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        New Message Board Archives >> 2004 Posts >> Pain and Creativity
        
(Message started by: Gator on May 19^th, 2004, 2:40pm)

Title: Pain and Creativity
Post by Gator on May 19^th, 2004, 2:40pm

Sometimes it amazes me that there is such a link between pain and creativity. It seems some of the most creative people suffer from great pains. Ramon and Zaira are prime examples. While I will never reach those heights of creativity, it seems this beast has unlocked something from long ago in me as well. It seems that it is only after a strong attack, that I get the urge to write. I have posted a couple poems and I appreciate the kind comments on them. Last night was no exception. After an attack that O2 just tickled the beast and even the zomig took a while longer than normal to work, I was driven to the keyboard again. For better or worse I am posting it here for you to see.

The Beast Cometh

He comes in the night
like a tiger on the prowl
He strikes in my sleep
Oh no, that's him now

He sneaks up behind me
Takes my head in his claw
He rips at my eyeball
And tears at my jaw

I spring from the bed
Won't disturb the wife's dream
Hurry to another room
And stifle a scream

The O2 is flowing
Now breathing so deep
But the oxygen tonight
Won't halt the beast's creep

I push on my right eye
So hard it may pop
I bang my head hard and cry
God, please make it stop

The nose runs and tears come
My eyelid so swollen
The beast he just laughs
At the night's sleep he's stolen

The pain it now eases
And worn from the fight
I collapse in my recliner
But try as I might

I can't go to sleep now
The beast I do fear
Will attack me again
Just as sleep does draw near

This pain is unending
So many drugs tried
Life isn't worth living
I think, suicide

The bottle is empty
The pills in my hand
Just swallow them down
They don't understand

My hands are so shaky
My chest is so tight
It's just too damned easy
But I know it's not right

I put the pills down now
And walk through the house
I watch my kids sleeping
Then back to my spouse

She wakes and she holds me
She says it's okay
She tells me she loves me
The dark clouds drift away

I finally lay sleeping
Forgetting the dread
My wife holds my hand
As we lie there in bed

Sweet dreams flow upon me
my nightmare has ceased
But off in the distance
No, Oh God NO! the cry of the beast

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by echo on May 19^th, 2004, 2:42pm

Nicely put Gator.

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by broomhilda on May 19^th, 2004, 2:45pm

Excellent!!!! Well said and written!

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by Jeepgun on May 19^th, 2004, 2:47pm

The part about going back to bed and being held brought tears. Nice work, man.

-Frank

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by JDH on May 19^th, 2004, 2:50pm

Nice Gator.
I can definitely relate to that.

Jim

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by Leesa on May 19^th, 2004, 2:52pm

AWSOME Gator!! Very nice stuff bro!!
Leesa ;;D

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by Redd715 on May 19^th, 2004, 2:59pm

I've yet to dedicate anything to the faceless beast...and your words describe it so well. As with Jeep the line of being held brought another tear to my eye, but probably not for the same reasons. However, If I may, share the piece I did write in regard to the ass who nearly took my life. But this is your thread and your permission is needed to do so.

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by Lizzie2 on May 19^th, 2004, 2:59pm

Wow Gator! That's a great poem! How true... :)

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by Cerberus on May 19^th, 2004, 3:01pm

Man....

Been there sooo many times it aint even funny. Among the personal disparity.....well still hold so much in common. Thanks for putting into words what is hard to explain to others.

Great Job!
Ramon

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by Luke63 on May 19^th, 2004, 3:04pm

Go Gator!! [smiley=thumbsup.gif]

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by Gator on May 19^th, 2004, 3:09pm

Thanks folks for the kind words. Posting these things is like putting your soul on public display. I'm glad to have a place to go where people are so understanding.

on 05/19/04 at 14:59:04, Redd715 wrote:

However, If I may, share the piece I did write in regard to the ass who nearly took my life. But this is your thread and your permission is needed to do so.

I would be honored to hear it, m'lady. The stage is yours.

Gator

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by ExplodingEyeBall on May 19^th, 2004, 3:12pm

I'm absolutely speechless.

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by Redd715 on May 19^th, 2004, 3:14pm

Thank you for this Gator....

MAN WITHOUT SOUL

there was a time you were my lover
kept me warm when nights grew cold
left an image like no other
with emerald eyes that flashed with gold

seduced by your imitation
of a soul that harbored class
your diamond in the rough facade
I found was made of glass

I had faith in your deceptions
I bought in to all your lies
and I trusted when you swore to me
there would be no ill surprise

I asked all the right questions
but it was you who failed to tell
'twas not a simple stroke of humor
your claim to be a child of hell

you enticed the love of my children
and invited them to trust
then broke their hearts, their souls and minds
with your selfish wanderlust

But now that all the pieces fit
and the truth's come into view
I knew only of the image
not the true, the real you

If I could have predicted,
if I could have only known,
that your love was only fist deep
turned to battered flesh and bone

I would have run as long and as far
as it took to stay away
You must have thought me daft and dumb
when we first set under way

"It only gets better", you always said
but it got better for whom?
It certainly wasn't me as was clear
by my blood sprayed about the room

A love I thought would last forever
in an instant came to an end
but the memories they linger still
with pain only time can mend

The cuts and scars, the swollen eyes
and bruises, they did fade
but the tears and tatters in my soul
are ones I have not made

So while the ghost of you walks through my halls
and as it lays down in my bed
I will strive to purge your demon spirit
from what life still lies ahead

For though you breathe and walk upon the earth,
this matters little if at all
for a truth-less man can have no soul
and the soulless man shall fall

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by vig on May 19^th, 2004, 3:16pm

I'm sorry.
:^(

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by ExplodingEyeBall on May 19^th, 2004, 3:19pm

I can write music OK but I suck at lyrics.

It looks like I'm gonna have to talk to Gator and Redd.

You two have a wonderful talent with words.

I was brought to tears by both of your poems.

Pat

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by Gator on May 19^th, 2004, 3:29pm

OMG, how powerful. Redd, have you tried sending this to organizations for battered women? You are a survivor. I think many women in similar situations could benefit from your experience. Maybe you could get a gig with a local organization, speaking with women and helping them cope without becoming totally embittered towards life and men in general.

I loved it.

Gator

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by thomas on May 19^th, 2004, 3:31pm

Gator! Fuckeneh, dude. That was killer. Redd..... :'(

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by Jimi on May 19^th, 2004, 3:38pm

WOW guys...........I could relate to the first one because I have lived it. I could relate to the 2nd post because I felt it. The talent on this board is unbelievable.
I have wondered where my talent lies.

Thanks you two for sharing your souls........

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by Jayne on May 19^th, 2004, 3:43pm

Hey Jimi, calm yerself down .....your thinking you might have talent at something........silly, silly man.
Just sit down in the corner over there and keep your trap shut.....now there's a talent. :o

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by Jimi on May 19^th, 2004, 3:52pm

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...Oh by the way. I put some pics up. You are in them. I will let you figure out where the addy is. It is close by. :P

Title: Pain and Creativity
Post by ZAIRA on May 19^th, 2004, 4:09pm

Thank you for sharing your poems, Gator and Redd!
In my opinion the pain can be a good teacher and sometimes can bring out the best of our self. Honestly when I draw, it’s like a challenge ;;D, I against the beast. And it is the only arm I have to express my rage.. that I share with someone who understands me...

I would like to see the beast like this... but it's a mirage! >:(
http://www.ouchitalia.it/zdocpic/BEAST.JPG

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by Melissa on May 19^th, 2004, 4:53pm

on 05/19/04 at 15:38:26, Jimi wrote:

I have wondered where my talent lies.

Jimi, what is this talent that you speak of???

;;D

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by Jayne on May 19^th, 2004, 5:01pm

on 05/19/04 at 16:53:11, Melissa wrote:

Jimi, what is this talent that you speak of???

;;D

That's what I was trying to figure out Melissa....he really has quite the ego thinking he has an ounce of talent in him. Must be all the years of head pain!!

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by Tiannia on May 19^th, 2004, 5:12pm

Gator that was amazing...

Redd, you really should look into sharing that poem. Hell brought back some memories I would prefer to never remember....

Everyone has a talent. It takes a lot to share yourself espcially here when you feel a close connection with people.... Will have to post some items another time myself....

-Tia

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by Jeepgun on May 19^th, 2004, 5:20pm

Swerve

Swerve through malaise colored
days that wash over me like movies shot
through mustard-toned filters

Too many sleeping pills bring
fragmented montage of scotch scoured dreams
of drowning drowning and drowning

Autumn afternoon shadows stretching
long lavender fingers through my window
to jab my gritty eyes while television blares
broken babble blasting bombs and bloodshed

Future yawns before me in a chasm as
wide and dark as the perfect "O" of the
shotgun's barrel and I long for sleep as
smooth and cool as the trigger beneath my toe

-Frank

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by Redd715 on May 19^th, 2004, 5:26pm

Quote:

Maybe you could get a gig with a local organization, speaking with women and helping them cope without becoming totally embittered towards life and men in general.

Quote:

Redd, you really should look into sharing that poem.

I wrote that in 1998, and it was published in the WI Coalition Against Domestic Violence Newsletter. I also have spoken both locally, and during a number of rallys on the steps of the capitol in Madison.

Thanks folks. I think Gator and I need to put some of this idle time we have on our hands right now to collaborate on a piece for the convention...what say you Gator? I can't go...but you could present it.

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by 5-string on May 19^th, 2004, 5:34pm

Gator,cool! You're very talanted. THank's for sharing some of your work with us.

Pain & creativity do go hand in hand for me as well. When I was out of work last August due to clusters,I wrote all the songs that I'm preparing to record. I could'nt complete a single one before hand and hav'nt written a complete one since.
Sometimes things just are as they are.
...Mark..

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by Sean_C on May 19^th, 2004, 7:12pm

Nice thread guys

Sean

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by stevegeebe on May 19^th, 2004, 7:53pm

You got rhythm Bro..nice and dark..

Good work Gator.

Steve G

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by Carl_D on May 19^th, 2004, 8:48pm

Very very nice guys! Guess we all suffer for our art.
Beauty from ashes!

Peace,
Carl D

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by Gator on May 20^th, 2004, 12:28am

on 05/19/04 at 17:26:30, Redd715 wrote:

Wow, you're famous. As far as the convention, I can't go either. I would be willing to collaberate on a piece, but someone else would have to deliver it. Maybe next convention things won't be so strained.

Thanks to all.

Gator

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by Charlie on May 20^th, 2004, 2:10am

http://www.netsync.net/users/charlies/gifs/holy.png

I like this crowd. 8)

Charlie

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by Aussie on May 20^th, 2004, 4:51am

Gator, you are a talented man, not only can you write expressive poetry, you can also

Quote:

She wakes and she holds me
She says it's okay
She tells me she loves me
The dark clouds drift away

find a perfect wife.

Steve

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by Jeepgun on May 20^th, 2004, 10:17am

Feverdream

Raising the lip of the goblet to my mouth filled
again with glowing coals that are sweet on the
tongue and flood the belly with venemous fire that
burns away piece after part of me dashing them into
the pounding waves of my heartbeat as I wander lost
and dazed through smile after grin of jagged teeth
and gleaming eyes that rasp against my skin and grip
me in helpless fascination while the music cries in
torturous agony, "No Reply" done in grinding electric
guitar and thundering drums that push me to the floor
that has become a vortex drawing me down through the

roof of the

cool

silent greenhouse

where emerald fronds stroke

my cheeks and the

caress of sapphire pools

quenches this fever in a

dazzling eruption of

diamondshower birdsong

-Frank

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by aprilbee on May 20^th, 2004, 10:36am

I know I definately am NOT creative...but I am surrounded by people who are, my daughter, my mother, my father, my brother, my mother-in-law...maybe I take on all of their pain??? jusss kiddin....

Great writings ya'll!! Absolutely incredible!

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by vig on May 20^th, 2004, 11:04am

http://images.ofoto.com/photos533/1/12/76/10/8/6/608107612105_0_ALB.jpg
http://images.ofoto.com/photos654/1/52/24/31/96/5/596312452105_0_ALB.jpg
and then 'POOF' it's gone!

'sorry, it's dosing day'

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by Tiannia on May 20^th, 2004, 11:28am

on 05/20/04 at 11:04:03, vig wrote:

'sorry, it's dosing day'

Dont you dare appolojize. Fungi helps you keep the beast away, enjoy it hun.

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by Gator on May 20^th, 2004, 11:36am

Cool stuff Jeep! You do have a dark side.

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by Jeepgun on May 20^th, 2004, 11:41am

Thanks, Gator. I have some darker stuff, but try not dwell there very often. Here's a nicer, more spiritual piece:

IN LOVE

i run up to you,
my face glowing like the full moon;
"i am in love!"
"With whom?" You ask.
i am confused by your question,
because i am
in love with YOU! With her! With him!
With everyone!
With everything!
You are confused by my love
because it seems inappropriate.
You wonder if i have lost my mind.
Laughing, i tell you,
"Well of course i've lost my mind!"
i am out of my mind
the way that wild horses
are outside the stable yard!
A thousand times,
i have read and pondered the words,
"God is love," and heard it said,
"God loves you."

Just three days ago,
i read the words,
"God is in love with you!" and i have been
intoxicated with joy,
ever since.

i thought, "God is IN love with me!
i shall compose
love letters to Him!
What a wonderful idea!"
Only to realize that the writing would be
God's own proclamation of love for me.
Rumi wrote,
"When you look for God,
God is in the look of your eyes."

My words, my thoughts,
my entire being is
inclined towards that Great Lover,
and i am
dissolved in that rapturous light!
There is nothing i can say,
nothing i can do,
nothing i can possibly give.
i am as helpless as a newborn infant.
Melding, merging, sinking,
drowning in that love.
Becoming IT,
is the only expression...
Bah....
Words are so inadequate and profane...
All of this grows pale with the saying of it.
I AM and i am not
Love, All, God, nothing,
everything, nowhere, everywhere...
The succulent peach of the sun bursts
open in the mouth of the dawn.
Ten million particles of me explode like
water vapor, giggling,
"I AM THAT!!"

-Frank

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by gore2424 on May 21^st, 2004, 12:16pm

Hello everyone this thread I totally agree with. I am not a poet or even read the newspaper. Not much on sitting reading a book. BUT 3 years ago in the quiet dark cool basement room I hide in I wrote a poem myself. Took weeks tho but of course I am chronic as of Nov. 99 so I am there most of my life now. So here I am 49 and never wrote anything not even a essay or book report in my life and have a poem copyrighted huh that was in me. Could I please also add my poem to this thread? I also have 3 drawings in basement room that I did a little here and there when not hurting too bad. The 3 took me over 3 years. I dont think I will show anyone. I believe they are too ok the word is ghastly. So in closing the poems and all the posts and really anyones thoughts are a sign of creativity. PF to everyone. Terry

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by Jeepgun on May 21^st, 2004, 12:50pm

Please post your poems if you feel like sharing! :)

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by Gator on May 21^st, 2004, 3:47pm

on 05/21/04 at 12:16:02, gore2424 wrote:

Hi Terry! I have always been interested in music. I sang in the church choir, at talent shows and with my high schools Show Choir. When I was 15, I received my first guitar. I taught myself to play and even wrote several songs. People suggested I have them published, but I never did. I played and sang in several bands that never went anywhere and that was okay, too because I was playing music for music's sake - not to become famous. After growing up and joining the "real world" I didn't have time for my music and the gift was locked away for many years. Since contracting this damned disease, disorder, condition whatever you call it, it seems the door to that creative side has been unlocked or at least cracked a bit as it is usually only after some particularly bad attacks that I am all but forced do write. I am seemingly driven to put pen to paper. I have posted several poems n this MB. I looked around this site and saw so many people that have talents and use those talents to express themselves and it got me thinking about the link between "Pain and Creativity." This thread is not about me, it is about the creativity inspired in all us by our pain, regardless of how it is expressed. Please feel free to post your poem AND your pictures. I would truly like to see them as I'm sure others would.

Mike

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by ExplodingEyeBall on May 21^st, 2004, 4:27pm

Gator....

Get that guitar back out. It's lonely.

I have 3. One of them is a piece of crap that I get out on bad nights that I can't sleep. I might not sound very good when I'm hurting bad but it takes my mind to another place that pain can't go.

Pat

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by gore2424 on May 22^nd, 2004, 12:11am

"Demon In My Head"

Crawling in my brain
This demon causes me pain
Pain is all I feel
Confusing thoughts are real
Pounding inside my head
The demon never goes to bed
He hammers and hammers all nite
Makes me want to run take flight
I will refuse to lose this fight
I will not lose the war but tonite
The demon hammers as I pace and cry
But better to be in pain than to die

Terry Gordon

P.S. sorry but not ready to show my pictures for now

Title: Re: Pain and Creativity
Post by cootie on May 22^nd, 2004, 12:50am

Wow good job guys......the poems were super cool..... maybe ya'll should start up a book of cluster poems. Nice gargoyle pic Zaz........and I love your horses too !!!!!!!! (I miss mine I had to put down 911 by coincedence) I'll never forget for more reasons then one Pam