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        New Message Board Archives >> 2004 Posts >> A little less stressed... but it will work out
        
(Message started by: Tiannia on Jul 24^th, 2004, 1:32pm)

Title: A little less stressed... but it will work out
Post by Tiannia on Jul 24^th, 2004, 1:32pm

First off. Thank you to everyone. Even Charlie for making me smile when I had tears running down my face. Anyone who does not believe in the connection and care that this family has, really is not a part of the family. The support that I got from everyone was amazing. More then I have ever felt from my blood family. So thank you all so very much. In one of my darkest moments you all showed me that I just needed to keep grasp on hope.

Well all and all things could be worse.

My husband was extreemly depressed. Hell Friday morning he called me and I could hear him laoding either my 9m or his 40 and asked me how much his life insurance was. Since he was a faliure as a provider for his family. Maybe some of you guys who are ex or active military can help me to undersatnd this. From a psych background, I know that if he was really going to kill himself he would not have called me. He would have just done it. He "needed " to hear me tell him no. That no mater what I will always stand beside him that is part of being married. That he made a promise to stay with me and that he could not break that promise. But where I am confused I guess is this. He said that all he was ever really good at was jumping out of airplanes (thus blowing out his knees and the pulled his jump status) and going behind the lines and killing people. He is ex Special Forces. And he ALWAYS has had issues with companies since he got out because the rules are a lot different, then in the military. There was a rule book that no matter what everyone had to follow and that is not true in the civilian world. The best I could do was explain that work is a game. You learn the rules, maybe you dont agree with the rules, but you still play by them. Because in the end it is all worth it when you get that paycheck so that you can take care of your family.

On the bright side:I had faxed his resume to about 10 different places Thursday and he got a call back Friday on one that he needs to call on Monday. Also my boss, offered him a temp position on a Survey crew until he can find work. Right now we are very busy and there is easily 2-3 months of work that they need extra people. It was a blow to his ego at first cause he felt that it was a pity job cause my boss needs me here and with it, mentally, because we are so busy. But once he heard about all of the jobs that we have he does nto feel so bad. It is about a $3 dollar an hour cut in pay but at least it will keep money coming into the house. And he can take his time finding a company to go to work for. He wont have to take just the first thing offered to him.

We are shit out of luck cause my insurance wont allow us to get on unless he can get a letter out of his old company to say he was terminated and not quit. They said that his cobra paperwork should be enough. So no insurance until January. At least stuff like my sons albuterol is cheap. I just have to do my best to make sure that everyone stays healthy.

I still feel like I am ready to break down if I let myself feel anything. So it is easier and safer for me to stay shut down at least for a while longer. But I wanted you all to know what was happening.

You all are always in my heart and thoughts.
PF Wishes,
-Tia

Title: Re: A little less stressed... but it will work out
Post by Kevin_M on Jul 24^th, 2004, 2:05pm

Some very good first steps Tia. You are keeping all things together well. Hubby's lifestyle changes he experiences adapting to, take time and exposure. Living in a different world involves leaving one behind. One does not discover new lands unless consenting to leave all that is familiar for a very long time. You are needed keeping your feet on the ground. Good luck and excellent patchwork.

Kevin M

Title: Re: A little less stressed... but it will work out
Post by Georgia on Jul 24^th, 2004, 3:16pm

It is said that often times when people lose their jobs, they go through the same stages of grief as they would had they lost a loved one: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. All are extremely emotional, not always rooted in logic. The support he gets needs to be the same. As he works through these stages, which are very painful for both of you, remember that he is heading toward acceptance.

It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job standing beside him through all of this. Stay there. Tell him you're there. A lot. Compliment him. A lot. When he gets rejected in an interview, tell him the fools don't know what they are missing. Tell him how good he is. Tell him how needed he is. Tell him you love him. More than a lot.

Then of course, you can always help him see the bonuses of being out of work - like great sex in the middle of the day.

Peace and love,
Georgia

Title: Re: A little less stressed... but it will work out
Post by ClusterChuck on Jul 24^th, 2004, 3:56pm

Tia, hang in there girl! You can do it, and so can he! You two are tough. You can deal with this. Everytime one door closes, another opens.

Remember: "Into each life, a little rain must fall .." (And BTW, rainmaker, her name is NOT Noah!)

GEORGIA, darling!!! So good to see a post from you, too!

Chuck