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Title: Need to vent...... Post by E-Double on Aug 13th, 2004, 7:18pm These fucking things won't go away!!!!!!! It could not be happening @ a worse time. Business was rolling, been planning and saving for a wedding, and other shit that was just good. My supporter is marvelous!!! But I think I just found a fucking trigger!!! The fucking Wedding and talking about it (atleast this is what she thinks) Every time we talk about it or what I still need to do she says she feels guilty because I look like I'm in pain. GUESS WHAT I'M ALWAYS IN FUCKING PAIN!!! >:( I'm not the man I was and the man I'm supposed to be and I can't take it. I'm supposed to be getting married in 100+ days. Still shit to do!! Didn't work today. In fact for the first time I was unprofessional. Didn't call to cancel just didn't go. Pity party for me...they all know what I'm dealing with and didn't call to bitch. I'll apologize on Monday. Anway I can't take her stressing out!!!!!!!!! That is what stresses me out. I've always been calm and cool about life except when I see her hurt. That kills me. and Yes I think that is my "trigger" if I have one... HER PAIN. God I can't take this shit. She just walked out frustrated over me. Great that makes me feel a whole lot better. "Gonna go see if I can go to the Caligrapher's store" It's 6:45 I say. She leaves. Now I know she just really wanted to get away from me. And I don't blame her but it hurts! Something fierce!! Out she goes. And there goes my fist through one of our doors!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!! I'm feeling sick all day. Wiped out from getting my ass kicked late last night and 2 other times yesterday and I've been teetering all day. I never complain about this shit anymore. I had a nice tease away from these things for about 2 weeks. No major hits. Now I'm back! Fuck!! I love this woman with all my heart and I've been the sympathetic one to her constant misery form her job and I'm supporting her for all the other shit as well. But I've been in cycle for now almost 13 weeks, 11 nonstop and I need to find a way to make her feel better. That would make me feel better. I know she needs a break and I am so sorry that I have these things. Not so much for me because we all know how much these hurt but I need a break so that she could stop hurting. I'm done!!! Thanks! Frustrated and emotional, I lost me again!!! Eric |
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Title: Re: Need to vent...... Post by Charlie on Aug 13th, 2004, 7:34pm Feel free. Let it out. Rant away. >:( Damn I hate it when this horror causees so much pain and makes us have to make these kinds of posts. :'( Here's hoping you get break. It's about friggin' time. Keep it up. Charlie |
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Title: Re: Need to vent...... Post by Tiannia on Aug 13th, 2004, 7:42pm Let her read this is might really help. Talking from a woman who gets hit and watching it tear my husband up that he cant fix it. He knows that I cant help these and that I do the everything I can to not have it "Effect" my family any more then I have to. I'm about to get hit with my third one at work today. Just started burning up and the sweats are starting.... The gal I work with says. "Well take a shot." And without Ins for 5 months I dont want to until I know just how bad it is before I waste what I use as my saftey blanket. Sorry hun, I wish I could help more. Grats on the wedding. Let her see that it is not her and give her the space that she needs. PF wishes my friend -Tia |
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Title: Re: Need to vent...... Post by purpleydog on Aug 13th, 2004, 7:43pm Hang in there Eric. Kick that fucking beast's ass! I'm thinking of you. Stay hard. purpleydog |
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Title: Re: Need to vent...... Post by Jonny on Aug 13th, 2004, 7:50pm Im with Tia. Eric, let her read what you wrote here so she can see how much this is tearing you up, then you can talk about it. I feel for you, Bro....I know what your going through .....................................jonny |
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Title: Re: Need to vent...... Post by kimh on Aug 13th, 2004, 8:02pm E, i'm so sorry you and Joanna are stressing it out. Eric, maybe joanna could try talking on the supporters boards....i know for a fact that stuff like this goes on with other sufferers and supporters. Please bear in mind that what you guys are experiencing together is not out of the ordinary when dealing with clusters within a relationship...maybe you guys could talk about it when things settle down a bit. I know you are exhausted. I know Joanna feels helpless, frustrated, and at the same time juggling all of life's other stuff too. please don't beat yourself up friend*** i am praying for you that you can get some rest Eric, i know that you need that. Let Joanna get herself sorted out and when you are calmer and she is calmer you guys can come to understanding together. You know me and Brian are not sleeping in the same room since this episode got started. I notice that he is drinking more....Some nites we hardly tawk together because the clusters are taking over the freaking house!!!!He is isolating TOO :'( Day in and day out he sees the suffering. And he knows that there is nothing he can do to stop the pain. I know it kills him and eats at him... so we both go into our respective zones. Yet -- today after he got home from work, we talked together -- nothing too intense, but just sort of came together for a bit...and that's how it goes.... These are the bad times, but they pass Eric and make us stronger in the long run. Peace and pf wishes ***To You Both*** :) |
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Title: Re: Need to vent...... Post by Kevin_M on Aug 13th, 2004, 8:05pm It does its best to change all of us for the worse Eric; that is a big part of the war too. When this episode ends, you don't want to leave yourself a lot of hard thinking to do.....regrets. There's a way through it, and there'll be more episodes. Be what you need to be, live the life you can...despite. Don't let it get to you, for today. Lotsa vibes Kevin M |
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Title: Re: Need to vent...... Post by Superpain on Aug 13th, 2004, 8:23pm I got my ass kicked continually before I got married. 8 hrs after I got married wasw my last headache... Let's hope it works for you! |
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Title: Re: Need to vent...... Post by IndianaJohn on Aug 13th, 2004, 8:26pm Brother, I love ya and would carry some of your pain if I could. Just hang in there today. Tomorrows another day and it will be better than this one. People get stressed over weddings and the like. Sometimes you have to say to yourself "I know that you're stressed and wish I could more, but I can't" Then you do the best you can for you both. Jonny, Kim and Tia are right. Show her this. Then talk. big vibes to you and joanna both... John P.S. My wife and I will be married 20yrsd next march. The beast sucks, but we both know it will end. |
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Title: Re: Need to vent...... Post by E-Double on Aug 13th, 2004, 8:55pm Thank you so much!!!!!!!!!! I know I should probably show her and I might just do so. She came back and it was big hugs and tears and atleast for now things are ok. In fact I know they are ok. We talk pleanty about these damn things but I guess it gets the better sometimes. I will definitely try to get her here more. I know she posted a couple of times. She's liljo and told me she got some nice replies. I think she looks at this place as mine. When it really should be ours. Again Thank you all for your tremenedous support. Let's kick ass!!!!!!!! Eric |
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Title: Re: Need to vent...... Post by miapet on Aug 13th, 2004, 10:00pm Eric, We're pulling for you and your girl *smiles* If she wants to talk, she can email me anytime. *positive light and energy* miapet |
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Title: Re: Need to vent...... Post by Jonny on Aug 13th, 2004, 10:05pm on 08/13/04 at 20:55:23, E-Double wrote:
ROCK-N-ROOOOLLLL!!! For those in pain....KICK ASS!!!!! .................................jonny |
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Title: Re: Need to vent...... Post by Luke63 on Aug 13th, 2004, 10:12pm Venting is good man. And we're here..so let it out. Ya know what? The day the 2 of you walk that aisle.......it's going to be beautiful....NO MATTER WHAT! Hang in there Eric...we love ya. Luke |
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Title: Re: Need to vent...... Post by alleyoop on Aug 14th, 2004, 12:24am Eric, The next time you get in that "bad space", go to the newbie board and reread "Newly self-diagnosed" by girlshaveschoo. If that doesn't turn your mood around nothing will! You may not want to point that one out to your fiance, though. ..........................................alley ;;D |
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Title: certifiable Post by rumplestiltskin on Aug 14th, 2004, 3:57am Person's gotta be crazy to marry someone with clusters. To see this shit and say...hey.... lets have a big party when I say "yep... that's what I wanna live with for the rest of my life"...What kinda person does that? Some folks marry a slob and somewhere deep down they are whispering to themselves..."I can fix that"...when remodeling clusterheads please use lightweight sheetrock and mark the studs well. It takes a totally selfless person to commit to marrying a clusterhead...and since no one is like that...ya just gotta be crazy....just Jonesing for the twilight zone. endurance and coping and heroic fighting...the most important ingredients? Handy for sure...but it's Love that's gonna get ya thru the night when nothin makes any sense at all and ya got nothin left. Kissing eyes and foreheads...over and over and over...one of the few things you can still do in a straight jacket. Wage Peace den i |
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Title: Re: Need to vent...... Post by OneEyeBlind on Aug 14th, 2004, 6:16am Eric positive thoughts and prayers coming your way ! I hope you can get the beast under control. When you have your next pain free moment, grab Joanna, give her a big fat smooch, and yell, "I feel good .... dadadadadadada, I knew that I would" and smile. Love is great, especially when you share the good stuff. |
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Title: Re: Need to vent...... Post by E-Double on Aug 14th, 2004, 9:46am Sometimes there are no words................. Heart felt thanks!!!! Eric |
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