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        New Message Board Archives >> 2002-2004 Funnies and Jokes >> just jokes
        
(Message started by: FZfan on Feb 28^th, 2004, 12:16am)

Title: just jokes
Post by FZfan on Feb 28^th, 2004, 12:16am

i've got tons of jokes, no gaurantee that you've never heard 'em before, but if ya like 'em, I'll keep postin' 'em...

Two ladies, who hadn't seen each other in quite some time, met at the supermarket. "How are you, Helen?" "Fine." "And your husband?" "Oh, Karl died two weeks ago." "What?! I hadn't heard. What happened?" "He went out in the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and fell over, dead." "I'm sorry. What did you do?" "Opened a can of corn instead."

A couple met in a bar and before long was headed to his apartment for a "nightcap." As they approached his apartment, she said, "Did you know that you can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door?" "Is that so? Like how?" "Well, if a man shoves his key in the lock and twists the knob hard, that means he is a rough lover and isn't for me. And, if he fumbles around and has trouble finding the hole, that means he's inexperienced and isn't for me, either." "Interesting. Before I do anything else, I always lick the lock!"

Title: Re: just jokes
Post by FZfan on Feb 28^th, 2004, 12:18am

How can you tell a paranoid person has low self-esteem? He thinks that nobody important is out to get him.

"I'm afraid you have canary fever," said the doctor. "Canary fever?" replied the patient. "Is that serious?" "Yes," said the doctor. "But it's tweetable."

The husband said to the police sergeant, "I want to talk to the man you arrested last night for breaking into my house." "Why?" "I'd like to know how he got in without waking my wife!"

Title: Re: just jokes
Post by FZfan on Feb 28^th, 2004, 12:21am

Oral sex can make your whole day, while anal sex can make your hole weak.

A farmer sits at the bar, slowly getting drunk. The bartender asks, "Why are you sitting in here on beautiful day like this?" The farmer says, "Some things you can't explain." "What happened that's so horrible?" "Well, if you must know, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. I just about got the bucket full when she kicked her left leg and knocked it over." "Something tells me there's more to that story, pal. What's the big deal?" The farmer says, "Some things you just can't explain." "So, what happened?" The farmer relented and continued, "So I took some rope and tied her left leg to a post on the left. Then I sat down and continued to milk her. Just about when the bucket was full again, she kicked her right leg and knocked it over." "Again?" The farmer says, "Some things you just can't explain." "What then?" "I tied her right leg to another post on the right. Then I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just when I got the bucket full again, that stupid cow knocked it over the bucket with her tail." "Wow, that would be upsetting, but hardly reason to be so depressed." The farmer says, "Some things you just can't explain." "Oh, then what happened?" "Well, I couldn't find another rope, so I tied her tail to the rafter with my belt. Then my pants fell down and my wife walked in. Some things you just can't explain!"

How about a blonde guy joke? A beautiful redhead goes into a bar and sits down beside a handsome blonde guy. They strike up a conversation; he's no Einstein, but the redhead figures it is getting late... so she suggests they finish their last drink at her apartment. Our blonde friend readily accepts and as the redhead unwinds her long legs from the barstool, she says, "Before we go back to my apartment, I should tell you: I'm on my menstrual cycle." And he says, "Oh, that's okay. I'll just follow you in my Honda!"