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Title: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast... Post by Redd715 on Apr 19th, 2004, 10:55am Yep as of late last night the armchair neurologist went into a fit and broke up with me during a discussion once again of CH and the treatment metheods. I guess according to him, if the doctors can't or don't run any clear cut tests to "prove decicively" this is CH, then they are only speculating, and I am self diagnosing and I should trust him more than the doctors. As of last night he even tried to change his story once more to insinuate that it was the hypnosis to quit smoking that caused this, and it's not CH at all. He's ripped on Dr. Goadsby's credentials, cutting and pasting from the Mayo Clinic on CH about Primary and secondary HA and discrediting the hypothalamus enlargment research. "listen to your British doc....maybe he knows you better than I do" "you were fine till you got hypmotised...." "and now make a huge issue out of it...let it consume your life and do nothing but take drugs to "fix" it....you are not helping anything....take your drugs and live like that if you wish...I don't need to be a part of a chemical expierament. I need to say goodbye here.....I am so done with this confrontation..you just need to diagnos yourself and look for excuses on the net...then so be it ...without me...." So not only do I get to go threw my head exploding I get to feel my heart breaking at the same time. OK anybody know of a good mechanic in central WI? Looks like I need to find a new one. |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Mac on Apr 19th, 2004, 10:58am Your Ex is a moron. Good riddance. Glen |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Luke63 on Apr 19th, 2004, 11:01am don't stop talking...it helps things ya know....that's if you want to try...... |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Rock_Lobster on Apr 19th, 2004, 11:13am Word has is that Thomas lives in WI. And is well endowed. Just a rumor. Certainly is a nice guy... not a soul can argue that. Rock |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by fubar on Apr 19th, 2004, 11:35am That Doc needs to go back and think about *why* he became a doctor. Sounds like his God-complex is threatened by the evil British doctor. |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by thomas on Apr 19th, 2004, 11:41am on 04/19/04 at 11:13:17, Rock_Lobster wrote:
Well, Rock, the first part is true, the last two items are open to debate and interpretation. ;) |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Redd715 on Apr 19th, 2004, 11:47am on 04/19/04 at 11:35:15, fubar wrote:
This armchair neuologist was my mechanic boyfriend fubar, not an actual doctor. They say we fear that which we don't understand. And to understand would mean he would have to rethink all that he believes which also scares him. So probably better that he doesn't want to be a part of this. |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by 5-string on Apr 19th, 2004, 11:49am We all suffer from that "get over it" feeling from time to time about things, but in a love relationship, true trust eliminates that. embracing,justifying and verbalizing that "feeling" is what seperates the emotional competant from the emotional enept...I'm sorry things did'nt work out..... ...Mark.. |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Kevin_M on Apr 19th, 2004, 12:49pm on 04/19/04 at 10:55:13, Redd715 wrote:
That's the first thing I do when a doctor has given me something to alleviate the pain of clusters, I run to my mechanic and see if this is correct protocol according to his medical knowledge. Well, something that can't be directly seen on any chart or x-ray or cat scan or mri must be not there. The pain is just a figment of my imagination and I am making a big deal out of nothing. If a person hasn't actually felt the pain of CH sometimes their systemizing (especially men) may diminish their empathizing. If he doesn't have the tolerance to consider empathizing for the person he supposedly loves, well then things are not going to get any better anyway. Sorry for your feelings and other repercussions in your life at this time. It is sad to be in pain and not be believed and ridiculed by a friend who you expected different from. Not everyone is prepared for or ready to accept the turmoil a partner goes through with this affliction, that is what makes the SUPPORTERS on this board SUCH FANTASTIC PEOPLE!!!! The uncommon gems like you will find here are very commendable and beautiful people. Perhaps surrealistic. I know some great mechanics, and I enjoy their fantastic insight on other things too but not when it comes to clusters, if they don't experience them, that is what this family is for. Keep yourself gathered and keep putting one foot in front of another. Sometimes it's better to have nothing than something which is bad for you. Hope your healings ok and you are trying to stay PF. Kevin M |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Kevin_M on Apr 19th, 2004, 1:01pm on 04/19/04 at 11:47:19, Redd715 wrote:
What does fear have to do with the actual pain of clusters, which we may not understand? He is mixing the word understanding up with empathizing. It scares him to empathize with someone he supposedly loves? You do not have to understand in order to empathize. People throughout this country empathize with all the soldiers lost in war, though they may not understand why they died or the war itself. It's called Memorial Day. Kevin M |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Redd715 on Apr 19th, 2004, 1:36pm on 04/19/04 at 13:01:33, Kevin_M wrote:
I just wrote this to someone in PM. I firmly believe taht he was looking for an escape from this. I believe that deep inside, though he was unable to recognise it and admit it to himself, he was not strong enough to deal with the fact that this is something incureable, is debilitating when it hits, and not strong enough to stand by helplessly when I would be in the throws of an attack. I believe he was grasping at straws to convince "himself" that it was ANTHING BUT CH. Be it mental illness, be it over reaction to pain, be it psychsomatic, be it anurisms, be it computer vision syndrom, hypnosis for quittijng smoking, whatever the cause of the day might be in his mind. He was just not strong enough to take being helpless and powerless. |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Linda_Howell on Apr 19th, 2004, 1:43pm what did I tell you Pegg? LindaH |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Kevin_M on Apr 19th, 2004, 1:47pm on 04/19/04 at 13:36:06, Redd715 wrote:
Powerless I understand. Helpless toward you I don't. Kevin M |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by bobkip on Apr 19th, 2004, 1:47pm Redd, You're better off without the bum. A true measure of love is being there for the one you love, no matter what. Judy and I have been married for over 45 years and I've had dealt with the beast long before that. She tried her best to help me but learned there isn't much she could do but stay out of my way. The docs I saw in the early years of misdiagnosis were clueless about CH but after reading everything (pre web) I could about HA, I knew what I had but it took 'til the mid 80's to find a doc that had even heard of CH. That's when I got my O2 setup and it has been sooo much better since. I hope you find a guy that understands, but if not get a dog or cat. They do understand. Kip |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Redd715 on Apr 19th, 2004, 2:04pm on 04/19/04 at 13:43:25, Linda_Howell wrote:
you were right hun...he wanted out...he wasn't strong enough...that or Love never had anything to do with it...I'm not about to speculate on that...that I think would cut even deeper.... |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Kevin_M on Apr 19th, 2004, 2:05pm on 04/19/04 at 13:36:06, Redd715 wrote:
Did it dawn on him how it makes you feel? Nice empathy. So his solution was to leave rather than stand by and help. Whatever. Hope you're doing ok. Kevin M |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Cerberus on Apr 19th, 2004, 2:09pm What I have to say may not help any, or it may cause you at least a little comfort. Redd...It seems to me that your man was already looking for a way out. Its harsh, I know, but it the way it reads is that he doesn't understand the nature of this malady in the least bit, doesn't want to deal with the things that come with it, and refuses to admit that not only does he feel that way, but is also unwilling to get the facts and/or feels helpless...let alone accept them. You could do better. I ain't no mechanic, and I don't live in WI. however I do live near Rockford, IL. and if you wish you can call me, PM me, or whatever Just don't get down on yourself wondering what you could have done or said to make things better...chances are that you couldn't have made a significant difference in this unless you were totally healthy. His Ignorance shows....if he had any knowledge of CH whatsoever he wouldn't have said half of those things, cause he would know that there is NO proven positive test of CH, There is NO proven universal method of controlling CH, and that the medications to treat it are not only experimental in most cases, but, hard on the body. I don't know of ANY CH medication that could not be potentially fatal if misused or administered. Seems pretty plain to me that this was already coming. PM me if you want to call me and I'll give ya my number ok? Ramon |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by helpless23 on Apr 19th, 2004, 2:11pm Hey Redd, Read my post (a rant) partially CH related. Cerberus - I couldnt' agree with you more on this. Are we related in any way? LOL ;;D Much Love, Toni |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Jeepgun on Apr 19th, 2004, 2:13pm I'm so sorry... *sigh* I can see it from both sides. When my wife was pregnant, she was sick 24/7 for the first two trimesters. There was nothing anyone could do for her, and I went through feeling helpless, powerless, frustrated, angry, grieving... The whole gamut... Never would I have seriously considered bailing out, but occasionally, the idea did have its appeal... Anyway, you are better off without that coward in your life. One thing that having clusters has shown me, is what I'm made of; the meaning of inner strength and courage. Hang in there. You certainly deserve a better man. |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Redd715 on Apr 19th, 2004, 2:15pm on 04/19/04 at 14:05:58, Kevin_M wrote:
That's just the point Kevin, in the grand scheme of things it wasn't about me. It was about him and what he could and couldn't accept, what he was and wasn't able to come to terms with, what he did and didn't want to believe. To believe that I am a clusterhead is to effect "his" life adversly. Recall he states that "he" isn't going to be part of some chemical experiment. It's about "him", not me at all. And he'll never see that nor admit to that. I'm just not looking forward to whatever note he's going to send in the box when he "ships my things to me"....I know him well enough to know there will be one. |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Kevin_M on Apr 19th, 2004, 2:20pm on 04/19/04 at 14:15:10, Redd715 wrote:
Easily seen. Kevin M |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Linda_Howell on Apr 19th, 2004, 2:27pm Hey Redd/Peg...I'm gonna keep this thread going for a couple more posts because I think it's important. Important for you, as well as others who may be going through this exact same thing. Redd/Pegg is hurting really bad right now. Let's give her all the good help we can right now to deal with this break-up. Pegg, We are your family now. Lean on us. LindaH |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Kevin_M on Apr 19th, 2004, 2:35pm on 04/19/04 at 14:27:54, Linda_Howell wrote:
BINGO!!! Kevin M |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Redd715 on Apr 19th, 2004, 2:42pm Linda thank you hun...I know I'm feeling sorry for myself here...but the wound is still new ya know? I'm trying to come to grips myself with the whole concept of having an affliction that I can't just go to the doctor, take some medicine, and it'll all go away and I'll be good as new. Then the man I love, who claimed to love me, wanted a life with me, wanted to blend our families and create a home together bails on me because rather than accept the doctors diagnosis, he's hell bent to convince not only himeslf but me as well that it has to be anything BUT cluster headaches. Good God and Goddess this hurts. |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Jeepgun on Apr 19th, 2004, 2:44pm *HUGGGGGGGS* http://www.clusterheadaches.com/public_html/yabbimages/smileys/hug.gif |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Leesa on Apr 19th, 2004, 2:57pm Redd, Im sorry hun :'( I wish I knew what eles to say. I can say this though, your far better off with out him. I could say alot more but Ill keep my yap shut for a change. Keep in mind I dont do this often so ya better write this down. LOL If I can help in some way let me know. Im here for ya hun!!! With big ole Tennessee style hugs, Leesa |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Linda_Howell on Apr 19th, 2004, 3:03pm Yeah....what jeep-gun said. You can't get away from us now Redd. You are "OURS" We are here...to throw-out that rope to you when you need it. Hang on hon....YOU'RE IN FOR A BUMPY ride. But we'er right here if you need any of us. LindaH |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Gator on Apr 19th, 2004, 3:03pm Hey Redd. There is nothing wrong with feeling sorry for yourself for awhile. You have just suffered a serious blow to your own self worth. No matter how much people tried to warn you he was no good. No matter how many people tell you to just say good riddence. Even though you suspected it in your own head. It still hurts. You had this small glimmer of hope and the bastard just trashed that. I know it will take time to heal. In the meantime, vent, vent, vent - get it out of your system instead of letting it build inside where it can do damage to your soul. Your family is here to listen and try to help if possible. Gator |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Superpain on Apr 19th, 2004, 4:11pm Ditto on what everyone else has said. Sorry this happened to you, but I think it's one of those things that happened for a reason. It sucks bad enough to have clusters but it sucks a whole lot worse when your with someone that doesn't try to understand and/or be supportive. So in the long run, even though you may not feel it now, you are better off. :-* |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by stevegeebe on Apr 19th, 2004, 8:50pm Redd...I don't know... is he really a good mechanic? This may be something you need to reconsider..? Just kidding. Did I need to tell you that? Just a curve in the river and the rapids are piled high and deep. Trouble is, you are just a little scared now. Good things around the bend. Stick the oar in the water and pull in the direction you wish to go. You'll do okay. You'll see. Steve G |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Rock_Lobster on Apr 19th, 2004, 10:11pm Redddd, Being local, me still thinks ye oughta jump all over Thomas before someone scoops him up at the convention, such as that temptress fine Mel... the very object of my desire. WTF are you waiting for? He is chock-full of fine qualities, ie: Handsome (assuming that is him and not the milkman in his little icon) Gentleman Sharp Dresser Porn Star Shitload of Zomig stashed away Can fix shit His room at the convention is already paid for There ya go, Rock, enjoyer of Rum this shadowy eve |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Tiannia on Apr 20th, 2004, 12:23am on 04/19/04 at 13:36:06, Redd715 wrote:
This is very true andd very hard. I am very sorry but I completly understand. Men that have to sit beside us when we are going through an attack feel helpless. Especially men that are in professions where they build and or fix things. Inside they feel like they shoudl be able to "fix" us. And when they cant they get angry. That angre is really at the HA but it is easier to be mad at us because we are the ones that are there and he can see touch or yell at the headache. Like Luke said keep talking it will help. PF Wishes -Tia |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Redd715 on Apr 20th, 2004, 12:35am I agree...to a point...but he's never had to witness an attack...he's only heard me talk about them, in my limited and ever changing knowlege of them. The more I learned the harder headed he became. I now he didn't fail to read up on it. He simply refused to accept it. It had to be fixable. It HAD to be. In order to fit the "picture" HE had of things. It was about HIM. If you read this thread all the way you'll see where that became evident to me. This is a learning experience...as is life itself...some lessons just take longer to sink in than do others... :(. |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by UN_SOLVED on Apr 20th, 2004, 12:39am My last girlfriend (of 2 years) just didn't "wanna deal with this shit". (Whatever that means). F*&K em' if they don't want to try and understand ! Unsolved |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by KingOfPain on Apr 20th, 2004, 1:14am on 04/19/04 at 12:49:35, Kevin_M wrote:
DITTO! Well said, good point. http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_17_9.gif |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Ree on Apr 20th, 2004, 6:23am Love conquers all... I have supported my husband through the toughest cycles... We weren't married when the Beast first introduced himself to me... I could have run and kept on going... but I didn't. Ti... I think youre right sometimes guys such as this one, think that women should suck up everything. They almost feel lifeless when we are sick... like our pain is about them too... Redd bring him here and tell him to read a few of the threads on the supporters board. If that doesnt teach him to do some loving support then, throw him out... You have a condition that creates the most dibilitating pain known to "Man......... and Woman".................. you need a supporter that can handle anything, give up everything and be there for you... You deserve nothing else. Love to you Ree |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Margi on Apr 20th, 2004, 10:40am ditto what Ree says - she always puts it so well. It's better to find out now, Pegg, than to have actually taken that step of blending your families and discover that you have "support" at home that only makes things worse. Lotsa shoulders here for you to lean on, gal - don't forget that. |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Peppermint on Apr 20th, 2004, 10:59am Hi there Redd.. I haven't been posting much so you may not recognize the name, but I wanted to put some thoughts down for you... I just finished reading this thread. I'm so sorry that you had to go through this, to learn that some people really don't know what love - unconditional love - really means. You really deserve much better than he was willing to give you. Its easy to love someone when everything is ok and "fixable". However, for the long term, when things get rough and the chips are down, to turn and run is a terrible and hurtful thing. What if it wasn't clusters? What if it was MS... or Parkinson's, or cancer, or ....? Many things can occur later in life that aren't "fixable" and yes, people we think love us do turn and run, for whatever reason. I have a friend who has chronic clusters, who's been through so much of this, that at one point he seemed to have just stopped trying to accept love, or even friendship. Things are much different now, for the better. Just look at this board. A lot of supporters here giving unconditionally to the one(s) they love, there's living proof of it. I'm sorry you're hurting, its never easy understanding why these things happen, but you deserve all the love YOU have to give in return, regardless of the obstacles life puts in your way. I hope your heart mends quickly with all the love coming at you. Pepp |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Redd715 on Apr 20th, 2004, 1:35pm on 04/20/04 at 06:23:22, Ree wrote:
Ree, ty for your wonderful words of wisdom and insite, and I'm sure he's come here as a guest and read. As the pieces of a 13 year long puzzle slowly fell into place for me, the harder and harder he would fight to try to convince me I have been imagining all this pain. He refuses to give any validity whatsoever to the doctors, to the treatments, in fact he claims he has a wonder cure for me. He debunks my involvement here with this family, as an alliance with perpetual victims, instead he feels I should be seeking help from people who have learned to "deal" with this permanantly. He won't talk to any professionals, but he'll try to convince me of it, and to ask them to research a med and it's pharmacology. See he thinks it's psychosomatic, said he's had this and his was and he was cured this way. All I need is a few weeks of treatment with anti-schitzophrenic Seraquel and I'll never have to suffer with this ever ever again. And he's tried to play the guilt card as well saying that if I didn't believe him that it would hurt him deeper than anything and he'd never be able to forgive me or speak to me again. Says it's in his past and doesn't like to bring it up. It's all just a confusing mess and I'm not going to attempt to try to figure out what his motive for denial is anymore, or why. I have a life to try to put back together here, and a condition that I can't "cure" at least not yet...but can fight like hell to get managed. Love conqures all...this had nothing to do with love...nothing at all. :'( |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by echo on Apr 20th, 2004, 1:41pm on 04/20/04 at 13:35:34, Redd715 wrote:
Yep - I'm a vicitm After nearly 30 years of this crap, and I'm still breathing, I think I've learned how to deal with the SOB on a permanent basis. With that being said - I think you've come to the right place for support. |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Tiannia on Apr 20th, 2004, 1:55pm God I have heard the phrase "Deal with it" so many fucking times that I wasnt to kill my hubby at times.... I am very sorry that you are faced with this. I get the psychosomatic shit at times too. On the days that I get hit more then normal or the days that I am sick on top of the CH is when he really slams me. "Well if you would just get up and stop moaning about it then you would feel better." The only thing that I have to say is that my husband has neer said a word about me coming here. I think he is smarter then that. He does not understand it, but he does see that when I am not doing well and just log on to read that I feel better after the fact. Redd, you are int he right place. There is alwasy someone here that understands and has a shoulder for you to lean or cry on. -Tia |
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Title: Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast Post by Kevin_M on Apr 20th, 2004, 2:07pm on 04/20/04 at 13:35:34, Redd715 wrote:
Again, as you now know Redd, he is concerned with his ability to manipulate your beliefs toward his and that you should feel bad that if this not accomplished, he will be hurt. Has he cared not an iota though that you HAVE been hurting and he is adding more distress on top of the pain you've been feeling. He should be worrying about forgiveness, not you. Hope you are able to not be hurt by this person and will continue on. Your present feelings perhaps may be of hurt and abandonment regarding him, but don't feel that you've hurt him, he's actually left, hopefully learning the good lesson that, you have and will prevail over such manipulating terms. Don't worry, he has more lessons to learn yet. Best to you at this time. Dan Slanders (Abby's anonymous brother) Kevin M |
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