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        New Message Board Archives >> 2004 Posts >> Please God let me die
        
(Message started by: athos on Apr 18^th, 2004, 10:42pm)

Title: Please God let me die
Post by athos on Apr 18^th, 2004, 10:42pm

Please God let me die

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Mark C on Apr 18^th, 2004, 10:46pm

I know how you feel brother.......hang on.....we need you.....fight.....don't give up.......fight dammit! >:(

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Not4Hire on Apr 18^th, 2004, 10:57pm

...connor: that sweet boy on yer profile... do it (hang in) for him, bro...

ya have my number; use it 24/7...

n4

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by cootie on Apr 18^th, 2004, 11:03pm

You will survive........please !!!! I think sumone needs you Pam

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Thorns on Apr 18^th, 2004, 11:05pm

In times like yours, I live on these words:

"Cast all you anxiety on him because he cares for you" Peter 5:7

I know words can't fight the beast, but it helps me to keep some of the darkness away.

PF vibes comin your way,

Thorns

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by 5-string on Apr 18^th, 2004, 11:07pm

You are not alone with this,
You are not alone with this,
You are not alone with this,
You are not alone with this,
You don't want to die,
The beast must die...not us..NEVER US!
Hang-on.
...Mark.

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by miapet on Apr 18^th, 2004, 11:08pm

You are in our thoughts and wishes . . . .I am putting a special emphasis out for you . . .
*positive light and energy*
miapet

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Gator on Apr 18^th, 2004, 11:13pm

Hang on man. We need you here.

I have sat up in bed and screamed at the top of my lungs for God to either cure me or kill me numerous times! I have since found a combo that appears to be working for me. I know that everyone is different, but it shows that there is hope.

Don't let the beast win.

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Lizzie2 on Apr 18^th, 2004, 11:15pm

[smiley=hug.gif] Ken,
Hang in there. Vibes coming at you!! You can do it!!

Lizzie

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by ShariRae on Apr 18^th, 2004, 11:30pm

one word...CONNOR

He needs you..we all need you...
You are loved
Shari

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by 9erfan on Apr 18^th, 2004, 11:38pm

I absolutely know how you feel. I have also begged God to let me die rather than suffer any longer.
But you are loved in this world and you must stay strong for your son, the rest of your family, and your cluster family.
We love you, don't give up!!! You can do this!
Remember to tell yourself:
"It will end, it will end, it will end, it WILL END!"
Saying prayers for you.

Virginia

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by broomhilda on Apr 19^th, 2004, 12:45am

Athos :'(, please hold on, Connor needs you now and always. Keep fighting and know you are in our thoughts and prayers...

(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))

Prayers,

Andrea

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Tiannia on Apr 19^th, 2004, 12:48am

Hold on Athos. We are all here for you. We hear your screams in the night and undersatnd the words. They will pass and only you will remian, the Beast will never beat you.

PF Wishes to you,
-Tia

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Helpless on Apr 19^th, 2004, 12:59am

i know i do not know you i am new here... but you have a beautiful little boy and he needs you in his life..... i know there must be a time in every sufferers life that the words "please god let me die" are the only ones they can say.... and i know that a supporter would never truely know the pain you have to bare.... but know that we are here to help you.... and your son is worth liveing for.... may you soon not have to suffer any longer and be able to see the world with clear and painfree eyes... my hopes and prayers are going out to you.... hang in there.... like everyone said it WILL end someday.... hopefully it will be sooner than later....

Helpless

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Mastifflvr28 on Apr 19^th, 2004, 2:28am

Athos,
Bigass vibes going up to ya!!
Hope you get a break soon, :(
Mast

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Cathi04 on Apr 19^th, 2004, 3:22am

Ken..the answer is no.

I'll be here...holler if ya need a friend.

Cathi

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Turts on Apr 19^th, 2004, 4:49am

Gday athos,

Hang tough mate, we will get thru this togther. After all that is what family is for.

Take care brother.

Turts

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by vig on Apr 19^th, 2004, 8:40am

"He who has suffered much, much will know."

Homer (not Homer J.)

...and you have a student.

hang tough

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Opus on Apr 19^th, 2004, 9:17am

Athos

I have begged that many times, the answer is always no. I continuously pray for healing, it doesn't come. The only reason that I can see for this pain is the wonderful friends that I have here, I would have never known them without this pain.

Here is some song lyrics that have helped me. It is about teen suicide but it fits for us too.

What's This Life For by Creed

Hurray for a child
That makes it through
If there's any way
Because the answer lies in you
They're laid to rest
Before they know just what to do
Their souls are lost
Because they could never find
What's this life for
I see your soul, it's kind of gray
I see your heart, you look away
You see my wrist, I know your pain
I know your purpose on your plane
Don't say a last prayer
Because you could never find
What's this life for
But they ain't here anymore
Don't have to settle the score
Cause we all live
Under the reign of one king

Opus/Paul

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by deacon on Apr 19^th, 2004, 9:38am

Athos

We know how you feel, been there myself. The Beast can be beaten. Hang in there and if you need to talk, email me.

Tom

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Woobie on Apr 19^th, 2004, 9:46am

Oh Athos!!! I'm sorry!!!!!!!!

[smiley=hug.gif] Here's a hug - can you feel me??

but death is NOT an option - This will pass - and you have people here who care about you! Hang on - you can do it!

Please know that Ramon and I are pullin for you...
TIna :-*

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Jeepgun on Apr 19^th, 2004, 10:35am

When I feel like dying because I can't stand it anymore, when these clusters have pushed me to the very limit of my spiritual endurance, "This too shall pass," is my constant mantra. Please hang in there. Death is an option; always an option; but it is an option that occludes and destroys all others. When you can, do something kind for others and see how it lifts your spirits and makes you feel connected to life and love again. You are never alone...

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by ZAIRA on Apr 19^th, 2004, 10:54am

:'(

Ken…. I have the feeling that we will be *quiet* only when we die, BUT…. Don’t descourage, if you do, you lose the match against your problems, your beast, and this isn’t good.....

I think we all have aims in our own life... people to love and help... you have 5 children… FIGHT for them....

OK…. I think that it shouldn’t be so hard for no-body... we can’t expect happy days, but life can’t ever be bad, don’t you think so?

We know the exhaustion and frustration better than the rest....... you're not alone...

Hopefully your PFDAN will come real soon…. hugs, Zaira

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Luke63 on Apr 19^th, 2004, 10:59am

athos...you are better than this beast and you know it....we are all here...with you....Luke

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Mac on Apr 19^th, 2004, 11:03am

I know your in a lot af pain athos but think about the pain Connor would go through if he lost you. Sending vibes.PFDAN

Glen

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by thomas on Apr 19^th, 2004, 11:13am

I have asked that same question many times myself...... Now I have decided that I want to live and fight this bastard........ You have to remember how good things are when you are pain-free........ Yes life is worth living. Here if you need me.

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by BruceD on Apr 19^th, 2004, 11:15am

BTDT...

Hey Athos,

I'm sure most of us here will admit to uttering those same words in the heat of battle. Pacing the floor in the basement at 2 am I've silently thought the same thing all the while trying to be quiet to avoid waking my wife & kids. The beast just keeps on hitting you to wear you down ... relentless & seemingly ever knowing when you start to feel a bit rested. Then it's off to another day at the mill to earn a living for you & those that love you. You can't even fathom living a real life ... or what a "real life" even is anymore. He's relentless, insidious, and tries to pry the hope out of our lives. It's at those times, when I feel myself starting to anticipate the next hit and rather than living my life, I start to live the life that the beast has chosen for me. It's right then that I have to yell STOP!

The beast does not run your life! He's only visiting for a while to try to screw you up. But, if you stay strong and lean on those around you through the dark times you will come out better in the long run. Live each moment as best you can and "do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Take care
BruceD

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Redd715 on Apr 19^th, 2004, 11:23am

Don't you dare give up!!! We can't let "it" win. The beast may be persistant...but we ARE stronger.

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Donna_D. on Apr 19^th, 2004, 12:36pm

UPDATE on Athos aka Ken

I had the opportunity to visit with Ken this morning and he is ON HIS WAY to the Neurologist today. (And Ken if you are reading this--GET IN THE CAR AND GET GOING! )

Seems he was getting slammed hard this weekend and still continues to do so....so keep those prayers and vibes going his direction!

Hang in there Ken...you are NOT alone! Tell Jodi to call me if things get really bad....I am always lurking around somewhere!! :)

Good Luck at the Neuro's today...be sure to get back with me with an update....

Here is to a better day today!

Donna D.

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Linda_Howell on Apr 19^th, 2004, 12:54pm

Five words: "Please God, let me die."

And all of Clusterville JUMPS. To help.

This is what we are all about here.

Let all the nay-sayers say what they want...we are family and we take care of our own.

Athos...you are loved and cared about. LindaH

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Jayne on Apr 19^th, 2004, 1:01pm

Athos, I am pulling for you. It will get better, it always does. It's like a roller coster, and the ride will eventually take the down slope.

((((((((((((((((((((((ATHOS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Jeepgun on Apr 19^th, 2004, 1:01pm

on 04/19/04 at 12:54:08, Linda_Howell wrote:

I couldn't have said it better, Linda. Finding this site was the very best thing that could have happened to me, since developing these murderous headaches.

Athos, you keep on hangin' in there, buddy. We're all pulling for you!

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Leesa on Apr 19^th, 2004, 3:35pm

Athos, ya gotta hang in there hun. We need you round here ya know. CONNOR needs you and so does the rest of your family at home!! It will pass!!! Dont let the beast get the better of you. YOUR far better then the beast EVER dreamed of being!!! YOU WILL WIN THIS BATTLE!!! I have faith in you and so do many other people here!! We got the vibes goin for ya hun so STAY STRONG!!!!!
Leesa

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Cerberus on Apr 19^th, 2004, 6:56pm

Bro'

Ya gotta hang tough we're all here fer ya.
Besides I tried that route and got caught up in all the red-tape of the MB, OUCH not giving permission and then there is the issue of santioning by Da King, and a note from yer mom.....in the end wasn't worth the effort. ;;D

Peace to ya soon man.. ;)
Ramon

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Magman on Apr 19^th, 2004, 7:05pm

Ken,

Everyone else put it so well. Ya gotta hang in there bro. Stay hard and fight.

If there are OUCH Media things on your plate, send em over bro.

Peace and prayers coming your way,
-dan

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Linda_Howell on Apr 19^th, 2004, 7:10pm

Athos....my number is on 24/7... Just e-mailed it to you.

call me any time. Linda

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Melissa on Apr 19^th, 2004, 7:30pm

Ken...

I love all my fellow clusterheads. Doesn't matter if I've met them or not. You're suffering terribly and I'm going to ask God to not let you die, but to sit with you and hold you through your pain.

If I could take that pain away from you, I would. I've said that so many times here throughout the years, and I've meant it...every word, every single time.

Weary is the soul which fights internally for years, but sorrow and emptyness is what remains after it gives up.

You can do this, you can survive. All it takes, is patience. Day by day, hour by hour you can make it through.

Grab onto the rope we clusterheads are holding, and let us pull you back up.

love,
mel

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by BlueMeanie on Apr 19^th, 2004, 7:51pm

Hang in there Athos. You can fight the Beast with the rest of us. Some times it's a little harder than others, but you know you will get through the bad times.

PFDAN to you.

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by jonny on Apr 19^th, 2004, 8:09pm

on 04/18/04 at 22:42:37, athos wrote:

Please God let me die

You keep talking like that you wont have to worry about no damned beast.....Got it!!!!?

.............................jonny

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Nolan on Apr 19^th, 2004, 10:48pm

Oh yeah, the Beast is very alive and well in Arizona. This I know SO well. He loves it here.

I know it hurts man...I know, we all know. If I could, I'd take a couple of them for you just so you could have some peace...a break. But I can't. We know the Beast is a ruthless S.O.B, but you can beat it. Look deep inside to that place where the strength is, where the power is. I don't know your history, so I can't comment, but I'd be interested in hearing what is, and isn't working.

Walk. Breathe. Relax. Find a dark, cool corner of the world where you can deal with it better. You're not alone.

Nolan (mejourno@yahoo.com)

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by tsayswhy on Apr 19^th, 2004, 11:04pm

We all feel your pain athos :'(

BUT........you signed a [smiley=deal2.gif] with us so when you are down and out thats what we are here for.

Hang in there [smiley=hug.gif]

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by K. on Apr 19^th, 2004, 11:26pm

Ken,

You've been here before and SURVIVED! You CAN do it again because you are STRONG and you WILL WIN THIS FIGHT, the same fight we are all fighting. Your cluster family is here for you.

Hang in there.
K.

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by UN_SOLVED on Apr 20^th, 2004, 12:12am

I just wanted to say what's already been said :

You're NOT alone !

Hang in there

Unsolved

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Glideman on Apr 20^th, 2004, 1:11am

HANG IN THERE!! Dude it will get better. I've had a very bad patch recently, but with this board and some tips I got, it helps. If only to vent, and know someone else knows our pain. I'll add you to my prayer list.

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by athos on Apr 20^th, 2004, 3:22am

I really appreciate everything everyone has said. It really means a lot.

As I was curled in ball screaming.... my 9 year old daughter was holding my head.. That was just after I posted jere.

They took me to the ER.. They also called my Neuro and he called ahead an told them what to do... basically knocked me out... upped my prevents.. Keppra, and Trileptol... and I am just a little numb now... starting to "wake up".

It is almost a high coming off a kip 10 almost euphoric in a way once the pain is gone realizing that it really is gone.

Again thanks for all your support I can't imagine what I would do without all of you and what we have here.

--ken

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by And on Apr 20^th, 2004, 5:28am

PLS, Be strong. Vibes coming your way from Italy.

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Ree on Apr 20^th, 2004, 6:02am

Athos I am so sorry you are being hit this hard... Remember it will end........ you are coming close... believe and it will happen... love to you Ree

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by sandie99 on Apr 20^th, 2004, 10:39am

Athos,
I know exactly that feeling.... :'(
But, more than that, I hope you're around to see all these messages! And find strenght to go on. I know that it is hard. Sometimes several things come together all at once and CH on top of that does make things hundred times harder at least. I pray for you.

Wishing for the best,
sandie99

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Charlie on Apr 21^st, 2004, 1:24am

I had the same thoughts when it first began. At the time I thought it would last forever. I had no idea that there were such things as chronic clusterheads.

Posting here was the best thing you did for your CH. You're not alone. Keep up the good fight and rant away.

Charlie

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Woobie on Apr 22^nd, 2004, 3:17am

YO ~ Athos

How you doin??? Check in again - k?

Thinkin bout ya!

tina

Title: Re: Please God let me die
Post by Carl_D on Apr 22^nd, 2004, 3:28am

Athos,
Keep fighting! I know what it is like to plead to god to either take it away or let me die. I know the desperation that comes from the pain. You are getting hit hard right now, but fight this fucking beast that much harder.

Never say die!
Carl D

P.S. - I know how it is. Been getting rocked very hard myself and have massively shadowed all day between attacks. Never surrender to the cowardly beast.