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        New Message Board Archives >> 2002-2004 Funnies and Jokes >> OK...for the women out there...
        
(Message started by: Little Deb on May 19^th, 2004, 11:12pm)

Title: OK...for the women out there...
Post by Little Deb on May 19^th, 2004, 11:12pm

The first one just cracks me up!!!!! [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif]

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the
woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet
I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping
with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could
do to him."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never
understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it
onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know the things
that are important to each other."

He addressed the man,
"Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and
whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right here.

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and
down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if
she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box
of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct
aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for
some tampons for your wife?

He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent
my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,
and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some
rolling papers; cause it's sooooooo much cheaper. So,
I figure if I have to roll my own . so does she.

(Of course . . . I figure this guy is the one on the milk
carton! :-)

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles,
not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an
argument and neither of them wanted to concede their
position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,
and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,

"Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many
words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we
have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked,
"What?"

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you
can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made
me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

BEAST

Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent
quarrel, and hubby was losing his temper.

"Be careful," he said to his wife.

"You will bring out the beast in me."

"So what?" his wife shot back.
"Who is afraid of a mouse?"

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up
first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here
and you should do it, because that is your
job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it
is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New
Testament and showed him at the top of several pages,
that it indeed says..........

"HEBREWS"

Title: Re: OK...for the women out there...
Post by sandie99 on May 20^th, 2004, 6:03am

;;D

Title: Re: OK...for the women out there...
Post by Leesa on May 20^th, 2004, 3:37pm

LMMFAO [smiley=laugh.gif]