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        New Message Board Archives >> 2004 Posts >> Self confidence issues and CH
        
(Message started by: chuck on Sep 24^th, 2004, 3:16am)

Title: Self confidence issues and CH
Post by chuck on Sep 24^th, 2004, 3:16am

I see a lot of posts regarding the physical effects of CH but I haven't read much on the mental. I REALLY struggle with my confidence, which used to not be a problem for me. I'm in the process of getting my third degree Black Belt, and I'm afraid to go into the Dojo, I frequently look at the ground when talking with people, and I've isolated myself as a result. Problem is, I want to get back "out there". Everyone in here sounds[i][/i] well adjusted and "normal". Am I wrong? Do you guys suffer the same way I do and what do you do about it? Whenever I do get out there and try to be the me that I remember before the CH, then I get hit, and in my rocking fit, get thrown back into feeling lack of worthiness. Fighting the pain alone, but need some help in the mental dept.

Title: Re: Self confidence issues and CH
Post by Woobie on Sep 24^th, 2004, 3:23am

Hi Chuck....

My husband has issues with people too. He doesn't like to be around people UNLESS they are clusterheads.

I suggest you meet clusterheads. A lot of clusterheads...
SOON.

;;D

on 09/24/04 at 03:16:44, chuck wrote:

Everyone in here sounds[i][/i] well adjusted and "normal". Am I wrong?

Yes ;)

Title: Re: Self confidence issues and CH
Post by BillyJ. on Sep 24^th, 2004, 3:45am

This was a problem for many of us before we got
here,some never had it though,and some still do.
Try looking at it this way,when you get hit (if you
are talking about hits around others)Tell yourself this,
"I just survived another dance with the devil! A pain that
most could not even imagine,unless they are a clusterhead
that is ;).I am not alone,there are thousands like me.
Those who don't have CH will never "know" but that's OK
because I know.Surviving the nightmare we call
CH has proven to me how strong I really am."
This site,Chat and conventions (and the people at them)
have done a lot of good for my self confidence.
I guess I look at it like this too-" I'm a clusterhead!!
What the hell can you do to me that's worse than that?
laugh? think I'm strange? So what,doesn't mean a thing.
Kill me? LOL ya can only do it once!Maybe not like me or
judge me because of the pain? Well the pain is part of
who I am.I didn't ask for it,I have it anyway.
PF2U,,,,BillyJ
edit: Did you see that? He called US normal! [smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: Self confidence issues and CH
Post by chuck on Sep 24^th, 2004, 3:59am

Thanks for the pep and reassurance. I'll climb back on the horse tomorrow... :-/

Title: Re: Self confidence issues and CH
Post by Woobie on Sep 24^th, 2004, 4:24am

And listen to me -

get your girlfriend on here .... supporters section....

You live there - i live not so far from there - and I happen to know another clusterhead who lives not that far from you ...;) and we could all meet (you, your girlfriend, me and Ramon, and the Other .... LOL ) and do dinner... that's a start

then
DavCon

baby steps.

LOL ;;D

Keep yer chin up
check your PMs again

Title: i'm probably wrong
Post by rumplestiltskin on Sep 24^th, 2004, 4:33am

I don't know why I'm responding. I don't have anything to say that would help you. Who am I to even assume that a person like me could ever help someone....or even addess a problem which obviously is more important than anything I face. What a hypocrite. Just some old man all hopped down on Zomig and hydrated O2 at 3:30 in the morning sittin butt neked at a computer amidst the squalor of my pitible life. I'm feeling pretty beat up right now so I shouldn't be talkin to anyone. I hope I have enough sense to press "delete" instead of "post"...

Good grief
den

Title: Re: Self confidence issues and CH
Post by StueyStu on Sep 24^th, 2004, 2:50pm

Self confidence is something I've always suffered from and self-esteem issues, most before the cluster headaches. The things I allowed myself to experience could be called dangerous at best and I am just thankful to still be here. I still hate social functions but somehow once I get there I seem able to pull my own. I am gaining some ground having lost 25 pounds recently and need to lose 5-6 more. That is making me feel better as well. I don't know what yours stems from but as I've gotten older (40 in a few days) I've just become more comfortable and feel like I have as much to offer as the next person. If I'm uncomfortable in a situation I don't need to stay, if I'm around phony ass people I recognize them and don't want them in my world anyway. I guess although I am not as successful as some and didn't make it as a professional tennis player I still find myself to be goodhearted, generous and feel like I am well worth getting to know. I don't know that this will help, but the head down while talking to folks thing is sending them vibes about your confidence cause people can pick on that body language. If you gotta, hope your shoulders up, fake it and maybe you'll start to believe you are just as good, just as worthy as anyone else. I don't somehow attribute self-confidence with clusterheadaches, but more with life experiences that shape and mold all of us. You have to figure out if there are changes you want to make and one step at a time, one day at a time will yourself to find that goal and reach for it. Be well. Stuey

Title: Re: Self confidence issues and CH
Post by Jeepgun on Sep 24^th, 2004, 2:59pm

For me, it's worked the other way around. I use to be very shy and didn't have much self-confidence. Since having clusters, it's like, "F*ckin' BRING IT!! What WORSE can possibly happen?!" [smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: Self confidence issues and CH
Post by Charlie on Sep 24^th, 2004, 3:31pm

Most of us have had this experience in some way. Mostly it scared the shit out of me until I got the diagnosis....which for me was not long.

One of the morons I worked with was a RN. Because of that, a lot of people learned what this was. It helped me deal with other situations as well.

I'm glad you're getting back on the horse. I think meeting another clusterhead or two would help a lot.

Charlie

Title: Re: Self confidence issues and CH
Post by Kirk on Sep 24^th, 2004, 4:06pm

I'm just a dumb ass fisherman. But if you can suffer through one of these things, and look at another comeing at you in the future without giving up. You have a lot more going for you then most of the people you'll ever meet pal.
Hang in there, we're pulling for ya.
As for me, I think I'll go kill something.

TTFN

Title: Re: Self confidence issues and CH
Post by chuck on Sep 25^th, 2004, 6:12am

Thanks to all for the words. Hey, Woobie, My girlfriend said that sounds good to her. We'll have to talk and set something up.

Jeep....I used to feel that way, like "what else could be worse than this, I can take on anything!!!", but I think over time I just allowed myself to get defeated. I'm really working on my mental aspect of this whole thing, hence the reason for my post. If I can't cure the HA then I can at least control how I respond to them and I can still determine what impact I want to have on the world. Thanks again.

Title: Re: Self confidence issues and CH
Post by BarbaraD on Sep 25^th, 2004, 7:46am

Oops Chuck, think I see a little "depression" coming thru here -- nomal, but .... here in Clusterville we only allow a "little" of it - then ya gotta pull out of it and get back to life again.

Third degree black belt? I'm impressed. That should give you a LOT of confidence. Chuck Norris eat your heart out!

We all have to find our way to cope with depression. Yes we hurt and yes we're sorta different from "normal" human beings (what we go thru should NOT have to be endured by humans, but we're stuck with it and eventually we have to accept the fact that we're stuck with CH and go on from there). Here on ch.com, a lot of us use humor to cope with this condition. We laugh at ourselves and at each other because it helps us get thru these horrible things. Around others - it's a crap shoot.

A while back I used to "hide" when I got hit. Now my assistant closes my door when I'm getting hit and I take my meds and after they take effect, it's business as usual, droopy eye and all. I make jokes about how I look and my clients can take it or leave it. If they ask questions I explain - if not they can think what they want - I've learned NOT TO CARE what others think. But.... it's taken years to get to this point. I do try to get away from people WHEN I'm getting hit cause I can get violent if someone says the wrong thing, but other than that - I just don't let myself care what others think any more.

Go back to looking people in the eye... It will be hard to do at first, but practice it -- it'll get easier I promise....

Hugs BD

Title: Re: Self confidence issues and CH
Post by nancyc on Sep 25^th, 2004, 9:15am

What a great topic....we do tend to look at the physical and ignore the mental....sort of hide it in the closet....I can certainly relate to what you are saying, bro. I have isolated for the last five years...since I became chronic...and it is truly taking it's toll on me. I am at the end of my rope and I never thought I would get to this. I started prozac two days ago out of desperation. They are two years old so I am praying they dont kill me ;;D but it was a desperate situation and I had to do something fast....Hell, I am so depressed that I have even isolated from clusterheads....imagine that...At any rate what I am trying to say is DONT let your depression get to the point mine has...Do something before you get here...This is not a fun place to be...Alone and scared with chs.....God bless you, bro! :Dnancyc

Title: Re: Self confidence issues and CH
Post by Jeepgun on Sep 25^th, 2004, 10:31am

on 09/25/04 at 06:12:28, chuck wrote:

If I can't cure the HA then I can at least control how I respond to them and I can still determine what impact I want to have on the world. Thanks again.

That's it, bro! That's the key to the whole fargin' thing. You are only defeated if you concede defeat. It will ruin your life only to the degree that you give your consent. The beast may be persistent, but you are stronger and you've already weathered this storm so many times before. Whatever it is, no matter how bad, "this too shall pass."

My best to you,
-Frank

Title: Re: Self confidence issues and CH
Post by Jonny on Sep 25^th, 2004, 2:24pm

Pick up your panties on the way out ;;D

Title: Re: Self confidence issues and CH
Post by alleyoop on Sep 25^th, 2004, 6:04pm

on 09/25/04 at 14:24:26, Jonny wrote:

Pick up your panties on the way out ;;D

AARRRRKKK!! LMAO!!!

Take no prisinors and give no quarter, eh Jonny?

.......................alley ;;D

Title: Re: Self confidence issues and CH
Post by chuck on Sep 25^th, 2004, 11:44pm

Hey Barbara, thanks for the great reply, it's helps to hear others. Nancyc, I think I've already been where you are now and that's why I posted because I haven't left my house in two years except for 7-11, and you're right, that wasn't a fun place. I've been getting back out there, I've been looking people more in the eyes, lately, and trying to be content with getting credit for these things only from myself. I've never been knocked out in the ring, and I've never been knocked out by a cluster, on the canvas a few times, but never stayed there. "Yo Adriane, I did it!!!". And yes Jonny, I wouldn't leave any undergarments behind on my way back "out there". I think I'm getting back to the old me, it's been a while but I think I'm starting to remember who I am. I'm not a victim of Clusters, I like Jeeps words, "these are my bitch" and I can take 'em. That's all for now. Thank you all for acknowledgment, much needed, much appreciated.

Title: Re: Self confidence issues and CH
Post by Callico_Kid on Sep 26^th, 2004, 12:33am

Hi Chuck,

I understand fully what you are feeling. Clusters bring on depression, at least in my humble, but correct, opinion. ;;D ::) I struggled in public, and I was in several public positions after going chronic, but after meeting a bunch of other crazy clusterheads at Davcon '04 I have been able to "go back out there" and face it. I still try to get away when getting hit, but now it is more to spare others than for myself.

Woobie had a great idea about getting together for dinner or something. She and Ramon are not that far away. I know there are a couple of others of us within a couple of hours at most. Maybe we should have a local meet and greet more than just once a year.

BTW, check your IMs and give me a call.

jc

Title: Re: i'm probably wrong
Post by bluesunshine on Sep 26^th, 2004, 12:50am

on 09/24/04 at 04:33:54, rumplestiltskin wrote:

I like it .
you put it on our face.
wake up all! do you see your reflection in that mirror (rumplestiltskin post) ?
Well do something about it; stand! everybody! no matter what! you worth it, don't even take a guess, stand up!

Title: Re: i'm probably wrong
Post by john_d on Sep 26^th, 2004, 11:25am

on 09/26/04 at 00:50:13, bluesunshine wrote:

ok [smiley=huh.gif]

Title: Re: Self confidence issues and CH
Post by Jonny on Sep 26^th, 2004, 12:05pm

on 09/25/04 at 23:44:34, chuck wrote:

And yes Jonny, I wouldn't leave any undergarments behind on my way back "out there". I think I'm getting back to the old me, it's been a while but I think I'm starting to remember who I am. I'm not a victim of Clusters

BINGO!!!!!

..............................jonny

Title: Re: Self confidence issues and CH
Post by don on Sep 26^th, 2004, 6:23pm

Quote:

I don't know why I'm responding.

Simple . You learned over the years to replace "self confidence" with complete and utter arrogance.

Nice job you peace loving hippie.

Quote:

I hope I have enough sense to press "delete" instead of "post"...

I'm reading your response so obviously.......................

Nuke a whale
don

Title: Re: Self confidence issues and CH
Post by Jeepgun on Sep 26^th, 2004, 6:44pm

With cluster headaches, there is pain. Suffering, however, is optional. ;)

Title: Re: Self confidence issues and CH
Post by Sean_C on Sep 26^th, 2004, 9:09pm

on 09/26/04 at 18:44:07, Jeepgun wrote:

With cluster headaches, there is pain. Suffering, however, is optional. ;)

Frank we have to do something with that quote, that says it all.

Sean....................

As for panty boy I suggest you grab an oar and get in the boat, we got work to do ;;D

PFDAN to you.................

Title: Re: Self confidence issues and CH
Post by E-Double on Sep 27^th, 2004, 11:16am

on 09/26/04 at 18:44:07, Jeepgun wrote:

With cluster headaches, there is pain. Suffering, however, is optional. ;)

Awesome Frank!!!

New mantra/ Motto!!

2x during this cycle I thought that I was in the clear. Went relatively pain free for a short time and thought I was done only to be yanked back into a tango.

At first I lived in fear and now I say fuck it!!! It will not bring me down!!

It sucks and it hurts like nothing I've ever experienced
(and there have been many) but now I say,

"It is what it is... and I'm fine!"

Be well all,

Eric

Normal is a relative term ;)