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Title: The unmistakable signature... Post by AnthonyT on Aug 10th, 2004, 6:52am I awakened without realizing the nature of the pain that awoke me. I thought I needed to flop my head over -- one side was sore. As grogginess dissipated and the pain curled me over with my head twisted into the pillow I knew what was up... I whimpered "no, no, no..." wishing it to not be so, but as the beast took tighter grip on that special place it new so well I could not mistake the signature. Having danced again for the first time in over 2 years, I now sit in the wake of it with the echoes lingering to let me know I can't hide. Damn it. I thought after moving to a different climate and having no recurrence in May (I seemed to be on a yearly cycle) that it might be gone. Another May approached, and I had trepidation, but it passed by a short time ago... This Sunday I had what felt like shadows, but I quickly let myself into sleep -- believing it was nothing to be concerned about as long as it just went away. I was trying to rationalize that it wasn't the right time of year; that I must be misinterpreting a normal headache. The touch was so familiar -- I knew what it was, but after waking up fine I left the incident as forgotten. Until now. So, hello again! Unfortunately I tend to drift away when pain is not around... but when awakened at 3am and not wanting to return to bed until the shadows take their leave... this place comes to mind. Actually, I was thinking of it in moments of thought amid the throes of pain. There is something I forgot about -- the intellect-disabling power of the pain. And I'm surprised at all the "little touches" -- the particular traits that come with my affliction, and which I'd forgotten about. The blocked nasal passage on side of pain, which makes me want to blow my nose to no avail and to desperately try to breathe through that nostril taking it for "the thing I have to solve to make the pain go away". The mild nausea -- another red herring making me think if only I could throw up I'd feel better. And, of course, my reactions to the pain -- unlike any normal behavior of mine, but oh so familiar once it begins. Proud human... welcome to being an animal. The worst thing is that I know this was only a teaser... and since the pattern is fouled, I don't know what to expect for duration. There's also the new (new since two years ago, at least) job to introduce to this. I felt so lucky to have "escaped", and when clusters came to mind (in thought, not pain) I felt sad for those who suffer... especially the unimaginable chronic condition. :( I'm glad for this site. A place to hide while life is overshadowed by this beast. Thanks. |
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Title: Re: The unmistakable signature... Post by synergy2120 on Aug 10th, 2004, 7:04am Morning Anthony, Im so sorry to hear your having a bad time with it at the moment, The beast has a way of attacking when you least expect it sometimes. Hang in there hun - you are stronger the beast and will conquer in this battle Luv sarah, marc, emma xx |
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Title: Re: The unmistakable signature... Post by FZfan on Aug 10th, 2004, 8:04am Very sorry to hear the beast has returned. However, from the tone of your eloquent writing, I gather you are a veteran of these wars. Time to dust off the weapons and do battle. Best of luck. |
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Title: Re: The unmistakable signature... Post by ShariRae on Aug 10th, 2004, 8:46am Sorry you're getting hit again....get to the docs.. get your prevents & abortives .....kick this beasts ass!! Shari |
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Title: Re: The unmistakable signature... Post by IndianaJohn on Aug 10th, 2004, 8:51am Godd Morning Anthony, I am sorry that you have to rejoin the fight. The beast is a cunning adversary, as we all know too well. Stay strong. John |
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Title: Re: The unmistakable signature... Post by TomM on Aug 10th, 2004, 9:01am Welcome back, AnthonyT. The Support Center is open 24/7/365. :) I know it's tough to look at it this way, but you were PF for 2+ years. Be thankful, get over the 'Woe is me', and do what you need to do to get over this cycle. Again, the Support Center is open 24/7/365. :) TomM |
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Title: Re: The unmistakable signature... Post by Leesa on Aug 10th, 2004, 3:38pm HI Anthony, sorry your here bro but we'er glad to have ya. Here is the BEST support you will ever find on this blue marble we call earth. Welcome home man. We are here for ya and we DO understand what your dealin with. Wishin you PF times ahead, Leesa ;;D |
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Title: Re: The unmistakable signature... Post by AnthonyT on Aug 11th, 2004, 1:43am Thank you everyone. My browser at home remembers my old password but I do not! So I wasn't able to respond from work. The way I handle this thing is to let it kick my ass until it's had enough and leaves in boredom. ;) I don't use medication... but I was self-employed before, so could afford the luxury of breakdancing around the room at any hour. I'm not sure how well this will work now at an office. Though I was pleasantly surprised this morning when I explained the issue to my project lead (and send a link to this site), and he was very positive and helpful -- even suggesting places I could "hide out". Now that I've read through a bunch of the recent posts I'm reminded of the wide variance of approaches to dealing with the beast, and the polar differences in feelings about certain things (for example, I dread the touch of cold during an attack, but many find relief from it). But for all the differences, the core experience is so intimately familiar to us all. I remember when I was first searching for something explaining headaches with odd periodicity... and I was shocked when I eventually found this site and the descriptions of others' "dance". I thought it was just my own feeble behavior, but to see it elicited the same reaction from others gave me a special respect for this condition. |
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