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(Message started by: Gena on May 11^th, 2004, 9:28am)

Title: :-[ depression ?
Post by Gena on May 11^th, 2004, 9:28am

For about the last week I have had a few brake through CHs but almost constant shadows (bad ones) I have tried upping my verap, o2, 1/3 imtx shots and Excedrin but the handful and although I get them to go away for a little while they always come right back.

I try to stay positive and think about what it was like before I had these weapons against the beast and how much worse it was, but I am just getting worn down.

Then yesterday Frank, my husband yelled at me and told me that he is sick and tired of these headaches, he is tired of always having to be inconvenienced by them. He also told me that everybody feels bad at times, that I just need to suck it up, deal with it and move on. That I need to be tougher and not let it bother me.

I started to cry (which did nothing for my HA) and I told him if he's sick of it to think how I feel, I'm the one with the HAs. Now I just keep crying and can't stop!!!!

I know that to some extent he is right, but right now I can't seem to get of the pity train and stop singing the why me song.

Is this why they call them suicide HAs - because at this point I feel so low, and I hate living like this.

Sorry so Long just need to vent a little

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by EyeHurtOhio on May 11^th, 2004, 9:42am

Hi Gena,

I'm new here, but hang in there! Your not alone i too have constant discomfort from shadows.

This is hard on the whole family, my poor wife trys her best to help me but i can get pretty short with her because of the pain.

Wishing you pain free :)
Tom

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by echo on May 11^th, 2004, 9:44am

Sorry to read of the relenting attacks you're dealing with Gena. Dosen't help when your partner is telling you to suck it up. As far as "dealing with it, sucking it up and moving on" goes. Maybe you could pinch his "Who Haw" in a vice grip and when he screams, which he will, tell him to "suck it up and move on".

Hang in there!

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by Woobie on May 11^th, 2004, 9:47am

GENA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry! :'(
But - Hang in there SISTER! They WILL go away!

I like Echo's Idea!

tina! :-*

OH - and CHECK YER PMs

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by Luke63 on May 11^th, 2004, 9:48am

Hang in there...... ;)

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by Mastifflvr28 on May 11^th, 2004, 9:55am

Gena,
Hugs and vibes going up to ya!!
It WILL get better!! :)
Mast

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by BruceD on May 11^th, 2004, 9:57am

Hiya Gena,

I'm so sorry to hear you're having such a bad time - both head & heart. There's no excuse for your hubby to yell at you, but let me give you a guy's perspective. He's not an engineer is he? Or maybe a carpenter or mechanic? If he is, then he's already got a couple of strikes against him. You see, guys are fixers. Yep, it's true we just fix stuff & then move on to the next problem. If he's in one of those professions then he's got a second strike because then fixing stuff is also his profession not just his DNA makeup. Heaven forbid if he's a PhD in engineering - they're beyond help. ;)

I'm not trying to dismiss how lousy his attitude is, just to give you a feeling of his frustration. He can't DO anything about your headaches & for that he's frustrated. However, his frustration certainly shouldn't contribute to your pain! He needs to get his butt to a meet-n-greet or the convention and see what it really is that we have to deal with as clusterheads. Then, he needs to learn what he CAN do to help.

Just remember YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM!! I know that it seems like everything is crashing down right now, but it WILL pass. Take care & go get some chocolate ice cream (or maybe some cheesecake :)

Later
BruceD

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by kissmyglass on May 11^th, 2004, 10:04am

Hi Gena,

Sorry you are i pain & sorry your husband is an idiot.

I don't know your history or anything but 2 things jumped out at me in your post...1/3rd imitrex shot, I would try upping it to 1/2 shot and Excedrin by the handful I am sure is doing a lot more harm than good, I would quit taking them right away.
Hang in there!

Kev

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by Woobie on May 11^th, 2004, 10:04am

I think Frank should come here and read ..............

Good point Kevin.....
Excederin causes rebounds with me...........
when i take them for my headaches......... (not CH)

tina :-*

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by Gator on May 11^th, 2004, 10:09am

First off, I'm sorry you are hurting so bad. I wish for you and all of us that there were never such as thing as CH. Unfortunately that's not our reality.

Secondly, does Frank have CH? If not then he has no right to even speak to you about sucking it up and moving on. And you know that there is not one person alive that could just "not let it bother them."

It's one thing to get angry at the situation. I do. My wife does, but when she goes off, she's quick to point out that she is not mad at me, just at the helplessness of the situation. I still feel guilty, like there should be some way I could control it. She won't let me get down on myself.

It's quite another to be mad at a person for having a disease they never asked for and that doctors can't even cure. That is just plain wrong. That's like being mad at the grass for being green.

Men like to fix things. That's our nature. We fix things and feel good about ourselves. When there is a problem that can't be fixed, we often get frustrated with ourselves, like we should be able to do something. For me, this is where my own guilt comes into play. I should be able to fix or control this, but you and I both know I can't. The bad part of that is we sometimes take it out on those around us.

After tempers are calmer, you should talk with him and clarify both for you AND for him (because he may not have even thought of it that way yet) whether he is just mad at the situation and his own inability to fix the problem or if he is genuinely upset with you. Upset with the problem you can deal with. It might be easy enough to make him see that he needs to reassure you that he is not mad at you. On the other hand, being mad at you is totally unreasonable and unacceptable. For that, I can only hope that in a calmer state of mind, he is able to see how ridiculous (don't use that word on him) his anger at you for something you have no control over is.

I pray for you that things get better. Good luck with Frank.

Gator
See what I mean, here I am trying to fix things.

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by Gena on May 11^th, 2004, 10:12am

on 05/11/04 at 09:57:29, BruceD wrote:

He's not an engineer is he? Or maybe a carpenter or mechanic? - they're beyond help. ;)

He is both a carpenter and a mechanic.
He will not get on the internet and hates computers, I stop trying years ago.
He also does not like this board, he thinks talking about it all the time is a stupid waste of time and will make it worse.

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by Racer1_NC on May 11^th, 2004, 10:47am

When a family member has CH, it effects the whole family. The statements about men being "fixers" is correct. It bothers me to no end that I can't "fix" my head. During an bad attack, one might here me cry out. Sometimes it's because of the pain, most times it's anger and frustration coming out. Anger because it's happening again, frustration because I can't do anything about it.

That being said, your hubby has never suffered from anything like you have. He really doesn't know. But 'suck it up and move on" is hardly a phrase that should be used on CH. Leg cramps? Sure. CH? Never. If sucking it up was all it took, I'd venture to say this board would have 2 - 3 posts a week.

You are not alone.......remember that.

Bill

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by Redd715 on May 11^th, 2004, 11:19am

Gena my dear,

I can truly empathise with you on this. You have been expending mega tons of energy battling the beast and when you are at the point of beginning to work your way back up, your husband's words and attitude push you right back down. I won't go into my personal experience with this in detail, but I will offer a piece of philosophy that may help you cope.

Quote:

One of the most elusive truths we'll ever struggle to grasp is that everyone has a unique perspective about every circumstance, a perspective that reflects a personal understanding of the universe. We never doubt that truth for ourselves, of course. We simply fail to acknowledge that it's true for everyone else too

As long as you can hold on to your truth, you know it, you feel it, you've been living it, it may help to ease your pain as you let your husband deal with his truth.

I also realised something else a long time ago that it took some time to come back to the surface. We come into this world attached and dependant. Once the umbilical cord is cut, we are really on our own save for the love that is there to help us grow to become independant individuals. The only person who can be gaurenteedto make it to the end of our days with us is ourself. Hold on strong for you dear. The "why me" song is sort of like the song that gets stuck in your head after watching one too many Barney shows. This too shall pass, but it comes with the territory. Tears of sadness as well as tears of the bittersweet joy come without warning. You are a survivor. And I agree...the OTC stuff for the shadows never seems to do much anyway but give a rebound. I'm out of cycle but back to the random hits...and even with the verap and and the topamax can't get past the 6 day mark without a good hard better have the trex kit handy hit. But a good strong cup of coffee does seem to help with them.

Gator said it right though. Men like to fix things, espesially for the people they love, and when they can't their beings become unbalanced. Reach out to the love you and Frank share, and hold on to that threw the rough times. I envy that you have someone to fight with over it. I'm on my own. And this place is always here for you.

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by Lizzie2 on May 11^th, 2004, 11:20am

((((((((GENA)))))))))))))
I'm sorry you are having such a bad time right now!! I would have to agree with Kevin and Woobie to stop the excedrin. Many people have gotten into constant chronic daily headache from excedrin. Even when the rebound problem is repaired, sometimes the headache is at the point where it won't be fixed by just stopping the drug. Don't mean to add more depressing thoughts to the table, but rebound is hell. :(

At any rate, hang in there!!! It's gotta get better at some point.

Hugz,
Lizzie :)

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by thomas on May 11^th, 2004, 12:30pm

[smiley=hug.gif] Hope you get to feeling better, real soon.

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by Tiannia on May 11^th, 2004, 1:09pm

"dealing with it, sucking it up and moving on"

god that rings a bell.... It seems to be a running theme with alot of the husband lately. As long as my husband does not have to face me having one, then he is fine, but as soon as he wakes up to find me not in bed, then we end up fighting. And it sucks to have to fight him and the beast at the same time. "Take care of it." Is another of my husbands favorite phases. That I can take a pill so "it must not be that bad". That I should not expect his life to change because I have these "stupid Headaches."

I am sorry Gena. I wish that I could tell you a way to make it better or to make him understand. For me I choose not to fight. I let him fume and just keep my mouth shut and I fight the beast myself with the people here as support. My husband is in construction too. So he is very much under the idea that there should be a simple answer as to why and that there should be a way to just "make" then stop.

Yes, I to hit depression a lot and right now it is worse because I can not seem to get healthy as well. So I am even more run down then what I normally am.

All I can say, it dont let him driveyou away. That this board is your sanity and that it hopes you to "deal with it" on a daily basis. They always hate to have their own words turned back on them. ;;D

PF Wishes Gena,
-Tia

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by Grandma_Sweet_Boy on May 11^th, 2004, 6:27pm

Men - ya can't live with 'em - it's against the law to shoot 'em, but we could all take a course in turning them into lawn ornaments when they bug us!!!!!

No, I'm not male bashing here - not really. I'm very fortunate to have a wonderful supporter in my life and my heart aches when I read posts like this.

It's not your fault girl - sometimes they just don't "get it" and I completely agree with the theory that men just want to fix it for us and then get frustrated when they can't.

Not to excuse him being nasty with you, but I do know their frustration levels can get pretty high. Mine tells me how helpless he feels and it can't be easy for them at time.

Perhaps we females could have a little go at a group kick in the butt for him. ;;D

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by Tiannia on May 11^th, 2004, 7:25pm

on 05/11/04 at 18:27:41, Grandma_Sweet_Boy wrote:

Men - ya can't live with 'em - it's against the law to shoot 'em, but we could all take a course in turning them into lawn ornaments when they bug us!!!!!

Perhaps we females could have a little go at a group kick in the butt for him. ;;D

OK Grandma, I will officially say it. "I like you ;)" I need to have your mind set when mine gets shitty because the HA's bother him and I guess he thinks they are a skip in the fucking park for me????? All I want to do is pop him up side his head. At least he does not say anything about this board. Think he knows better. Thisplace keeps me sane. He just shakes his head when I jump into chat. ;;D

PF Wishes M'Lady,
-Tia

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by Mac_Muz on May 11^th, 2004, 7:48pm

Hi Gena. I am Mac, just plain Mac... For a month now I have has this CH for the very first time in my life.

I happen to be a mechanical sorta guy, as in x foreign car tech, and jack of many other trades at age 52..

I had no idea other had this, and only 4 days ago found out there was a name to this demon.

It is hard to read your first post knowing you and others have this demon.

Maybe telling your husband this is something like getting beaten in the head, and or in the eye repeatedly every day will have better effect.

I have in my younger days taken a few beatings, and this is worse, far worse..

I am a newbie here, but I wanted to say something.

I am after all a guy. I have not yet read around, but I sure will.

I want these things gone asap!!!!! No meds just gone..never to be seen again...

keep a stiff upper lip eh? Mac

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by Little Deb on May 11^th, 2004, 9:50pm

Gena,

All I can say is sorry and hang in there. If I got started on the men bashing thing, we would have to turn it into a book. Hhmmmm....maybe an idea for a fundraiser for OUCH!

Anyway. Know we are with you. Tell him to fly his happy ass to Nashville and drive back with you.

not likin' men much these days...little deb

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by BlueMeanie on May 11^th, 2004, 10:00pm

Hi Gena,

Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time right now. These headaches can make a bad situation alot worse sometimes when we get so down dealing with the Beast. I'm sure Frank will come around and cut you some slack.

Hope this bad cycle of yours ends soon. Sending vibes.

Bruce had a good idea. Eat some cheescake !!!!

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by Kevin_M on May 11^th, 2004, 10:23pm

I'm a guy. Not much of a good fixer though I guess. Been years and this CH ain't fixed yet. Learning to live together with some type of happiness despite this CH is the real thing that needs fixin'. I guess if he can't fix that, it must be your fault. It's easy to blame his own shortcomings on who's ever handy to blame it on. How 'bout if he tries to fix your happiness, instead of adding to your suffering. Don't sound like a good way to fix things to me. Knowing how to make someone cry shows some real fixin' talent.

Good life is too broad to fit through narrow minds.

Kevin M

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by Opus on May 11^th, 2004, 10:46pm

Gena,
Know how you feel, my wife says she has lived with a ha for three days now and if she can take it I can. No one understands the pain, and it is worse when they think they know how it feels. It is even worse when they complain that you cannot do things for them because of the beast. If I had known that I was going to get these things I would have never gotten married. But I will just have to suck it up and deal with the stupid comments. Some pains are easier to deal with than others.

Opus/Paul

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by purpleydog on May 11^th, 2004, 11:01pm

Gena,
I also agree with echo. Men just have no idea how badly you can feel when within the grips of the Beast (present CH company excluded, of course), and when you're feeling this bad, and he's being such a jerk, you just want to be able to make him feel it too. Try to hang in there, this cycle will end. Of course there is always the Do You Feel Like I Do (excuse me Mr. Frampton) head vise school of pain, that you could enroll him in, and there are plenty of people here that I'm sure could show him a thing or two... ;)
Thinking of you...

purpelydog

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by Charlie on May 11^th, 2004, 11:49pm

From Simon's letter:

Things to avoid saying/doing

Most sufferers are happy to discuss how things affect them, and how you can best help them, but you will find your conversations very short if you say any of the following:

"I had one of those once" - no-one ever has one cluster headache
"My aunt has migraine too" - migraine is nothing like C.H.
"Can't you just take a tablet and lie down?" - no is the answer, most sufferers cannot lie down during an attack
"Just pull yourself together and work through it" - suggest that, and step back several paces!

This is not rudeness, but simply the result of experience. Sufferers know that sometimes it is simply better to ignore remarks such as these and leave the person in ignorance. If you have read this far, though, that probably doesn't apply to you!

Here is the link, It's worth a look:

http://www.ouch-uk.org/ch/note_colleagues.cfm

Charlie

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by broomhilda on May 12^th, 2004, 12:21am

Gena, I am so sorry you are down, as everyone said above keep fighting, one thing at a time...

Hugs and hoping this cycle ends soon for you, know that friends and family are here for you!

Hugs and tons of pf vibes to you,

Andrea

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by Lizzie2 on May 12^th, 2004, 12:48am

Hey Gena,

How are you doing now? I totally feel the depression thing today, especially tonight. I try to stay positive most of the time...as most people know by my numerous use of smilies..hehheh At any rate, sometimes this pain gets intolerable. I don't know how we all get by day in and day out sometimes. I go through these periods where I just wish it were as simple as just giving up my life as I know it and resigning to all this pain. I can't do it, and I really don't want to. I'm just tired of all this fucking pain ruling my life. (Pardon my language)

I know we can get through this. It isn't easy, but our family HERE can carry us through anything. I'm so sorry that your husband is so not understanding of all that you are going through. My family really also has no clue. In the past they have made offhand comments about how much they go through with my hospital stays and whatnot. It makes me feel like I'm just some burden on them at times. I know they don't mean it, but they are frustrated.

Anyhow, I hope you are doing a little bit better tonight. Hugz and PF vibes going your way. Hang in there!

Lizzie

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by Woobie on May 12^th, 2004, 8:47am

GENA!

How are you today????????

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by helpless23 on May 12^th, 2004, 9:02am

Gena,

That's why you have us. Supporters who support and suffererers who support.

You know you can lean on us. Never apologize for venting here. I know that I have and have been told that's why we are all here!

Vent away. WE understand! Hang tough! We are all here for you!

If you need to talk to anyone, I'm available to you anytime, day or night. Just drop me a PM anytime you feel the need. If only to just go crazy on the keyboard to make you feel better.

So if I get a message from you that says something like

"alkjsdhflkauyweoiyrho;23qi4u239784092384p9euaseklfas;lkhf;ldsauyfopa7w0ep98rt|"

I'll know what it means! ;-)

We care!

Much Love,
Toni

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by Gena on May 12^th, 2004, 9:16am

I just wanted to thank everyone for there kind thoughts and words.

Frank was very apologetic today and would not let me do anything.

I sat in my room and meditated....

Feeling a little more centered today.
Sucking it up and dealing with it 8)

Wishing I could just move on....

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by Racer1_NC on May 12^th, 2004, 2:46pm

Move on? From CH? Don't we all.

Glad it has gotten better for you.

Bill

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by aprilbee on May 12^th, 2004, 3:31pm

I'm glad I turned to page 2 and read that your husband apologized....

I'm happy that you are feeling better...sending PF vibes your way!! ;;D

Title: Re: :-[ depression ?
Post by Grandma_Sweet_Boy on May 12^th, 2004, 4:52pm

I find that apologies work best when served covered in warm, melted, dark chocolate and preferably in a bubble bath drawn by the apologizer!!!!!

Hope today was a better day for you darlin'. You've had enough for a while!