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(Message started by: Gena on Aug 23rd, 2004, 9:41am)
Title: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by Gena on Aug 23rd, 2004, 9:41am
I don’t even know where to start. Everything in my life is upside down and spiraling out of control so fast. I guess I feel like if I write it down it will help.
First, I am leaving Frank. It has been over for a long time, at least for me, I just can’t take it any longer. He’s mean when he is drunk and he is mean when he is not drunk. The only time he is nice is between Beers 1-5 so that is about 1:30 hours out of everyday. I have to be out of my house completely by the 1st of next month, and now I find out that my new apt that was to be ready by the 28th will not be ready till the 1st . The 1st is a Wednesday!!! How am I supposed to move and clean and paint the old place all in one day DURING the week??????? To add to the fun because this move is to a different city the kids have to change schools, anyone want to guess what day school starts? That’s right the 1st .  Then we can throw in the fact that I do not have the money for school fees, school supplies, and lets not even get started on the school clothes thing.
I also have the fact that Frank is fighting me all the way with this he will not tell me what he wants so I don’t know what to pack, He will not help pack and he said he will not help me move. He is being mean to my oldest son and keeps trying to use the younger son to make me feel like a shit, having him come to me crying asking to keep his daddy. Like this is not hard on the kid as it is. All of this while I am in cycle and having other health related issues.
I just want to scream STOP let me off this crazy ride.
Also, last time I tried to leave Frank he took my youngest in the middle of the night and left state so I could not find him, it took me 3 weeks to find him and 6 more before I could see my son, so I am also living in constant fear that I will wake up or come home and fine my son missing. Other then a few close CH’ers (and you know who you are) I have no friends in my area. All of my family lives in another state. Everybody here belongs to Frank.

So Final Word THIS SUCKS
Sorry this is so long thanks for listening.  
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by Jeepgun on Aug 23rd, 2004, 9:45am
Damn, Gina.... I'm so sorry... How awful. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Blessings,
-Frank
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by farmboy on Aug 23rd, 2004, 9:46am
Hang in there.................. things will work out.

Do the most important things first and them do the rest if you can get to them.


Vibes to ya.
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by echo on Aug 23rd, 2004, 9:48am
Sorry to read of the turmoil your life has become Gena.  Wish there was something I could say to help you get through the rough parts.  Truly unfortunate that everything has to happen on the same day.

Vent away -- I'm here to listen.
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by IndianaJohn on Aug 23rd, 2004, 10:44am
I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.  Thoughts, vibes and prayers for you.

John
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by Svenn on Aug 23rd, 2004, 10:47am
Hang in there..........things will work out.

comforting vibes on the way

Svenn
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by Gator on Aug 23rd, 2004, 11:46am
Saying I'm sorry to hear of your troubles just doesn't seem to be enough.  I wish there were something I could actually do for you.  I pray that you get things sorted out and that they turn out for the best.  In the mean time, come and vent your frustrations here when you can.

Peace, Strength and Love,

Gator
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by Jimmy_B on Aug 23rd, 2004, 11:49am
Gena,

Sorry to hear this is all happening, at once. As someone said...do the important things 1st.

Get temporary emergency custody of the children. (I don't know what state you live in, but most don't make this difficult for the mother). That way, if he tries to run off with the kids, you have grounds to have the Law hunt for him.  

Get yourself & your children squared away 1st, and everything else will work out.

Good Luck

Jimmy
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by Cathi04 on Aug 23rd, 2004, 11:55am
Gena...one phrase popped out.. which makes all your extreme effort worth while, if he is abusive..either verbally or physically..PLEASE remove yourself and your children! It may be difficult, but it will also be worthwhile...I assure you!
Take a deep breath, and go forward.........one step at a time, Gena...and I'll jsut betcha there are plenty here who will be walking with you!
Keeep us posted, please! And cou :-*rage!
Cathi
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by Linda_Howell on Aug 23rd, 2004, 12:08pm


Gena,

  Almost every single city in America has a abused women and children hot-line you can call.  They DO and WILL help you out.  Maybe only for a few days or a week, but that will give you time to think of your alternatives.   I see you live near Chicago, so you should have no trouble finding one in the phone book.

        Linda
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by Jeepgun on Aug 23rd, 2004, 12:25pm
Right on, Linda.  [smiley=thumbsup.gif]
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by Woobie on Aug 23rd, 2004, 12:51pm
Hey G!

[smiley=hug.gif]

I'm here - you can stay any time.
maybe the boys can come stay with me for a couple days while you move... they can just start school a couple days late.  Frank cant get them here.  

and you know you're welcome here = any time.

Wish I could do more!    :-*

tina

check yer PMs too
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by Donna_D. on Aug 23rd, 2004, 1:29pm
Gena,

Having been in your situation not too long ago, I have some words of advice for you.  LEAVE...NOW...Don't worry about what to take, GET YOUR KIDS and get out.  
There IS A LIFE out there for you and your kids.  Forget the cleaning and painting, let HIM take care of that.

I had to learn to rely on my friends and family.  It was not an easy thing to do.  Accepting help during this time for you and your boys is critical.  ANY help is good help.

I am here if you ever need to talk.  I KNOW what you are going through...believe me, I know.  

I am going to PM you my number.  Call me anytime.  I mean that.

You do NOT have to go through this alone.

You have a family here that loves you and will give you strength through the coming weeks and months.  They were here for me, and without their support I would have been lost.  I only hope I can help you in the same way you all helped me.

Now, that being said...be strong, stay the course.  Your boys need you and don't hesitate to call the police if you need them.  A temporary restraining order should also give you temporary custody of the kids and gives you legal recourse if he tries to take off with the kids.

There is a lot to do...I am here to help you through it all.
All you need to do is GO.  The rest will happen in all good time.


Your Friend,


DD
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by Peppermint on Aug 23rd, 2004, 2:52pm

on 08/23/04 at 09:41:25, Gena wrote:
when he is drunk and he is mean when he is not drunk. The only time he is nice is between Beers 1-5 so that is about 1:30 hours out of everyday.

I read this and I flinched.  It's weird how some things are the same in a different place.  I've been there Gena.  I'm glad you're getting the hell out of dodge, but I know its easier said than done.  :(

About the school and moving thing- if the boys can't start school late like Tina suggested, can you stay with some friends or family in your new city, just for those few days, Wed-Friday?  Then you can move that weekend, and leave the cleanup and painting to Frank.  Or just move that Friday night after the boys get home, and you have the rest of the weekend, to do what you can.  If you have some friends or even acquaintances willing to make the trip for that weekend to help you out, just ask.  There's no shame in asking real friends to help you out when you need them.  You can worry about returning the favor (i.e. a nice dinner maybe? ) to them when you are a little more settled into your new digs.  

on 08/23/04 at 09:41:25, Gena wrote:
He is being mean to my oldest son and keeps trying to use the younger son to make me feel like a shit, having him come to me crying asking to keep his daddy. Like this is not hard on the kid as it is. All of this while I am in cycle and having other health related issues.


Gena, I think JimmyB gave great advice.  What he's doing to your sons is emotionally abusive... he's SO wrong.  :(  My ex did the same to my daughter, and she was 3 yrs old.  I found out about it months later.  Temporary custody is really important, especially since he has a history already.  If you can, do it!  You may be able to get some sort of court order, if he's gotten violent with you and them, and you tell them about his history.  Its one or two more thing to do, but one step at a time.  Write a list if it helps.  It is overwhelming, I cannot imagine going through all this and having your CH's as well.  

Gena, I'm sorry for what you're going through.  If you ever feel like some support from someone who's been through a very similar situation (without the clusters), feel free to get in touch.  I hate to say that we have that part in common, I wish it wasn't true.  Just do what you have to do for you and your babies, it sounds like you're already on the right path from what you've said.  

Big hugs Gena, keep talking, I know you can get through this.

Pep
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by Gena on Aug 23rd, 2004, 3:21pm

on 08/23/04 at 14:52:29, Peppermint wrote:
Then you can move that weekend, and leave the cleanup and painting to Frank.
I need the deposit money back or I can't pay for my new place, Frank already said that he will not help.  

Gena, I think JimmyB gave great advice.  What he's doing to your sons is emotionally abusive... he's SO wrong.  :(
When I said he was mean this is what I ment he is emotinally and verbally abusive, he has taunted ME to the point of phy. Violence, he usally does not stop till he gets some kind of reaction out of me. Then of course I am the bad person, he says he will have me arrested for spouse abuse (he did this once in TX, and I did not even touch him). He says that I am crazy and need to be commited. He used to use these HA as some of his proof till I got my correct Dx. I think it is one reasons he hates this site so much.

 Temporary custody is really important, especially since he has a history already. I have temporary custody but I don't know how desperate he will become, he is getting more so the closer the move out date gets



Thanks everybody so much, it just help to let it all out
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by TomM on Aug 23rd, 2004, 3:36pm
Gena--I have no words of wisdom; no advice. Hang tough and know that what is important is what is right for your children and you.
Thinking of you....
TomM
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by Little Deb on Aug 23rd, 2004, 3:48pm
Gena dear....check your PMs.  I will help any way I can.

What Linda, Cathi, and Donna said....the ONLY thing that is important is the safety of you and the boys.  Don't let your guard down for a single second.  Watch the movie "Enough"

Love ya girl.  Keep your chin up.  


LD
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by Jonny on Aug 23rd, 2004, 4:21pm
Hang in there, Gena!!

I would love to put my boot in that Franks ass.....both boots!!

............................jonny
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by Little Deb on Aug 23rd, 2004, 4:30pm
DO IT jonny!  Wear your biggest pair!

I know nothing.............................Little Deb ;)
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by Peppermint on Aug 23rd, 2004, 4:57pm

on 08/23/04 at 15:21:58, Gena wrote:
Thanks everybody so much, it just help to let it all out


Gena... I can only reiterate what the other ladies said:  Protect you and your children, regardless of whatever else happens.  
Please check your pm's.  
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by FZfan on Aug 23rd, 2004, 5:34pm
So sorry to hear what you are going through, Gena. I think everyone else has given you great advice. As I am going through a breakup right now, I wouldn't have good advice to give anyway. Yes, it does help to write it out. After reading your story I feel a little silly for posting mine last saturday. My situation pales in comparison to yours.

The best I can offer is...hang in there. It's not much but it's all I can offer right now.

It truly amazes me how bad some men can be. Pisses me off too.
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by purpleydog on Aug 23rd, 2004, 6:51pm
Gena, don't let him aggravate you. You are almost free, remember that. If you can leave your children with someone you know and trust, even for a day, it will help you to do what you have to do. I will be thinking of you. Check your pm's.

pd
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by BlueMeanie on Aug 23rd, 2004, 6:51pm
Gena,

Hugs and vibes coming your way. Hang in there and keep smiling. Things have a way of working out for the better.

Take care girl.
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by Redneck on Aug 23rd, 2004, 7:40pm
Gena,
You are getting a lot of good advice, take it! This touches a "nerve" with me. If Jonny needs an extra boot I got 2 here with feets in them!

Take care and luck.
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by Carl_D on Aug 23rd, 2004, 8:41pm
Hang tough Gena. You've got alot of good people here rooting for ya and giving some good advice. Wish I could do more than send vibes and hugs. Give Woob's a call and maybe take her up on the offer to take the kids off of your hands for a couple of days while you get things worked out. Vent away and keep us posted.

Peace,
Carl D
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by Kevin_M on Aug 23rd, 2004, 9:11pm
Mental and verbal abuse is not a situation to stay in.  

Pull yourself through this, some help may be available as Linda mentioned.   Drinking and desparate isn't good for anyone around him.  


Kevin M
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by Woobie on Aug 24th, 2004, 8:31am
HEY G!

how are ya today?
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by Gena on Aug 24th, 2004, 8:37am
A little down, but with every day I get closer to the day it will be over.

Just trying to take one step at a time.
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by Woobie on Aug 24th, 2004, 8:42am
You can DO this!

Hang in there.
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by lionsound on Aug 24th, 2004, 9:46am
Gena,
you are brave, you are strong and you are doing the right thing. It may be stormy right now, but it will be beautiful when the calm comes.

-lionsound
Title: Re: Big Time Vent - Not CH
Post by vig on Aug 24th, 2004, 11:31am
Hi Gena,
A bad supporter is worse than no supporter at all.
Be strong.
it's going to get better.


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