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        New Message Board Archives >> 2004 Posts >> WHY WHY WHY???????????????
        
(Message started by: Carl_D on Jun 18^th, 2004, 9:08pm)

Title: WHY WHY WHY???????????????
Post by Carl_D on Jun 18^th, 2004, 9:08pm

I got a couple of hours sleep, but not nearly enough. i woke up with a kip10, wouldn't abort - so I took a full shot of Trex - still didn't work. After that fun episode, I was in so much pain with my legs and my shoulders aching all I could do is cry. So I sat and watched TV while rubbing my legs down continually with Mineral Ice. About noon, my 'friend' Matt (whom I've known since I was 15) came by wanting me to go with him to St Louis. I told him I couldn't because I didn't feel well and can hardly walk, and he got all pissed off and left. It really bummed me out - like, I can control the fact my body is fucking up on me and it's somehow my fault.
Earlier this week, he begged me to borrow my acoustic guitar, so I reluctantly let him take it. I've been leary of loaning out my gear, since another friend ripped me off a few years ago of all my effects pedals and my amp.
My acoustic had been left in someones trunk for 3 days in the summer heat and humidity, and it warped out the neck and body pretty badly. It took me weeks of work of readjusting the neck, resetting it and getting it playable again. It is a rare guitar from Mexico, a Brazos. One thing I loved about it is the metal binding of the fretboard. It's the only guitar of its kind that I've seen or played. Since it got warped out, it's been kind of a beater, but after all of the work I put into it, plays pretty well.
About 2 hours ago while I was lying down 'attempting' to sleep again, his girlfriend Marissa came to the door. By the time I was able to get to the door, I opened it and my guitar was sitting against the wall. Marissa was already down the steps and yelled up to me, "Matt and I are tired of your shit. You need to get a fucking life, loser" and walked out the door. I was like "WHAT THE FUCK?" I was not just confused and hurt, but pissed. I grabbed my guitar and came back inside. I didn't notice it right off the bat, but a bit ago when I picked my guitar up again, I realized the strings were flat on the neck. I don't know what he did to it, but the neck is beyond fucked! I went to try and adjust the neck, and the truss rod is busted on the inside - it just spins. It's unplayable! So now I don't have an acoustic guitar. I'm so fucking heartbroken!!! I was so excited and looking forward to jamming for you guys at convention, an now I'm not gonna get to. I can't afford to buy another one. I can't even afford to get my amp out of pawn. It's been there for 2 years now (I had to pawn it due to an ex roomie fucking me over ripping me off and leaving me in a big financial mess) and every month i just pay on it so they'll hold it for me. Now my acoustic is beyond repair. I can't decide if I am more hurt or pissed. In times like these when I am really down, I'll pick up my acoustic and just sing and play for awhile. It helps me to forget. Now I can't even do that. That's what I get for trusting a friend whom I never thought would fuck me over. I guess it's true - no good deed goes unpunished.
You don't know how much I was looking forward to bringing my acoustic guitar with me to Nashville to jam for you guys, especially Jonny. I've been listening to some of my old jam tapes the last few weeks, trying to decide which songs i wanted to do. It's bad enough I've been dealing with so much physical pain the last few weeks - now this. I AM CRUSHED!!!!

:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
Carl D

Title: Re: WHY WHY WHY???????????????
Post by BlueMeanie on Jun 18^th, 2004, 9:14pm

Damn Carl.

That really sucks. I know what you mean about loaning things out. Seams you try to be a nice guy and end up getting screwed to the max. All I can say is hopefully someone reading this will be bringing a guitar for you to use. I would if I had one, but I can't play guitar, sing, or dance. Guess I'll just have to watch. Really looking forward to listening to you jam.

PF vibes to ya.

Title: Re: WHY WHY WHY???????????????
Post by Opus on Jun 18^th, 2004, 9:21pm

Carl,
I wish I could help you. the last thing I said to my friends was " I have this thing called Cluster headache", I haven't heard from them since. The only friends I have now come from CH.com.

As for loaning things, I have found that if you cannot give it as a gift, then don't loan it. This goes for money too. Most people can't be bothered to return things, let alone, replace them if they break.

I cannot believe the mess the world is in. I will be praying for you.

Opus/Paul

If my words offend anyone then don't read them.

Title: Re: WHY WHY WHY???????????????
Post by jonny on Jun 18^th, 2004, 9:21pm

Major fucking yawn.......There will be a Ge-tar there.

.........................................jonny

Title: Re: WHY WHY WHY???????????????
Post by Charlie on Jun 18^th, 2004, 10:30pm

Rats Carl. That sucks big time.

Why am I not surprised to read what Jonny wrote? He is consistant.

See you there Carl

Charlie

Title: Re: WHY WHY WHY???????????????
Post by forgetfulnot on Jun 18^th, 2004, 11:03pm

on 06/18/04 at 22:30:24, Charlie wrote:

Rats Carl. That sucks big time.

Why am I not surprised to read what Jonny wrote? He is consistant.

See you there Carl

Charlie

So is Carl ::)

Title: Re: WHY WHY WHY???????????????
Post by purpleydog on Jun 18^th, 2004, 11:49pm

Hey Carl,
I'm really sorry to hear about your "friends" and the "advice" they gave you. You get to know who your friends really are when you're down and hurting. :'(

Major blow on your guitar too. Some people have no respect.

Hang in there Carl, it will get better. :)

purpleydog

Title: Re: WHY WHY WHY???????????????
Post by Kevin_M on Jun 19^th, 2004, 12:03am

on 06/18/04 at 21:08:36, Carl_D wrote:

I was like "WHAT THE FUCK?" I was not just confused and hurt, but pissed. Carl D

Carl, you can still WRITE songs and music. Make that doctor appointment too.
It's tough enough hurting one way, then hurting another kind also.

Kevin M

Title: Re: WHY WHY WHY???????????????
Post by Carl_D on Jun 19^th, 2004, 12:40am

on 06/18/04 at 23:03:12, forgetfulnot wrote:

So is Carl ::)

Thanks for the encouraging word, A S S H O L E!

Title: Re: WHY WHY WHY???????????????
Post by Jimmy_B on Jun 19^th, 2004, 8:38am

Three things you don't mess with...

1) A man's family

2) A man's food

3) A man's geet.

I would personally do everything I could to get better so you could go over to your "Friend's" >:( house...& make him & his girlfriend wish they had never known you or your Geet.

Jimmy

Title: Re: WHY WHY WHY???????????????
Post by jonny on Jun 19^th, 2004, 12:56pm

Carl,

Do a goggle on "Deep-vein thrombosis"

Read about it today it causes sever pain and cramping in the legs, aint saying thats what you have but its something to checkout while your stuck at home.

.........................................jonny

Title: Re: WHY WHY WHY???????????????
Post by Gator on Jun 19^th, 2004, 2:31pm

I was sorry to hear about your "friend" and then I read on further about the guitar. F uck the friend. Sounds like him AND his bi+ch girlfriend need a tuning peg enema.

Unfortunately, I can't be at the convention, but If you could get the guitar to me, I could try to repair it for you. Not knowing what is busted, I can't make any promises, but I would be willing to try.

Gator
Prayers and vibes going out for you bro.

Title: Re: WHY WHY WHY???????????????
Post by cootie on Jun 19^th, 2004, 3:55pm

One thing I've learn'd.......when ya use pain as a regular excuse not to socialize and co-exist with friends and family they think yer a freak and makein the shit up to become a recluse cuz yer a headcase and ya can get caught up in it......I have managed to keep up with all the stuff goin on but have been in so much pain at some events I jus sit and shake...been times I couldn't even relate to conversation.....and of course......people jus think I am pissed off bout sumthin or have an attitude or some kind of PMS deal . Not much ya can do but ya gotta stay in touch...people DON'T understand pain......no matter what yer deal is. Yeah am sure they'll be other guitar there in Nashville. Don't sweat it...........hang onto reality Pam

Title: Re: WHY WHY WHY???????????????
Post by firebrix on Jun 19^th, 2004, 5:59pm

Well said Cootie!
Y'see, Carl, while we are in pain, when everything in our own personal space seems to be "Worst Case Scenario" life just goes right on for everyone else. They cannot experience your experience and so they can never understand it. We have to keep right on living too. No matter how tough it gets, there's always some poor soul who has it tougher. Things WILL improve for you, but this will happen a whole lot faster if you are not locked in your own little nightmare and get out there and seek help from those who can give it. Please see a doc about your legs. ASAP.
I understand your frustrations about your acoustic. I too learned the hard way never to lend anything you cannot afford to lose. I would put money on the bet that you'll have another one in no time or that you will be able to get your old friend fixed.
What a generous offer Gator made! Maybe you could take him up on it when you've had some treatment for your leg pain and meet up with someone who CAN understand?
Minute at a time mate!
Wishing you happier, healthier days
firebrix

Title: Re: WHY WHY WHY???????????????
Post by John_D on Jun 19^th, 2004, 6:13pm

on 06/19/04 at 15:55:30, cootie wrote:

Not much ya can do but ya gotta stay in touch...people DON'T understand pain......no matter what yer deal is.

I have to agree. I am always suprised by the level of pain when I get a headache, I don't think the human brain is even capable of creating a memory of that kind of pain much less understand it.

edit
Carl, dude, life is 99% attitude and no offense but you have a 'pathetic victim' attitude and things probrably won't improve until that changes, I am going to hear a ton of sheit I am sure but that's what I think

Title: Re: WHY WHY WHY???????????????
Post by Carl_D on Jun 19^th, 2004, 9:26pm

Thanks for the offer Gator, but with the truss rod broken, it is beyond repair. The only way to access the rod is to destroy the neck. Once the truss rod is broken, it's trash.

Cootie, I totally understand where you are coming from. That is why I went ahead and went to my nieces bday party the other day when I was able to function more than I can right now. Living with chronic head pain in the back of my head, I go through everyday life trying to function normally. But as far as Matt goes yesterday, I still think it was pretty insensitve of him to demand I go with him just so he wouldn't have to go to a record store by himself.
Jonny - gonna do the google search as soon as I jump off of here.

Let me see if I can put this in a way that everyone will understand....
Imagine being in a level 10 cluster attack. During this attack, you should still be able to fix dinner and do laundry. Don't talk about how bad the pain is, because you're probably exagerrating anyway. If you didn't have such a negative attitude about the attack and how it is affecting you, it probably wouldn't be so bad. The only way it will get any better is if you change your mindset. Just because you're in a level 10 attack is no excuse not to smile. I know: it would be best not to talk about it at all, because all you are doing is complaining. You think a level 10 CH is bad, you should try having a toothache.

Does ANYONE understand what I mean? Probably not. I won't even mention the events of the last couple of hours, cause it will just be considered as whining and bellyaching anyway. Even though I AM trying to stay positive, it's kind of hard. I made 4 attempts today to get down the stairs and could not. I'm gonna just shut up. I'm starting to learn that anything I say can and will be used against me. Wish I could just cease to exist and not have to deal with any of it.

:-[
Carl D

Title: Re: WHY WHY WHY???????????????
Post by John_D on Jun 19^th, 2004, 9:50pm

on 06/19/04 at 21:26:11, Carl_D wrote:

I'm gonna just shut up. I'm starting to learn that anything I say can and will be used against me. Wish I could just cease to exist and not have to deal with any of it.

:-[Carl D

I don't think anything you say is going to be used against you, that is a strange idea. Post all you want.

Title: Re: WHY WHY WHY???????????????
Post by cootie on Jun 20^th, 2004, 5:29pm

There's that negative attitude again. Hey......of course people here understand.......so get that outa yer head they don't. And no....if ya stop talkin bout it the pain level WON'T be less.. I don't have ch.....got other shit and someone jus mentiond to me the other day that they have learn'd to deal with pain and not let it bother them or react to it unless they are so bad they feel like peuking or sumthin.......BINGO !!! But.....that was an "exagagerated responce" no doubt......they really don't have a clue what they said. Anyhow.......no problem talkin bout yer pain and daily dealings dude.......but if you don't understand us how can we understand you. Need to get on the same wave length and don't think no one cares.....these people deal with this shit "everyday too".First thing I remember as a little kid was horrible leg aches and used to cry and go hysterical from the pain....that's hard on a lill kid......never seen a doc about it back then.....parents called it growing pains.....yeah thanks alot rite ? Sumtimes it feels like nobody cares......but that's misleading. Don't give up the shit ship Pam

Truely sorry bout the guitar.............that was WRONG they messed it up !!

PS: Don't let what I say influence you ok (I'm just a supporter here)......I like you......I'm just a mouthy little bitch from Wooster Ohio

Title: Re: WHY WHY WHY???????????????
Post by BobG on Jun 20^th, 2004, 5:45pm

Hey Carl, how you doin' today. You ok?

Title: Re: WHY WHY WHY???????????????
Post by cootie on Jun 20^th, 2004, 5:50pm

I'll shud dup now.....hope yer doin ok today but doubt this wet weather we've had is helping matters one bit. Have them mail your MRI results.....have someone call for you for them to do so if you can. Attitudish today Pam

Title: Re: WHY WHY WHY???????????????
Post by BobG on Jun 20^th, 2004, 5:55pm

Quote:

I'm just a mouthy little bitch from Wooster

ROTFLMAO [smiley=crackup.gif] Now that's funny!

It would make a great tag line. [smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: WHY WHY WHY???????????????
Post by Gator on Jun 20^th, 2004, 6:33pm

on 06/19/04 at 17:59:14, firebrix wrote:

No matter how tough it gets, there's always some poor soul who has it tougher.

You know, I've heard this time and time again and have even been guilty of saying it once or twice. Recently, I've come to the conclusion that it's just a depressing damned thought. This ain't bad enough - it can still get worse. What a cheery thought. Telling someone that sometimes is like trying to minimize their pain.

Not ragging on you, just making an observation in general. Could just be my mindset lately as well. I seem to be getting hit harder and harder - and it can still get worse. :-/

Gator

Title: Re: WHY WHY WHY???????????????
Post by Carl_D on Jun 21^st, 2004, 5:57am

on 06/20/04 at 17:45:56, BobG wrote:

Hey Carl, how you doin' today. You ok?

been bedriiden since early sunday. in extreme pain throughout my entire body now. feeling very weak, and cannot sit upright for very long. sorry i have been bitchy and whiny lately, i don't deal with pain very well at all. still have no way to the doc wednesday, if i make it at all. i just want this to end. can't take much more. this is beyond anything i have ever expreicned.

carl

Title: Re: WHY WHY WHY???????????????
Post by Peppermint on Jun 21^st, 2004, 6:33am

Carl here are a couple of links on Deep Vein Thrombosis:
http://hcd2.bupa.co.uk/fact_sheets/mosby_factsheets/Deep_Vein_Thrombosis.html

http://orthoinfo.aaos.org/fact/thr_report.cfm?Thread_ID=264&topcategory=Hip

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000156.htm

I don't know if this is what you have obviously, but it's worth a read.
I couldn't possibly know what you're going through and you sound like you're in so much pain. Just know that there are people out here listening, and hoping you get some kind of relief soon.

This is no time to give up so as hard as it seems Carl... DON'T.

Whatever you have to do to get a ride to the doc, DO IT. You MUST get treatment, or figure this out at the very least. Everybody hates the ER, but if indeed it is DVT, a trip there might be the thing. The hospital can't turn you away if you can't pay. Worry about that later. It may seem stupid to say that but your life is worth more than a hospital bill.

I wish I could do more, but this is all I have for the moment, besides put in a prayer with the Big Guy upstairs.

Pep

Title: Re: WHY WHY WHY???????????????
Post by cootie on Jun 21^st, 2004, 11:27am

Yeah rite on Pepp..........you went thru the shit to fineally get to the doc's and get some tests done.........good grief you need to find out the diagnoses.....that is the most important part in all this !!! I dunno if ya have a spine thing or artery thing......but what's the point of not finding out. Mite be somethin 'rather' simple to treat or least give relief. Wouldn't that be COOL !! Pam that will crawl if she has too and has

Don't you have some sort of AID in your town.....where they....or someone..... will pick up people in need for doc visits, groceries drug stores for scripts whatever. Here there's even rides for amish to get to the store and docs ect in vans ect.....you need to keep that apt. and get to the bottom of this other pain dude !!