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        New Message Board Archives >> 2004 Posts >> Someone please help me
        
(Message started by: Night_Owl on May 5^th, 2004, 2:05am)

Title: Someone please help me
Post by Night_Owl on May 5^th, 2004, 2:05am

It's Cassi. I haven't been on for a few months. I have been in the hospital for a while...two suicide attempts. I got imitrex a while back but that isn't even getting them. I am just getting clean, I have been using anything and everything you could think off...heroin was my biggest problem. Found out I am bi polar. I am on drugs for that that aren't doing anything. I am so sorry, everytime I get on here I feel like I just complain. I just need help. I know this is only a message board and half of you probably don't know me, but someone please if you have anything to say or have been in a similar situation please please tell me something...I am losing it and I don't know what to do. My head is killing me, I haven't slept for days, all I want to do is use. I miss my mom...my dad is an alcoholic so we don't get along. I was informed a few weeks ago that I could be HIV positive because of an assault issue that happened a while back so I have to be tested for that...I am losing my mind...way too much. I just need something, anything please. I am a mess. I am sorry to post and get in the way but I need someone. Anything.

Cassi

Title: Re: Someone please help me
Post by Linda_Howell on May 5^th, 2004, 2:18am

Cassi, Look in the right hand corner and check your IM's

Linda

Title: Re: Someone please help me
Post by Tiannia on May 5^th, 2004, 2:24am

Not sure how much I can help. Have you talked to your docs about using O2? As for the using, you will have to take eaxh day, each hour, eaxh minute, each secind asit comes. You can do it. Have you looked into NA meetings in your area? Go to as many as you can, they really help. Get a sponcer... that way you have someone physically there to talk to and work it out with.

Write some affirmatuins and readthem aloud while looking in the mirror. You will begin to see that you are strong enough to keep clean

PF Wishes,
-Tia

Title: Re: Someone please help me
Post by wingnut04 on May 5^th, 2004, 2:31am

check your PM's

Kevin

Title: Re: Someone please help me
Post by OneEyeBlind on May 5^th, 2004, 7:16am

Cassi, loving healing vibes headed your way. You are strong, stay tuff and everything else will fall in to place. Get to those NA meetings, they really help with knowing you are not alone with your problems. Email or IM me any time ya want to talk.

Love ya, Nan

Title: Re: Someone please help me
Post by Jimmy_B on May 5^th, 2004, 7:27am

Cassi,

Check your messages...you're not alone in this...

Jimmy

Title: Re: Someone please help me
Post by Peppermint on May 5^th, 2004, 9:33am

Cassi - I had been wondering where you were.

I'm so glad you found your way back here, and are willing to share all this, as painful as it is.

Please check your email.

Pep

Title: Re: Someone please help me
Post by Opus on May 5^th, 2004, 9:36am

Cassie,
I was wondering what had happened to you. I have been praying that you are ok. All I can offer is to listen, I can't help in any other way. You can write me about anything at anytime. I will write you more later when I can get my head clear.

Paul

Title: Re: Someone please help me
Post by brain_cramps on May 5^th, 2004, 9:56am

Cassi

Check your IMs or turn on your Messenger.

Grant

Title: Re: Someone please help me
Post by aprilbee on May 5^th, 2004, 9:57am

Sending tons of love and prayers your way....

Title: Re: Someone please help me
Post by Gator on May 5^th, 2004, 1:57pm

I am truly sorry you are going through such a rough time. I wish there was something I could say to make it all better. This site is a good place to come and let it all out, though and you know that you are loved here by this family. Prayers and vibes being sent your way.

Gator

Title: Re: Someone please help me
Post by Karla on May 5^th, 2004, 1:57pm

Are you taking suboxone or methadone to help stay off the herion? Be sure to go to lots of NA meetings and take it one day or one second at a time. I used to use lots of drugs also and went through plenty of HIV scares. Thank God I always came back negative. Ive been clean 11 years but it has not been easy. With ch I have thought about relapsing plenty of times but I get my but to a NA meeting and then I feel better. I will put you on my churches prayer chain and I will be praying for you as well for strength and deliverance from the things that have a hold on you and that you come back HIV negative. Be sure to have good communication with your dr who is treating you for bipolar. Sometimes one medicine doesn't work and you need to try another or you need a higher dose. It can take a while to find the right combination. But be sure to be honest and call him/her and let them know if you are still feeling suicidal and down. Effexor saved my but big time. I used to feel suicidal all the time over these ch but effexor at a high dose really made a difference for me. Good luck and don't be a stranger. We are here for ya.

Title: Re: Someone please help me
Post by Samantha_Smith on May 5^th, 2004, 2:54pm

Cassi-

Thank you sooo much for posting and opening your heart here.

Don't use drugs, go to meetings, work the steps, call your sponsor (if you don't have one then stand up at a meeting TODAY and ask if a woman could be at least a temporary sponsor.) I used to go to 3 meetings a day when I was trying to get clean. If there are no NA meetings in your area then go to an AA meeting (just subsitute the word "alcohol" for the word "heroin"---drugs are drugs and ya gotta do what ya gotta do.)

Avoid the persons, places and things you asscoiate with heroin at all costs. I lost LOTS of so called "friends" when I got straight.

When I was tested for HIV (and all other lurking STD's)back in November of 2002 it took a week to get the results. I swear that I didn't sleep or eat or blink or even breathe for 5 consecutive days. You are doing the right thing and you deserve a big huge hug! I know it's a hard thing but it's the right thing. The good news is---HIV is not the "death sentence" that it once was. HIV positive people can live happy, productive lives for years and years BUT they have to get tested AND get treated. If you are not HIV positive then AMEN!!! You are doing an AWESOME thing for yourself!!

Have you thought about going to a church? When I totally bottomed out I turned to God. He had kicked me sooooo far down that I had no place to look but up at Him. Today I thank Him for all the tough times he put me thru because it made me see that there was a God who loved and cared for me personally.

Lastly, be honest with your doctors regarding your heroin addiction and recovery. Addiction is a disease that can be treated and managed. They may find your honesty refreshing. Stop the cycles of lies and deception---it only promotes addiction. Unfortunately, you may run into some uneducated and uncompassionate doctors but fire them and move on. I was honest with my doc's and I got the help I need.

One final thing....if you fall off the wagon then dust yourself off and get back on. Don't beat yourself up about it.

If you want to email me then my email address is:
knottygirrrl@yahoo.com

You are NOT alone!!! I'll pray for you right now! Big hug!Samanatha

Title: Re: Someone please help me
Post by Night_Owl on May 5^th, 2004, 3:55pm

Thanks so much for all of your support and words of encouragement...it really helps sometimes. I have an NA meeting tonight...wish me luck.

Cassi

Title: Re: Someone please help me
Post by Charlie on May 5^th, 2004, 4:48pm

Lots of great advice and support here. Just posting here is one of the best signs that you mean business. I don't have similar experiences but I do know that over time things get better. It's hard to think like that now and then but it's true.

I really want you to keep posting. Every day if you can.

We're here for you so let us know how it's going.

Charlie

Title: Re: Someone please help me
Post by OneEyeBlind on May 5^th, 2004, 5:24pm

Glad to hear you are going to an NA meeting tonight Cass. Just keep going, and keep posting here. Seems there are a lot of people that have walked in your shoes ........ and changed into clean sneakers. Remember that .... it can be done. Reach out, reach up, just reach !!!!!!!!!

Love ya, Nan

Title: Re: Someone please help me
Post by purpleydog on May 5^th, 2004, 7:27pm

Cassi,
I'm a little new to the board, but I can feel your pain. Please hang in there and don't give up. We are all here for you. This board is here for you to use, please keep in touch with us, we want to know how you are. I am pulling for you, you are in my thoughts. One thing I've noticed about this board, is that someone is on all the time. Post whenever you want.

purpleydog

Title: Re: Someone please help me
Post by cootie on May 5^th, 2004, 10:15pm

Cassi.......your still pretty young aren't you ? You'll look at life differently some day......trust me.......mite be hard to believe but it will happen. Sometimes we develope tunnel vision and can't see beyond our needs or wants. Ya get wrapped up in it......doin the drugs occupies yer mind......like goin places without leavein the room. Someday you'll get tired of that and want more. So all you can do now is try to find that road.......join some groups that offer close friednships and things to do.....gotta train your mind to want something else as bad as it wants the drugs. And Heroin gives the brain a very well sense of being feeling it will crave after the first time. You need to step outside the ring your in.......and see what else is out there !!!! Too easy to kick back and be a user........it's the easiest way I know of to get nowhere FAST. Good luck to you and find sum cool interests that will be as addictiing as the drugs were to your mind and your sole ! That's a good road to be on Pam

Title: Re: Someone please help me
Post by Little Deb on May 6^th, 2004, 12:54am

Prayers are going out to you Cassi. I will let all the others give you advice, for I am not really good in that area. I would however, encourage you to go to a church, if you have one, or just pick one, and find a pastor or women's group where you can turn when you are really feeling bad, and when you are feeling good.
Stay strong and remember, for every positive step forward you make, Satan will be there trying to make you fail. Don't let him. Stay strong, stay focused, and stay with us.

clusterfamily rocks!....Little Deb

Title: Re: Someone please help me
Post by ZAIRA on May 6^th, 2004, 2:48pm

:'( They say that life is long and there are pains and joy for everybody, but I realize that, at your age and with your problems, it is difficult, almost impossible to speak about joy and peace. I do not know how to say and think. I am very sorry..... You are sooooo young.... stay strong, stay with us, Zaira