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        New Message Board Archives >> 2004 Posts >> Always be prepared (not CH)
        
(Message started by: Tiannia on May 18^th, 2004, 4:28pm)

Title: Always be prepared (not CH)
Post by Tiannia on May 18^th, 2004, 4:28pm

Why Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer:

In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand-a-grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked,

"Mrs.Jones,do you know me?"

She responded,"Why, yes I do know you, Mr.Williams. I've know you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.

Yes, I know you.

"The Lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked,"Mrs.Jones.do you know the defense attorney?

"She again replied,"Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigotted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."

Title: Re: Always be prepared (not CH)
Post by broomhilda on May 18^th, 2004, 4:49pm

Heheheehehehehehehehehe, good one Tia ;;D

Title: Re: Always be prepared (not CH)
Post by aprilbee on May 18^th, 2004, 5:00pm

he he he he he he he Thats great, I work for attorneys(nice ones ;))...funny!!!

Title: Re: Always be prepared (not CH)
Post by Grandma_Sweet_Boy on May 18^th, 2004, 7:45pm

Too funny - I too work with lawyers (well, actually mostly shyster types) or rather, against most of them! I'll be sharing this one!!! ;;D

Title: Re: Always be prepared (not CH)
Post by Cerberus on May 18^th, 2004, 10:31pm

[smiley=ohjez.gif]

LMMFAOROTFL!!!!!

Ramon

Title: Re: Always be prepared (not CH)
Post by Gator on May 18^th, 2004, 10:39pm

[smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif]

That was just too funny.

Gator

Title: Re: Always be prepared (not CH)
Post by Kevin_M on May 19^th, 2004, 12:47am

ReBUTTal

One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw
two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his
driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are
you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to
eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the
lawyer said.

"But sir. I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there,
under that tree"

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a
wife and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as
large as the limousine was. Once underway, one of the poor fellows
turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for
taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the
grass is almost a foot high!"

Kevin m

Title: Re: Always be prepared (not CH)
Post by Tiannia on May 19^th, 2004, 2:10am

[smiley=JAW_DROP.gif] [smiley=ohjez.gif] [smiley=oops.gif]

That was good...

Title: Re: Always be prepared (not CH)
Post by Donna_D. on May 19^th, 2004, 8:10am

Just when ya think things cant get any funnier...

Good one Kev

;;D

DD

Title: Re: Always be prepared (not CH)
Post by bobkip on May 19^th, 2004, 2:06pm

ROTFLMAO!!! She sounds like the fruitcake lady that Leno has on the Tonight Show.
Kip