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        New Message Board Archives >> 2004 Posts >> Need Critques Quickley Please
        
(Message started by: athos on Aug 25th, 2004, 1:41pm)
Title: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by athos on Aug 25th, 2004, 1:41pm
This is an ad that will go in a program.

I am tired of lookling at it and I need fresh eyes to look at it


http://www.clusterheadaches.org/members/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.cgi?board=news;action=display;num=1093189601;start=0


http://www.xdup.com/etc/racer2.jpg
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by athos on Aug 25th, 2004, 1:43pm
I like the bottom one myself, but that is just me
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by thomas on Aug 25th, 2004, 1:43pm
Number 2
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by athos on Aug 25th, 2004, 1:46pm
or mix and match too things you like about one or another
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by BobG on Aug 25th, 2004, 1:47pm
2
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by Cerberus on Aug 25th, 2004, 1:48pm
I like the last one too...

Ramon
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by Margi on Aug 25th, 2004, 1:49pm
Number 2 is my choice as well.  Good job!

one tiny little typo though....hope you don't mind me mentioning it?  Should read unable TO stay still, instead of unable stay still.

Also, and this is just me being REALLY picky, but Goadsby refers to the condition as cluster headache (singular), as they do migraine.  I dunno if it's worth changing it but I always notice that.  Like I said, REALLY picky.

Again, great work!!
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by IndianaJohn on Aug 25th, 2004, 1:51pm
#3
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by Melissa on Aug 25th, 2004, 1:51pm
Margi, I already mentioned the "to" word on the OUCH site, but good catch!  

I picked the last one on the OUCH site myself.

Thanks Ken!!

:)mel
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by Tiannia on Aug 25th, 2004, 2:01pm
I like 3 as a whole

I like the layout of 4, but the words in shadow behind the text are too destracting from the text. Someone who knows  nothing about clusters could easily find themselves trying to figure out what DHE is or why Lithium is there (as many people associate Lithium with treating psychotic episods).  Where in 3 the pics behind the text add to the intensity of the words, rather then taking away from them.

-Tia
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by Peppermint on Aug 25th, 2004, 2:01pm
Ken, really nice work.  ;)

Since you're asking for feedback... a couple suggestions for consistency in text tense:

- Inability to stay still.  Comfort in rocking or pacing.  
- Attacks/headaches happen in groups or "clusters".
- Attacks/headaches wake you out of a sound sleep.

Oh, my fave is #4.  (edit) It looks clean and crisper to me.  

Again great work Ken. :)

Pep
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by ExplodingEyeBall on Aug 25th, 2004, 2:03pm
Definitely the last one.

The picture on it says things that can't be put in writing.
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by Jeepgun on Aug 25th, 2004, 2:08pm
Number 2, because it has a cleaner layout.

-Frank
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by Racer1_NC on Aug 25th, 2004, 2:13pm
I like #4...then #2

Bill
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by athos on Aug 25th, 2004, 2:13pm
If you look at #4 you will notice that it does not have a left eye....  I am lefty...  My ch is on the left side.

just wondering if anyone had noticed that....
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by Melissa on Aug 25th, 2004, 2:16pm

on 08/25/04 at 14:13:43, athos wrote:
If you look at #4 you will notice that it does not have a left eye....  I am lefty...  My ch is on the left side.

just wondering if anyone had noticed that....

No, I did not notice that.  To me, it just looked like a sort of side profile shot.  Interesting how you put a touch of your own personality in your work Ken.  

Cool :)

~mel
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by Hirvimaki on Aug 25th, 2004, 2:20pm
I vote for 1, although 3 is in a close second. 4 reminds me too much of those horoscope post cards they sell in Spencers and such.

Good work!

Hirvimaki
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by Lizzie2 on Aug 25th, 2004, 2:21pm
I like #2 and then #4...but they are all great! :)
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by saintslair on Aug 25th, 2004, 2:28pm
Great Job Ken,

     I like #4 without the wording on the background. I think it would look much cleaner and if this is a black ink on newspaper type program then those words and phrases maynot show up very well.
    What about a phone number for those without access or literacy for the internet? Just a suggestion.

Again excellent work!!!

Andy
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by athos on Aug 25th, 2004, 2:32pm
I am not sure if there is a phone number. Is there?

it is being printed on 100lb gloss at 300 dpi, the background words should show up just fine
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by Melissa on Aug 25th, 2004, 2:35pm
Sorry, but OUCH US does not currently have a phone number.  There is the address on the ad where people without internet access can write to for more information though.

Melissa
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by Karla on Aug 25th, 2004, 2:38pm
I think they are all vey good and of equal value!
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by kissmyglass on Aug 25th, 2004, 3:00pm
I like the first one.  I like #4 also but is a bit busy. I also would add "or temple" to the symptoms which say "extreme pain associated with one eye"

They are all awesome..great job!
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by Gator on Aug 25th, 2004, 3:11pm
As I posted on the OUCH Board.  I like the first one posted there best.  Of the 4 other ones, I like #2, then  #4.


Gator
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by Carl_D on Aug 25th, 2004, 3:33pm
#4 ALL THE WAY!!!

Excellent work Bro.

Carl
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by alleyoop on Aug 25th, 2004, 3:37pm


                         #4



..............................alley
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by vig on Aug 25th, 2004, 3:49pm
Whose address is that?
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by Melissa on Aug 25th, 2004, 3:53pm
Vig,

That address is the new OUCH Registered Agent's address of Mr. Steve Lichens (Not4Hire).

Melissa
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by lionsound on Aug 25th, 2004, 4:33pm
Hopefully it's not too late.....
I like #1 for an ad. Especially if it's going to an auduence that knows nothing about CH. (Who is the audience?) It seems to be the most clear in black and white.

Which ever you pick I think having the symptom list on the left like in #1 is the way to go because of the way your eye wants to read across the page.

For what's it worth though, #4 is the one I'd hang up on my wall. I like that one very much.

Super job!
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by Melissa on Aug 25th, 2004, 4:43pm
KEN, Check your email please a.s.a.p.!

thanks!
:)mel
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by manana on Aug 25th, 2004, 5:02pm
My only suggestion is a more graphic image of the sufferer's pain. Whether it be an ice pick, hot rod of iron, barbed wire, etc. I believe anyone who has felt the pain will associate and know this ad is directed to him or her. Nice work!
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by Ronny on Aug 25th, 2004, 5:08pm
i'd pick number 4.


    Ronny.
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by vig on Aug 25th, 2004, 5:16pm
#1, 2 & 3 say:
"Unable stay still"

But they're all good.
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by Kris_in_SJ on Aug 25th, 2004, 6:18pm
#4 without the scribbly words in the background.  

Looks great, but a thought.  Should it be mentioned that how long a cluster lasts?  ... "Pain intensifies rapidly and lasts .."
It seems to me that's one of the hallmarks that sets them apart from a typical migraine.

Just me being anal!

Kris
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by athos on Aug 25th, 2004, 7:04pm
http://www.xdup.com/etc/racer3.jpg


k latest changes....  Tried to incorp as much as I could, but there is only so much space.

Which font title do you like.....

the bottom one is 3d if you look close at it
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by stevegeebe on Aug 25th, 2004, 7:26pm
4

Steve G
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by Jonny on Aug 25th, 2004, 7:35pm
I like the last one.

You asked......It should read "Cluster headaches are the worst pain known to man"...Human......Person....whatever you feel fits there, dude

This way you get away from the HA, thats already in the title....everyone gets HA's......We are different, HA is just the word for it.

................................jonny
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by john_d on Aug 25th, 2004, 7:58pm
a little late but...

I like #1  for someone glancing at the ad  in the program it tells them the information clearly and quickly.   You may want to take the demographic of the program event into account also.


edit change 2 to 1, I can't count that high 
Title: Re: Need Critques Quickley Please
Post by lionsound on Aug 25th, 2004, 8:24pm
Excellent!

Out of the newest ones posted I really like the last one.
Neat and clean, crisp and clear. Everything balances nicely and reads well. I like that the contact info has its own box...easy to spot.
The font on that one is a good professional looking choice that goes well with the graphic.

-Lionsound


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