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        New Message Board Archives >> 2002-2004 Funnies and Jokes >> When we can drink.
        
(Message started by: AussieBrian on Nov 17^th, 2004, 9:11pm)

Title: When we can drink.
Post by AussieBrian on Nov 17^th, 2004, 9:11pm

When:- Drinking fails to give satisfaction and front of
shirt is wet.
Maybe: Mouth is not open, or glass applied to wrong
part of face.
Then:- Buy more booze and practise in front of
mirror until technique perfected.

When:- Drink fails to give satisfaction and is pale and
weak. Front of shirt dry.
Maybe:- Glass is empty.
Then:- Find someone who will buy you another.

When:- Feet cold and wet.
Maybe:- Glass being held at wrong angle.
Then:- Turn glass other way so open end at top.

When:- Feet warm and wet.
Maybe:- Loss of self control.
Then:- Stand next to nearest dog. Complain to
owner. Demand new (expensive) drink in
compensation.

When:- Bar blurred.
Maybe:- You are looking through the bottom of
an empty glass.
Then:- See above.

When:- Bar swaying.
Maybe:- Air turbulance unusually high - perhaps
darts game in progress.
Then:- Insert broom handle down back of jacket.

When:- Bar moving.
Maybe:- You are being carried out.
Then:- Find out if you are being taken to another
pub. If not, complain loudly that you are
being kidnapped.

When:- You notice that the wall opposite is tiled and
has light fittings.
Maybe:- You have fallen over backwards.
Then:- If your glass is still full and no-one is standing
on your drinking arm, stay put. Otherwise,
have self lashed to bar.

When:- Everything has gone dim and your mouth is
full of cigarette ends.
Maybe:- You have fallen over forwards.
Then:- See above.

When:- You feel sharp pains in your rear.
Maybe:- You are standing too close to the pool table.
Then:- Ask to have pool table moved.

When:- Everything is going dark.
Maybe:- Pub is closing.
Then:- (a) Panic.
(b) Find another pub.
(c) Rush to bottle shop.

When:- You wake up to find your bed hard, cold and
wet. Cannot see bedroom walls or ceiling.
Maybe:- You've slept in the gutter.
Then:- Check watch to see if it's opening time yet.
If not, treat yourself to a nice lie-in.

(Author not known - but appreciated)

Title: Re: When we can drink.
Post by Ronny on Nov 20^th, 2004, 8:54pm

Hehehe