old(er), you tend to think back to all the things you'd change, or the horrible mistakes you've made. I have a pretty long list, but things like the
above I wouldn't change for anything. I am so very fortunate about family.

The letter inspired this post. I had to tell you all of that so that you'd understand the importance of her letter to me.

Also, I see so many young pregnant girls on the street because their parents have thrown them out, or they have run away. If only parents would be more demanding when the kids are young, and keep it going til they are adults. But the key is while being strong, you've got to let them know how much they are loved and it is only their behaviour that is intolerable and it's not that they are unlovable.

I love my family so much, and you all are a part of it. Thanks for being here when I've needed YOU!

Title: Re: A bit of life (long, not CH)
Post by ExplodingEyeBall on Oct 7^th, 2004, 11:02am

That was wonderful Donna. Thanks!!!

My wife and I went through almost the exact same thing with my oldest step daughter.

Furtunately, she also wised up and grew up and things are great now with her and our 3 year old grand-daughter.

Title: Re: A bit of life (long, not CH)
Post by BobG on Oct 7^th, 2004, 1:32pm

Thanks Donna.
You can't change the past.
But you can look to the future for you and your daughter and it looks like it will be great.

Title: Re: A bit of life (long, not CH)
Post by Jeepgun on Oct 7^th, 2004, 3:14pm

Magnificent, Donna! All the very best to you, your daughter, and your granddaughter. :)

Strength, Joy, & Peace,
-Frank

Title: Re: A bit of life (long, not CH)
Post by vig on Oct 7^th, 2004, 3:21pm

Funny, I don't see a black cloud, I just see sunshine.

Title: Re: A bit of life (long, not CH)
Post by Donna_H on Oct 7^th, 2004, 3:33pm

Thanks vig, but it's gets a bit dark again next Tuesday when I go back to the neurosurgeon after two years. Since then, the spinal stenosis has gone from moderate to severe, and instead of two bulging discs, now there are three. Almost positive surgery is on the horizon this time.

I'm really feeling sentinemtal and a bit depressed right now, but the kids don't know it and I don't want them to, so here is where I am gathering up my courage-from my ch family.

Thanks to you all for being who you are......wonderful people with a life-long bond.

Title: Re: A bit of life (long, not CH)
Post by Grandma_Sweet_Boy on Oct 7^th, 2004, 4:51pm

Donna, your story is a wonderful reminder of what family is really all about. You deserve a ton of congrats for raising the daughter you did. It's not easy being a single parent - sounds to me like you did it just fine!

Thanks for sharing and giving us another piece of yourself.

Good luck with your upcoming medical appointment. Fingers crossed for you.

Carol

Title: Re: A bit of life (long, not CH)
Post by Jackie on Oct 7^th, 2004, 5:28pm

I know you must be very proud of your daughter and granddaughter.....as well you should be. I hope you're proud of yourself too, Donna.....I'm very proud of you and proud to know you. You've done a wonderful job!!!

Vibes, prayers and positive thoughts for a quick resolution to the medical problem. Bless your heart.

Love & Hugs,
Jacks 8)

Title: Re: A bit of life (long, not CH)
Post by Tim_Z on Oct 7^th, 2004, 6:22pm

Well said Donna, I'm a stepfather, it was tough. My inlaws were the ones that made my life hard, they thought I was unfair and too strict. He's grown up now and has a son that is two and I love it. If you asked me how to raise good kids I couldn't tell you. We must have done something right.

I hope things turn out well for you. vibes and prayers coming your way.

Tim

Title: Re: A bit of life (long, not CH)
Post by Donna_H on Oct 7^th, 2004, 6:28pm

A mighty big thank you all for your encouraging words.

It's really kind of funny how an independent bull headed person like me turns to mush at the most unexpected times.

And to you EEBall......it's a hell of a journey, isn't it? Glad you and yours made it too!

Title: Re: A bit of life (long, not CH)
Post by Charlie on Oct 8^th, 2004, 2:10am

http://www.netsync.net/users/charlies/gifs/app.gif
Great story Donna and good luck with the neurotwit. ::)

Charlie

Title: pilgrims
Post by rumplestiltskin on Oct 8^th, 2004, 6:26am

...a pleasant way to spend eternity. Concentrating on the good and ignoring the bad.

Walk in the sunshine
den

PS: The human race would like to express it's appreciation for your contributions Donna.

Title: Re: A bit of life (long, not CH)
Post by nani on Oct 8^th, 2004, 10:04am

Congratulations on a great job Donna! I, too, was a teenage parent. Unfortunatley, my mother was mentally ill and could not offer much in the way of support or good advice. In fact I got pregnant just to get away from her... As expected I did not do a great job with mine only the best I could muster at the time. I am now raising 2 of my 3 grandkids (mom was on drugs-now clean). I've learned an awful lot and hope to do a much better job this time. My kids are old(?) now 31 and 29... and are good people in spite of me. My grandkids are great. No matter what trials we have in life I always try to remember it's all about the love we give... [smiley=hug.gif]

Title: Re: A bit of life (long, not CH)
Post by Donna_H on Oct 8^th, 2004, 1:15pm

Nani........if you really think about it, somewhere, one day in your very early years, there was a role model that made a good impression upon you or you would not be the person you are today.

And it's a fact that more and more grandparents are raising grandchildren. Nani, you're a good person.

I agree too that I am doing a much better job with the grand kids than I did with mine when they were little children. But, I was always in a rush, always "too tired" too something when they need me. So what if they roll in the dirt? So what if they stomp in puddles.....now I join them and we have a ball (the puddles, not rolling in dirt). LOL

The biggest lesson I've learned in child raising is Not to say No unless it's really necessary and than really mean it. I owned a Nursery School many years ago, and had three of the best teachers I've ever run in to. They taught me one heck of a lot about children.....but it was a little late for me to apply it to my kids......gotta catch them between ages birth to 6. If they lose a "stage" in development, they never have another chance to learn what they missed.

Anyone raising small children should read "The Magic Years" by Selma Fraiberg. It would be a much better world if we did.