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(Message started by: FZfan on Aug 21^st, 2004, 11:24am)

Title: Pain worse than clusters
Post by FZfan on Aug 21^st, 2004, 11:24am

There is pain that is far worse than cluster headaches. The pain of a broken heart.

My wife left me last wednesday. I don't normally post vents and I don't usually respond to other peoples posts about their personal problems. I don't do vibes and I don't do prayers, nor am I seeking them.

However, as I have no close personal friends here where I live, I need to talk to someone and this board constitutes the closest thing to a friend that I have.

I wish I could point to something that has caused this. Some easy to understand reason for her to leave, such as I cheated on her, or I was a drunk, or I was lazy, or I didn't do anything for her kids, or she found another lover, or some reason that is more typical of an end to a marriage. Unfortunately, none of that is true. I have never cheated, I'm not a drunk, I go to work everyday and come straight home after work. I have re-financed my house twice in the last 6 years trying to do everything I could to care for her kids. I asked her if she had another lover and she said, 'No, I don't want anything to do with another man right now.' I guess she could be lying about that, but I see no reason for her to lie so I believe it. When I asked her why she was leaving me, she would only say that, 'you just don't get it, and you never will.' She is definitely right about that because I have no idea what that means, and she will not explain it to me.

Now I sit here in my suddenly empty house, chain smoking, and racking my brains out trying to figure out how to get her back and what it is that I "don't get".

There are two sides to every story. I'm sure her side is completely different from this one. The truth probably lies somewhere in between. No matter. She is gone and it doesn't seem like there is going to be any way to change that. But I've got to try.

Please do not send me any vibes, or offer any prayers. I'm not into vibes, and prayers for an aethiest would be wasted. I'm not looking for sympathy. I simply want to communicate to someone what I am feeling and going through right now, and you folks here are the only ones I feel I can do that with. Thanks ever so much to anyone who has stuck it out to read this post. Thank you for listening. That's all I really wanted.

They say there is no pain worse than a cluster headache. Bullshit. The pain of a broken heart is far worse than all the kip-10's in the world combined. I would actually welcome a kip-10 attack right now. It would at least temporarily take my mind off of this shit.

I will get over this. I know I will. But I will never get over my lack of understanding for why this has happened. I apologize for rambling on like a damn baby. I love music so I would like to close this awful post with the lyrics of a song by Commander Cody, because they strike so close to home right now, and it's the best crying song I know...

I'm sittin' alone, Saturday night
Watching, the late late show.
A bottle of wine, some cigarettes
I've got no place to go.
I saw your other man today
He's wearing my brand new shoes
And I'm down to seeds and stems again, too.

I saw my old friend Bob today
From up in Bowling Green
He had the prettiest little gal
That I had ever seen
I couldn't hide my tears at all
Cause she looked just like you
And I'm down to seeds and stems again, too.

Now everybody tells me
There's other ways to get high
They don't seem to understand
I'm too far gone to try

Now these lonesome melodies
They're all that I can do
And I'm down to seeds and stems again, too.

(crying violin solo)

You see, my dog died the other day
And left me quite alone
The finance company dropped by today
And repossessed my home
That's just a drop in the bucket
Compared to losing you
And I'm down to seeds and stems again, too

I've got the down to seeds and stems again blues

(crying steel guitar closing)

Thanks for the shoulder to cry on. I love this place and all the people in it.

Glen

Title: Re: Pain worse than clusters
Post by purpleydog on Aug 21^st, 2004, 11:33am

Check your PM's, Glen.

pd

Title: Re: Pain worse than clusters
Post by Prense on Aug 21^st, 2004, 11:53am

Been there, done that...wearing the T-shirt.

on 08/21/04 at 11:24:52, FZfan wrote:

'No, I don't want anything to do with another man right now.'

In my experience, that line is typically a bunch of crap.

There are ways to salvage in these situations, but it requires both of you to do it. If this is truly the end of the relationship, only time will tell the real story. When this happened to me, I could have written exactly what you did. Hindsight being what it is, I realized later on that there were issues. We both contributed to the "problems". It takes a while to recover from something like this.

I moved on, and I am extremely grateful that I went through all of that crap. I eventually found someone else, and my prior experience has made this relationship far better than what I could have ever imagined possible. Things happen for a reason...although you may not understand that reason now; you will later on.

Hang in there Glen!

Chris

Title: Re: Pain worse than clusters
Post by JDH on Aug 21^st, 2004, 12:12pm

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."
-- John Lennon

Better days are ahead of you Glen.

Jim

Title: Re: Pain worse than clusters
Post by Ree on Aug 21^st, 2004, 12:13pm

Glen~~~I have been on the WIFE recieving end of this... I treated my x like a king....... he never lacked any thing meals, sex, and I wasnt ugly eitheir..... kept myself working out constantly almost to an obsession not to gain any weight~~~ two wonderful kids (that are now making him proud)... I feel your pain...

Just know that I feel your pain.......love to you Ree

Title: Re: Pain worse than clusters
Post by FZfan on Aug 21^st, 2004, 12:16pm

I will hang in there chris.

I realize this has happened to many, if not most of you folks at one time or another.

You are absolutely right. It will take both of us to overcome this, if that is possible. I know there are issues, I am just trying to figure out what they are.

I agree that things happen for a reason, in fact, I agree with everything you said, but even knowing all of that doesn't help with the pain right now.

I do know myself, though. I know I will recover even if we can't get back together.

Thanks so much for your response. It is appreciated.

Title: Re: Pain worse than clusters
Post by FZfan on Aug 21^st, 2004, 12:34pm

Wow, I am already overwhelmed with the responses, both posts and pm's. I had stated I wasn't looking for sympathy. But I was definitely looking for support and I knew I could count on the good folks here for that.

Just like clusters, knowing there are other folks who truly understand your pain is a big help and is actually comforting.

Thank you, thank you, thank you all from the bottom of my broken heart.

I think I'll go for drive in the country now. That usually perks me up.

Oh, and grandma_sweet_boy, I promise I won't play any sad songs. ;) I'll listen to Zappa. He didn't do sad songs.

Title: Re: Pain worse than clusters
Post by Becky on Aug 21^st, 2004, 12:45pm

(( FZfan ))

Hang in, things will get better, we are here for you if you need us.

Hugs
Bec

Title: Re: Pain worse than clusters
Post by Jonny on Aug 21^st, 2004, 1:25pm

This is where I usually say .................Nah, I wont say it.

Hang in there, Bro!

................................jonny

Title: Re: Pain worse than clusters
Post by farmboy on Aug 21^st, 2004, 2:51pm

Hey Glen Just move on ...............the " you don't get it and there is no one else line ". i have heard this one and it means i have a boyfriend.

Have ben ther and done that.

Title: Re: Pain worse than clusters
Post by FZfan on Aug 21^st, 2004, 3:08pm

jonny,

I don't mind being told to STFU. It might be exactly what I need. Thanks for the pm, bro. If I don't call ya, it means I'm doing alright.

You guys, all you guys, are the absolute best. But you allready know that.

Title: Re: Pain worse than clusters
Post by Jonny on Aug 21^st, 2004, 3:14pm

on 08/21/04 at 15:08:10, FZfan wrote:

jonny,
I don't mind being told to STFU. It might be exactly what I need. Thanks for the pm, bro. If I don't call ya, it means I'm doing alright.

If you dont call then I know you have STFU'ed ;;D

Its good whenever you need it!

............................jonny

Title: Re: Pain worse than clusters
Post by Mac on Aug 21^st, 2004, 3:22pm

I'm not going to tell you it'll get better - who the hell knows. What I will tell you is you better cover your ass quick. Look after yourself(and your kids).

glen

Title: Re: Pain worse than clusters
Post by judyw on Aug 21^st, 2004, 3:34pm

Well, there are times when we need the best...I am glad we are here for you today...for none of us know just when WE will need the best...I'm with you, nothing like a nice country ride and some loud music to put things back in a clearer perspective...Since you don't want any prayers or vibes, I am sending you a hug and a :) with or without your permission...cause I can't use Jonny's words...just don't seem to get the same response... ::) 143
judyw

Title: Re: Pain worse than clusters
Post by Charlie M on Aug 21^st, 2004, 4:14pm

And this too shall pass. Just watch your back, she may say she wants or needs nothing, she may say she's finding herself. She's blaming you with no just cause. You still have strong feeling for her. I can see in your letter, but don't let down your guard. In my cases they have attacked when you least expect it. GOOD LUCK

Title: Re: Pain worse than clusters
Post by BlueMeanie on Aug 21^st, 2004, 6:10pm

Hey Zappa,

Sorry to hear the news. Hope it works out for ya. Maybe we'll see ya in Milwaukee. At least we understand the CH part of your pain.

Take care.

Title: Re: Pain worse than clusters
Post by alleyoop on Aug 21^st, 2004, 7:29pm

If you haven't already (and it doesn't sound like you have), get your neuro to prescibe lithium. It's good for the head and heart (as in even keel- no highs and lows)!

Honestly Glenn, I couldn't give any better advice than Chris gave you. That's a sage young man!

Hang in there!

....................................alley

Title: Re: Pain worse than clusters
Post by Charlie on Aug 21^st, 2004, 7:43pm

Doesn't sound like your fault.

Wish I had some pearl of wisdom. I don't.

Keep ranting is my advice. We're here.

Charlie

Title: Re: Pain worse than clusters
Post by miapet on Aug 21^st, 2004, 9:29pm

That sucks.

I'm playing some music for you *smiles*

*positive light and energy*
miapet

Title: Re: Pain worse than clusters
Post by Tiannia on Aug 22^nd, 2004, 10:57pm

ok hun no vibes. But you will be in my thoughts and I will send energy you way. Like someone said above cover yourself. Shauns X tried writting checks from thir account after it was closed ad forged his nam. Amazig what some bitter nasty people whill do if they have it in their head to mess with you.

Blessed be.
May the God and Goddess guide you on the pass you are to take.
-Tia

Title: Re: Pain worse than clusters
Post by Jeepgun on Aug 23^rd, 2004, 8:32am

*pounding out some really nasty, smokin' blues in C-minor on the piano for you* You've got some great advice here. Hang in there, man. *hug*

Title: Re: Pain worse than clusters
Post by stuey on Aug 23^rd, 2004, 1:21pm

'You just don't get it and never will' doesn't really clarify what the problem is or was. I wish you well even though you don't believe in the vibe thing. Whoever said it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all must have been on opiates.

Title: Re: Pain worse than clusters
Post by AlienSpaceBabe on Aug 23^rd, 2004, 3:17pm

on 08/21/04 at 14:51:44, farmboy wrote:

Hey Glen Just move on ...............the " you don't get it and there is no one else line ". i have heard this one and it means i have a boyfriend.

Have ben ther and done that.

Or it could mean:

There is no one else. I've been hurt by a man so I don't see another one being with me in the near future.

I said that truthfully, and meant every word of it.

Title: Re: Pain worse than clusters
Post by Cerberus on Aug 23^rd, 2004, 11:59pm

Quote:

she would only say that, 'you just don't get it, and you never will.' She is definitely right about that because I have no idea what that means, and she will not explain it to me.

Irony...(at least to me right now) ...no vibes no prayers crewman...but I can validate your dismay on this one.

Ramon

Title: Re: Pain worse than clusters
Post by FZfan on Aug 24^th, 2004, 8:15am

Well, as William Shatner said in Airplane 2...

"Irony can be pretty ironic sometimes"

Title: Re: Pain worse than clusters
Post by Rock_Lobster on Aug 24^th, 2004, 10:16am

My brother is in the 'rebound stage', after having his wife walk out with some other guy.

He was all torn up initially, but is now loving it, having found a few internet dating sites. Went on a half-dozen or so dates... then hooked up with what seems to be a keeper.

Best of luck FZ. You will bounce back from this... no doubt.