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Title: Not very happy today... Post by Cerberus on May 19th, 2004, 12:59pm Well its almost noon, I just got up at around 11:30 am CST. Made my usual pot of coffee, had a smoke and sat here in the Captain's chair to do my usuall stuff, check the MB, E-mail, blah blah blah.... Anyhow to the point....I just am not feeling very happy today. I don't know if I took my meds too late last night and again ruined my sleep pattern (which wasn't much of a pattern) or if I am simply a little down. But overall I feel like a bit of a failure, in a few area's of my personal life. As I was sitting there having my morning smoke, I realized that it is almost June and I havent been fishing ONCE, this is not normal for usually I have my license aquired by the end of march when the new years licenses get issued. I still havent gotten that, and because of it I am missing out on one of the few things I really love to do. I have registered for school...this is generally a good thing, I could use the education and the degree will ultimatley increase my chances of gaining employment. however, I have failed miserably at getting reasonable income (aside from unemployment benefits) and mostly this is due to my pickyness. I have avoided my former profession like the plague because I hated it during my last years and I really don't want to ever do it again. This is valid....for the need to like what I do totally reflects on how good a job I do at it......Still....somehow I feel I have let my family down. Yesterday I took the QOF survey in Pinkfloyd's thread, answered all of the appropriate questions and did the "essay" part of the survey at the end....I found this rather usefull in expressing my personal concerns but in the end found it to be depressing.....it dawned on me this morning just how much CH really does effect my life, the kids lives, and Woobie's......I feel I have failed them in this area as well, alas, they don't deserve to have their lives interupted by my illness...and even though its not my fault that I have it.....it IS my fault that I let it consume me to the point it does. I dunno....I don't really know what else to say...except that I generally feel like a failure right now.. Didn't mean to bring ya down...just needed to tell somebody. :-/ Ramon |
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Title: Re: Not very happy today... Post by JDH on May 19th, 2004, 1:07pm You're thinking way too much dude. When the going get's tough, the tough go fishing so get out there and wet a line. It'll get your mind off of things and do wonders for your disposition. hang in there, Jim |
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Title: Re: Not very happy today... Post by BruceD on May 19th, 2004, 1:14pm PM'd ya, dude. Take care BruceD |
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Title: Re: Not very happy today... Post by miCHel on May 19th, 2004, 1:24pm I am with Jim on this one, Ramon. Go fish dude! ;) I was feeling like you last week-end because I saw that June was coming and I had only played golf once. Well I dragged myself out there and I played like shit and my back hurts... but I enjoyed every second of it. And this Friday, I am leaving for my first fishing trip ever! 3 days with the boys and a few thousand bottles of Molson's. :D So get out there and have fun, Ramon! miCHel |
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Title: Re: Not very happy today... Post by fubar on May 19th, 2004, 1:27pm I choked on that Quality of Life survey for the very same reason. It's really quite depressing to catalog all the various ways that CH has affected my world and the world of my kids. Dude, you have every right to feel this way, just don't let it become the only thing you dwell on. Life sucks enough without letting your mind magnify the problems. Go fishing. Do something you know you enjoy, even if the idea of doing it doesn't turn you on. You may rediscover why those things make you happy. Make it happen. |
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Title: Re: Not very happy today... Post by Karla on May 19th, 2004, 1:36pm I just took that survey and am feeling a bit blue just like you. However, I am also going to school and will return in the fall so hopefully I can get a job in Jan. No one will hire me currently because I have been out of work for 4 years. So I am putting all my eggs in one basket by taking a few college refresher courses and hoping that will do the trick. Try to think about the future you are going to have. Sometimes it just takes us a little while to find that nitche in life. You will get there. Tina loves you an awful lot and I bet ya she is very proud of the fact that you are making changes in your life. It is not an easy thing to do. It is important to be happy. Spend some time fishing and take a couple of days and do some fun things you will feel much better. I promise. |
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Title: Re: Not very happy today... Post by thomas on May 19th, 2004, 1:44pm all hall of fame batters failed at least 2/3 of the time, you're much better than that, bro. ;;D |
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Title: Re: Not very happy today... Post by Luke63 on May 19th, 2004, 2:13pm Funny Ramon... I felt that way last week . And then I came on here and posted a link to a video...it was exactly how I was feeling. Isn't it strange how we can "mood-swing"? I think alot of us do...it's normal. It is OK to feel down sometimes...but what's even better is when you come back on here and so many people are out there for you. It's kinda like ya wake up and say...shit...where did the last 20 years go? Always remember Ramon....Go Forward....you know you can and will. Vibes and Love man......Luke |
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Title: Re: Not very happy today... Post by Redd715 on May 19th, 2004, 2:16pm Now I get whatyou were refering to yesterday. Ramon, Tina loves you! Yor family is there and here loving you and taking you in our arms figuratively and at home for real. You are not a failure. Look at the beautiful creations you have done. Your passion for your art shows. Your passion for you family shows in how you feel you have let them down. Hang on to that love Dear friend. http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/47b4db30b3127ccebe0d211b18780000001610 You have vibes coming your way.... |
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Title: Re: Not very happy today... Post by Gena on May 19th, 2004, 2:33pm sendin' vibes to ya hope you feel beter soon. I know how you feel, I get depressed about getting depressed [smiley=huh.gif] |
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Title: Re: Not very happy today... Post by Jeepgun on May 19th, 2004, 2:41pm Whenever we hold ourselves up to some standard of perfection and then compare ourselves to it, or compare ourselves to others, we are setting ourselves up for a case of feeling inadequate. We begin putting our focus on what we HAVEN'T accomplished, versus what we HAVE accomplished. If you see yourself as a failure, you will find a failure reflected back to you from the mirror. If you see yourself as a good father, good husband, and place your focus on all of the ways in which you are a success, you will see a successful person reflected back to you from the mirror. Hang in there, Ramon. You are a magnificent success. Just ask your family and the people who share your circle of love. :) |
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Title: Re: Not very happy today... Post by Leesa on May 19th, 2004, 3:01pm Bus, Dave gets the same way hun. All I can tell you is what I tell him. "You havent failed anyone. We love you and we WILL get through this" Go with your heart Ramon. I feel you MUST love what you do for a living or your not living. Your only exitsing! Your family loves you. Now out of the captians chair and grab the rod and tackle box. Get your arse out on the lake or stream and go fishing!!! The Empress B*tch has spoken, Leesa ;;D |
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Title: Re: Not very happy today... Post by ZAIRA on May 19th, 2004, 4:22pm :'( Life tries us sorely every day, but we have to go on and lead the helm of our vessel, otherwise we will loose the control of life and we will be in a tempest! If you are too bad and you can’t bear the pain..... if you're depressed.... turn your head and in the darkness you’ll see other people like you... fighting... ;;D Take care of yourself, Ramon...... hugs! |
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Title: Re: Not very happy today... Post by broomhilda on May 19th, 2004, 4:28pm Hugs and vibes over your way from Canada :-* Andrea |
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Title: Re: Not very happy today... Post by Pinkfloyd on May 19th, 2004, 4:33pm Hey Ramon, I hear ya. For you and everyone else that is taken aback by the survey and where it takes you, I believe it may be instituting a grieving process for our lives to date. This happens anytime we sit back and take stock of where we are and where we thought we would be. After any initial depressive thoughts set in, I believe we all need to then look at these things as obsticles we have overcome and defeated, and not obsticles that we have allowed to defeat us. It is a testament to not only your strength, both mental and physical but also the strength of the families that stand by us. A testament to the strength of the family unit. The mountains we climb, are ours alone. We can either build strength and take pride in each footstep we take, or we can wish it had all been downhill. Heading to the top may be more difficult than racing downhill, but the view is much better when you reach the top. Leave the valley to those that are allowed the easy route. I hope that everyone that completes the survey not only takes the time to assess what they have had to deal with and the enormity of the struggle, but comes away with a pride of self and family. A realization that the struggle has been fierce, and you have overcome. Now.....if you keep worrying about the past, you're going to start sounding like a Cub fan for Christ's sake!!! We'll be up at Castle Rock over memorial day weekend. You're more than welcome to stop in and get your line wet. If you have a boat, bring it. If not, we'll have three and can find you a seat. I've looked for my Guillen autographs but think my daughter probably still has them under her pillow. I do have his rookie card from the PCL if you'd like it. I swear I had a ball or two of his though. I'll keep looking. They'd be too lumpy to sleep on so I doubt my daughter has them. No jokes about Ozzie's balls either you cub fans.... If you'd rather have one of these autographs, let me know.....these are just a few I have, some on cards, some on 8x10s...some on balls Chico Carrasquel...on one of those 3x5 cards from the old RiverView Park. Ventura Steve Lyons McDowell Calderon Harry Carry on a Piersall card....(long story I'll tell you about that one LOL) Cangelosi Walt Williams Ron Scheuler Karkovice Perez Ed Brinkman Minnie Minoso Sorry. ya can't have Aparicio or Fisk....LOL These were all personally collected. I used to own a memorabilia shop. I haven't ever sold ANY of my autograph collection even in the shop so these aren't for sale.....but I can give them away...;-) Be well my friend, Bob |
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Title: Re: Not very happy today... Post by Tiannia on May 19th, 2004, 4:43pm I undersatnd Raymond... Trust me I am there at the moment as well and doing that survey makes me think just how much my familys life has been effected over the past 11 months. It is so to think about how much time we lose. That is why it is so imortant to use the other time we have and live with no regrets. Do not regret what you can not control. Give Tina and the kids a hug hug everyday and a kiss and hug every night. Trust me that is worth much more then all of the bad. That is why I asked my husband out on a date for Friday. The day care is having a parents night out, so we get 5 hours that is just ours... So I am looking so forward to it. ;) So my point is. Get your fishing license. Go out or take the kids and show them what you enjoy... Do something more then think because damn it we just think to damn much... ;;D Vibes coming your way. -Tia |
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Title: Re: Not very happy today... Post by Cerberus on May 19th, 2004, 5:13pm Well, folks... First I want to thank all of you for your encouragement...it means the world to me :) I'm feeling a little bit better now, several hours have come and past, I took the dog for a walk to get out of the house for an hour or so. Kicked up a nesting hen pheasant (BAD...dammit!) but proud of the dog for finding it at the same time.....overall not a bad experience the eggs remain intact and in place. Woobs has gotten out of bed and Jean placed a call to me with yet MORE encouragement...(thanks Jean I love you too :)). Things are better now, and I knew I'm not a failure, I just felt down this morning. Having depression can make the lows feel lower than necessary, and I needed to express it. Again the family has stepped up to the plate and taken its hacks in the stead of one of their own.....may this MB NEVER die! Thanks again y'all I appreciate it...... :) Ramon |
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Title: Re: Not very happy today... Post by Jeepgun on May 19th, 2004, 5:38pm Who loves ya', Baby!? ;;D |
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Title: Re: Not very happy today... Post by Cerberus on May 19th, 2004, 5:44pm Quote:
Just between you 'n' me bob the Cubs and their fans are gonna get a healthy dose of those soon enough ;;D Oh wait.....did I say that OUT LOUD??!!!! :-X ;) Ramon |
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Title: Re: Not very happy today... Post by tgz23 on May 19th, 2004, 6:04pm Hang in there man we all feel that way from time to time. I'm the biggest underachiever ever. I've kept the same job for 14+ years always thinking I'm doing it for my family. I'm currently trying to get into school so I can change. I have felt the same as you when in cycle, the way my kids look at me when I pass them about every 20 - 30 seconds holding my head moaning and groaning, running outside when it's -20 with just a t-shirt on. Looking back now I must look like a total fool. I really have done some crazy things when I take the beast for a walk. My wife and kids support me, still somehow I think I'm disrupting their lives. That's what family does though, they support each other. You've done many things for your family in which you sacraficed something and probably didn't think twice about it. That's what family does for each other. I'll stop rambling now. Keep your head up, get out, drown a worm or call an old friend. You're the world to many and some you don't even know about. Tim |
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Title: Re: Not very happy today... Post by Carl_D on May 19th, 2004, 8:44pm You are not alone Ramon. I am sure everyone in the Cluster family feels like this at some point. Ditto with the other guys - GO FISHING! It'll relax ya. 8) Peace, Carl D |
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Title: Re: Not very happy today... Post by Jeepgun on May 20th, 2004, 12:32pm Or else go out and blow shit up. That always makes me feel better... ;;D |
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Title: Re: Not very happy today... Post by aprilbee on May 20th, 2004, 12:45pm Glad to read you're feeling better!! :) |
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Title: Re: Not very happy today... Post by Gator on May 20th, 2004, 1:04pm on 05/20/04 at 12:32:21, Jeepgun wrote:
Yeah, always makes me feel better to grab a few pieces from my arsenal and run a couple boxes of rounds down range. [smiley=bigguns.gif] Seriously though, Ramon. Best way to climb out of a depression is doing something you love or doing something for someone else. When you stop and think about it, there is always someone who has it worse than you. A lady that works for my wife has been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. She's so young to only have a year left to live, but she is taking it in stride. We are having a silent auction and garage sale to raise money for her and I am building a few things in my wood shop to donate to be auctioned off. When I am working on a new piece I get so engrossed in what I am doing, I forget about being depressed. Here is a link to some of the things I have built so far: http://www.brightok.net/~mnjday/mikewood.htm Gator |
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Title: Re: Not very happy today... Post by Tiannia on May 20th, 2004, 1:31pm on 05/20/04 at 13:04:42, Gator wrote:
That is true I need to have Shaun watch the kids so I can go to the range... Been to long. Need to talk to you Gator, or maybe Jonny, about makeing a case of some sort or a knife collection that my husband has. Right now they are sidding in thier cases in the drawer and I would prefer to get them up and displayed. I believe it is a set of 24 Dragon knofes with Boris Vallejo. The set that I bought him with Julie Bell and Boris' work came with a display case but the fist collection did not. If anyone is curios about the type of artwork I am talking about here is a link http://www.imaginistix.com/ So when are you going fishing, Raymond? -Tia |
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