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        New Message Board Archives >> 2002-2004 Funnies and Jokes >> Nashville OUCHcon vistors
        
(Message started by: BobG on Apr 2^nd, 2004, 8:22pm)

Title: Nashville OUCHcon vistors
Post by BobG on Apr 2^nd, 2004, 8:22pm

For those going to Nashville-OUCHcon. Please remember it is a southern city……therefore………a little advice from Tennesse BobG
1. Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.
2. Don't laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Bodie, Ovine, Luther Ray, Tammy Lynn, Darla Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.). Or we will just HAVE to kick your ass.
3. Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or whatever -- it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking.
4. We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g.,Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or we'll kick your ass.
5. We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do, sometimes, have small lapses in judgment (e.g., Carter, Edwards, Duke, Barnes, Clinton). We don't care if you think we are dumb. We are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would kick their ass.
6. Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we'll kick your ass.
7. We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here, or we'll kick your ass.
8. Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you're a Yankee. Eat your biscuits like God intended -- with gravy. And don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ass.
9. Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will get your ass kicked.
10. Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know better. Many of us have visited Northern shitholes like Detroit, Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it gets kicked.
11. Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go away and leave us alone, or we'll kick your ass.
12. Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty, we'll kick your ass all the way back to Boston Harbor.
13. Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into your ass just like they did ours.
14. So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in the countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or Baltimore. Make fun of our fresh air, and we'll kick your ass.
15. Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here and tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your ass shot (right after it is kicked). You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Criticize our barbeque, and you will go home in a pine box. Minus your ass!

Title: Re: Nashville OUCHcon vistors
Post by Tiannia on Apr 2^nd, 2004, 10:47pm

16. There is such a think as "Sweet Tea" It does not exsist anywhere else. But it does exsist in the South, so x'pect it. (Oh, or they will kick your ass ;;D)

Title: Re: Nashville OUCHcon vistors
Post by Samantha_Smith on Apr 3^rd, 2004, 4:32pm

L M Ass O!!!!

I'm from Vermont.

Title: Re: Nashville OUCHcon vistors
Post by renny on Apr 4^th, 2004, 3:51am

lol. Am transplanted yankee....twas a thousand years ago.....You Go!!!! Excellent job there Bob! [smiley=laugh.gif] karen

Title: Re: Nashville OUCHcon vistors
Post by Superpain on Apr 6^th, 2004, 2:04am

Wow Bob... Did you write that?
Hilarious! [smiley=laugh.gif]
I used to live in Pensacola, and that's all pretty accurate... ;;D

Title: Re: Nashville OUCHcon vistors
Post by thomas on Apr 6^th, 2004, 7:52am

on 04/06/04 at 02:04:37, Superpain wrote:

Wow Bob... Did you write that?
Hilarious! [smiley=laugh.gif]
I used to live in Pensacola, and that's all pretty accurate... ;;D

Oh no not a florida red-neck.......... ::)

Title: Re: Nashville OUCHcon vistors
Post by BobG on Apr 6^th, 2004, 11:50am

Redneck? Did someone say Redneck? Want funny?

If you have cable TV look for The Blue Collar Comedy Hour. It's Jeff Foxworthy and 3 other guys (can't remember their names right now) It's been on each day for the last few days.

If you like southern humor, you'll wet yourself watching this.

Title: Re: Nashville OUCHcon vistors
Post by renny on Apr 6^th, 2004, 12:46pm

:) heya Bob....it's Foxworthy and Larry the Cable guy ...and er, I ferget...."here's yer sign" they are hysterical. Well worth the TV time [smiley=laugh.gif]