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        New Message Board Archives >> 2002-2004 Funnies and Jokes >> FUNNY!! 'Twas the night before Christmas...(dirty)
        
(Message started by: CHmess on Dec 17^th, 2003, 9:08am)

Title: FUNNY!! 'Twas the night before Christmas...(dirty)
Post by CHmess on Dec 17^th, 2003, 9:08am

This was emailed to my husband and by the time I was done reading it, I was rolling on the floor (from laughing so hard) and had fallen out of my chair a couple times. Its dirty but its FFFFUUUUUNNNNNNNNNYYYYYYY!!! SO if you need a good laugh read on......

'Twas the night before Christmas, and gosh it was neat
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat
The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
Then I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.

Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.

Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite.
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Whoa Shit head, whoa Ass hole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz
Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.

Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh, cuz I gotta go pee.
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.

And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,
When down the chimney, Santa came with a crash.

His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a hore.
"That was some brothel," he said with a smile,
"The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay here awhile."

He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink,
Then he whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.

Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.
The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.

A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,
And a six pack of panties, the edible kind.
A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
And several other things that I shouldn't even mention.

A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.
"This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,
So I'll leave 'em here and then I'll just split."

He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.

In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,
Saying, "Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!"
The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
"The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!"

Merry Christmas To ALL!!!!!!!!!

Title: Re: FUNNY!! 'Twas the night before Christmas...(di
Post by thomas on Dec 17^th, 2003, 9:15am

LMMFAO [smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: FUNNY!! 'Twas the night before Christmas...(di
Post by gmlevenhagen on Dec 18^th, 2003, 4:06pm

[smiley=crackup.gif]