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        New Message Board Archives >> 2002-2004 Funnies and Jokes >> What Every Man Should Know
        
(Message started by: lioness on Nov 24^th, 2003, 8:41pm)

Title: What Every Man Should Know
Post by lioness on Nov 24^th, 2003, 8:41pm

Blow Job Rules From Women...

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

2. Extension to Rule #1 - If you get one be grateful.

3. I don't care what they did in the porn movie you saw, it is not "standard" practice to cum on someone's face.

4. Extension to Rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.

5. My ears are Not handles.

6. Extension to Rule #5 - Do not push on the top of my head, unless you want puke on your dick!

7. I don't care how relaxed you get, it is never OK to fart.

8. Having my period does not mean that it is "HUMMER WEEK." Get it through your head... I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because you can't have sex right now.

9. Extension to Rule #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls; if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.

10. if I have to pause to remove pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.

11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.

12. If you like how I do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of my talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that I'm good at it.

13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.

14. No, I will not do it while you watch TV.

15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.

16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning"

Title: Re: What Every Man Should Know
Post by thomas on Nov 26^th, 2003, 10:27am

My girlfriend has read this, I think. :-X